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In fact, over here it was hot A man's face is a cool place to sit; Now Mama, I'm older than you, Well, thank you, dear Archie, that's kind; I'm white and I know you are green, Let's fly, Arch, just up and away, I'm a little bit smit by Ms. Koch Oh Gertrude, where has she now gone? Once Kitten would purr on the spur A year's passed! It's hard to grasp this, Those ladies could not have been sweeter; Welcome to limerick land, I've one over-reaching complaint. So how does one start to recruit They're here, but they're staying away Ah ladies, you lent a warm glow Your assessment is flawless, my friend, This rhyming lark's ruling my life! Of blame, I'm not really a fingerer, Ah yes, all us masters of words The 'Doctor Angellicus' dryness The limericks which old Lear began When they asked Edward Lear if he'd heard As Lear's verse was enough to impel As poetry, they may be crass. "A limerick, in my estimation," The good ones take effort and time. Everything that he'd written, he carried "Unfairness, injustice? You said it. "Father Knox, are not limericks unfit Just as H. Langford Reed was all hot Norman Douglas, they said, was a vandal, When things are slow here at work, They interupt my noontime repast Dr Singer, that writer of humor, So I'll leave it to you to discover, Some limericks you get are inept The problem with some is the feet, As you surf through the Internet scene If you think that this makes me quite crass, As I lay in my bed on the flat o' me, A limericker, Anthony Euwer, Bob to his friends sympathetic: So break out your own rhyming style, I'm new to this neato NG; (NG - news group on internet)
The answer to your question depends And what do you all use as fuel? ...To light up the heavens above, It's so quiet no Fuckers are here.... So into the newsgroup you creep A poet sending poems to you He should try to create his own thought, When infected with limerick virus, This virus may have no quick cure, I used to post here long ago But now the urge has renewed. This morning I have in my yard stood Besides, all those Washington flames So, here I am, long 'fore December You're wondering why I should spew You've really gone nuts here today, I'm falling in love with John's Janets, Janet will trek back in through time To this limerick rhyme I am addicted. So where will I turn to then? It won't be so bad on the street. I peruse this group 'most every day;
And dry, lots of rain we had not.
So I stripped in the sun;
I recall it was fun,
But now my first fall-cold I've got.
--- Eva Bekker
Most comfy, dear Carol, isn't it?
Three-day beards so itchy,
Will so make you twitchy.
And their noses? Now where would they fit.
--- Eva Bekker
And want not a kid nor a ewe.
I much prefer Bess
When I'm making a mess --
Though Mama, I love what you do.
--- Archie
Just lately you were on my mind.
Had some dreams about fire
And a flaming desire
For the species you don't often find.
--- Eva Bekker
Though for others this cannot be seen.
And those flames red and hot
Remind us of that spot
Where we were, but no humans have been.
--- Eva Bekker
No matter what others might say;
We'll return after dawn,
Landing soft on the lawn,
To welcome a great brand new day.
--- Eva Bekker
She sure doesn't have writer's block.
Perhaps she could redo
An aging libido,
And turn a dry prune into rock.
--- Amego P9912
Just lately the sun hasn't shone.
Is true what I heard
You've given us the bird;
Was your last lim your real swansong?
--- Anon
Of the moment, then what would occur
Was limericks naughty,
But since she got haughty,
She silently licks her own fur.
--- Anon
So surely, there's something amiss
I'm longing for Carol
And Ericka. Sterile
Describes us with just Sister Chris.
--- Dirruk
So devoted to rhyme and to meter.
They left; it's a shame
They no longer came.
I think what they're missing is Peter.
--- John Miller
Where pretty well nothing is banned.
From lovely Marlene,
What's next on the scene.
I wish she would take me in hand.
--- Tiddy Ogg
The scent of a woman is faint
In these musty halls.
More tits and less balls
Would spruce this place up like fresh paint.
--- Randog
Some T&A, curvy and cute;
To versify cleverly,
A Brie, Belle or Beverly
Should volley the wads that we shoot.
--- Randog
In droves, as to why I can't say.
But our chances are slim
Needing more than a lim
To lure those sweet lassies to play.
--- John Miller
When you posted in here, don't you know.
And I'd be a twit
If I didn't admit
How you made my regard for you, grow.
--- John Miller
And if a fair lass were to wend
Her way to this forum,
A wood-growing quorum
Would not include you. Comprehend?
--- Randog
It causes considerable strife.
Whilst fumbling with him,
I think of a lim;
Soon he may seek a non-rhyming wife.
--- Jayne
And lately I've been a malingerer.
But this poor little group
Has less substance than soup --
Sweet Azul has nobody to sing fer her.
--- Scott Oliver
Should sing for her, sweeter than birds.
Instead of hand wringing,
We all should be singing,
Not acting like ricin-rich Kurds.
--- John Miller
Masked sometimes an impudent slyness,
As the Breviary shows
Where its pages disclose
A limerick by Thomas Aquinas.
--- A N Wilkins P8505
To write for the young Stanley Clan --
Were they actually done
In innocent fun,
Or was he a dirty old man?
--- A N Wilkins P8505
Of the limerick, they say the old bird
Replied with a frown,
"Except for the town,
I've never encountered the word."
--- A N Wilkins P8505
Some Victorian males to rebel,
A. C. Swinburne made grist with
Lays of Old Aberystwith
And served limericks au naturel.
--- A N Wilkins P8505
They may lack some breeding or class.
But how they endure!
And you can be sure,
They'll tell of a lad with a lass.
--- Larry Davis P8505
Said Swinburne, "deserves approbation,
If it can inspire
An urgent desire
For coitus or for masturbation."
