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That tightness can be controlled, My girlfriend has hair of spun gold; My girlfriend has hair turning grey Both my sisters are blonde with nice shapes, Now David, I'm making no claim, My husband, whose nickname is Red, To women, I do beg their pardon; I once knew a girl, Brenda Chomondleigh, Adorned with long blonde flowing locks, You girls with dark tresses, beg pardon! Most blondes have been wrongly maligned, If that's what you think, then you've not What is it with people these days? There was a beautician named Lynn; On a date with a redhead, young Ray Said a fair-headed maiden of Klondike, I left my blonde bimbo in tears His daughter told Harold, "Don't bother When searching for hair of a hue, I once knew a lady called Mary; But how could Fred possibly know Well, that ain't what ol' Fred once said Next mornin' ol' Fred sniffed his hands You sure she was real and not bottle My guy has hair nice shade of red, I'm glad my hair's a fiery red, There once was a young man called Lee, There was a young fellow of Ayr You're invited to my party carrot-top; I am a blonde and I'm proud. Remember when boffing a blonde, There was a young lady of Ryde, "A blond with two brain cell extant." A dyslexic old actress called Edna, There was a young redhead named Gail, An American girl is sweet Sue, The colours of autumn in Maine I once knew a stylist, it's true, While ogling a dame very fair, My hair is brown I often say, This isn't one word of a lie: My sister has gone far "beyond"; "There's nouns called collective, Ms Johns," A fellow with his magic wand Said the gray-haired lady, Miss Wood, If you've seen my back, when it's bare, Abject villains cause our teeth to gnash A hirsute young man from New Haven There was an old woman who feared Teresa's a girl who likes beards, Although she's a girl who is sweet, Her tally of beards it is mounting; Most of you are familiar There was an old man from Whitehaven, The voters all think it's a pisser, Who tarried in Jericho? I knew an old black gent named Mose, Alitalia girls earn decent cash The Man Inside The Iron Mask. A lady, both callous and brash There is a fair girl at Le Sueur, A shamefaced young hippie has testified My moustache I thought I might shave, Up top it tickles clitoris, And when she is moist and giggling, A beard is for warmin' her thighs,
(If I may be ever so bold)
To improve the tussle,
She must flex that muscle,
Then your ardor will never grow cold.
--- MrMalo
She's brassy, she's brash, and she's bold.
She knows what to do,
And insists on it too.
So with her I just do what I'm told.
--- John Miller 0122
And I guess I helped make it that way.
I think it's divine,
It goes well with mine,
And she's there when I need her each day.
--- John Miller 0125
But their boyfriends are both hairy apes;
Who appear unaware
They peroxide their hair,
And their 'curtains' do not match their 'drapes'.
--- David Miller Q
To this; I don't know whence it came:
But a gal with fair locks,
That has a black box...
Well, aeroplane blonde is the name.
--- Tiddy Ogg Q
Has very few hairs on his head.
The name, I deduce,
Is from hairs that turned loose.
The hairs that were red have all fled.
--- Reminisce P9310
Red-headed girls can be ardent.
But mostly I'm fond
Of big-busted blondes;
They're the ones that will make my dong harden.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Of figure and face she was comely.
Her hair it was fair,
But of brain -- nothing there;
Most typically blondely and domondleigh.
--- Tiddy Ogg
She attracts men around her in flocks.
Who later in bed,
Find the hair on her head
Far fairer that than on her box.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9007
But seen in our town's public garden,
All girls catch my eye,
But can you tell me why,
The blondes give me more of a hard-un?
--- Anon
The victims of remarks unkind.
They're simpletons -- not!
Men love what they've got,
Though brains aren't what we've got on our mind!
--- Liam na Beag
Met up with my ex-wife, who got
Commitment from me,
Though ugly she be,
By threatening my neck with the knot!
--- Liam na Beag
And what sort of kids do they raise?
My looks they reject;
Don't get no respect,
Now I've entered my blue-hair phase.
--- Marlene Lewis
What she did to her hair was a sin.
With her bottled red hair,
She looked like a mare,
And her mother'd not claim her as kin.
--- Virginia Rhodes P9302
Did observe that her crotch was all gray.
He complained that her snatch
And her head did not match,
So she put on a matching toupee.
--- Albin Chaplin
"Of you I'm exceedingly fond, Ike.
To prove I adore you
I'll dye, darling, for you,
And be a brunette, not a blonde, Ike."
--- Langford Reed
When I said "Were your brain made, my dear,
Of pure dynamite,
And you set it alight,
It would not blow the wax from your ears."
--- Tiddy Ogg
To color your hair. I would rather
Just see it go gray
As a test, if I may!
To me, you're the world's gray test father!
--- Anon
Please take this advice, me to you:
At our University
You'll spy such diversity,
And Lime, Orange and Hot Pink hair, too.
--- Anon
Her tits were incredibly hairy.
Hair of every known hue
including green and blue,
But her nipples the colour would vary
--- Anon
My hair color on top or below.
He could hardly see.
Blind as a bat, he
Groped me like he was kneading dough.
--- Anon
When you came down here and were fed;
He said for dessert
You gave him "real hurt" --
He blamed that blonde hair on your head.
--- Anon
And swore he could smell the same brands
Of dye that a blonde
Whore down by the pond
Once used and rubbed off of her strands.
--- Anon
Blonde? Many (although not the lottle)
Are. Did you just check
Her from head down to neck
And not notice the fluff on her twattle?
--- Anon
But who cares 'bout the hair on his head.
Red, black, blond, or brown,
It really comes down
To the way we commune in the bed.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Else you boys all would be dead.
