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I don't know all the lawyer blokes; The common or garden type Yank, The client was female, a beaut; This theme only stimulates boredom; Most antipollution-type laws Divorce lawyers have much on their plate, A sour-milk smelling room's not Just sitting here drinking my tea; I'm working so hard it's obscene. Twenty thousand leagues under the sea, I'll join in Shakespearean call, These lawyer fucks love an impasse; There was an old lawyer named Dolan A lawyer will cook very quick The task of the Masters of Law There is much to be said for legality "The first thing we do," Dick tells Cade, A lawyer is a beagle Too bad lawyers run our affairs; Just being a judge brings CACHET. A lawyer who called himself Bernie Our lawyer's behavior is such, From the woodwork comes freedom destroyers, When "A" picks the pocket of "B" A typical one is the lawyer; I knew "Dipshit I" I could pass; "Oh Father! I have a confession! Oh, look! They've released the next five. On a road, in the hot sun they bake, Twenty thousand leagues under the sea She searched for a gentleman who'd Our judicial system's just right; An ethics cop who was named Erm Most lawyers, as one might deduct, These lawyers they hand things to me; She dreamt of high ivory towers, Said the lawyer to his partner, "Perchance, There once was a lawyer named Flynn A privileged client's attorney Ther once was a randy attorney, The attorney is hearty and hale; My guru has wisdom to burn. He There once were three lawyers from Slough: An attorney whose scruples were few, The MAFIA means crime near its worst. A sly young attorney named Jim The lawyer spoke on my behalf: "This case was a good one for me," A winless fag lawyer named Doane, Our rights we must now reassess, A fellow who lived in Cadiz, There's a female inventor named Moyer; An innocent fellow from Yale A perverted old lawyer would screw Though guilty as guilty can be, Her lawsuit could not have been meaner; There was a young lawyer, quite bright; Two lawyers who met in Formosa, A solicitor name of Miss Kropp A spinster with troubles, Ms. Sheafs, The female attorney should squirm Says a litigant nympho named Rayner, A filly trained at UConn Law A woman who worked as a lawyer A Japanese lawyer named Kono (pun on pro bono pulico - McW)
There was a young maid from La Jolla
I only know some lawyer folks.
Those for whom I work
Define the word "Jerk."
They are the main reason for jokes.
--- ML
Thought by most to be just a wank,
But their lawyers are worse
And deserve to be cursed
And drowned in a full septic tank.
--- Archie
Her lawyer kept pressing her suit.
Her tort went to court
But she had to abort,
When the fee he exacted, bore fruit.
--- Jemstone P0800
We all know too much of their whoredom.
Their "expenses" and fees
Bring the just to their knees,
And only a crook can afford 'em.
--- John E Mayhood P0800
Are destined to founder because
Most polluters have lawyers,
Whose typical ploy is
To find every loophole-type clause.
--- David Morin
With marriages to ABROGATE.
Their pockets well-lined
From the daily grind,
Where love is mutated to hate.
--- Chris Papa
A place where you want to get caught.
I sit here and fume
In this smelly room;
What crap have these lawyer types got?
--- Anon
I see something I did not see.
My cup has a ring
And - Yuck! - a fly's wing.
This cup sure looks dirty to me!
--- Anon
That's not right; how could it have been?
We're all fully dressed
And no one is blessed
With assets like some stripper queen.
--- Anon
Four hundred lawyers there be.
"That thousands remain
On land," you complain.
But it makes a good start, you'll agree!
--- H Myer
Which put forth the solution small.
We'd all better be
And world would be free,
If only we could, "Hang them all!"
--- Chris Papa
With hours billed, bucks they amass.
The time they put in
Is not worth a fin!
So how much to win, stupid ass?!
--- H Welchel
Whose income was happily swollen
By charging big fees
For interpreting these:
The comma, the dash, and the colon.
--- P8111
If you slice him thin and not thick.
I boil them for glue!
Don't eat lawyer stew;
The poison broth will make you sick.
--- Anon
Is to take a case right from the raw
And chisel and mold it
And bend it and fold it,
To make a log look like a straw.
--- Carl Ludvig Kjelsen P8606
And more to be said for morality.
And when it's all said,
You can leap into bed
Without any further formality.
--- Limber Limericks
"Let's kill all the lawyers; they've made
Our lives so unbearable,
So this vow is swearable;
I'll do it with a nick from my blade!"
--- Ystap
And not a legal eagle,
For he is bent
Upon the scent
Of plenty tender, legal.
--- Lims Unlimited
The government really is theirs.
Their pockets they line,
With what's yours and mine,
And leave us in tatters and tears.
--- Chris Papa
Impressive to all the folks lay.
But their fouled feet stink,
Make deal with a wink,
They're lawyers, what else can you say?
--- Chris Papa
Was a highly successful attorney,
Till he angered the mob
Just by doing his job,
And he ended up dead on a gurney.
--- Cap'n Bean P0211
They besmirch most things that they touch,
Dissembling space,
They are a disgrace,
For most I don't care very much!
--- Chris Papa
Cash-powered and power-employers --
Lest I be misconstrued,
I say we're all screwed,
In a land, not of laws, but of lawyers
--- John Miller
Then hires a lawyer, you see.
The lawyer's judicious
And quite avaricious.
The profit goes mostly to "C".
--- Al Willis P9801
Purveyor of words and deployer,
Who discoveres porosity
In the law with velocity,
And of sense is the crafty destroyer.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2717
I could follow "Snake-in-the-grass."
Didn't think I could do
The course "Asshole 2"
Which is a required Law class.
--- Saint
I've entered the oldest profession."
Replied the priest, from La Jolla.
