Recently at Saltburn By The Sea
A Brit protested vehemently,
"First pounds, shillings, old pence
Were removed. Made no sense.
Now they've fobbed off the Euro on me."
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P0203

Said a bank tycoon's children in Truro,
Busy pulping Dutch notes from his bureau,
With lira, French francs,
Punts and mraks from his banks,
"Daddy Look! We are making you euro!"
--- Prof M-G TP9901

Who made the decision and planned
The Euro? I don't understand.
You need a backpack,
Or a big giant sack,
'Cause all those coins don't fit in your hand.
--- Anon

American whores think the hype
Over Euros is nothing but tripe;
They keep their cunts greasy
To make it so easy
For credit card holders to swipe.
--- Anon

The whore in Spain has quite a lot
Of Euros she's paid for her twat.
When she spreads her loins,
Each guys takes those coins
And slides them right into her slot.
--- Anon

She gets lots of change this is true,
When she spreads her legs out in two.
And she doesn't mind
That most leave behind,
The change and it's brown sticky goo.
--- Anon

Those coins had been inserted too lowly
And probably stuck in quite slowly;
For that whore in Spain
Would scream in real pain,
When we inserted our rolled quarters, wholly.
--- Anon

It wasn't so long ago, when
The euro was up. I cried then
'Cause the dollar would pay
For less than a lay...
But I get much more now for my Yen.
--- John Miller

The Euro has passed a buck thirty
Which means if I want to get flirty
With ladies from France,
I'll need an advance
Or settle for those old and dirty.
--- John Miller

I'm happy to say this whorehound,
Is making the crossing year-round.
My pound is so strong,
They burst into song
As soon as their knees hit the ground
--- SFA

You brag of your pound? You old phony.
Now, don''t get all weepy and moany.
I don't doubt the pound
Or its world-wide renown,
I just think it's a pound of baloney.
--- Cyber Wizard

To my way of thinking, a pound
Is just the right size of a mound
For a nun's dinner.
Bless the poor sinner
Whose endless salvation I've found.
--- Sister Christina

Import our nooky? No, son,
It's wrong and it just isn't done.
Though domestic is bland,
Good foreign is banned,
'Cause the Euro's a buck thirty-one
--- Anon

You want to get Laid in Japan?
The same thing is wrong with that plan.
All you can woo
With the yen one-oh-two,
Is a back-alley, tired mama-san.
--- Anon

Well DANG!, I expect you to holler;
Now don't be hot under the collar,
But girls in Madrid
Will screw for a quid,
Yet won't even blow for a dollar.
--- SFA

Oh, Jesus! What am I to do?
It's run through a buck thirty-two!
I'd planned to import
A Dutch girl for sport,
Now I can't even buy her wood shoe!
--- John Miller

The dollar is weak, this is true,
But this isn't anything new
Just flash them a wad
of Sterling, my lad,
You'll never stump up for a screw.
--- SFA

I've met that young Sterling you mention;
I'm sure that you have good intention,
But Sterling's wee wad
Could not prod a cod,
Since suffering from my intervention.
--- Sister Christina

That means Texas pussy is cheap,
So maybe I ought to come creep
Across the big pond,
To find some hot blonde,
And bury my tool in her, deep.
--- Tiddy Ogg

No banging for my buck you say;
Across on your pond side today?
For you that's alright
But it's been my delight
To always allow them to pay.
--- Cyber Wizard

The ten-spot donated by Breech
Was counterfeit, said Father Meech.
But said Breech, "You will find
It won't cause any bind;
It's as good as the stuff that you preach."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1963

The preacher, he screwed harlot Belle,
And gave her the ten for the spell.
When she said it was bad,
He complained to her, "Gad,
It's as good as the ass that you sell."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1964

The harlot the doctor then sought;
He gave her an all-purpose shot.
He complained of the ten,
But the harlot said, "Ben,
It's as good as the shot that I got."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1965

