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Of course it's "Sweet Home, Alabammer," A randy ol' coot down in 'Bammer There once was an intern from Vermouth, I traveled today through the State Down South, when the hens start a cluckin', We 'cowboy up' with the wild stock All us good ol' boys dig barnyard love, You forget about chickens and goats In barnyard animals I do care; There's a village called Bee, W.V. In the quiet southern town of Bug Tussle, There's a town in Virginia called Cuckoo. Ahhhh! My Dixie boyhood...amazing! There's a town in the South, Chattahoochee, If your looking for somewhere to romp Now Peachland is famous for peaches, Down in Louisiana I was gwine, On the Gulf, there's a town called Biloxi, I started inspecting with Roxie, The view of beholder, I guess, Mississippians still are besotten From Georgia there is no contest. New Orleans with its famed MARDI GRAS, When New Orleans has Mardi Gras, Today I hope everyone reads "New Orleans sure has a bad stench," MARDI GRAS which translates Fat Tuesday, New Orleans' summers are hot. South Carolina has a village, Due West; There's a Virginia town called Bumpass. A man cruising down Mississippi I once had a doll I called Trixie, Boston's a Lincolnshire town, The Lincolnshire Boston's near fens, A big-breasted beauty from Boston In Boston, whenever it's hailing, Old Adam of Boston believes Now Boston is famous for beans, A maiden who lived on Cape Cod The Greenleaf of Chester, Vermont, "These people," they say with a frown, Each shop owner and restauranteur And from breakfast with Robin and Jerry, A man came from Portland in Maine A nymphet in the woods tried to forge I now will be gone for a while, There once was a clever young lass, Massachusetts! Let's all give a cheer! Of Nantucket's men, dogs and girls, Two barristers, Dork and Kantshucket, In my mind I can still see his face; The old man, he was born long ago; There were hints of demise, shifting stone; State symbol revered far and wide, In New Hampshire the sun never sets, Here mountains of beauty are found, Even better the folks that abide, In New Hampshire the sun ever shines, To Newport I went for a bit And while on this short fun excursion, We went out to paint the town red, And when the bars closed for the night, The next stop on our little treks There was this nymphette in Nantucket There weren't enough bars in Nantucket, Between all the parties and booze,
Where all redneck whores fight and clammer
For my 'Hard of Dixie',
And each perky pixie,
Competes for a night with my rammer.
--- Anon
Lived in and out of the slammer;
He'd think with his dick
Whenever a chick,
Bent over; it drove him to cram her!
--- Anon
Who was fired when she broke a tooth.
Dictating a Bill
On Capitol Hill,
She could not pronounce Arkansooth.
--- Limerick Lover
Which spawned Clinton and her mate.
Was this grisley suggestion
What caused indigestion,
Or the Arkansas food that I ate?
--- John Miller 0158
And corn's gathered ripe for a shuckin',
And gentlemen court
Young fillies for sport;
It's time for some pickup truck fuckin'!
--- Travis Brasell
And 'plowboy down' with the tame flock;
Be wild or be tame,
All poontang's the same
And built for our cocks, hard as rock.
--- Travis Brasell
And a lamb snatch that fits like a glove.
And a hogs bristly pussy
(Though death to a wussy)
Hot Damn! That what we're dreaming of!
--- Allen Wolverton
And Guernseys with velvetine throats.
That all being said,
This beastial thread
Makes my beef shrivel up for a stoat.
--- RanDog
Sheep and goats, the old grey mare.
The farmer's daughter
Was led to the slaughter,
When from the woods, escaped a bear.
--- Christopher Kraft
It's so small, it's hard to see,
Two stores, a bar,
And a rusty old car.
The population's a mere forty three.
--- Thomas A Ratliff P0308
No one ever must hustle.
And when I've been there,
In the hot summer air,
I missed the big city bustle.
--- Tom Patton P0303
Though it's not as big as Saint Loo,
The people there sing
Like birds on the wing;
They have nothing better to do.
