But with our new morals so deep, There was a young lady of Cirencester, An alien space ship, Earth bound, I went to a party, real chic, A Washington lawyer named Bert, A privileged client's attorney "Sir, I'd like to know what your act is." "Marlene," the boss said, "you look a fright." There once was a D.A. from Thrace, Proposals of marriage should all There was a young lawyer named Burke, A gentle sweet lady named Lyme A lady depressed and ill-lucked, Here in the old U.S.A. There's a lawyer on old Beacon Hill There once was a lawyer named Smyth, A convicted defendant named Bernie, There once was a sweet girl named Suzie, A lucrative lawyer named Slade When defending high-stakes litigation, Don't do it! The court will assume The trial continues as if A lawyer named Spring who was hung, Two barristers, Huxom and Luxom, He studied three years for the bar, A minor offender named Dale A lawyer who lived in Chicago, Of lawyers it's tragic but true, Texas lawyer gets urgent phone: The maid answers, but hesitates; Lawyer would rush home right away, The silver-tongued lawyer explains, The maid, finally convinced to do it,
This is file ixm
"Did you kill them?" quite hushed said he. The lawyer then paused palpably, A lawyer whose last name is Powers, In spring, with a name like Topaz, A law office that's really one-stop, There's been a few lawyers I've known; There was an old Lawyer proficient Most people don't know that Ben Matlock In New York, Schumer's viewed as a star. (State Attorney General - busts corporate bad guys)
How sad; Mr Clinton disbarred; That Bill was disbarred was routine, But you have to congratulate Rehnquist Besides, who would hire Bill Clinton, What's a poor HAWKSHAW to do, I've heard John Cochran has said to wit: They called him the "People's Attorney"... There was a young woman named Stella, (Melvin Belli was a famous San Francisco lawyer)
Cochrane, Shapiro, F. Lee, From the Union of Civil Liberties A lawyer with a high IQ "All lawyers are assholes!" she snorted. BARRATOR, one with suing itch, A conniving young widow from Winner ACLU Lawyers, let's give a hand! There once was a lawyer named Ray Our boss is so anal retentive, There once was a boss-man named Phil The hours have reached seventy-two; I'm wandering around in a haze; It's late; we've worked hard and we're tired. The boss thinks that I am a wizard. The boss is still anal retentive I give just a word to the wise: An introspective lawyer named Milty
Attempt to civility keep,
We paid legal minds,
To settle bad binds,
The club was much better, and cheap!
--- Chris Papa
Who went to consult her solicitor;
When he asked for his fee,
She said, "Fiddle-de-dee!
I only dropped in as a visitor".
--- Bishop Bloomfield (Bibby)
Was searching for life all around.
When a lawyer was spied,
The captain then cried,
"No intelligent life has been found!"
--- Jim C Carpenter
The company played Hide and Seek.
A lawyer went hiding,
I guess he's still biding,
'Cause no-one's looked since Wednesday week.
--- Anon
Took a nap by the road in the dirt.
A trucker named Fred
Ran right over his head,
But no vital organs were hurt.
--- Jim C Carpenter
Went on an incredible journey.
Far off, in the court,
The case wasn't fought,
And the client did not think it furney.
--- Ally Ann
"I'm a practicing lawyer, the fact is." --
"Then give up the chase.
I'm a desperate case.
I need one who doesn't need practice!"
--- Laurence Perrine P8503
Well, of course, I was up limericking all night.
He cussed and he swore
And acted like a bore,
'Cause I couldn't get a pleading writ right.
--- Anon
Had a car with a door stuck in place.
Took his car, a Mirage,
To the nearest garage;
Just another open and shut case.
--- Tom Patton P0308
Have phrases of pre-nuptial
And words of remorse
In case of divorce,
And words that in contracts are small.
--- Irving Superior P9711
Who acquired a curious QUIRK;
The drugs that he used
Oft left him confused,
And he'd wear his lawsuit to work!
--- Observer
By hoodlums was savaged one time.
