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An aunt who just turned eighty-nine A Wibblie Wobblie Wub I'll get down on my hands and knees, At Harrison Hot Springs, my daughter My big bubble-bath tub's set to go, Want a slippery skin-to-skin cruise? Ardor's chilled out; to bed I will crawl; Hello there pun-dendable flower! At the market I spied Pastor Ware, You knead me in all the right places. We went out last night hunting worms; I'm bathing in oil -- care to join me? There was an old farmer named Jake, A balmy old woman in Yantic We once knew a floozy named Suzy -- Up here in my bathroom is Susie, She hasn't quite noticed me yet, I'll relieve you, my lonely sweet thing; Well my goodness, I have massage ointment; Appointment? Doo Wa Wa, right now! For eight weeks we've gotten no rain; As rain daincer, I've done the job, If the two of us shed our clothes, Like John Thomas and sweet Lady Jane, The Susquahana's three feet low; Here, Glasgow and Durham have floods, The rain's beating down with a thud I'll roll in the mud, front and back, Like most men, I love sporty girls; Said Martha Van Zandt, "Goodness me! People might as well wish There was a girl in the bathtub, I plunged the cold depths of Loch Nevis Sex in the shower was grand; Be both ended up on the floor; In Melbourne the lack of gas power I'll give you a sudsy massage; How lucky the warm shower water, I do love a romp in the shower Darling wife, analyzing the water, I'm having a memorable ride As I ride down the river on waves, Just reached a rough bend in the river; I'm glad I have time to prepare I've climbed off the raft now you see; The air rushing round as I fly Lay back in the bath, close your eyes, What a fine bathside manner thou hath; There once was a woman named June Of Boston I sing a sweet ditty: I saw all the food I could wish There was a young lady from Surrey, There's a whimsical fellow in Deal For love and for food it's the same: Love and food are alike. A knockout new restaurant reviewer, A waiter ran into the walk-in The Chef made his way to her table. He set out asparagus flan She exclaimed, "What a wonderful dish!" He'd prepared himself for a slap, He remarked on her miniscule waist She slurred, "Chef, I am flattered and all, Said the cross-dressing Sonny McGraw, The fire-eater said it was play. A woman flame-thrower, the rubes
Assures us her social life's fine.
The sole problem of late
For both her and her date
Is that age-old one, "Your place or mine?"
--- Evelyn Bogen P9605
Went for a rub in the tub.
He went totally spare
'Cause no one was there.
What a lonely rub a dub dub.
--- Anon
And wiggle my ass for a tease.
And hon, have no fear,
As you slide your dick near;
That bath rid me of all those fleas.
--- Anon
The rich come to bathe in hot water.
But I know very well
In that famous hotel,
That the springs in the bedrooms get hotter!
--- John E Mayhood P0010
But my Sweet Thing, I fear's a no-show.
I had hoped for slick strokes,
As the pair of us soaks,
And we'd both give the blues the heave-ho!
--- Allen Wolverton
Forget it! No aaah's or soft oooh's.
Pull the plug; flush the foam;
The night's shot; pull the bone!
I've been left with the bubble bath blues!
--- Allen Wolverton
And tomorrow, I'll hopefully call;
If I don't get good news,
Hello, bubble bath blues;
Guess I'll go buy a foam-rubber doll!
--- Allen Wolverton
I'm thrilled by your mention of shower.
Am I to construe
The shower's for two,
And am I to be charged by the hour?
--- Anon
With nineteen jugs of milk, I do swear.
He had spared no expense;
He was fidgety, tense;.
In his tub at home, Colbert was there.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0202
(The kitchen, the bed, the staircases).
But my favourite hour
Is one in your shower,
Where we cover all of the bases.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
We wanted the big kind that squirms.
We were going fishing
But I kept on wishing
That we could, instead, discuss sperms.
--- Anon
It will be lots of fun, slick and slippery.
It may get quite hot,
If you find the right spot.
If not, I will show you most happily.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who had a brief statement to make:
"I love to go swimmin'
With half-naked women."
He said as he leaned on his rake.
--- William K Alsop Jr
Engaged in a curious antic:
She would run to the shore
Yelling "HEADS UP!" and "FORE!"
And throw herself in the Atlantic.
