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There was an old lady with gout While hiring a hooker in Pickering, To his girl said a young man from Maine, This New Year's first day...it is snowing, What a pathetic young whore; An old hooker with whom I was dealing A haggard old harlot named Keating Two things in this life are the pits: Got a whore at the beach today; The preacher harassed her for spite, As he carried his bride in to bed, An American hooker, though willing, A noted old chemist named Bayer, A whore on St. Catherine Street After pumping and humping, said Moe: Old Ambrose, he went to the doc, There was a young fellow of Oregon In the Wisconsin town of West Bend, There was an old hooker of Hartford There was an old whore of Algiers, "My sister is for sale," said Omar, A foul-talking gal named Linda There was found in an old English Town, A fellow, no gentleman he, Vi claims she was ruined by Hector, A madam of no mean ability, The whore from the parish St. Giles In the forest a woodsman named Lee "How do you make a hormone?" For automobile we say car, Sought a youth from Oak Ridge, Tennessee, A remorseless young fellow was Dunn; For a buck a young fellow in Dover There was once an excessively poor I thought that old ladies might stare, A cheeseparing skinflint from Graham (stingy) A horny old captain named Banker A footsore young hustler named Russel An innocent hooker named Agnes The cruise ship was sunk by a foe; Old Simon found a girl at the mall; A harlot in Charlotte named Lee A horny young fellow named Fitch There was a young fellow named Art Private Smith said "I can score ya... "It'll cost you to take her to bed Yo Mr. Perry, I did give a try. The young lad was out on a spree; "Into the breech once more," The cop on the beat you see, And now a week later, you see, In Dublin's Fair City I saw I said to her, "Cheer up, my dear", If you go to the old Cote d'Azure, That woman has problems galore, A horny old whore from Nantucket, Now Nantucket Nell was her name, This toothless old hag from Nantucket Oh Nellie from Nantucket Isle, That old broad who hailed from Nantucket And suck it, she fuckin' well might, There once was a fellow from Maine She found the experience draining; They called her Rose Ormesby-Gore, She paraded a pitch near the Strand, There was an old harlot of Peking, There was an ugly old whore,
Whose balance of cash was in doubt.
She resorted to whoring
When the prices were soaring,
But a malpractice suit forced her out.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1534
A salesman was heatedly bickering.
It wouldn't suffice
Not to haggle the price,
And to dick her without any dickering.
--- Alex Heydon P0506
"Once more I will try to explain
That the birds and the bees
Simply never charge fees,
And if you do, I'll have to abstain."
--- Isaac Asimov
The soft flakes are falling and blowing!
My whores will be waking
And soon they'll be quaking,
'Cause my big old cock is sure growing!
--- Anon
She thinks she's the flavor du jour.
You should masturbate
And save on that rate.
Forget about going back door!
--- Arden
Assured me her bod was appealing.
So appealed off her dress,
But she failed to impress,
And she left me with no hard feeling.
--- Anon
Encountered in life such a beating,
She was buggered and worn
And her asshole was torn,
And her pussy was not fit for eating.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0498
The first is not havin' no grits;
The second is this,
Which robs me of bliss,
'Tis screwin' a whore with no tits!
--- Anon
We went under the pier just to lay.
All that thrashing around
Had sanded her down;
There was nobody left to pay!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
But the hooker did not want to fight.
So craftily, she
Seduced him 'cause he
Stuck his nose in her business last night.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0508
She tossed off her nightie and said,
"This'll be the first time
I won't get a damn dime..."
And that knocked the romance in the head.
--- Grand Prix Lim 658 a
In London could not make a killing.
She worked hard and long
But would always go wrong,
For she gave ten bucks change for a shilling.
--- Isaac Asimov
Was lauded at lunch by the mayor.
They all asked to be shown
How to make a hormone;
He replied, he'd neglected to pay her.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1945
Her client rebuked in some heat:
"Kindly pay what it's for."
She said to him, "or
Round my bush you may no longer beat."
--- Hugh Oliver 48a
"It was worth every cent of my dough...
Here, my dear, is the cent...
My intent is well-meant
For the $9.99 I still owe.
--- Grand Prix Lim 486
Complaining of pains in his cock.
"A Chink whore I laid,
She didn't get paid,
So gave me a clout with her wok."
--- Anon
Who said, "The conclusion is foregone!
If you will not agree
To a prostitute's fee,
You will soon have to ask, "Where's the whore gone?"
--- Isaac Asimov
A man met a whore at the end
Of a lane, for a blow,
And one block below,
Met another, but fancied her end.
--- Grizz
With panties constructed of cardboard.
Half the fellows who pay
Can't push through for a lay;
The result is she's only been part-whored.
--- Isaac Asimov
Who found the whole lodge in arrears.
So she threatened to sue,
For the payments past due,
Or she'd cut off their peckers with shears.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1750
"A prostitute in South Tacoma!
She gets real good money,
But won't think it's funny,
If now she comes out of her coma."
--- David Miller
Insulted a Japanese ninja.
The Jap mopped the floor
With this dirty-mouthed whore,
Then threw her ass out of the winda!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
A whore who was big, fat and round.
Men paid to abuse her,
To fuck her and use her--
For in England, they pay by the pound!
--- Ashrad Risvi
Tried to chisel a piece of hers free.
Said he, "Listen Honey,
It's VICE, done for money,
How about a piece free just for me?"
--- Grand Prix Lim 536
Who pecked her so soundly he wrecked her.
Vi's now feeling glum
But still peddles it some,
Though today she's quite loose in that sector.
--- Grand Prix Lim 405
Developed a fine new facility,
For outcasts discarded,
The mental retarded,
And those in the prime of senility.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1425
Retired amidst plaudits and smiles.