Those "jokes" about blonds
Of which you're so fond,
Once and for all, should be shed.
--- Arden
Whose head was just like a pea.
His face was as green
As a fresh runner bean,
And his hair was just like brocolli.
--- Bezz
Who rated his girls by their hair.
Now, if they were blonde,
He grew terribly fond --
But I fear he abhorred the unfair.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
The revelry will go on non-stop.
Your head must be red
And not just on your head.
Doesn't matter if you're Irish or Wop.
--- S C Saint
(And also of being endowed.)
I won't be your bimbo
But we could play limbo.
Would you like to play quiet or loud?
--- Claire
To pretend of her tresses you're fond.
If you don't, she will cry,
And threaten to dye
Her curls to a color unsound.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Whose locks were considerably dyed.
The hue of her hair
Made everyone stare.
"She's piebald, she'll die bald!" they cried
--- CONTEST WINNER 1908 P9412
Said the doc, "Though it seems extravagant,
One's 'neath her hair,
The other's down there...
You see, my dear sir, she's pregnant.
--- Tiddy Ogg
This is file lmm
Dyed her locks blue, with three drops of reddener.
They said, "What gorgeous hair!
Are you purple elsewhere?"
She said, "Everywhere but my pudenda."
--- Barry Humphries P9603
Who skin was excessively pale.
When out in the sun,
She did not have much fun,
'Cause her face was hidden by a veil.
--- William K Alsop Jr
Her hair, throughout life, changes hue;
I find her erotic,
With locks patriotic:
Born red, turned to white, now dyed blue.
--- Anon
Could easily drive me insane --
That bushy-topped mound
With umber around,
Reminds me of red-heads again.
--- Anon
Who was asked to dye her you-who;
She wanted a match
For her head to her snatch,
And was willing to pay him his due.
--- Anon
My buddy advised me to beware.
Whispered he, "It's all bleach!"
Answered I, "Well to each
His own. Bleach? Like I care!"
--- Bruce
To put it in a flattering way.
It sounds better, rather,
Than descriptive blather,
But doesn't diminish the grey.
--- Karen
One lover used pubic hair dye.
I woke the next day
Amid tufts of grey,
And tongue-prints all over my thigh.
--- Anon
I was simply waving my wand.
Now that silly dame
Has a new claim to fame,
She's now gone and made herself blonde!
--- Anon
I edified, "Bevies of swans --
Of locks, there's a barrel,
Of mules, there's a sterile,
And of course, there's a void of blondes."
--- Hugh Clary
Had a flapper's bikini undonned.
It settled a dispute
That raged -- whether this cute
Young girl was a genuine blonde.
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P8602
"I'd color my hair if I could.
But I've heard it said,
When I've shown my head,
That only the young dye good,"
--- Elizabeth Estes
You'd know that there is little hair.
But look at my ears,
There's too much for shears,
I have several braids growing there.
--- Anon
And to act out in fashions most rash.
Stalin, Hitler, in toto,
Add to them Hirohito,
Saddam too, wore or wears a moustache.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0211
Had a definite loathing for shavin'.
He let his beard grow,
But had to go slow,
As it always got caught in the pavin. (courtly dance?)
--- Baxter Sperry P0111
That her age made her frightening and weird.
She had so many ops
To tighten her chops,
That she woke up one day with a beard.
--- Cerebus
Or so goes the stories I've heard.
In fact she likes hair
Where most men are bare;
I think that's decidedly weird!
--- Anon
And her height it is only 5 feet,
She'd set you on fire
To the heights of desire,
Until you were feeling replete.
--- Anon
So many the numbers past counting.
The result of her score
Of a thousand or more,
Has led to a course in Accounting.
--- Anon
With the hairs in your nose called cilia.
When they grow too long,
You look like King Kong,
So cut them off short, my friend, will ya?
--- Al Willis
Whose whiskers had never been shaven;
He said, "It is best,
For they make a nice nest,
In which I can keep my pet raven."
--- Michael Kilgarriff P9309
That neither have hair on their kisser.
If Gore had a beard,
His Bush would be feared,
And you will have got you a hisser.
--- Anon
Until their beards did grow?
Judas Iscariot,
Captain Marriot,
And Harriet Martineau. (??)
--- Anon
Who said, "Hair ain't lost when it goes.
It can cause strife,
Falling early in life,
But it's later reborn in the nose."
--- Observer a
They all have great charm and panache,
Like the one on this flight
With hair black as night,
And also a sexy moustache.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0212
It's time someone should Dumas ask--
He breathed. He spoke.
Did he also choke
With shaving such an unsolved task?
--- Irving Superior P9102
Met a man with a vast black moustache.
She cried, "Shave it, please do!
And I'll put it with glue
And wear it as a sort of panache."
--- Edward Gorey
Whose upper lip's cover with fur.
Yet this adds but a charm,
To her father' big farm,
And the bachelors run after her.
--- Anon
That although his mustache is just as wide
As ever it was,
The strength of its fuzz
Is all gone, for he's used too much pesticide.
--- Norm Storer
But about it she does rave.
She loves how its tickles;
Give her the giggles,
When it rubs just below her nave.
--- Anon
While my tongue goes where she's sorest
And aches for the lick
That can't come from a prick.
I know that she does adore us.
--- Anon
I think it's time for some mingling,
Of my peg and her slot
To get us both hot;
This is much more than an inkling.
--- Anon
While a moustache her clitty likewise;
Should heat to a point
Where you take out your joint,
And her innermost feelings baptize.
--- Anon
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