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When we looked out in front just at dawn, All over the bed we did roam; I recall the day that I'd sung True love, in the classical sense, I heard that he likes to mingle His antsy-pants wife, Eddie Lowe MacBeth surprised him in the sack, Though frequently I float the fancy Screamed a knife-wielding cuckold named Howe, It shocked both Amanda and Harris A young girl teacher of a boys class, The wife of a cuckold named Corso We necked until she became wet. A furniture maker from Gander These wife-swapping stories abound. I ventured forth once, in my folly, If you feel you're getting too old, Poor Dan was a desperate man; "But I'm married already", he said, ...Said Anne's mother releasing the catch. Now the last time I saw my friend Dan I submit to you my observation Adulterous cunt penetration Petunia, please try to be cool, A little adultery spices The self styled Lothario, Quinn, A guy gets home early from work, Said husband, "Please cut me some slack, "To avoid," Buford said, "An uproar, Said he, to his young mistress, Heather, My ancestors were Norsemen so bold; My dear wife's name's Jill and alack; Last year, on the road to Redemption, Now the very first thing comes to mind I am glad that your lover returned, Being caught with that doll in Duluth, I once took my girl to Southend, John's marriage had just stripped its gears. He said we will go to a motel; A scheming young bachelor named Pete All the army people have been told, As you all know by now, I drive I said, Officer, if you had only known But, he kept on writing me that ticket Then one day, I was released from jail She ran as fast as she could go In the distance, I heard a commotion; There was a cold fish who's named Susan; My wife in her best bib and tucker, They planned an elaborate dalliance, If their house hadn't had a back screen, To his wife said a salesman named Corso, Mused the bride on her sad honeymoon, When her husband appeared at the door, A young trapeze-swinger named Bract, There once was a femme named Liz, The congressman's wife with much guile Aunt Mabel's most recent adultery A bell-ringing, mid-eastern ruler There once was a young man from Fife, There was a young fellow of Keating, A misses, she showed me her bush Old Drummond's sex life was static; But old Drummond was getting erratic, A tenor who warbled in Rome There once was a maitre d'hotel,
Maw was under some guy on the lawn.
Paw went for his gun,
But did not spoil the fun,
For the guy had withdrawn and was gone.
--- Grand Prix Lim 573
I swear from my mouth I did foam.
I was just fit to pop
When we both had to stop,
As a voice said, "Hey Honey, I'm home!"
--- SFA
Of a married gal with whom I'd swung.
Her husband's sharp knife
Damn near took my life;
Before that, I was better hung.
--- Goofing
Has its moments like this, most intense:
Neighbor's spouse comes home early...
Has a gun...mad...drunk...burly...
You run nude...leg gets hung in the fence!
--- Anon
With ladies married and single.
But husbands, irate,
Can ruin a date;
The single gals ride his dingle.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Was caught laying a stud from Saint Jo.
Eddie said, "An understudy
I don't require, Buddy...
So pull it out, dress, and then blow.
--- Grand Prix Lim 599
With lady MacBeth on her back,
And being a Scot,
He tied him in a knot
With ropes from the hair on his back.
--- Anon
To nuzzle the nipple of Nancy,
And elsewise delight her,
Her husband's a fighter,
And thus such chicanery's chancy.
--- Tiddy Ogg
When he found some guy humping his frau,
"God damn, I'm not blind;
You're tight intertwined.
It is off with your nuts, as of now."
--- Armand Singer
When her husband they thought was in Paris,
Caught them screwing like mink...
Serves them right, the Rat Fink!
Such intrusion is BOUND to embarrass...
--- Grand Prix Lim 690
Took favors to allow them to pass.
Her spouse oft away,
Came home early one day,
And shot a poor boy in the ass.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Loves boyfriend as well, only more so.
Said husband discovers
The two naked lovers
And tears the guy's tool from his torso.
--- Armand E Singer 240
Then we worked up a great deal of sweat.
That girl is a pearl,
And my only girl,
But her husband is very upset.
--- Al Willis
Confessed of his need to philander,
When pinned to the floor
By his wife (who weighed more),
And who wielded his rotary sander.
--- Alex Heydon P0402
Alas, folks, for my part I've found
I never could change
Erm for somebody strange.
I'll say more when she's not around.
--- Tiddy Ogg
To a wife-swapping agent named Jolley.
The pictures of Erm,
They made the man squirm;
He offered a patched rubber dolly.
--- Tiddy Ogg
And your love life is just getting cold,
It's your action that's lacking.
You'd better get cracking,
Before you become a cuckold.
--- Peter Derr
Impregnated his lady friend Anne.
"You must wed", said her Mum
As she pointed a gun
At his bollocks. "I can't." "Yes, you can."
--- Anon
"And my mother-in-law wants me dead
On account that I cheat
On her daughter so sweet."
"Well, I'll save her the trouble instead" ...
--- Anon
"Get divorced or your balls I'll dispatch."
So poor desperate Dan
Said, "I'll do what I can
If you give me a taste of your snatch."
--- Anon
He appeared but a shell of a man.
Not surprising I'm sure
With two mothers-in-law
And two wives and 12 kids in the clan.
--- Anon
Of the mores of our modern nation.
We consider adultery
The vilest skullduggery,
But approve and applaud fornication.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0401
With cuckholding administration;
Illegally lovered,
Untimely discovered;
Occasioning defenestration. (thrown out the window)
--- Archie
I'm trying to not break my rule.
I really should mingle
With those who are single.
And don't you dare shoot off my tool.
--- Frank Fazed
Our lives, but just look at those prices!
If they charge all that dough,
Men can't buy it, you know,
And there'll be a frustrational crises.
--- Isaac Asimov
Seduced the naive Mrs Flynn.
