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This newsgroup has seen quite a dearth That things were not worse was a mercy! There once was a poet named Annie, She always wrote one line too many.
There was an old man in the moon, 'Bout time I wrote novels, I think, 'Bout time I wrote novels, I think, Oh my, he has run out of drink! Though the first line may seem apathetic, (parthegenetic - born of unmarried woman, a real bastard)
Said the teacher to young Master Bacon, In skool exams I'm excelling My hopeless attempt at a limerick A poet who belonged in a cage, (printed around the page edges)
I don't understand punctuation; In composing a limerick to portray There once was a fellow from Xiangling, My eyesight is randomly cursed To those who are anxious to view There once was a boy from the sticks Towards the end.
There was a young poet named Symes, There was a young woman of yore Said an expert in shorthand, "I say, If I could travel through time There once was a man from the Styx, Of Limericks, I've written a few There was a young lady from Drew, From hither and yonder, a quest A songbook editor named Ellis J. The five line limerick. Let's omit Though Purists may my concept twit, Without three/four, it will permit On second thought, with sex our game-- And change to SEXATETTE our name?
A Buddhist and student of Freud, (Not even a space)
As I now approach my Nirvana The Japanese are very polite, A newspaper poet from Hearst When younger, but Lord! We had fun! Well, maybe and just for a start The problems of great complication Constructed using rhyme and meter, There was a young poet said: "Fine, '98 and I firmly resolve There was an old man from Hong Kong, If poets don't give enough thought, '98 and I swear I will pass I though it would be quite a thrill To write limericks with lines that are none, To write limericks with lines zero A young would-be poet named Pip, The Limerick lacks the precision If my limericks you, too, don't like, Fuck Shit! Now the limerick's an ART?! These poetry lines are quite terse. When I rise in the morning I curse; O limerick, O poesy sublime, While reading the board, He said "Fuck! If you value your sanity, friend, In reference to not doing laundry, There was a young fellow from limerick The limerick has a nice shape: A limerick shapes to the eye Masculine rhymes of the heart Lines with soft feminine endings, There once was a man from Paris, I sleep in a cold dirty alley; I happen to know an old bitch, Moonlight reflects on the snow; Your lips are so warm on mine,
Of limericks with any worth.
Some writers, quite crass,
Use tits, twat, and ass,
And pass the result off as mirth.
--- Sue Mitchell
You read bottom line first
Since he wrote all reversed.
He did the job arsy-versy.
A very odd poet was Percy.
--- A Lindon P9505
Whose limericks were not worth a penny.
Her technique was sound,
But often she found,
That when she wrote any,
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Whose limericks were finished too soon.
--- Richard Long
'Stead of lims from the gutter and sink;
But I'll start with this line:
'Twas a quarter past nine,
When the...(Dammit, I've run out of
--- Peter Wilkins
'Stead of lims from the gutter and sink;
So I'll start with this line ...
"'Twas a quarter past nine
When the ..." (Dammit, I've run out of
--- Anon
I'll bring him back something that's pink,
Containing a cherry
And sure to be very
Refreshing when slurped at the sink.
--- Anon
The second line waxes poetic.
The fourth and the third
Are somewhat absurd.
But the fifth line is parthegenetic.
--- Arthur Deex P9106
"Your grammar's so bad, I am shaken."
Said young Bacon, "What gall!
It is not bad at all --
I don't thing that your point is well took.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2430
So I rote my mother foretelling
All the results mite
Be kwite all rite,
Well, except perhaps for my speling.
--- Anon
Will certainly make you all sick.
The meter's contrived;
I forced all the rhymes.
Alack! For an end to this lick.
--- Anon
Thought limericks to be all the rage.
But part of his charm
Was to forget about form,
And run around the edge of the page.
--- Charles Barsotti
It fills me with great perturbation.
The solution, I've found
Is to scatter around.
Dots and commas with "much aberration.
--- Tiddy Ogg
The problems presented by 2K,
While searching for a rhyme,
I ran out of time....
--- J M Turley
Whose greatest delight was in mangling
Poems. He would drop
Words between lines and lop
Their ends off and leave readers dang
--- Elliot Moreton
With a left-to-right image. The worst
Of it all? I don't know;
wohs lliw melborp eht nehW
Or which line will be seen as reversed.
--- Peter Wilkins
LIM's shortest fifth line -- lucky you!
Your P. C. apply
And mouse it to my
www.
--- Irving Superior
Whose Limericks stopped at line six.
They started OK
But then went astray
When he found himself in a fix
--- Rob Saunders P0309
Who never completed his rhymes;
He made things confusing,
By ---- --- - ---------,
Or skipping the third or fourth lines.
--- Nick D Kim
Who sentence construction was poor.
She said, "It's a curse!
I speak in reverse!
Finish I start I before!"
--- Richard Long
We waste all our breath every day,
So let us taboo
A, E, I, O, U --
W cld ll spk mch fstr tht wy.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
And write limericks that rhyme,
Or, for that matter, scan,
I would travel back and
Start this one again.
--- John Fotheringham
Who did love to write limericks.
But he failed at the sport,
For he wrote them too short.
--- E F S
And now, as I'm well overdue...
I started to type
But found it was tripe;
So really there ain't nothing new.
--- SFA
Who ended her verse at line two.
--- Anon
To see who's the Limericking best.
If you're a competer
With rhyming and meter,
Prepare for the ultimate test.
--- Anon
Couldn't write, but used songs anyway.