The doctor paid old lawyer Dave
For help on how taxes to save.
The bad ten from the doc
Gave the lawyer a shock,
But was good as advice which he gave.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1966

The lawyer then gave a donation
To one who sought vote approbation.
Said the man, "You're a fraud."
But the lawyer said, "God,
It's much more than your help to the nation."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1967

There's a moral for all, we can tell.
Let the Buyer Beware may sound swell,
But when buyers of trash
Can use counterfeit cash,
Let the seller beware just as well.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1968

If business is lousy, don't sweat it.
When you see lots of debit, no credit,
Take cash from the till
And abscond to Brazil.
Take that P and L statement and shred it.
--- Al Willis P9612

Fair Julia, who sold Christmas candy,
Fucked Raggedy Anne and Andy.
She sold her sex toys
To small girls and boys,
And made lots of dough, which was dandy!
--- Jennifer T9712

When Granny at last disconnects --
The victim of gin, snuff, and sex,
My advice to you, Jack,
Is inter her out back
And keep cashing her big welfare checks.
--- Arthur Deex P0203 P9011

An old southern whore known as Honey
Does something that strikes me as funny.
She thinks the South won,
So when we have fun,
I pay her Confederate money.

(David M)
--- Worlds Best Dirty L P0202

The first fake Euro has been found.
Guess what? It was on Irish ground.
Crooks minted this gong
But their spelling was wrong,
Just changed from a Punt to a pound.
--- Tony Burrell

Of course, that's not true, you will know.
The word they spelt wrong was "Euro".
That's easy to see
For old folks like me.
Irish are thoughtful, as they go.
--- Tony Burrell

There was a young lady called Jane,
To whom company accounts were a pain.
While balancing the books,
She shouted "They're all crooks!
We need creative accounting again!"
--- Anon

This is file ofl

From the desk of Barrister Bill
Came an e-mail that said that I will
Get money risk free
By advance forward fee,
+++ I know that I'd end up with nil.
--- Donald McGill

All I can say is I hear ya.
Getting those offers, you fear ya
Just might get caught on a
Scam's hook sent from Ghana
Or Cote d'Ivoire, or Nigeria.
--- Scott Oliver

The ethics to which most do subscribe
Is "Scratch my back and I will oblige."
I was probably daft
To not ask for graft,
So I never got offered a bribe.
--- Tony Burrell

An old counterfeiter named Hackett
Had phoney bills stuffed in his jacket.
At a sporting event,
He was heard to comment,
"I have my own bad mintin' racket!"
--- Observer

Oh, hear as I sit here and holler,
No cents in your being a scholar;
For you can be rich
Without scratching an itch --
I'll tell if you send me a dollar.
--- Anon

A Corner Brook man in a pub
Paid for drinks with a cod and a chub;
But he thought it quite strange
When he asked for his change,
To get two pounds of smelt in a tub.
--- J Bentham, Port Mellon21a

I know a bank where the wild bees go,
Where wasps, stinging ants lie low.
But I've just been rung
And quite badly stung,
By my bank; account's red. Oh no!!!.
--- Anon

Our budget is writ with red ink;
To change it to black, it must shrink.
It's too large to budge it
And so I would judge it
Will squash us and stay in the pink.
--- Alan Cook

A week ago, much to my sorrow,
I said I would pay off tomorrow,
Booky, Feds, and ex-wife;
Now all threaten my life.
Have you got fifty grand I can borrow?
--- John Miller 0103

Get real. Call my lawyer -- Ex-wife.
You're cement. -- Bookie Sam The Knife.
You good in bed? --
Rupert, The Fed.
John -- Forget it. Just snuff out my life!
--- Annie Jay

The bookies you should not abuse;
Make sure and pay up when you lose,
Or it could be grim;
Might have to swim
In a new pair of cement shoes.
--- Les Stewart