--- A N Wilkins P8505
Just wit keeps them out of the slime.
But most of the fun,
Is how well you've done,
Avoiding the obvious rhyme.
--- Larry Davis P8505
And interred with the woman he'd married.
But Rossetti, the pup,
When he dug the things up,
Should have left his bad limericks all buried.
--- A N Wilkins P8505
My best limerick -- you've probably read it,"
Said A. Euwer. "It's noted,
But now when it's quoted
Woodrow Wilson gets all of the credit.
--- A N Wilkins P8505
For a priest to compose?" "Not a bit!"
He'd reply to his foes,
"What makes you suppose
That the Lord is deficient in wit?"
--- A N Wilkins P8505
To publish new limericks, the lot
All spotlessly clean,
Norman Douglas was keen
To spring others which clearly were not.
--- A N Wilkins P8505
That his limericks were too gross to handle.
Mussolini wept bitterly
That he'd print them in Italy
And defile that pure land with the scandal.
--- A N Wilkins P8505
I take a moment to give up my lurk-
in'. But by the time
I think of a rhyme,
My coworkers have made me beserk.
--- Anon
This is file jdm
and loads of dumb questions they ask
I hope one of these days
The lottery pays
And I can say, "Kiss my ass!"
--- Anon
Has called me a sly nom-de-plum-er;
But to think, or to claim,
Bean is not my true name,
Is the thought of a simple assumer.
--- Cap'n Bean
As around solid truth I will hover;
But my name wasn't missed -
It was on Arthur's list;
With some research, the facts you'll uncover.
--- Cap'n Bean
And many's the time I have wept,
When time after time,
The rhyme doesn't rhyme,
And the simplest of rules are unkept.
--- Peter Read P9803
And often the muddle's complete.
Folks don't seem to know
That a limerick must flow.
So I hope I have done that. Yours, Pete.
--- Peter Read P9803
And find many poems obscene,
The best limericks are naughty,
So don't be too haughty.
'Tis not a great limerick when clean!
--- The Webster
Then most of these lines do bypass.
But for the rest of the lot,
The perverse is what's sought.
So I welcome you, laddie or lass!
--- The Webster
I was shocked at the sight of the fat o' me,
So to keep my nerves steady
I concocted and edi-
ted this luminous, limerick anatomy.
--- Anthony Euwer
Displeases the present reviewer.
No doubt there are worse
Examples of verse,
But I wish he had written far fewer.
--- Harold C Bibby
"Some of these rhymes are poetic.
But if you don't try
The best will go by,
And the rest may appear quite pathetic."
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Post a limerick and bring us a smile.
And soon you may find
An intelligent mind
To have intercourse (talk) for a while.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
One thing remains unclear to me.
How long does it take
For all you to make
A limerick for the whole world to see?
--- Silver
On the effort one's willing to spend.
Sometimes I start
And then lay a fart,
And that is when my effort ends.
--- Puff Adder
Will it help me ferment some mind-stool?
Is there a rule book
At which I could look,
To help me to pass a real jewel...
--- Anon
Fitting tight as a fist in a glove.
Squeezing right to the tip
To expel that last drip,
From my root of life, laughter and love.
--- Anon
Are they away Fucking some bum who's queer?
Get off your Fucked ass,
Show some Fucking class;
And write one Fucking Limerick this year.
--- David Miller
Berating us for fucking sheep?
I think that, instead,
You should go back to bed
But don't turn ugly, just let her sleep.
--- Cyber Wizard
Should give credit where credit is due.
It's my sincere belief
That the poets a thief
For pretending his classics are new!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
And not steal sosmeone else's plot.
He's surely no poet,
But he doesn't know it.
He pretends to be something he's not.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
(A malady hardly desirous),
You will find there's no cure,
And you'll have to endure
Its symptoms till void of papyrus.
--- Travis Brasell
But it does have some uses, I'm sure.
By sheer accident,
I let one ferment,
And it made a great soil manure.
--- Travis Brasell
When creative juices would flow.
My output is lean;
Inspiration has been
Quite unpredictable, you know.
--- Bruce
(I hope you don't think that I'm stewed.)
I'll post in a trice
A limerick that's nice,
When polished enough to be viewed.
--- Bruce
And pondered: "I'll write as a bard should
Throughout the whole weekend,
And hope I've not weakened
My hands from the tug of my hardwood.
--- Anon
Have hobbled my log hauling aims;
The Northwest is burning
And I am here yearning
To frolick in limerick games.
--- Anon
(I'd "see you then," if you remember)
To joust and harangue
With all of this gang
About what I do with my timber.
--- Anon
Two dozen when seven would do?
Well, I had the urge
To sit her and purge
And it's too frigging hot here to screw.
--- John Miller
With many lewd things here to say,
About skanky Janet
Who's traveled the planet
And universe, screwing for play.
Who fly across time and 'tween planets.
Perhaps one could travel
And deftly unravel
My never-gone-down-on young man bits.
Adding H to her sexual crime,
Seducing him young
With her well-traveled tongue,
If I ever can get H to rhyme.
--- John Miller
Like a crack-smoking whore I'm afflicted.
But if I don't relent,
I won't make my rent.
At the end of the month I'm evicted.
--- Anon
What happens when I'm starving and thin?
I'll just find a way,
For my addiction to pay.
Thus, continuing to rhyme with the pen.
--- Anon
So what, I'll have nothing to eat.
But I still can talk dirty,
I'll be happy as a birdy;
Writing limericks and beating my meat...
--- Anon
As much fun as a roll in the hay.
But the last several times
There have been no new rhymes;
Have the ribald bards all gone away?
--- CM
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