Said her lawyer, "Disgrace!
It's an open/shut case,
But we must reconstruct the whole crime."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2678
By hoodlums was ravaged and fucked.
Said her lawyer, "Disgrace!
It's an open, shut case,
But the crime we must now reconstruct."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2122
Though royalty's long gone away,
'Twixt taxes and tortes
And lawyers and courts,
I'm royally screwed every day.
--- John Miller
With a fetish only he can fulfill.
He gets an erection
Looking at his reflection,
And sending himself a bill.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Whom I hired after killing my wife.
This attorney was slick,
And through some legal trick,
The judge went to prison for life.
--- Bob Birch P0800
Got pissed at his lousy attorney,
So he whipped out a gun,
Shouting "We should've won,"
And his lawyer went out on a gurney.
--- Cap'n Bean
That damn Charlie claimed was a floozy.
When she turned him down,
He spread it aroun';
The lawsuit she filed was a doozy!
--- Anon
Knew all of the tricks of the trade;
And with cash flowing in,
He delighted in sin,
Spending all of the money he made.
--- Cap'n Bean
You're facing a juicy temptation
To turn all the papers
To ashes and vapors;
To lawyers, it's call spoliation.
--- Dr Limerick 12-07-01
You're claiming that you can't exhume
The papers requested,
Because you have guessed that
Their content your case could entomb.
--- Dr Limerick 12-07-01
The papers support the plaintiff;
Your chances just fell
To a snowball in hell --
It's much wiser, it out to stiff.
--- Dr Limerick 12-07-01
Had a very good client named Sprung.
When Sprung went to jail,
Spring paid for his bail.
Spring Sprang Sprung.
--- Erwin Paul TP9804
Hired heavyweight Sally who's buxom;
Her mouth's like a pit,
Her cunt's a loose fit,
But with 'em she suxom and fuxom.
--- Travis Brasell
But his test scores were far below par.
Now, an excellent barman,
He caters to car men,
And rakes in more money by far.
--- Laurence Perrine P8503
Thought lawyers would help without fail.
But when faced with the rates
Charged by old lawyer Bates,
He said, "I'll take the ten years in jail."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 P8111
In arguing so made his jaw go,
That when he was dead,
It still wagged in his head,
And frightened whoever it saw go!
--- Carolyn Wells P8111
Obfuscation is what they pursue
With sesquipedalian
Balderdash daily in
Big words where a little would do.
--- John Sandler P9204
Emergency out-of-state roam;
He has not time to pack,
But he'll be right back,
So to tell his wife, he calls home.
--- Daniel Ford
Lawyer strongly interrogates;
Seems wife is upstairs
With mailman's affairs,
Which barrister infuriates.
--- Daniel Ford
But emergency makes him stay;
Tell maid to get gun;
Kill both in bed fun;
But the maid protests -- I should say!
--- Daniel Ford
Under Texas law it remains
Quite legal to kill
Adulterers still,
So should wife and lover have pains.
--- Daniel Ford
Puts down the phone, though she rue it;
Two shots, screams and splashes
Sound through the phone flashes,
So listener he truly knew it.
--- Daniel Ford
"Yes, I did," in reply said she.
"Were bodies disposed?"
"Yes in pool now reposed;
Those splashes you heard already."
--- Daniel Ford
And asked her somewhat sheepishly,
"Did you say 'the pool'?"
"Yes, threw in the pool!"
"Is this 555-8443?!"
--- Daniel Ford
Whose office is up in the towers,
Will defend you with glee,
If you pay his big fee,
'Cause he's always got billable hours.
--- Cap'n Bean
Which his love undeniably has,
You'd imagine that even
A lawyer like Steven
Would not start his love-song: Whereas...."
--- Mad Zeno
Has been recently formed in East Chop.
It is functioning now:
Whoo, Watt, Ware, and Howe,
Partners Butt, Wye, Knott shown at the top.
--- J Maynard Kaplan
Their antics have caused me to moan.
