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Recently at Saltburn By The Sea Said a bank tycoon's children in Truro, Who made the decision and planned American whores think the hype The whore in Spain has quite a lot She gets lots of change this is true, Those coins had been inserted too lowly It wasn't so long ago, when The Euro has passed a buck thirty I'm happy to say this whorehound, You brag of your pound? You old phony. To my way of thinking, a pound Import our nooky? No, son, You want to get Laid in Japan? Well DANG!, I expect you to holler; Oh, Jesus! What am I to do? The dollar is weak, this is true, I've met that young Sterling you mention; That means Texas pussy is cheap, No banging for my buck you say; The ten-spot donated by Breech The preacher, he screwed harlot Belle, The harlot the doctor then sought; The doctor paid old lawyer Dave The lawyer then gave a donation There's a moral for all, we can tell. If business is lousy, don't sweat it. Fair Julia, who sold Christmas candy, When Granny at last disconnects -- An old southern whore known as Honey (David M)
The first fake Euro has been found. Of course, that's not true, you will know. There was a young lady called Jane, From the desk of Barrister Bill All I can say is I hear ya. The ethics to which most do subscribe An old counterfeiter named Hackett Oh, hear as I sit here and holler, A Corner Brook man in a pub I know a bank where the wild bees go, Our budget is writ with red ink; A week ago, much to my sorrow, Get real. Call my lawyer -- Ex-wife. The bookies you should not abuse; Suppose you are loaned 50K; They borrow to start a corporation, There was an old harlot named Marge He swore that he actually read it. There was an old harlot named Embers There was an old whore from Milan I really don't wanna go home They claim that we've balanced the budget; Good fortune had smiled on young Bret; Said the acrobat, "Bimbos, don't sweat it; A thrifty old whore from Mt. Blanc First Asia, now Russia's the spot If a thought of lending should seize ya, A spendthrifty fellow named Si, In Chicago, a mobster called Shark A lender of money named Jones There once was a loan shark named Bryce; When borrowing money, young Beach Perhaps the increase in Dow-Jones "You can't take it with you!" They spout it There was an old man of Saxmundham, We're really in one big hole, My dear Mr. Double U, you
A Brit protested vehemently,
"First pounds, shillings, old pence
Were removed. Made no sense.
Now they've fobbed off the Euro on me."
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P0203
Busy pulping Dutch notes from his bureau,
With lira, French francs,
Punts and mraks from his banks,
"Daddy Look! We are making you euro!"
--- Prof M-G TP9901
The Euro? I don't understand.
You need a backpack,
Or a big giant sack,
'Cause all those coins don't fit in your hand.
--- Anon
Over Euros is nothing but tripe;
They keep their cunts greasy
To make it so easy
For credit card holders to swipe.
--- Anon
Of Euros she's paid for her twat.
When she spreads her loins,
Each guys takes those coins
And slides them right into her slot.
--- Anon
When she spreads her legs out in two.
And she doesn't mind
That most leave behind,
The change and it's brown sticky goo.
--- Anon
And probably stuck in quite slowly;
For that whore in Spain
Would scream in real pain,
When we inserted our rolled quarters, wholly.
--- Anon
The euro was up. I cried then
'Cause the dollar would pay
For less than a lay...
But I get much more now for my Yen.
--- John Miller
Which means if I want to get flirty
With ladies from France,
I'll need an advance
Or settle for those old and dirty.
--- John Miller
Is making the crossing year-round.
My pound is so strong,
They burst into song
As soon as their knees hit the ground
--- SFA
Now, don''t get all weepy and moany.
I don't doubt the pound
Or its world-wide renown,
I just think it's a pound of baloney.
--- Cyber Wizard
Is just the right size of a mound
For a nun's dinner.
Bless the poor sinner
Whose endless salvation I've found.
--- Sister Christina
It's wrong and it just isn't done.
Though domestic is bland,
Good foreign is banned,
'Cause the Euro's a buck thirty-one
--- Anon
The same thing is wrong with that plan.
All you can woo
With the yen one-oh-two,
Is a back-alley, tired mama-san.
--- Anon
Now don't be hot under the collar,
But girls in Madrid
Will screw for a quid,
Yet won't even blow for a dollar.
--- SFA
It's run through a buck thirty-two!
I'd planned to import
A Dutch girl for sport,
Now I can't even buy her wood shoe!
--- John Miller
But this isn't anything new
Just flash them a wad
of Sterling, my lad,
You'll never stump up for a screw.
--- SFA
I'm sure that you have good intention,
But Sterling's wee wad
Could not prod a cod,
Since suffering from my intervention.
--- Sister Christina
So maybe I ought to come creep
Across the big pond,
To find some hot blonde,
And bury my tool in her, deep.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Across on your pond side today?
For you that's alright
But it's been my delight
To always allow them to pay.
--- Cyber Wizard
Was counterfeit, said Father Meech.
But said Breech, "You will find
It won't cause any bind;
It's as good as the stuff that you preach."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1963
And gave her the ten for the spell.
When she said it was bad,
He complained to her, "Gad,
It's as good as the ass that you sell."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1964
He gave her an all-purpose shot.
He complained of the ten,
But the harlot said, "Ben,
It's as good as the shot that I got."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1965
For help on how taxes to save.
The bad ten from the doc
Gave the lawyer a shock,
But was good as advice which he gave.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1966
To one who sought vote approbation.
Said the man, "You're a fraud."
But the lawyer said, "God,
It's much more than your help to the nation."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1967
Let the Buyer Beware may sound swell,
But when buyers of trash
Can use counterfeit cash,
Let the seller beware just as well.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1968
When you see lots of debit, no credit,
Take cash from the till
And abscond to Brazil.