He'd stretch syllables till they worked,
And all his nearly-rhymes hurt,
And unnatural his lyrics were to say.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Lines three and four -- these two obit.
They mostly are pap.
They just fill the gap,
And stall line five's incisive wit.
--- Irving Superior P9102
I'll stake my repute upon it.
I'll three/four rhyme
One final time,
Though Edward Lear my throat may slit.
--- Irving Superior P9102
Us all to rest our brains a bit.
For this alone, cold turkey quit.
--- Irving Superior P9102
With smutty verse our claim to fame--
Why not before
Lines three and four
Add one line more
--- Irving Superior P9102
With line four I struggled and toyed.
But now there's no trace --
I may have just entered the Void.
--- H Welchel
I'm eating up lines like piranha.
See? Two more just bid me manana.
--- H Welchel
This is file jbm
And are said to be erudite.
But we can't understand
Why, in that land,
Thgir eht morf tfel eht ot etirw yeht.
--- Ed Wolfert P8208
Deprived of his reason
By uncontolled sneezin',
Was by phantasmal demons coerced
To write all his limericks reversed.
--- Elliot Moreton
Was it wars or just whores to be won?
But as for these verses,
'Twixt bedpans and nurses,
I can't come up with a one!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
I'll avoid any reference to "fart";
Just write something silly
While I munch on this chili...
(Damn stuff blows my asshole apart)
--- John Miller
Administer digitization.
The increased luminosity
Will reduce the verbosity
And result in eschewed obfuscation.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2512
The prose will likely be sweeter,
Save when the man-jack
Is a simpleton hack,
Who's humor must mention a peter.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
I shall now write a post-modern rhyme,
But deconstructing the medium
Is just so much tedium,
I don't think I'll write the last line.
--- Richard Long
To write limericks that do not involve
Any words that allude
To things vulgar and crude...
(Ah, shit, that's a rhyme I can't solve)
--- John Miller
Whose limericks always went wrong.
The stopped at line three.
('Tis a pity," said he,
"But at least they don't go on too long.")
--- Richard Long
Then limericks can finish too short.
It is such a bore
When they stop at line four.
(Or that's what I've always been taught.)
--- Richard Long
Any writing that's lowly and crass.
I'll take every pain
To attain a high plane...
(Well, stick that idea up your ass!)
--- John Miller
Writing limericks with lines that are nil.
But it isn't working;
My madness was lurking.
At Bedlam, they'll give me a pill!
--- CM
Wouldn't that just be oodles of fun?
With no rhyme and no meter,
It couldn't be neater.
I'm afraid that it couldn't be done!
--- CM
Was the dream of the Emperor Nero.
He fiddled around;
Rome burned to the ground;
And nobody thought him a hero.
--- CM
Tried to write rhymes with lines zip.
All that great pain
Caused his mental strain
On reality, loosening his grip!
--- CM
To evaluate all sound and vision;
Yellow bricks in a pile,
Or a sonata for file,
Require an aesthetic decision.
--- E O Parrot
I would suggest that you take a hike!
The kill file is there
For all you who care,
My anapest ravings to spike.
--- Alexander Baron
Such dignity make my ass smart.
I'd rather have lepers
And dead whores and peppers
Inflaming the place whence I fart.
--- H Welchel
They start really bad and get worse.
Perhaps I am licked
If these lines contradict.
Does it mean that these lines are averse?
--- Kirk Miller
I'm bewildered by matters perverse.
Then the first thing I do,
Write a limerick or two,
So from bed I will go right to verse.
--- Albin Chaplin P0212
Endowed with most elegant rhyme;
Cerebral or naughty,
Ascetic or bawdy,
Arousing both ends at one time.
--- Mark Levy P9606
One last chance for a rhyme that don't suck!
Remember the meter,
Don't play with your peter,
And hope that the zipper's not stuck!"
--- Anon
Heed this warning and run like the wind.
The poetic elite
Cannot stifle the beat --
Once the doggerel barks, he's unpenned.
--- Mary Sullivan
I'll admit you've got me in a quandary.
I read 'em real good,
And I know that I should
Have found a nice double entendre.
--- Anon
Whose nature was frightfully choleric.
When he flew off the handle
It cause no great scandal.
They said "Sure he's always eccenterick."
--- England's Humor Sig P9012
It's a form over which you can drape
Either wisdom or wit,
Whether fit or unfit,
And gird it with tinsel or crepe.
--- Lims Unlimited
Like a small very squat butterfly,
With its wings opened wide,
Lots of nectar inside,
And a terrible urge to fly high.
--- David McCord
Play a verse role quite apart...
They stride 'cross the page,
Their battlefield stage,
Strutting their proud martial art.
--- Tutta Gioia
Perfect for gentle befriendings;
In sweet whispers end,
Caresses portend,
And perfect for broken-heart mendings.
--- Tutta Gioia
Who only could count up to three.
When he wrote a verse,
'Twas invariably terse;
He's got good vocabulary.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
I eat in a homeless men's galley.
But here between walls,
Each eve as night falls,
I can dream of how green was my valley.
--- Donna Lee Dom
Who's an eager collector of kitsch.
Even worse, she is trite
And believes she can write:
What comes out, could be called Limeritsch!
--- Carl Ludvig Kjelsen P0011
Thousands of diamonds that glow,
As we strolled along
Together like a song,
That has not reached its crescendo.
--- Azul
As we embrace from time to time.
In the distance we see
Our cottage by the tree,
That awaits with a bottle of wine.
--- Azul
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