I now make the motion:
Put them all in the ocean;
See if sharks will eat one of their own.
--- Anon
In wisdom to all, and efficient.
His advice to the brave
Was to work hard and save.
His word to the wise was sufficient.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2756
Was born in the small town of Flat Rock;
He practices law
Because he once saw
His mama shoot his papa's fat cock.
--- Anon
His brassy big mouth took him far.
Both slippery and sly,
Just a fun-loving guy,
With a grin like he just keyed your car.
--- Betty Ann Cansano
I'm sure now his life must be hard.
Must he go back to Hope
And peddling dope,
And living un-Cuban cigarred?
--- Dr Limerick
His fate was shared by seventeen.
Once disbarred at home,
Your fate is up sewn;
You can't be a lawyer supreme.
--- Dr Limerick
For his deftness in doing the knife twist.
It should have been simple
And cause not a ripple,
But he made sure that everyone witnessed.
--- Dr Limerick
With the lineup that's currently sittin'?
He's guaranteed five
Who would surely contrive
A "Nay", legalistically written.
--- Dr Limerick
When he's up the creek, without clue?
Why, seek DNA,
Then kneel down and pray
Johnny Cochran won't nullify you.
--- Chris Papa
I could rearrage my words a bit.
In a speech of this fashion
Exuding compassion.
"If de plunger fit, you CAN'T acquit!"
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9710
With "Big Business" flat on a gurney...
He'd given it bruises
For outrageous abuses...
A liberal knight in life's tourney.
--- Tutta Gioia
Struck dead by a flying umbrella;
It wasn't her fault,
This strange parassault,
So her son has retained Melvin Bella.
--- David Hirschfeld P9112
As slick as three lawyers can be!
They persuaded the jury,
To take out its fury
On Furman, and set O.J. free.
--- Anon
Came a lawyer with strange proclivities.
He burned flags and used drugs
And defended all thugs,
To the best of his puny abilities.
--- First Monday TV P0202
Was wed to a two-timing shrew.
When he complained,
"Shut up!" she explained,
And out of the bedroom he flew.
--- Ernest Lefever Lib Lim
"You just take that back" he retorted.
"You're a lawyer, then Bone?" (Funny Bone)
"Don't be daft, you old crone!
I'm an asshole.", he proudly retorted.
--- Artie
Should find place in Dante's Hell niche!
Except in U.S.,
Dumb juries will bless
Their scheme to become very rich.
--- Chris Papa
Invited her lawyer to dinner;
He brought her some candy
And a bottle of brandy,
And billed her for both, the old sinner.
--- Lims Unlimited
And the principles for which they stand!
They dare not breach
The joys of a beach;
Cats keep covering them with sand.
--- David E Sees
Who filed a new lawsuit each day.
When Christmas came 'round,
In his stocking Ray found
Some coal, and an old canape.
--- Christine Brim
He thinks that his mind is inventive.
He says, "Come work for me.
Clients pay our fee!"
That is just not sufficient incentive.
--- Marlene
Who could really be such a pill.
He just makes me nuts,
But he is no putz;
I'll not doubt his great legal skill.
--- Marlene
No one knows what we're likely to do.
We slap our co-workers;
We tell them they're shirkers.
We need to bid this place adieu!
--- Marlene
I tell people it is just a phase.
My brain will shift gear;
Once more I'll be here.
It only hits me on weak-days.
--- Marlene
We can't quit; we know we'll be fired.
The computer is dumb
And the printer won't hum.
It's past time that we all retired.
--- Marlene
This gives me a pain in my gizzard.
It's really just tragic
That I don't do magic.
I would turn him into a lizard.
--- Marlene
(He is taking a pooping preventive).
He says, "Listen to me!
This is how it must be."
We frequently are inattentive.
--- Marlene
Within law firms you only rise
If you will kowtow;
The boss will allow
Your working until your demise.
--- Marlene
Contemplated the practice he built. He
Changed his whole intent,
Convicting the innocent
And now he's defending the guilty.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0506