Once more we implore as before, My unemployed father named Gus I was once a rich young jetsetter; There are some that say adages lie, A well endowed fellow named Lance Minutes later, this message she sent: There was a young fellow called Gene, As my wallet continually plumps, I cannot much longer afford Why not respond to my request. There was a collector from Sydney My sweetheart and I are just wed; A debtor I knew as a banker A man, one time wealthy, confessed Still smiles a poor bankrupt named Munn; With women and horses I'm cursed. A bum asked me, "Give me a ten? There once was a woman from Budapest, A prostitute under great stress My credit card statement is due. Well; fuck you; I'm bankrupt; go screw. There was a young woman from Venus, There was a young woman from Venus, In young Carrie, my rod I could bury, Sylvester found out his wife Lisa It's easy to shop till you drop, Mary Ann saw a dress so fantastic! A man had a harlot from Kent Economically with money of plastic, A charming young banker named Lisa When 10 mailers descend upon us, Some friends of a spendthrift, Teresa, Now shopping I don't find fantastic;
This is file ogl
With credit cards jammed in a folder, To the madame I sneered, "Credit cards The cashier said, "Cash, charge, or check." The pretty young lady named Leeza A disarming pickpocket named Glover One day, near the Tower of Pisa, Lake Lucerne has a brand-new brothel, "Staid British can pay by the pound. "You can pay with the Swiss or French Franc; "Master Charge can be used in this place, "Rough Russians can cause us distress, RETAIL THERAPY's drastic; I have a TV; it's quite large. I took a trip to the Tower of Pisa; From there I went to Inverness For a few weeks, my lifes been like Heaven, The savvy young hooker named Leeza, My life's driving me 'round the bend; In Romania, Visa's for sex! I went to see the tower of Pisa; I'm with Jeanie on this one, F.A. A credit card isn't a joke; Last night Jimmy's wife went away, Our EFTPOS now comes with a type (electronic funds transfer point of sale)
Now Arch, I don't want to be crass, But if you think plastic's a blight No more will the Schilling or Marks With Euro a buck and a quarter, The Euro's a buck twenty-four, And now it's a buck twenty-six; The dollar has hit a new low, The lady in question's divine I'm singing "hi-ho hi-di-ho,"
Not to consign this chore to the drawer.
Please pay this account,
For the outstanding amount.
We'll tell you what we have in store.
--- Michael Roberts
And our family lived in an old bus.
And I knew for sure
That we were dirt poor,
When the rats always left food for us.
--- Tom Patton
Now I'm cash poor, broke, and a debtor.
You ask for my advice?
Being poor is not nice;
Being rich is decidedly better.
--- William N Nesbit
But one of those scoffers ain't I,
'Cause bullshit will walk,
And money can talk,
Though, alack, what is says is goodbye.
--- Anon
Got into his landlady's pants.
And when he was spent
Said, "I can't pay the rent."
She said, "You just paid in advance!"
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0411
"But for me, you would live in a tent.
So pump it up again,"
Said the crusty old hen,
"Because I just doubled your rent!"
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0411
Who frequently hadn't a bean.
He liked not unemployment;
He loved his enjoyment;
'Twas his lifestyle since he was fifteen.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
The money right out of it jumps.
I've spent all I made
And nothing's been saved,
So I'm looking around for some chumps.
--- Anon
A broker who's out of his gourd.
With my money he chanced
An attempt to finance
Several sporting goods centers in Lourdes,
--- Keith Gilman P0106
As non-payer, you're becoming a pest.
It's not that I'm unstable,
But I'll stalk you if able;
A family trait caused by incest.
--- Rod Newman
Who saw no debt as too small or piddly.
Lord pity the debtor
Who'd promise then forget her;
Now it's cash, check, or maybe their kidney.
--- Grant Morris
Already I wish I were dead.
Two weeks she's been spending;
It was time neverending;
We are thousands of pounds in the red.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Refused payment thus causing much rancour.
Crying "Catch me if you can!"
As he shamelessly ran,
This made him the world's biggest chancre.
--- Grant Morris
What led to his staus depressed.
He spent money on cars,
And on women in bars,
And he foolishly wasted the rest.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2516a
"Flunked Econ and new math was no fun;
I'm wiped out selling pottery,
But I'll cream the state lottery--
With odds of a billion to one!"
--- Armand Singer
At least the gals usually come first.
But they don't want to know,
Now I'm clean out of dough,
And so I'm in sorrow immersed.
--- Anon
Till payday." I asked him, "That's when?"
And he looked at me slow,
And he said, "I don't know,
You're the one who is working again!"
--- Ystap
Who had treasures inside of her vest.
With her boobs you could play
If you promised to pay,
But she'd not take American Express.
--- Marlene Lewis, Puffadder
Went to church to repent and get blessed.
Pastor Jones made a pass
At the self-employed lass;
She said "cash or American Express?"
--- T Arnold
I know it will make me feel blue;
At least for a time
'Til I've dashed off a rhyme
Saying, "Fuck you; I'm bankrupt, go screw."
--- Anon
But wait just a second are you
That horny young lass
In my final year class,
Who liked sucking my knob-end for goo?
--- Anon
Whose credit card bill was heinous.
When asked to pay,
She said "No way!
Instead I'll just hobnob your penis!"
--- Joe Long
Who's credit card bill was heinous.
When asked to pay,
She said: "No way,
For I've godda no cash in my jeanas!"
--- Anon
After concluding our talks monetary.
"Can I use Master Card credit
To settle this debit?"
"So sorry sir, cash and Carrie."
--- Anon
Had hired a detestable geezer
To kill him. How bad!
But he really got mad
When he found it was charged to his Visa.
