It's Saturday now and a friend In Hoboken a wife, Nellie Gray, A man who came home slightly late; "You bastard!" cried Kathy to Keith, Forever departed is Zack, Dear Robert asked Phoebe to dine, Once I'd a party of four Her master was paying her poorly, A lady once asked, a bit numbly, A cautious young fellow said, "Mrs., There once was a startled young Syrian, A cuckolded husband from Thrace In Englishman near Dublin Bay, A man with a master's degree, A lazy old coot we won't name A base basso buffo in Napoli The banker had found in the closet A scheming young fellow named Thyme An amorous Japanese shogun A cuckolded fellow was Stein; There once was a man from Tibet; The Reverend Mr. Uprightly, Lord Samuel Shuttlecock Soame The Smith brood was carefully planned; In the closet behind Mabel's dresses, Mrs Kelly is partial to cocks; Young Josephine, pretty and sweet, But Hugh, her young husband, was sad, A jealous old husband named Wayber A belligerent beatnik named Jock "Mabel, I'm sorry my jizz Said Miguel to the gringo, "Senor, One night the queen snuck out of bed
This is file ldm
There was a young fellow named Hame There once was a nervous young Finn, A seducer of housewives named Brutus There once was a fellow named Ellis, There was a young lawyer named Louis I came home to my wife for a nooner, It was nice, thought a young man named Max, I politely asked Herman J Fife He returned from a day selling widgets; "I meant it!," she said with cough, There was an old Person of Basing, There once was a man named Jim; I wish I could see through the core A working mom's child needed care The tension was certainly rife; Please do not confuse the facts; This housewife was hurt to the core; A middle-aged fellow named Bernie It is hard to stay home on the range With the woman next door I was busted, The farmer of poultry was booked, A coder who took a young wife, An inconstant husband named Loring There once was a bloke from Down Under, He hated the celibate life; She turned out an excellent lay, A Woodsman with a brand new truck, I thought we were just having fun. An unfaithful young husband named James There was a young fellow named Plum Post tiff, he sought consolement; The sun's rising up through the trees; Your wife just might break your jaw, Screamed his mistress to Bumfuddle Burr,
Of young Joseph (Martina) will spend
Two days in his bed,
For her husband (poor Ted)
Has developed a flaccid weakend.
--- Anon
Has a hubby reluctant to lay.
It'd freeze his sex cold
If we told the cuckold
That the grocery boy comes every day...
--- Grand Prix Lim 647
He didn't believe in fate.
When his best friend in bed
With the woman he's wed,
He'd resort to just masturbate.
--- Anon
"Your fickleness beggars belief.
It's easy to see
You've been cheating on me,
By the curly black hairs in your teeth!"
--- Michael Horgan
From a fatal attraction to "crack".
Not the kind that's a drug,
But the one Mrs. Klugg,
Whose hot-tempered husband came back!
--- Vassar W Smith P9304
But he never did specify time.
Since he wasn't too clear,
She has nothing to fear,
'Cept her husband, who'll probably mind!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who wanted to make themselves sore.
Three had their fun,
But not the last one --
Her husbands fist pounded the door.
--- H Welchel
So she took him to bed, most demurely;
Then said to her master,
You'd better go faster;
My husband oft comes prematurely.
--- John E Mayhood P0203
If I would please fondle her bumly.
I gave it a squeeze,
But was brought to my knees
By a kick from her husband, Lord Chalmondeley.
--- Anon
I'd love to partake of your krs.,
But your husband, I fear,
Is a little too near.
Any thoughts that I have, I dismrs.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2714
Who coming home late, and who peering in
The window to coo
To his wife, beheld two
Rather lithe Lebanese disappearyin'.
--- John Ciardi
(Wouldn't you do the same in his place?)
Simply sniffed out the spoor
Of his wife's paramour,
And caught them 'in medias res'. (with no introduction)
--- Armand E Singer 214
Was cuckolded by night and by day.
