Once more we implore as before,
Not to consign this chore to the drawer.
Please pay this account,
For the outstanding amount.
We'll tell you what we have in store.
--- Michael Roberts

My unemployed father named Gus
And our family lived in an old bus.
And I knew for sure
That we were dirt poor,
When the rats always left food for us.
--- Tom Patton

I was once a rich young jetsetter;
Now I'm cash poor, broke, and a debtor.
You ask for my advice?
Being poor is not nice;
Being rich is decidedly better.
--- William N Nesbit

There are some that say adages lie,
But one of those scoffers ain't I,
'Cause bullshit will walk,
And money can talk,
Though, alack, what is says is goodbye.
--- Anon

A well endowed fellow named Lance
Got into his landlady's pants.
And when he was spent
Said, "I can't pay the rent."
She said, "You just paid in advance!"
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0411

Minutes later, this message she sent:
"But for me, you would live in a tent.
So pump it up again,"
Said the crusty old hen,
"Because I just doubled your rent!"
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0411

There was a young fellow called Gene,
Who frequently hadn't a bean.
He liked not unemployment;
He loved his enjoyment;
'Twas his lifestyle since he was fifteen.
--- Arthur Pattaffy

As my wallet continually plumps,
The money right out of it jumps.
I've spent all I made
And nothing's been saved,
So I'm looking around for some chumps.
--- Anon

I cannot much longer afford
A broker who's out of his gourd.
With my money he chanced
An attempt to finance
Several sporting goods centers in Lourdes,
--- Keith Gilman P0106

Why not respond to my request.
As non-payer, you're becoming a pest.
It's not that I'm unstable,
But I'll stalk you if able;
A family trait caused by incest.
--- Rod Newman

There was a collector from Sydney
Who saw no debt as too small or piddly.
Lord pity the debtor
Who'd promise then forget her;
Now it's cash, check, or maybe their kidney.
--- Grant Morris

My sweetheart and I are just wed;
Already I wish I were dead.
Two weeks she's been spending;
It was time neverending;
We are thousands of pounds in the red.
--- Arthur Pattaffy

A debtor I knew as a banker
Refused payment thus causing much rancour.
Crying "Catch me if you can!"
As he shamelessly ran,
This made him the world's biggest chancre.
--- Grant Morris

A man, one time wealthy, confessed
What led to his staus depressed.
He spent money on cars,
And on women in bars,
And he foolishly wasted the rest.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2516a

Still smiles a poor bankrupt named Munn;
"Flunked Econ and new math was no fun;
I'm wiped out selling pottery,
But I'll cream the state lottery--
With odds of a billion to one!"
--- Armand Singer

With women and horses I'm cursed.
At least the gals usually come first.
But they don't want to know,
Now I'm clean out of dough,
And so I'm in sorrow immersed.
--- Anon

A bum asked me, "Give me a ten?
Till payday." I asked him, "That's when?"
And he looked at me slow,
And he said, "I don't know,
You're the one who is working again!"
--- Ystap

There once was a woman from Budapest,
Who had treasures inside of her vest.
With her boobs you could play
If you promised to pay,
But she'd not take American Express.
--- Marlene Lewis, Puffadder

A prostitute under great stress
Went to church to repent and get blessed.
Pastor Jones made a pass
At the self-employed lass;
She said "cash or American Express?"
--- T Arnold

My credit card statement is due.
I know it will make me feel blue;
At least for a time
'Til I've dashed off a rhyme
Saying, "Fuck you; I'm bankrupt, go screw."
--- Anon

Well; fuck you; I'm bankrupt; go screw.
But wait just a second are you
That horny young lass
In my final year class,
Who liked sucking my knob-end for goo?
--- Anon

There was a young woman from Venus,
Whose credit card bill was heinous.
When asked to pay,
She said "No way!
Instead I'll just hobnob your penis!"
--- Joe Long