--- William K Alsop Jr
Our 'wimmin' folk were for the grazing;
But culture brought change,
So now on the range,
A great herd of llamas I'm raising!
--- Anon
Where they still do the old hootchie-kootchie,
With a great deal of pride
(Rather unjustified,
In the view of this hardened debauchee).
--- Keith MacMillan A034A
Without all the touristry pomp,
And you don't mind moskeeters,
Then you'll drag your peters
On down to good old hellhole swamp.
--- Anon
For mountains, marinas and beaches.
A Peachland girl marries
A boy who picks cherries,
And my! What a lesson that teaches.
--- John E Mayhood P0010
When I chanced with this girl to entwine
Being a real Cajun,
Her hormones were ragin',
And she gave me a real spicy time.
--- Anon
And all of the girls there are foxy.
In's uncanny, unheard,
But don't take my word.
Inspect them all, starting with Roxie.
--- TuttaGioia
A used-up old hag of a doxy.
You gave me her name!
Is this a con game?
Her pussy's attached with epoxy.
--- TuttaGioia
Will determine the place to call mess.
Here, far across the sea,
Biloxi will be
The cloaca of all the U.S.
--- Chris Papa
By olden times, best left forgotten.
While the old flag still waves,
They will remain enslaved
To the views holding them at the bottom.
--- Dr Limerick
Us southerners living more west,
Have looks and the smarts,
With morals of tarts.
Mississippian women are best.
--- Anon
In summer, more sauna than spa.
Known for Creole-French,
Where one can find wench
On Bourbon Street, for "ooh-la-la!"
--- Chris Papa
No more is it New Orleans, LA.
In Quartre French
You grab a wench
And shout, "New Orleans, oolaLA"
--- Irving Superior P8801
The Journal on Mardi Gras beads. (Wall Street Journal)
For in the Big Easy
These (mostly Chinesey)
Are thrown to encourage misdeeds.
--- Nick
Said Dubya, "And I'm in a pinch.
There's just one solution
for all this pollution...
I'll give it all back to the French!"
--- Observer
Is New Orleans' hot jazz and booze day.
So tiring the fun
That when it is done,
Ash Wednesday feels like a good news day.
--- Norm Brust
Your nether parts get Jungle Rot.
But from fall right through Spring,
It makes your heart sing
With Mardi Gras, Jazz, and the lot.
--- Theo Heller P9206
On the map it's not the farthest.
But it's not in the east,
You can say that at least.
I'd say "westerly", if I were pressed.
--- William K Alsop Jr
Do the folks there bump as they pass?
If the girls bump the boys,
Do they make any noise?
Is there a sounding of brass?
--- William K Alsop Jr
Had prayed he could soon please his dippie;
Imagine his fury
When, chasing Miss Houri,
He was stuck with a dry Mrs. Hippie.
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P9008
As cute and petite as a pixie.
A press on her tummy
Did not bring forth "Mummy!";
She'd strut around whistling dixie!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Where most of the girls will go down...
I guess though the ass
Speaks of Boston in Mass,
Where tea-bags they did use to drown.
--- Tiddy Ogg
This is file ksm
Where farmers meet weekly in dens
For countryside sports;
The traditional sorts
Such as hunting and punting old hens.
--- Peter Wilkins
Lay down on the floor to get tossed on;
She said, "I love fountains
Of jizz on my mountains;
They look more attractive with frost on."
--- Peter Wilkins
The fishermen often go sailing;
They take with them Brenda,
In water upend her,
And practice harpooning and whaling.
--- Peter Wilkins
He's found the original leaves.
They're fig-shaped and whiff,
When he gives them a sniff,
Of the damp he remembers as Eve's.
--- Peter Wilkins
And girls who wear skimpy tight jeans,
And skimpier tops;
But old Boston Pops
Have ravished them while in their teens.