Take that P and L statement and shred it.
--- Al Willis P9612
Fucked Raggedy Anne and Andy.
She sold her sex toys
To small girls and boys,
And made lots of dough, which was dandy!
--- Jennifer T9712
The victim of gin, snuff, and sex,
My advice to you, Jack,
Is inter her out back
And keep cashing her big welfare checks.
--- Arthur Deex P0203 P9011
Does something that strikes me as funny.
She thinks the South won,
So when we have fun,
I pay her Confederate money.
--- Worlds Best Dirty L P0202
Guess what? It was on Irish ground.
Crooks minted this gong
But their spelling was wrong,
Just changed from a Punt to a pound.
--- Tony Burrell
The word they spelt wrong was "Euro".
That's easy to see
For old folks like me.
Irish are thoughtful, as they go.
--- Tony Burrell
To whom company accounts were a pain.
While balancing the books,
She shouted "They're all crooks!
We need creative accounting again!"
--- Anon
This is file ofl
Came an e-mail that said that I will
Get money risk free
By advance forward fee,
+++ I know that I'd end up with nil.
--- Donald McGill
Getting those offers, you fear ya
Just might get caught on a
Scam's hook sent from Ghana
Or Cote d'Ivoire, or Nigeria.
--- Scott Oliver
Is "Scratch my back and I will oblige."
I was probably daft
To not ask for graft,
So I never got offered a bribe.
--- Tony Burrell
Had phoney bills stuffed in his jacket.
At a sporting event,
He was heard to comment,
"I have my own bad mintin' racket!"
--- Observer
No cents in your being a scholar;
For you can be rich
Without scratching an itch --
I'll tell if you send me a dollar.
--- Anon
Paid for drinks with a cod and a chub;
But he thought it quite strange
When he asked for his change,
To get two pounds of smelt in a tub.
--- J Bentham, Port Mellon21a
Where wasps, stinging ants lie low.
But I've just been rung
And quite badly stung,
By my bank; account's red. Oh no!!!.
--- Anon
To change it to black, it must shrink.
It's too large to budge it
And so I would judge it
Will squash us and stay in the pink.
--- Alan Cook
I said I would pay off tomorrow,
Booky, Feds, and ex-wife;
Now all threaten my life.
Have you got fifty grand I can borrow?
--- John Miller 0103
You're cement. -- Bookie Sam The Knife.
You good in bed? --
Rupert, The Fed.
John -- Forget it. Just snuff out my life!
--- Annie Jay
Make sure and pay up when you lose,
Or it could be grim;
Might have to swim
In a new pair of cement shoes.
--- Les Stewart
Will that be enough for today,
To pay tax, bets, ex-wife,
And to straighten your life?
Afraid not, so now--Let us pray."
--- Frank Fazed
For purported oil exploration.
No wells? That's funny!
Then where's all the money?
Corporate exec compensation.
--- MrMalo
Who ran her house out on a barge.
When it came time to pay
The old harlot would say,
"Shall I make this a Cash or a Charge?"
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 P8707
It was old Jimmy Carter who said it.
While expressing his thanks
To neighborhood banks,
"Well you just have to give Bert Lance credit."
--- A N Wilkins P8707
Whom every old timer remembers.
She was free with amour
To the abjectly poor,
And gave credit to all union members.
--- Albin Chaplin P8707
Who handled her house in a van.
She also did cater
To those who paid later,
For she had a deferred payment plan.
--- Albin Chaplin P8707
To an empty house, all alone.
I guess I could stay
At work without pay,
And put the house up for a loan.
--- Anon
That's important, we should not misjudge it,
Although some detractors
Can point that some factors
Were doctored in order to fudge it.
--- John Miller
No longer did he have to fret.
After searching around
A job he had found,
Which meant he could go into debt.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2468
If you can't do it my way, forget it."
So they hung with spread knees
From a flying trapeze...
But by "his way" he meant "done on credit."
--- Arthur Deex P8706
Did not miss a chance for a franc.
When a man could not pay
She would find him a way
To establish a loan at the bank.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 P8707
To dip in the IMF pot.
With economies flailing,
It's doing more bailing
Than bondsmen in Haarlem and Watts.
--- Knotweed
Let it pass, then try anesthesia.
A loan to a friend
May cause a brain rend,
As borrowing leads to amnesia.
--- Tom Patton P9606
Who charged everything he could buy,
Said, when hailed into court
With his bank accound short,
"The Government does: Why can't I?"
--- Bennet Cerf Coll P9210
Had a bite so much worse than his bark.
With each loan collected
He stopped and reflected
On his having a day in the park.
--- Tom Patton P0107
Got richer than Croesus from loans;
Men paid him back double
To stay out of trouble --
Like having someone break their bones.
--- Armand E Singer 959
He's crap at his job; he's too nice.
He never could bash
People up just for cash,
`ut don't make him ask for it twice.
--- Anon
Signed papers beyond his arm's reach.
He signed three notes in triplicate,
One more in sesquiplicate,
And signed three more copies of each.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2437
Is because of Republican crones.
The thing that I like,
Is since Bush took a hike,
They quit ripping off Savings and Loans.
--- MrMalo
On every occasion. Few doubt it.
And yet I defy
Anybody to try
To take a vacation without it.
--- A N Wilkins P8709
Qui habuit ventrem rotundum.
He borrowed five pounds
From the master of hounds,
And refused with an oath to refund 'em.
--- Anon (Reed) (Bibby)
As we go and sign on the dole.
The jobs have all flown,
And I've got a bank loan;
Paying off, will be my first goal.
--- Funny Bone
Must pay the amount that is due.
Or we shall compel
Your fond farewell
To your testes. Bye, bye. Toodle-oo.
--- Anon
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