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The cows gathered 'round, all forlorn. He sat by the old chicken coop, A man who was rather low-brow There once was a cow in a field, A farmer in search of a hole Though sheep are quite cuddly enough In Texas, they speak with a twang Well, stuffing and mounting, for Bess, Poor Bess, she's crying her eyes out. A tittering trollop in Cactus There once was a farmer named Jerry, A young agricultural stevedore But best is our lovable Bess; A very strange lad from Glasgow, I tried an old "milker" one day, Old Bessie's been sold and I miss her; There was an Old Man of Aoster, The secret he's never revealed, The men who live in Texass We can't help it if they prefer cows; This guy, with the name Townsend Scudder, Well, Bess is mad, and with good cause, In the field stood our Bessie, in heat, A cow is much easier to please; For two or three weeks I had wooed Farmboys, they didn't turn queer; A cantankerous wrangler named Howes Said a cowpuncher punching a cow: I don't understand why now Some posts are hot, and how! It's not only cattle she'd raise, Said a Hindu in heat in Bombay, A cantankerous wrangler named Howes, In a cornfield, young Johnny said "Phew, This morning I put dear old Bess on The farm boy was having a ball; I've heard that the word mission A perverted farmer from Anjou You might think that nooky is sweet, We want milk with some cream but no curds, The love of my life is a Holstein; So your wife won't provide what you seek? When Bessie was well under-age No matter how hard the bull tried, A loathsome young lady named Lou, A lonely young farmer from Boulder As one of the fellows who ploughs To his young son, said old man Cecil, There was this young boy from Bombay, The cow loved the boy from Bombay, All girls have now left our small city; (Russian farmer e-mailed to President Putin of Russia)
He married a girl name of El- A quite homely guy name of Larry Larry still had plans out to carry, No cherries I've found in the glop I serviced the herd with the guys What's with this obsession, bovine? Those animals I'd never pick, So how could a cow be appealing, Said Bessie, "I've had a few jocks, Said Bessie, "I've had a few shocks, Hey Dave, why'd you cast these aspersions? I thought about this long and hard; Old Bessie is feeling quite sick, Perhaps we could visit the stable Why is it you plant and I dream? You may want to protect your carrot;
With the bull frozen there, they did mourn.
The Jersey said, "Girls,
If that huge tool unfurls,
It's sure to be shriveled and torn."
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Watching birds and the butterflies swoop
To service the flowers,
For hours and hours;
Then gave his new heifer some goop.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Fell in love with and married a cow.
He said, "You may laugh
But we just had a calf,
And we're udderly happy right now."
--- Sylvia Honig
Who certainly would not ever yield;
The reason why
She wouldn't try:
She disliked her 'uddersfield_
--- Charlie Chester
Found a heifer with whom he could stroll.
When his wife saw him grapple
And insert his pineapple,
The farmer wound up on the dole.
--- Actaeon
And when young are quite pleasing to stuff.
If you're looking for twat
That's exceedingly hot,
Then there's naught like young heifers to buff.
--- Peter Wilkins
And always use cowboy slang.
When riding the range,
It's not all that strange
To see one poke heiffer poontang.
--- MrMalo
Is business as usual, I guess.
True, a new clientele
Will now ring her bell; (cow-bell of course,)
Those city gents she'll sure impress.
--- Anon
And Bossy's lip droops in a cow pout.
To say something shady,
Like, "They ain't no lady,"
Shows you don't know what etiquette's about!
--- Anon
Said, "A client told us when he lack us,
He had heifers galore.
He and hired hands could bore...
Not much fun but it kept them in practice."
--- Grand Prix Lim 792
Who purchased a very large dairy.
He milked twice a day,
Then pitched lots of hay.
This left him no time to make merry. (Or Mary!)
--- William K Alsop Jr
Was loading some bulls bound for Ecuador.
He hid in the hold
And when he felt bold,
He started to thrust like a picador.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
She has udders I love to caress.
And she flutters her eyes
As I plunder her thighs,
And she goes like a fucking express!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Took all of his meals with his cow.
He explained, "It's uncanny,
She's so like Aunt Fanny!"
But he never would indicate how.
--- George Robey
As it bent down to pick up some hay.
I know that I shoulda
Caressed it's sweet udder,
'Cause milkers expect the foreplay!
--- Anon
No more I'll be able to bliss her.
Though the snag, I'll avow,
About fucking a cow,
Is the irksome long walk just to kiss her.
--- Peter Wilkins
Who loved a large Cow, but he lost her;
When they said, "Can't you see,
She was not meant for thee?"
He selected another from his roster.
--- Edwardian Leer 073
Such trickery's best left concealed,
But old farmer Corning's
Up early these mornings,
To turn his cows into a field.
--- Anon
Decline every feminine pass.
They're not into girls
With loverly curls,
Perferring to shag a cows ass.
--- Anon
Some of them do it with sows!
Like Scots with their sheep,
I think they're too cheap.
No money for girls, just for plows.
--- Faerie
Was just late last night heard to mutter,
"Although she is messy,
I'm hiring Bessie,
So I'll have my very own udder!"
--- Marlene Lewis
Your 'payment,' folks say, has it's flaws;
You boffed that old girl,
Then turned in a whirl,
And ran without even applause.
--- Anon
But the bull stalked away in defeat.
Because after me
He surely could see,
There was no way in hell, to compete!
--- Anon
You're less apt to get a disease.
They're much less demanding.
You fuck 'em while standing;
There less wear and teaar on your knees.
--- MrMalo
My dear Bessie. "I love you", I cooed.
But she chewed on the cud as
I played with her udders
And told me, "I'm not in the mooed."
--- Peter Wilkins
When rejected they turned to the steer.