--- Tiddy Ogg
And was blest with a beautiful bod,
Met an old master baiter,
Who, wishing to mate her,
Fucked her hook, line, and sinker and rod.
--- Cunning Linguist
Is surely our favorite haunt;
And word does go out
That we are about,
Whenever to Chester we jaunt.
--- Bruce Burched
"Of Robin and Jerry's in town!"
And in poor little Chester,
There's seldom a rester,
When it's known that we've come aroun'.
--- Bruce Burched
And dealer in Junque du Jour,
Keeps open an eye
As we wander by,
For they know that we're sanity poor!
--- Bruce Burched
Through dinner, to wherever we ferry,
There's an excess of mirth,
And an increase in girth,
As we eat and we drink and be merry.
--- Bruce Burched
Just trying to run from the rain.
He got to Nantucket,
Then pissed in their bucket,
Which proved to the judge he's insane!
A new bond with a Mainer named George.
Though he'd caught her eye
He was not very spry,
And rolled right over into a gorge.
--- Dick Hull
To Cape Cod (I vacation in style).
I'll be with those crude shits,
In old Mass-of-chewed-shits.
Oh, come on you Kennedys -- smile!
--- Writerman
Who lived in that great bay state, Mass.
She waded one day
Out into the bay,
And the water came up to her ass.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
A great place to be if you're queer!
And please let me say
If you're liberal or gay,
I'd rather you lived there than here!
--- John Miller
We've heard far too much, so we churls
Say no! We are sated
With regurgitated
Pig shit from the swine... give us pearls.
--- Anon
Were hired by the town of Nantucket
To sue every Merkin
And Brit who's been workin'
At hiding their famous old bucket.
--- Anon
On the mountain, remains not a trace;
By nature designed,
Heart's embrace still enshrined;
Granite features that time can't erase.
--- Joel D Ash P0309
How and why only Indians know;
Many years weather worn,
Craggy chin we now mourn,
Rock adorn only God can bestow.
--- Joel D Ash P0309
Sudden cracks that were spotted and known;
Prone to slippage and slides,
That the maker decides;
Disappearance one night with a groan.
--- Joel D Ash P0309
New Hampshire embodied with pride;
Independent and free,
Profile I still see;
Strong love that will never subside.
--- Joel D Ash P0309
Constant shine that true freedom begets;
Yes, the weather grows cold,
And traditions are old,
But the life is as good as it gets.
--- Joel D Ash
And landscapes of nature abound;
The sun shimmer gleams,
Upon lakes, upon streams,
Day and night scenic vistas surround.
--- Joel D Ash
Fully blessed with the right kind of pride;
Self reliant and strong,
Knowing right, knowing wrong,
In this place heart and virtue reside.
--- Joel D Ash
Warm neighbors midst snow covered pines;
An endowed granite shrine,
Gloried northland divine,
State of grace that this place well defines.
--- Joel D Ash
To make my insanity quit.
A few days away
From the same day to day,
Blows the cobswebs and keeps my mind fit.
--- Gearhart
I needed to find a diversion,
To keep my mind active.
A blond, quite attractive,
Named Carol joined me for perversion.
--- Gearhart
In search of libations and led
A congo line through
All the bars and streets, too.
Seems clear everyone needs a blown head.
--- Gearhart
To the hotel we went in fast flight.
The bed and wall shook
As sweet Carol I took
All night 'til the dawn's early light.
--- Gearhart
Was Nantucket, the island of sex.
We found a hotel
That was much less that swell,
But their rates by the hour won't vex.
--- Gearhart
Whose cunt was as big as a bucket.
'Twas so deep and so wide,
It took twelve dicks side-to-side,
And twelve top to bottom to fuck it.
--- Gearhart
So back to Newport we did truck it.
We went out of an Inn
And then back in again,
And bought pitchers of beer for to suck it.
--- Gearhart
We managed to really cut loose.
I'd say, all in all,
We both had a ball,
(And the ball banged on Carol's caboose.)
--- Gearhart
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