There was a young woman from Venus,
Who's credit card bill was heinous.
When asked to pay,
She said: "No way,
For I've godda no cash in my jeanas!"
--- Anon

In young Carrie, my rod I could bury,
After concluding our talks monetary.
"Can I use Master Card credit
To settle this debit?"
"So sorry sir, cash and Carrie."
--- Anon

Sylvester found out his wife Lisa
Had hired a detestable geezer
To kill him. How bad!
But he really got mad
When he found it was charged to his Visa.
--- Graham Lester

It's easy to shop till you drop,
Sending credit cards over the top --
And it's easy as heck
To write a bad check,
But even that'd not make me stop!
--- Anon

Mary Ann saw a dress so fantastic!
But the salesclerk was rude and sarcastic.
She said, "Madame, today
Your hard cash is passe--
This fine shop accepts only hard plastic."
--- William N Nesbit P9703

A man had a harlot from Kent
A credit card he did present.
She billed him in a flash,
But for those who paid cash,
She gave discounts of twenty percent.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 P8707

Economically with money of plastic,
Buying goods is a pleasure fantastic.
With a little white card,
It is not very hard;
One's overdraft becomes like elastic.
--- Arthur Pattaffy

A charming young banker named Lisa
While on a vacation in Pisa,
Sure hoped that her boss
Was not at a loss
Since she'd flown abroad on her visa.
--- Dick Hull

When 10 mailers descend upon us,
All pleading, buy my platinum plus,
We form a fat pile
Of all with a smile,
Fill round files with them all without fuss.
--- Esther Koch

Some friends of a spendthrift, Teresa,
Rechristened her Tower of Pisa.
'Cause the lean on the wall
Of the tower was small
When compared to the lien on her Visa.
--- Peter Wilkins

Now shopping I don't find fantastic;
I send out dear Erm with the plastic.
But this time of year,
It's too rigid I fear.
Those cards need to be more elastic.
--- Tiddy Ogg

This is file ogl

With credit cards jammed in a folder,
As he used them, he felt so much bolder.
He could not pay his debt
When he bought a new jet;
He expected a hand on his shoulder.
--- Arthur Pattaffy

To the madame I sneered, "Credit cards
I have in my wallet by yards...
Your demand for hard cash
From a guy in damned rash,
So give all your girls my regards."
--- Grand Prix Lim 736

The cashier said, "Cash, charge, or check."
My eyes lit with a fiendish fleck.
"Oh, charge it," I said
"'Cause I ain't got the bread.
And since this card's his, what the heck."
--- Anon

The pretty young lady named Leeza
Stayed true to her very old geezer.
His pecker was dead,
But he gave her instead
A stiff piece of plastic -- from Visa.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0608

A disarming pickpocket named Glover
Boasts no wallet or purse is above her;
Her technique is invincible,
But, a matter of principle,
She insists that she won't take Discover.
--- J Maynard Kaplan

One day, near the Tower of Pisa,
He met a gal who looked like Mona Lisa --
He wanted to bed her,
But had to forget her,
She'd not take Master Card, only Visa!
--- Anon

Lake Lucerne has a brand-new brothel,
Where the business is run very well.
When I started to pay
In my usual way,
Said the cashier, "There's no way in Hell!"
--- John Miller 0258

"Staid British can pay by the pound.
Canadian credit is sound.
The Indian Rupee
Is good for some whoopee,
And the Kroner's as good as is found.
--- John Miller 0258a

"You can pay with the Swiss or French Franc;
We change Deutsche Marks for them at the bank.
You'll be welcomed again
If you pay us in Yen;
Even Pesos we'll take from a Yank.
--- John Miller 0258b

"Master Charge can be used in this place,
We take gold from the old 'Master Race'.
We'll gladly take Visa,
From a native of Pisa,
Discover from Aliens in space.
--- John Miller 0258c