But I'll tell you right now,
Between pussy and cow,
There isn't much diffence, my dear.
--- MrMalo
Found it strains what the Good Book allows;
Strewed the juice of his jism
On the trail they call Chishoim,
So enamored was he of young cows.
--- Armand Singer
"I wish that somehow they'd endow
My frau with a bogey
As good as this dogie,
Or as fine as that suckalin' sow!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 776 G1217
Your newfound attraction to a cow.
Or horses, or sheep.
Did Little Bo Peep
Go off and leave you the sow?
--- Anon
Perversions, diversions, Oh wow!
Here is the skinny:
If you can't get any,
You can have sex with my cow!
--- Les Stewart
Nor would it be wheat, corn or maize.
It would be my rod
Who'd give her the prod,
As soon as she started to graze.
--- Anon
"I've prayed for a lay the whole day!
Now I'll have one, I vow,
With the first sacred cow,
That looks gentle, and gets in my way!"
--- Anon
(Sure it strains what the Good Book allows,)
Strewed the juice of his gism
On the trail they call Chisholm,
So enamoured was he of young cows.
--- Armand Singer P0402
This is file nfk
You know a few tricks that are new!"
His love batted her eyes,
Murmured soft loving sighs,
And after a while uttered...Moo!"
--- Anon
A boxcar ('cause she made a mess on
My pants near my groin)
To ship to Des Moines:
She needs to be taught a good lesson.
--- Anon
He was fucking a cow in its stall.
He was charged with the crime
And perhaps he'll do time,
But the cow thought," His dick is too small"
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0508
Means less about God than position.
Except for the Georgia Cracker,
He prefers "a la vaca,"
In the genteel Southern tradition.
--- Jim Jambor P9009
Threatened his cow with a screw.
The cow was disgusted,
Her butt badly busted,
And she sprayed the farmer with doo-doo!
--- Mr Blister
Till you've tried the other white meat.
So after sweet Bessie,
Get totally messy.
The squeals and the grunts are quite neat!
--- Anon
So farmers speak soft gentle words
To their cows while they're pokin',
And the grass they are tokin'
Makes it good with the stench of cow turds.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
The milch that she gives is all mine.
I clean off the mudder;
Drink straight from her udder;
Time wastes if I fill up a stein!
--- Anon
Go see Bessie, I hear she's quite cheap.
And your marital loss
You can blame me because,
I've been shagging her three times a week.
--- F Ormatsee
And my needs I would have to assuage
I'd go stand on a pail,
Lift her under-age tail
And her tightness I'd test with my gauge.
--- Anon
Could not make the heifer his bride.
She spurned his big meat,
Went off in retreat;
The bull stood and watched the cowhide.
--- Travis Brasell
Had titties that hung to her shoe.
And her cunt was a wow,
For it sagged like a cow,
And when fucked from behind she would moo.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 G0384
Got thrown off his favourite cow, Golda.
He loathed the sad life
Of a man with no wife,
So he asked a good woman to hold her.
--- David A Brooks Q
The furrows of those Gallic cows,
You take it from me,
I'd much rather pee
On sweet Babette's bushy eyebrows.
--- Anon
"You're humping old Bess like a diesel.
You won't be so bold,
Son, when you get old,
'Cause if you back don't hurt, your knees'll.
--- Observer
Whose name has come down to this day.
For that singular lad,
Though not actually "mad",
Used his cow for a roll in the hay.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
And she really led him astray.
But the lad liked another,
So called in his brother,
And they all messed around in the hay.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
My President, won't you have pity?
And tell me right now,
Can I marry a cow?
I don't even care if she's pretty.
--- David Miller
Sie. They got along very well.
And when they would screw,
The neighbors all knew
By the rhythmic clang of the bell.
--- Vie
Met Bessie one day in the dairy.
He squeezed on her teats
And offered her treats,
But for sex, she was really contrary.
--- Vie
And he took her out on the prairie.
He slipped her his pud
While she chewed on her cud,
But, alas, he could not pop her cherry.
--- Vie
Of heifers, the cream of the crop;
To the best of my knowledge
(And I went to college)
Those sweet things don't have one to pop.
--- John Miller
And, boy, did I get a surprise!
There, in the night,
I found one that's tight --
Turned out 'twas a girl in disguise.
--- John Miller
It's not been a desire of mine;
Nor mules, dogs, or ewes,
Would I ever choose
Over women -- I must draw the line.
--- Observer
But, every man to his own kick.
They just ain't my speed;
Although I'll concede:
At times I'm impressed by a chick!
--- Observer
And arouse an amorous feeling.
And though I'll refrain,
Could someone explain
Those love secrets they've been concealing?
--- Observer
And large horny bulls with big cocks;
But once lost my calm
On finding the palm
Of Tiddy Ogg feeling my box."
--- David Miller
Like finding blind date was an ox!
And found (with a shudder)
I'd sores on my udder,
From Tiddy...I'd caught People Pox."
--- Dave Miller
Accusing me of such perversions.
I swear that I keep
So faithful to sheep,
Regarding my todger's immersion.
--- Tiddy Ogg
I'm afraid from drinking you're barred.
Not that I won't share
But there's no milk there;
Try Bessie in someone's barnyard!
--- Anon
Yet mooed at the sight of my dick.
I tried to suck cream --
She let out a scream,
And busted my head with a kick.
--- Anon
And milk us a mare, if we're able.
I'll plant my sweet carrot
While studs you may stare at
And dream you're full up with their cable.
--- Anon
Can it be that you know I'd scream?
A mount by a horse
Would squash me of course.
This makes us the plant and dream team.
--- Anon
The mares may notice the disparate
Size vis-a-vis studs
Who have those small buds.
They will refuse 24 carat!
--- Anon
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