He murmured, "Dear, dear,
I should interfere,
But I feel I'd just be in the way."
--- Myler Magrath
Freaked out and decided to flee.
His wife's a real bitch
Whose crotch starts to itch
For the men, who then nail her with glee!
--- John
Said, "Sex is too tiring a game,
So our whole married life
I've laid off of my wife,
But she keeps having kids just the same!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 45 a
When deprived of his tail acts so crappily,
That a dumb kettle-drummer
Loaned his wife one whole summer,
Though admittedly rather unhappily.
--- G0139
His wife and some guy, juxtaposit.
When asked to explain,
She said, "It's quite plain.
I asked him to make a deposit."
--- Vie
Committed a henious crime.
He did stealthily labor
For the wife of his neighbor,
And he stole her a piece at a time.
--- Albin Chaplin
Announced a good sexual slogan:
If you must hump a squaw,
And aren't quick on the draw,
Don't screw in her own husband's hogan.
--- Armand E Singer 91
His dear wife for lovers did pine.
"You are welcome," he said,
"To take men to your bed,
But keep them the hell out of mine."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0762
He spent all his time on the net.
His wife met another;
Left him for his brother;
And he hasn't realized it yet.
--- Robert J Catlin
Was cuckolded daily and nightly.
He murmured, "Dear, dear!
I would fain interfere,
If I knew how to do it politely."
--- Anon
Went to the Olympics in Rome.
Though not entered to dash,
He took off like a flash
When a husband too early came home.
--- Warrick Elrod
That's why Smith just can't understand
The birth of son number two,
But Smith never knew
About Mrs. Smith's one night stand.
--- Evelyn Bogen
Here am I in the king of all messes.
Her husband came back
Just as we hit the sack,
And had only time for caresses.
--- Grand Prix Lim 104
Mr. Kelly likes rye on the rocks.
When he's under the weather
They can't get together,
So others get into her box.
--- G0043
Was a terrible flirt and a cheat.
She was caught in a caper
With Pete the young paper
Delivery boy in her street.
--- Peter Wilkins
And discussed it at length with his dad.
"It's the weight of those new
Sunday Supplements, Hugh,
That give Pete all his stamina, lad."
--- Peter Wilkins
Suspected the worst of his neighbor.
It sure gave him fits
When the guy kissed the tits
Of his wife as she went into labor.
--- Armand E Singer 233
Working hard on a wife in his block,
Was surprised on the ride
By her hubby, and cried,
"Like Man, can't you bother to knock?"
--- Grand Prix Lim 572
Did the job that it did, but gee whiz!
With your man in Japan,
Just how do you plan
To convince the poor bastard, it's his?"
--- Anon
Eef I open thees here closet door,
An' dee lady eenside,
Ees my leetle lost bride,
Then I theenk I mus' shoot you some more."
--- John Ciardi A
And met the court Jester who said,
"Let us screw on the sly."
So they did. And that's why
They're now each of them missing a head.
--- Michael Weinstein P9802
Whose wife her great love did proclaim.
When his plant moved to Rome
There he built a new home,
But his milkman, he found, was the same.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0187
Who had barely begun to get in
To a lady he knew,
When her husband said "Boo!"
And he damned near jumped out of her skin.
--- John Ciardi
Said, "The prudish denounce us and hoot us,
But still we seduce...
What puts us to use
Are the small-minded husbands who shoot us!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 543
Who, of his wife, was exceedingly jealous.
He had gotten wise
To the six other guys
With whom she was overly zealous.
--- Popsicle TP9807
Who went clear to town on a Jewess;
When her husband yelled, "Say,
That's my wife in the hay,"
He chuckled, "Tough titty, so sue us!"
--- Armand E Singer 759
But I wished I had gotten there sooner;
For the mailman had come,
The milkman had come,
And the plumber, well, he was still doin' her.