"Rough Russians can cause us distress,
Italians can leave quite a mess,
But you Yankees are cursed,
You don't care who comes first;
So we don't take American Express!"
--- John Miller 0259d

If your wallet isn't elastic,
Or you don't mind duns
For what the bill runs,
When covered by easy-charge plastic.
--- Chris Papa

I have a TV; it's quite large.
It was imported on a barge.
I dread the day
When I have to pay,
Because I put in on Master Charge.
--- Puff Adder

I took a trip to the Tower of Pisa;
And there I met a girl named Louisa.
My mind was so bent,
I know not what I spent.
But no worry, I charged it to Visa.
--- Puff Adder

From there I went to Inverness
To see the monster of Loch Ness.
It wasn't in sight;
The cost wasn't slight.
I put in on American Express.
--- Puff Adder

For a few weeks, my lifes been like Heaven,
Except this bill with digits eleven.
But there's a way out;
I just heard about;
It's something called Chapter Eleven.
--- Puff Adder

The savvy young hooker named Leeza,
Did not allow taxes to squeeze her.
She sees ten johns a day
In a business like way;
Accepts Master Card, Amex, and Visa.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun

My life's driving me 'round the bend;
I don't give a damn what I spend.
I'll go to the store,
Buy the things I adore,
And then whip out my flexible friend.
--- Frank Sfa

In Romania, Visa's for sex!
For everything else, you are wrecks.
Express you Discover,
That nothing will cover
One Christmas like ten rubber checks.
--- Dennis Hammes

I went to see the tower of Pisa;
There I met a girl named Louisa.
My mind was so bent,
I know not what I spent;
But don't worry, I charged it to Visa.
--- Puff Adder

I'm with Jeanie on this one, F.A.
Your VISA would go a long way
To making me merry,
And possibly very
Generous to you, Box-ing Day.
--- Ericka

A credit card isn't a joke;
When I gave my wife one -- Holy Smoke!
She fancied that plastic
Was just like elastic.
When it snapped, guess who was left broke?
--- Laurence Perrine P8707

Last night Jimmy's wife went away,
But he didn't give a shout of Hooray
I expected; instead
He looked grim as he said,
"Well my credit cards missing today."
--- Peter Wilkins

Our EFTPOS now comes with a type
Of slot that's been launched without hype.
With Ladies of night,
Your Visa card might
Be useful to wipe as you swipe.

(electronic funds transfer point of sale)
--- Archie

Now Arch, I don't want to be crass,
But Bertha, that rather large lass,
Takes MC or Visa
At present; for she's a
Swipe terminal built in her ass.
--- Tiddy Ogg

But if you think plastic's a blight
Then using a cheque is alright.
Or cash is okay,
As long as you pay,
To get your log into her site.
--- Archie

No more will the Schilling or Marks
Pound the Guilder or lilies in parks;
The franc and the Lires
Must face down the fires
As the Euro steps out of the dark.
--- Dr Limerick 01-02-02

With Euro a buck and a quarter,
And cattle that ain't fit for slaughter,
It's sure hard to scrimp
On the dough we can pimp
From our sisters and butt-ugly daughter.
--- John Miller

The Euro's a buck twenty-four,
Curtailing my fun with a whore,
Whose style is Eurasian
Though blonde and Caucasian,
And does all her banking offshore.
--- John Miller

And now it's a buck twenty-six;
Us Merkins are taking our licks
In late foreign trade,
But not from a maid
From France, or those sweet German chicks.
--- John Miller

The dollar has hit a new low,
So now I am caught short of dough,
To have a prime vixen
From France, so I'm fixin'
To have me a Mexican ho.
--- John Miller

The lady in question's divine
But the Euro's a buck twenty-nine.
So after her fee
And a syph shot for me,
I can't even spring for the wine.
--- John Miller

I'm singing "hi-ho hi-di-ho,"
Though my bank account looks very low.
You say that's strange honey;
Well, I changed all my money;
In the future I pay with euro.
--- Anon