When she figured each poke
At three inches per stroke,
Her cunt had gone ten thousand miles.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2276a
Was fucking a whore 'gainst a tree.
He went right through the bought hole,
And he fucked up a knothole,
So the lumber mill charged him the fee.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0722
"Don't pay her!" -- That's quite an old bone.
If her name's Hortense,
You could stand on a fence,
And rub her neck while being blown.
--- James
For pugilists' bouts we say spar;
So next time we greet
Some harlot we meet,
A brief 'hello' would be, "Hey, har!"
--- Anon
A professional girl for a spree;
But he hadn't a cent.
Nothing daunted, he went
And seduced her one night she was free.
--- Keith MacMillan A110B
He would fuck with a whore or a nun.
He received from one whore
Twenty scruples or more,
For everyone knew he had none.
--- Al Chaplin P0304
Screwed a floozy one day in the clover.
Then he called her real stupid --
She said, "Do you mean Cupid?
That's my sister who is really bent over."
--- Phil Cannibal P9003
This is file gvm
Mademoiselle from the Bay of Chaleur
Who had never been won,
Till some guy turned her on
And she's now just a lecherous whore.
--- Keith MacMillan 32a
At you, with bare ass in the air,
And might call the cops,
Whereon the fun stops;
The whores still demanding their fare.
--- Anon
Had rogered two whores but won't pay 'em.
So they took him in hand,
Nearly murdered him and,
As the judge said, "...commited sweet mayhem."
--- Hugh Oliver A089B
Hung a whore by her ass, on the anchor.
There he gave her a screw;
And likewise the crew;
So they wrote her a letter to thank her.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2852
Said, "Street walking after love muscle
Is sheer hell on your feet...
After ten miles I'm beat,
And flat ready for bed, and a tussle."
--- Grand Prix Lim 931
Was reduced to mere tatters and ragness,
Because the poor sweet
Kept on working a street
That was laden with queers and with fagness.
--- Isaac Asimov
A woman was stranded below.
An overweight hooker,
In their life boat they took her
She was really a tough 'ho to row.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0201
"I'll pay twenty five for a ball".
So after he laid her,
A quarter he paid her;
Simon wasn't so simple after all.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0208
Said, "The Law pains the rear end of me.
Damn the dumb cops who meddle
With the part that I peddle,
For they come on days off for tail FREE!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 530
Engaged an old whore for his itch.
But he blew on the floor
As he felt for her bore,
So said, "Give me my cash back, you bitch!"
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2045
Who got into bed with a tart.
He worked his small staff
For an hour and a half,
Then she yawned and said, "When do we start?"
--- Isaac Asimov
The world's very best whore, yeah.
She missing an eye;
Give her socket a try.
She said she'd keep an eye out for ya."
--- Anon
And it's really not fellatio." Smith said.
"Nevertheless
It is the worlds best
Ball draining, skull fucking, head."
--- Anon
You are right, which I can not deny.
But as for my cash,
I kept it well stashed,
Or t'would be gone "in" the blink of an eye.
--- Anon
Said, "Far better for you than for me,
With the aging old whore,
Who's part of the lore.
I really don't care if it's free."
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Cried the old and the aging old whore.
I know it's been used
And somewhat abused,
But it's part of the local lore.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
In an alley had stopped for a pee.
He spotted the whore
Who's part of the lore,
And boffed her right there, for free.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
He says that it hurts him to pee.
"I'll not go to the alley
With Mary or Sally.
From now on, a beat cop I'll be."
--- Jim Weaver Collection
The original Limerick Whore;
She looked tired and forlorn,
Shagged to pieces and worn
To a frazzle, bow-legged and sore.
--- Peter Wilkins
But she muttered, "I blame Edward Lear;
For I'll never have peace
Until these limericks cease."
So I shagged her and wished her good cheer.
--- Peter Wilkins
You'll see on the beach, I am sure,
An old tart named Louise,
Who's got every disease
Known to man, and some three or four more.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Those you mention, and many more.
I know her quite well;
She's really quite swell.
I think she was wife number four.
--- Puff Adder
Had the problem that no one would fuck it.
Fifty years she had whored;
Now she's being ignored,
'Cause her cunt's like a bill-poster's bucket.
--- John Miller
And shagging old men was her game.
She went too far, of course;
Shagged a man, then his horse,
And ever since then, has been lame.
--- John Miller
Had nothing at all where I stuck it.
Her cunt was too loose
To be any use,
But her gums helped her properly suck it.
--- John Miller
Let me bury my bone for a while.
Just give me a shout
When you want it took out,
And then swallow it up with a smile.
--- oOOo
Carried a two-by-four and a bucket.
One entered her crevasse,
Two-by-four 'cross his ass,
Then she'll sit on the bucket and suck it.
--- Heekster
'Cause her cunt isn't really that tight.
But catch her bent over,
You'll think you're in clover,
Once you've waded through all of that shite.
--- oOOo
Who cried like a baby in pain
On the prostitute's cot.
Perform he could not;
There goes eighty five bucks down the drain.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0402
Her sympathy, he wasn't gaining.
"You're a pain in the neck.
You might want a rain check,
But as you can see, it's not raining."
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0402
An elderly, better-type whore.
In clothes soiled and mucky
She'd call old men "Ducky"
Yet wince when the working class swore.
--- G1846
Where she took it in mouth, vag', or hand.
And for a small extra sum
One could finger the bum
Of that elderly Rose Ormesby-Gore
--- G1847
Uncouth in a manner of speaking.
This sordid old bitch
Had been rolled in a ditch,
But she blushed when a man saw her leaking.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2224
Who worked in a dirty book store.
When the boys watched the flicks,
She fondled their dicks,
And sucked them right off the floor. (beside the hard core.)
--- Anon
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