--- Pat Byrnes
To find someone's wife, and relax.
Yet from such situations,
Arise complications.
Here's her husband! Good Heavens! Make tracks!
--- Isaac Asimov
For the overnight use of his wife.
The foul things he said
Made me blush fiery red...
For he begged me to take her for LIFE!
--- Grand Prix Lim 300
There's his wife, in bed with a midget.
He said with some heat,
"You said you wouldn't cheat!
You said you'd be good as Gidget!"
--- Anon
And proceeded to push the small man off.
"You give me no credit!
I didn't mean to bed it!!
Can't you see that I'm tapering off?"
--- Anon
Whose presence of mind was amazing;
He purchased a steed,
Which he rode at full speed,
While ten irate husbands were chasing.
--- Edwardian Leer 094
He was just a little bit dim.
He met a girl so sweet
And swept her off her feet,
Then her husband beat the shit out of him.
--- XEROO
Of this very fine solid oak door.
On the other side lies
A man with no ties,
And my wife, who I've found is a whore!
--- Karen29 TP9802
So she hired a young Swedish Au Pair.
But that domestic solution
Quickly came to conclusion,
When mom's spouse had an Au Pair affair.
--- Evelyn Bogen P9407
You couldn't cut through with a knife.
We felt no elation --
Pre-ejaculation --
So I'm sending him home to his wife.
--- Marty TP9807
There is something this gal really lacks.
She sits here a-wishin'
Her hubby was dishin'
It here 'stead of behind her back.
--- Puey
Her husband she wanted no more.
It was when she found out
That he'd screwed about
With the bitch with big tits from next door!
--- Laurence Craft
Once went on an interesting journey,
With a sweet young petunia,
Two decades his junior,
And his wife has now seen her attorney.
--- Isaac Asimov
With a wife who refuses to change,
So I saddle my horse,
Take my usual course
Into town where I get me some strange.
--- Anon
And my manhood has since become rusted.
A lesson was learned:
You are gonna get burned,
By stirring some other man's custard.
--- Anon
'Cause with under age girls he'd been hooked.
When his wife paid his bail,
Took him home from the jail,
He found that his goose had been cooked.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0410
Spent his time fixing bugs that were rife.
When a child came along,
He knew something was wrong,
For he had shot blanks all his life.
--- Kevin Barnes
Would brag about how he was scoring;
You know what galled his wife,
Not his donjuanish life,
But, faithful or not, his loud snoring.
--- Armand E Singer 228
Whose marriage had been torn asunder
By his penchant to bite
Every earlobe in sight,
And his neighbor's wife's claim he'd undone her!
--- Treva Myatt T9710
He had to immerse his skin fife.
He was told by a hound
Where a whore could be found.
She turned out to be his dear wife
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0504
And her savoir faire saved the day.
She gave a fine ride
And salvaged his pride,
Because she did not make him pay.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0504
Slipped away from his wife to shoot duck.
Birds weren't in season;
Cheatin' was the reason;
He simply wanted to fuck.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Now I must leave on the run.
Nice talking to you;
I'll wave toodle-oo.
I hear your husband has a GUN!
--- Frank Fazed
Had a weakness for romantic games;
He often made passes
At girls who wore glasses;
It seems he's intrigued by their frames!
--- Observer
Who cleaned up and shaved and did hum.
It was all for his mistress,
So as not to cause distress.
For his wife, he looked just like a bum.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0297
Now marriage is in foment.
Wife got a sniff
Of perfumed whiff,
MEMENTO of the moment.
--- Elois
The spring scents waft by on the breeze.
Her husband's on night
Shift and catch me he might,
So I have to take leave of Louise.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Or cut off your dick with a saw.
They over-react
When you're caught in the act
Of fucking your mother-in-law.
--- MrMalo
"You're a scalawag, Burr, and a cur!
I'll bet my sweet life
You've been screwing your wife...
I'll not play second diddle to her!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 757