"My God! You're a lawyer --
Say ten Hail Marys for your transgression."
--- H Myers TP9804
Try not to leave any alive!
I love shooting skeet
And think it's so neat
When lawyers go out and skydive!
--- Anon
A dead lawyer, 'long side a dead snake;
The diff, I remark,
See! The only skid mark
Leads to the snake; rotten break!
--- Anon
Is where all the attorneys should be!
I know where to start,
I work for a fart!
Do you know what that says about me?
--- Anon
Delight in her warm, sexy mood.
Well, her plans went aground,
But a lawyer she found,
And now she is sure to be screwed.
--- Al Willis
It spares those with money and might,
Thus preserving our leaders
While it helps bottom feeders
(The lawyers) make dough left and right.
--- John Miller 0361b
Asked over fifty clients in turn,
"What's the ideal weight
Of your lawyer named Tate"?
Answer: "Three pounds including the urn."
--- Tom Patton P0800
This is file iwm
Are those who might have USUFRUCT,
With Earth's pay and perks,
From other's hard works,
Until into Hell they are tucked.
--- Chris Papa
They're trying to get more cash from me.
Some writs and some torts,
Now damage reports,
And fees and et hoc genus omne!
--- Anon
Of weddings with champagne and flowers.
That week end in La Jolla,
In bed with her lawyer,
To him they were billable hours.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0401
For more business we must take a chance.
It's not rocket science
That to snare some more clients,
We must purchase our own ambulance."
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0508
Who promised a client he'd win,
If he'd tell a small lie
'Bout the scar on his thigh,
And the places he's said to have been.
--- Cap'n Bean P0800
Went on a romantical journey.
He had the time of his life
With his clients third wife,
Then wound up on a hospital gurney.
--- Anon
Who buggered a fellow named Ernie.
He said "I'll be Frank"
As he wiped out his crank;
"In Ernest, my practice concerns me".
--- Anon
He claims that he never can fail.
A number of his clients
Have embraced Christian Science;
They convene in the Cook County jail.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun
Remarks on our country's long journey
From Land of the Free,
(That's you and that's me,)
To Land of the Crooked Attorney.
--- John Miller
Howard, Allen, Andy and how.
They made a fine trio,
Like an orgy in Rio:
How Doodey, Al Screwem, And' Howe.
--- Friar TP9807
Won a case for a cute ingenue.
He said, "High five me, honey,
'Cause we're in the money!
Even you get a dollar or two!"
--- William N Nesbit P0800
They seek cash with insatiable thirst.
But for tops in real greed,
There's a nastier breed --
Trial lawyers: they easily rank first.
--- John Paulk
Would cater to clients so dim;
He confuses with pauses
And misleading clauses,
So that all of the dough goes to him.
--- Tom Patton P0800
"We'll share the award half and half."
I thought, "Half for me!"
But he thought differently.
Half for him and half for his staff!
--- John Miller 0271
Said a lawyer, collecting his fee.
"The victim, got stung.
The jury got hung,
And the criminal got off scot-free."
--- Laurence Perrine P8503
Bewails the bad judgment he's shown:
"I defend handsome men
In the courts or the pen,
But look at the cases I've blown."
--- Armand Singer P0203
For grafters have gone to excess.
Though their lawyers can't buy
Any guns, they apply
The old Laws of the West with finesse.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2763
Was arrested with what wasn't his.
Said his lawyer, the twit,
"You'll be out on a writ,
Soon as I can find out what one is."
--- Arthur Deex P9512
Stealing patents from her would annoy her.
I am sad to report
After six years in court,
All the royalties go to her lawyer.
--- John E Mayhood P0800
Was mistakenly put into jail.
When he hired a fool
From the Harvard Law School,
He got life, plus ten years, without bail.
--- Warrick Elrod
An inflatable great big doll, who
Would be dressed up like Justice,
And the shyster disgusts us,
As he squeals, "I've sired twins, Bill & Sue!"
--- Don Moore
PHILADELPHIA LAWYER, for fee,
Would impress the court
With wiles of all sort,
Assuring his client went free.
--- Chris Papa
Her lawyer could not have been keener.
To prove that he laid her,
And not even paid her,
Her lawyer subpoenaed his weiner.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0411
Couldn't fuck 'cause her twat was too tight.
She discovered a loophole
By using her poophole;
Now she fucks all day and all night!
--- Nala
Had sex in a field of mimosa.
One jurist, a male,
And the other, a quail;
I'll bet that they did it sub rosa.
--- Al Willis T9711
Told law students she rose to the top
Of her chosen profession
With a striking impression
Of the time that her briefs she did drop.
--- Albin Chaplin
To a lawyer took all her griefs.
His counsel was shrewed
And his fee she exchewed
After letting him file her briefs.
--- Bob Giandomenico P8802
When the judge, upon ending his term,
Makes her gasp and guffaw
At his staff of the law,
And then asks her to make his law firm.
--- Res Ipsa
"My attorney's no fucking abstainer.
When he's horny, he chafes,
And he never has safes,
So I slip him a legal retainer."
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
Forgot all her college Hee-Haw.
While arguing cases,
She'd whinny loquacious,
And eat cock to strengthen her jaw.
--- Lewis
Would say to the guys who'd annoy her,
"Don't court me in court --
I'm in court to report --
Just wait till we're out in the foyer."
--- Edwina Leer
In court wore an open kimono;
When the judge asked her why,
She replied with a sigh,
"I do it pro pubico bono."
--- Armand E Singer 547
Who had an affair with her lolla;
Since her boudoir, though regal,
Smacked of the illegal,
Their meetings were held in the folla.
--- Stanford Chaparral P0007
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8Feb19