--- Graham Lester
Sending credit cards over the top --
And it's easy as heck
To write a bad check,
But even that'd not make me stop!
--- Anon
But the salesclerk was rude and sarcastic.
She said, "Madame, today
Your hard cash is passe--
This fine shop accepts only hard plastic."
--- William N Nesbit P9703
A credit card he did present.
She billed him in a flash,
But for those who paid cash,
She gave discounts of twenty percent.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 P8707
Buying goods is a pleasure fantastic.
With a little white card,
It is not very hard;
One's overdraft becomes like elastic.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
While on a vacation in Pisa,
Sure hoped that her boss
Was not at a loss
Since she'd flown abroad on her visa.
--- Dick Hull
All pleading, buy my platinum plus,
We form a fat pile
Of all with a smile,
Fill round files with them all without fuss.
--- Esther Koch
Rechristened her Tower of Pisa.
'Cause the lean on the wall
Of the tower was small
When compared to the lien on her Visa.
--- Peter Wilkins
I send out dear Erm with the plastic.
But this time of year,
It's too rigid I fear.
Those cards need to be more elastic.
--- Tiddy Ogg
As he used them, he felt so much bolder.
He could not pay his debt
When he bought a new jet;
He expected a hand on his shoulder.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
I have in my wallet by yards...
Your demand for hard cash
From a guy in damned rash,
So give all your girls my regards."
--- Grand Prix Lim 736
My eyes lit with a fiendish fleck.
"Oh, charge it," I said
"'Cause I ain't got the bread.
And since this card's his, what the heck."
--- Anon
Stayed true to her very old geezer.
His pecker was dead,
But he gave her instead
A stiff piece of plastic -- from Visa.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0608
Boasts no wallet or purse is above her;
Her technique is invincible,
But, a matter of principle,
She insists that she won't take Discover.
--- J Maynard Kaplan
He met a gal who looked like Mona Lisa --
He wanted to bed her,
But had to forget her,
She'd not take Master Card, only Visa!
--- Anon
Where the business is run very well.
When I started to pay
In my usual way,
Said the cashier, "There's no way in Hell!"
--- John Miller 0258
Canadian credit is sound.
The Indian Rupee
Is good for some whoopee,
And the Kroner's as good as is found.
--- John Miller 0258a
We change Deutsche Marks for them at the bank.
You'll be welcomed again
If you pay us in Yen;
Even Pesos we'll take from a Yank.
--- John Miller 0258b
We take gold from the old 'Master Race'.
We'll gladly take Visa,
From a native of Pisa,
Discover from Aliens in space.
--- John Miller 0258c
Italians can leave quite a mess,
But you Yankees are cursed,
You don't care who comes first;
So we don't take American Express!"
--- John Miller 0259d
If your wallet isn't elastic,
Or you don't mind duns
For what the bill runs,
When covered by easy-charge plastic.
--- Chris Papa
It was imported on a barge.
I dread the day
When I have to pay,
Because I put in on Master Charge.
--- Puff Adder
And there I met a girl named Louisa.
My mind was so bent,
I know not what I spent.
But no worry, I charged it to Visa.
--- Puff Adder
To see the monster of Loch Ness.
It wasn't in sight;
The cost wasn't slight.
I put in on American Express.
--- Puff Adder
Except this bill with digits eleven.
But there's a way out;
I just heard about;
It's something called Chapter Eleven.
--- Puff Adder
Did not allow taxes to squeeze her.
She sees ten johns a day
In a business like way;
Accepts Master Card, Amex, and Visa.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun
I don't give a damn what I spend.
I'll go to the store,
Buy the things I adore,
And then whip out my flexible friend.
--- Frank Sfa
For everything else, you are wrecks.
Express you Discover,
That nothing will cover
One Christmas like ten rubber checks.
--- Dennis Hammes
There I met a girl named Louisa.
My mind was so bent,
I know not what I spent;
But don't worry, I charged it to Visa.
--- Puff Adder
Your VISA would go a long way
To making me merry,
And possibly very
Generous to you, Box-ing Day.
--- Ericka
When I gave my wife one -- Holy Smoke!
She fancied that plastic
Was just like elastic.
When it snapped, guess who was left broke?
--- Laurence Perrine P8707
But he didn't give a shout of Hooray
I expected; instead
He looked grim as he said,
"Well my credit cards missing today."
--- Peter Wilkins
Of slot that's been launched without hype.
With Ladies of night,
Your Visa card might
Be useful to wipe as you swipe.
--- Archie
But Bertha, that rather large lass,
Takes MC or Visa
At present; for she's a
Swipe terminal built in her ass.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Then using a cheque is alright.
Or cash is okay,
As long as you pay,
To get your log into her site.
--- Archie
Pound the Guilder or lilies in parks;
The franc and the Lires
Must face down the fires
As the Euro steps out of the dark.
--- Dr Limerick 01-02-02
And cattle that ain't fit for slaughter,
It's sure hard to scrimp
On the dough we can pimp
From our sisters and butt-ugly daughter.
--- John Miller
Curtailing my fun with a whore,
Whose style is Eurasian
Though blonde and Caucasian,
And does all her banking offshore.
--- John Miller
Us Merkins are taking our licks
In late foreign trade,
But not from a maid
From France, or those sweet German chicks.
--- John Miller
So now I am caught short of dough,
To have a prime vixen
From France, so I'm fixin'
To have me a Mexican ho.
--- John Miller
But the Euro's a buck twenty-nine.
So after her fee
And a syph shot for me,
I can't even spring for the wine.
--- John Miller
Though my bank account looks very low.
You say that's strange honey;
Well, I changed all my money;
In the future I pay with euro.
--- Anon