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A dog, who could talk, I once petted; An odd sort of fellow named Daniel A lonely old maid name of Flock My dog is a Jack Russell cross, He's a wicked and horny young hound; Had many a bitch by the score; A sensitive spinster of Dover, When blind men get sexual itches, The Queen's little junk dog's no more! The spinster had a happy condition, As I think to myself "This is rich. While taking my dog for a walk, Around here we all have a saying, A thoughtless old harlot was Fogg; Said a girl to her friends all agog There was a young man from Bangore, Said Rover, backscuttling Miss Fitch: There was a young maid acrobatic, There once was a fellow named Floyd -- The sexy young lovely, Miss Bending, There once was a young man named Mark, "Oh come; let us go down to Dover. If somehow you feel like a misfit, In England, my sister's dog Rover, There was an old maid of Vermont My puppy oft-times makes me groan, Teresa, I think that I've found Our neighbors (who her shall be nameless) A dog ain't partickler 'bout gender, To train her male dogs to be nice, "What are those two dogs doing?" cried Willy. There was a wee doggie name Mitch, There's no need to muzzle your mutt; No greater love can you find, My lord, I was only half-cut, (semi-drunk) In seconds, the two of them locked, A randy young cowboy named Tex There was an old harlot inept There once was a lady of Dover, He heard, "Every dog has its day." Old mother Hubbard's dog "Blue" A prodigal cockster named Dan, There was a young virgin named Fairdale A dog-lover filled to the brim A dilemna for all Homo sapiens: There once was a dog, an Alsatian, There once was a girl from Wiscasset, There once was a fellow named Siegel, There once was a Dutchman named Spiegle A prudish young lady named Lynd A much repressed maid from St. Mark There was a young lady named Fleagle When a devious fellow named Fleagle A beagle pair wandered 'round here; There was an old man from near here, Dog's happy, sniffing at tassles! If from the right path you have strayed, There was an old feminine blighter, Said the chow to a collie named "Sleek," The best way to get a French whore wet Perverted's the word for old Sherm; When Dan and his lady friend kissed, Her husband was never a sober man; For revenge this guy named Frank Segal, A Chihuahua with determination Once I mounted a Golden Retriever;
He told me how much he regretted
All the pups not created,
By the bitches not mated,
And all of the posts he'd not wetted.
--- Anon
Once tried to make out with a spaniel.
He argued in court
That the cause of this sport
Was a misprint in his marriage manual.
--- Don Boen P8112 P9108
Was given advice by the doc,
"Since you're fearful of men
It must be a dog, then,
And be sure that he has a big cock."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1134
He likes to believe he's the boss.
His 'nads are still on,
But soon they'll be gone,
And he'll feel such a terrible loss.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
I once caught him shagging the ground.
He's only a year,
But quite soon I fear,
He will lose them before they are found.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
So many, it made me quite sore.
Got caught in a net,
Carried off to the vet,
Now my tail doesn't wag any more.
--- Anon
Held her head in a sack till 'twas over.
So she wasn't to blame
That her paramour's name
Wasn't Nigel or Dick, it was Rover!
--- Paul Chernoff L0027
It's natural to pull down their britches.
And roger their guide
Dog, not that I've tried --
I've never yet been offered bitches.
--- Tiddy Ogg
The Princess's doggie did score!
The Queen's face turned red;
She yelled, "Off with his head!"
Who knows who had to clean up the gore!
--- Allen Wolverton
On all fours, dog fashion, in coition.
Said she, "It is true,
There's more ways to screw,
But my dog knows just this one position."
--- Jim Menger P9206
I got fleas, got shed fur, got an itch."
But I'm down on my knees
Begging my pooch "Please,
Hop on board, hump me now, I'm yo bitch"!
--- CM
I like to play with his cock.
I just hope no one sees
What I do when he pees.
I can do without the jealous talk.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
To watch out for the stag named Actaeon.
He'll read you his poem,
And insist that you know 'em,
While with your dog's weenie he's playing.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
It seems that her mind slipped a cog.
For when business was slack,
She slipped out in the back
Where they say that she put on the dog.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1135
"I live in a sexual fog.
My life is merrier
With my new terrier,
'Cause I'm always putting on the dog."
--- Tom Patton P0204
Who was tired and said to his whore,
"If you'll only roll over,
I'll get my dog Rover,
And you can have six inches more."
--- L0577
"While I greatly prefer a hot bitch,
My normal delight
Is a cunt, hot and tight,
And it doesn't make much difference which."
--- G1236
Who said in her manner emphatic,
That her best kind of sex
Was to screw her dog Rex,
While she stood on her head in the attic.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 P8307
Loved dogs and became overjoyed
When he met Boss's pup,
But he queered the bitch up,
And now the poor man's unemployed.
--- Margaret A Murdock P8309
Remarked when she saw some dogs fending,
"If that bitch get delight
Like I do every night,
No wonder she stands there up-ending!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 677
Who loved nothing more than to park.
He felt the attraction;
He wanted some action,
But all she would was to bark!
--- Danieljnolan
We'll lie on the cliff-tops in clover
And watch as the cross-
Channel ferrymen toss ...
(Can you pump a bit harder, dear Rover?)"
--- Anon
Here's an answer, if you're willing to risk it:
My dog licks his cock
Till it's hard as a rock.
You can too. Just give him a biscuit!
--- Tim
Boffed her in a flat down near Dover;
And so much dog excrete
Soaked into her sheet,
That now it's gone looking for ova.
--- Q
Who said, "I'll do just as I want.
I let my dog Spot
Lick my ass and my twat;
And I do it in front of my aunt."
--- Anon
"Don't chew that!" I regularly moan.
But soon he'll be old
Enough I am told,
To teach how to bury his bone!