Her husband found out
Did the right thing, no doubt;
Screwed Quinn's daughter and then Mrs Quinn.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0605
In the closet his brother, a jerk,
With nary a stitch;
Undeniably which,
Causes kiddies to go quite berserk.
--- Observer
My wife's having a heart attack
In her birthday suit,
Please go on home -- scoot!
Tomorrow feel free to come back!"
--- Observer
When my woman comes home from the store,
Ever since we've been married,
When groceries she's carried,
I've kindly held open the door."
--- Observer
"In good or in bad stormy weather,
Although I've been cursed,
I always put her first,
And that's held our marriage together."
--- Observer
Vikings from up north where its cold.
I'm sure this is right;
I get cold feet at night,
And my head has two horns now to hold.
--- Tony Burrell
She's departed and not coming back.
Here today, gone tomorrow.
What adds to my sorrow,
Is she left me for some guy named Jack.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0208
My journey encountered preemption
With Grace and her sister;
The latter, I kissed her,
But Grace had my new tax exemption.
--- Travis Brasell
This is file lem
In this newsgroup, I'm sure you will find,
Is the number, of course,
Which leads to divorce,
If you're caught with another entwined...
--- Anon
To put out those fires that burned.
I'm feeling alright
Out of his gunsight.
Now I'll search for one who's been spurned.
--- Frank Fazed
In a tenth-rate hotel was uncouth...
You've sure got storm and strife
When you've wedded a wife...
GAD! I miss the good days of my youth.
--- Grand Prix Lim 653
Intending a loving weekend.
But imagine the fuss;
In the room next to us,
Was my wife with a gentleman friend.
--- Veronica Nicolson A
He was packing while she shed her tears.
"You fucked my friend Otto,
And forgot that our motto
Was 'Satisfaction Guaranteed', just like Sears.
--- Laurence Craft
She said, it will be a hotel.
He said, I've no dough.
She said we won't go,
But I promise, your wife I will no tell.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Found lots of new women to meet.
He courted "the lonely,"
Running adds for "Wives Only,"
And signed off "Masseur Discreet."
--- Martin Maier
"Extra-marital sex, put on hold.
But should you stray
You can still save the day;
Just remember that silence is gold."
--- Tom Patton P9707
A big rig, delivering by five;
When what should I see:
Smoky Bear behind me,
Pulled me over for leaving my wive.
--- Anon
How beaten and bruised to the bone
This woman of mine,
Who used to be fine,
Had left me, when I left from home.
--- Anon
And I decided the cops I would picket.
They emphasized jail;
I said go to hell;
Now, I'm in here with a guy with rickets.
--- Anon
On money that was posted as bail.
I looked her up
Back at the hut,
And said, "Now your tonsils, I'll impale."
--- Anon
Escaping from me, to and fro.
Then she stopped
As she popped
With her fist right on my left earlobe
--- Anon
It seemed that all was in slow motion.
Not one or two;
I was wondering who
Could have caused her to lose her devotion.
--- Anon
From her duty, was always excusin'.
She woke up one night
And flipped on the light,
And found sister her husband was usin'.
--- Tom Simon
Will ask men to please give her succor,
Though each man she met
Found her ovaries wet
From the last man who happened to fuck her.
--- Clement Wood G0741
Which they had to hold in abeyance.
Her spouse then arrived,
And his wife connived
To freeze assets with writ of conveyance.
--- J'Carlin
I wouldn't be here to be seen!
For her hubby snuck up
As I humped Tillie Tupp...
How I'm missing her loving machine!
--- Grand Prix Lim 394
"Tell me why is your orifice wore so?"
She said, "When you're on trips
I can't suck with sore lips,
So it must be, I think, that I whore so."
--- Albin Chaplin
"For a hubby, I've picked me a goon...
Back home Bill Magee
Must be sure missing me,
And I have to get back to him soon!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 505
I realized she was no whore.
I was keeping no tally
As I ran down the alley,
But it seemed like I'd been there before.
--- Neal Wilgus P8511
Is faced by a very grim fact.
Consider his pain,
When, again and again,
He catches his wife in the act.
--- Anon A
Who desired the top position in Biz.
She cheated on hubby,
With the big boys did rubby -
It's "bottom's up" since the affair lost its fizz.
--- Jim
Chose men on both sides of the aisle.
His free-choosing wife
Caused Hon. Rep. much strife
But both parties partied in style.
--- Tucker D Ott P8911
With a sinewy lad of the butlery,
Was not a success,
I have heard her confess,
And it lost her a great deal of cutlery.
--- Paul M Hoffman
Caught his wife on the roof with Abdullah.
Said he to this shagger,
As he lunged with his dagger,
"My cupola is not a copula!"
--- G2729
Whose neighbor had threatened his life.
He'd pierced the hind-quarters
Of both of the daughters,
And then ran away with his wife.
--- Fester Ormatsee
Whose pride took a terrible beating.
That happens to males,
When the learn the details,
Of their wives' extramarital cheating.
--- G0103
Then said as I fondled her tush,
"No beating about
My bush, don't hold out,
'Cause hubby may soon us ambush."
--- Jim Weaver Collection
The sex was too idiosyncratic.
He sought some advice,
Got an electrical device,
For is wife, who soon was ecstatic.
--- Anon
Soon his wife was a sexual fanatic.
All night and all day
She demanded foreplay,
And then sex with the man in the attic.
--- Anon
Had to pack up and quickly leave home.
He'd messed up the lives
Of ten knocked-up wives--
Now he fucks Eskimaidens in Nome.
--- G1713
Who said, "They can all go to hell!
They make love to my wife,
And it ruins my life,
For the worst is, they do it so well!"
--- L0050
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