Suppose you are loaned 50K;
Will that be enough for today,
To pay tax, bets, ex-wife,
And to straighten your life?
Afraid not, so now--Let us pray."
--- Frank Fazed

They borrow to start a corporation,
For purported oil exploration.
No wells? That's funny!
Then where's all the money?
Corporate exec compensation.
--- MrMalo

There was an old harlot named Marge
Who ran her house out on a barge.
When it came time to pay
The old harlot would say,
"Shall I make this a Cash or a Charge?"
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 P8707

He swore that he actually read it.
It was old Jimmy Carter who said it.
While expressing his thanks
To neighborhood banks,
"Well you just have to give Bert Lance credit."
--- A N Wilkins P8707

There was an old harlot named Embers
Whom every old timer remembers.
She was free with amour
To the abjectly poor,
And gave credit to all union members.
--- Albin Chaplin P8707

There was an old whore from Milan
Who handled her house in a van.
She also did cater
To those who paid later,
For she had a deferred payment plan.
--- Albin Chaplin P8707

I really don't wanna go home
To an empty house, all alone.
I guess I could stay
At work without pay,
And put the house up for a loan.
--- Anon

They claim that we've balanced the budget;
That's important, we should not misjudge it,
Although some detractors
Can point that some factors
Were doctored in order to fudge it.
--- John Miller

Good fortune had smiled on young Bret;
No longer did he have to fret.
After searching around
A job he had found,
Which meant he could go into debt.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2468

Said the acrobat, "Bimbos, don't sweat it;
If you can't do it my way, forget it."
So they hung with spread knees
From a flying trapeze...
But by "his way" he meant "done on credit."
--- Arthur Deex P8706

A thrifty old whore from Mt. Blanc
Did not miss a chance for a franc.
When a man could not pay
She would find him a way
To establish a loan at the bank.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 P8707

First Asia, now Russia's the spot
To dip in the IMF pot.
With economies flailing,
It's doing more bailing
Than bondsmen in Haarlem and Watts.
--- Knotweed

If a thought of lending should seize ya,
Let it pass, then try anesthesia.
A loan to a friend
May cause a brain rend,
As borrowing leads to amnesia.
--- Tom Patton P9606

A spendthrifty fellow named Si,
Who charged everything he could buy,
Said, when hailed into court
With his bank accound short,
"The Government does: Why can't I?"
--- Bennet Cerf Coll P9210

In Chicago, a mobster called Shark
Had a bite so much worse than his bark.
With each loan collected
He stopped and reflected
On his having a day in the park.
--- Tom Patton P0107

A lender of money named Jones
Got richer than Croesus from loans;
Men paid him back double
To stay out of trouble --
Like having someone break their bones.
--- Armand E Singer 959

There once was a loan shark named Bryce;
He's crap at his job; he's too nice.
He never could bash
People up just for cash,
`ut don't make him ask for it twice.
--- Anon

When borrowing money, young Beach
Signed papers beyond his arm's reach.
He signed three notes in triplicate,
One more in sesquiplicate,
And signed three more copies of each.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2437

Perhaps the increase in Dow-Jones
Is because of Republican crones.
The thing that I like,
Is since Bush took a hike,
They quit ripping off Savings and Loans.
--- MrMalo

"You can't take it with you!" They spout it
On every occasion. Few doubt it.
And yet I defy
Anybody to try
To take a vacation without it.
--- A N Wilkins P8709

There was an old man of Saxmundham,
Qui habuit ventrem rotundum.
He borrowed five pounds
From the master of hounds,
And refused with an oath to refund 'em.
--- Anon (Reed) (Bibby)

We're really in one big hole,
As we go and sign on the dole.
The jobs have all flown,
And I've got a bank loan;
Paying off, will be my first goal.
--- Funny Bone

My dear Mr. Double U, you
Must pay the amount that is due.
Or we shall compel
Your fond farewell
To your testes. Bye, bye. Toodle-oo.
--- Anon