--- Lyonesse
A revenge against your man and hound.
If you stuff his ass
With a few shards of glass,
They'll have one last go fucking round!
--- Anon
Have dogs who are utterly shameless;
But I've watched them do't
By their pool, without suit.
I'm sure I don't know who's to blame less.
--- Lance Payne P8307
So taking the chance that he'll render
You no use for stickin'
Things bigger than chicken,
Then let him fellate your parts tender.
--- Anon
To each, Carol feeds lamb with rice.
Then after they've fed,
She takes them to bed,
Where each humps her twat at least twice.
--- Peter Wilkins
And his Mama said, "Hush! Don't be silly!
He's letting her have it...
And to think such a habit
Produced you, makes me feel very chilly!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 526
Whose lineage was not very rich.
From his toes to his head,
It was clear he'd been bred
From an ugly, though fun loving, bitch.
--- Arthur Deex P9203
It's foolish, I'm telling you what.
Go ahead and unhitch
The mouth of your bitch;
It's human girls can't keep 'em shut.
--- Anon
This is file nck
Than the unselfish, pure canine kind.
But when push comes to shove,
No doubt human love,
In this case is certainly blind.
--- John Miller
When this dog rips my trousers off, but
What's worse, he then straddles
Me, next thing, his paddle's
Gone right up my ass, randy mutt!
--- Tiddy Ogg
But Rover was painfully shocked --
Ogg's sphincter, by God,
Sliced right through that rod;
Now Rover must go off half-cocked.
--- John Miller
Was an addict of doggie-style sex.
After years of pursuing
This odd style of screwing,
He wonders what t'would be like with girls?
--- Anon
Who broke down one day and she wept.
For she slept like a log,
And could not catch the dog
Who was eating her snatch while she slept.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1150
Who said to her husband, "Move over.
I don't give a damn
For the charms of a man. (penis of...)
(Wheet Wheet) Come along, Rover.
--- G1227
And this thought soon led him astray.
This man in disguise
Met an early demise,
When wife found the pooch he had laid.
--- Anon
Annoyed at no bones there to chew,
Soon gave the old crone,
A different kind of bone,
And proved to be woman's best friend too!
--- Anon
Who always brags, "Hey, I'm the man!"
Screws girls by the dozens,
His sisters, his cousins,
Plus dogs, namely species Afghan.
--- Armand Singer
Whose cunt would, when she was unbared, ail
For cock; at this itch
The virginal bitch
Got her maiden cunt screwed by an airedale.
--- G1233
Let his partner partake of the quim.
He sighed with a wail
As his favorite Airedale
Drank a cupful of kindness from him.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Hetero or homo relations?
A guy or a dame,
Who cares? 'Tis the same.
Myself, I'd prefer an Alsatian.
--- Lassie's Lover TP9804
Who loved to perform fornication.
All year he did this,
But for two weeks he'd miss,
Since that's when he took his vacation.
--- John Dohner P8709
Who had the most wonderful basset;
His pet tricks were oral,
And downright immoral,
As his tongue was his most useful asset.
--- Anon
Who attempted to bugger a beagle,
But the mettlesome bitch,
Turned and said with a twitch,
"It's fun, but you know it's illegal."
--- L1671
Who slept with an elegant beagle.
As the crawled in bed,
He wistfully said,
"It'll be much better if you wiggle."
--- L0650
Made claims that she never had sinned.
Her affair with her beagle
Was considered not legal,
For he quit when he ran out of wind.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1160
Knew passions that waxed in the dark;
She did things to her beagle
Grotesquely illegal,
While flat on her back in the park.
--- Armand E Singer 67
Who had an affair with a beagle.
But she couldn't have sinned
For he ran out of wind,
And therefore this act was not legal.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 G1238
Proceeded to marry his beagle,
He replied to the preacher,
"Yes, I do take this creature,"
While the dog said, "You're sure this is legal?"
--- Cyber Geezer
Each sniffed at the other one's rear.
A jump and a hump
And a bump in the rump...
They had six pups early this year.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Who got awfully drunk upon beer.
He fell in a ditch
And the son of a bitch
Of a bulldog fucked him in the ear.
--- L0606
Lickee-humpee! Twats or sweet ass'les!
Then, George got the mange,
So Meg made a change:
A Chihuahua with a wet snout so facile!
--- Anon
And heavy your conscience has weighed,
Unfurrow your brow,
Stop littering now,
And have that Chihuahua bitch spayed!
--- Larry Davis P8511
Who trained a Chow dog to delight her.
She would cream her own pool
While she sucked off his tool --
How his cock in her cunt would excite her!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
"That beau of whom you often speak;
Have you heard from the guy?"
Sleek said, "Yes indeed, I
Had a litter from Rover last week!"
--- Martin B Smith P8307
[Now, don't jump ahead, there's more yet
To moist'ning her slot,
While getting her hot!]
Is tell her your cocker's a 'gourmet'!
--- Anon
He's always abusing his worm;
And he sucks on the cocks
Of his matched pair of Dachs,
Then butters hot toast with their sperm.
--- Armand Singer
Her Dobermann could not resist
To get in some licks too,
So when time came to screw,
The old bitch was put first on the list.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1153
Her love life seemed truly all over, man.
But she walks down the street,
There's a smile there so sweet --
And a smile on the face of her Doberman.
--- Writerman
Coached his doberman to drink Chevas Regal.
When the dog got pie-eyed,
He released him outside,
To rape his dumb neighbor's pet beagle.
--- Laurence Craft
Tried to rise above his low station.
He is now so much sadder
Since he fell off the ladder
While trying to bonk an Alsatian!
--- Anon
She made me swear I wouldn't leave her.
The sound of our howls
Could empty the bowels,
When I got to stroking that beaver.
--- Anon
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