--- Alsops Foibles
She spent all day in the Jacuzzi;
Said "It wrinkles my skin,
But it sure makes me grin,
And makes me feel all warm and oozy."
--- Anon
A temptingly wicked young floozy,
With wide open thighs
And glazed look in her eyes;
Having fun in my whirlpool jacuzzi.
--- Peter Wilkins
As she plays with the bubbly jet;
But it's time I got in,
With her, up to my chin,
For I'm sure breaking out in a sweat.
--- Peter Wilkins
I will join you, and comfort I'll bring;
If we both rub-a-dub,
In a nice, sudsy tub,
We will leave a magnificent ring.
--- Anon
I know what "wringing your joint" meant.
We'll ease all our troubles
By soaking in bubbles
So please, can I make an appointment?
--- Michelle
We'll make quiet pleasure, and how!
While the bubbles do pop,
We'll breath heavy, non-stop;
And make your sweet whatnot meow!
--- Allen Wolverton
I've tried to grow veggies in vain.
Not even a weed.
In my garden, I need
That naked rain dancer again.
--- Carol
But I've had to quit because, (sob)
It made me a wreck;
I near broke my neck;
I kept tripping over my knob.
--- Tiddy Ogg
And naked rain dance, your long hose
Would not only get
My garden all wet,
But also my little pink rose.
--- Carol
You'd cavort in the warm springtime rain?
Take care when you wrassle
In mud, lest your assle
And twat get all gunked -- what a pain!
--- Allen Wolverton
The Conowingo Dam has no flow.
The water supply
Will soon be all dry.
There ain't one mud pie left to throw.
--- Carol
So Carol, we'll find you some mud,
In which your sweet pie
Won't feel quite so dry,
When prodded by some randy stud.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Here and turning the earth into mud,
In which Carol could roll,
And the thought, 'pon my soul,
Is quite raising my pressure of blood.
--- Peter Wilkins
To get a full body mud pack,
And splash all around
'Til you hose me down,
And get the mud out of my crack.
--- Carol
I've sailed on the Solyent with Shirl.
Hacked horses with Hattie,
Plumbed pot-holes with Patti,
But best is mud-wrestling with Pearl.
--- Tiddy Ogg
I'd like to go down by the sea.
But I really don't dare,
For I've nothing to wear,
And I can't bathe in sheer ecstacy."
--- Charles A Kraatz P0410
They had equipment like a fish.
You could get a good rub,
While floating in a tub,
But the guy'd have to be quite a dish!
--- Anon
Who said "Come on in for a scrub.
The water is hot,
And I'll show you the spot
You're welcome to rub-a-dub-dub."
--- Jim Weaver Collection
And surfacing spied a nude Scots miss.
Milky limbs so sublime,
Young breasts in their prime...
I dove to caress her sweet crevice.
--- TuttaGioia
This is file ewm
His every wish was my command --
For leverage I clung
To the towel rack that hung
On the wall, but it broke in my hand.
--- Kaylin
My body was so bruised and sore.
I said "Leave me alone,
I've broken my tail bone!"
But that idiot still wanted more!
--- Kaylin
Has prevented much sex in the shower.
Now it's back! Come on baby!
No need to say maybe!
Let's do it for hour after hour!
--- Mike Dale
You'll guide the tactile entourage;
With hope in your soul
And soap in your hole,
Prepare for a holy barrage.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Caressing McCarraher's daughter;
In each secret cranny
And nook of young Annie,
Where, if there were justice, I oughter.
--- Anon
With your extended hollyhock flower;
Your wet, slippery bod,
And that length of hot rod,
That I just cannot wait to devour.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Stuck her hand in, something caught her.
She thought it might bite.
It caused her a fright,
Thought I put in what I hadn't oughter.
--- Anon
As I'm rushed on my raft with the tide
And I'm starting to get
A little bit wet,
But that's 'cause of you, I'll confide.
--- Anon
It's you that my body still craves.
And though a bit tired
Of travel, I'm wired --
Thoughts of you my heart now enslaves.
--- Anon
The sight ahead just sent a shiver
Up and down my spine,
Because it seems I'm
Heading for the falls as I quiver.
--- Anon
For what's going on just up there;
A very long drop
From here at the top;
I've stopped at the bend, don't despair.
--- Anon
For there is the gear left for me,
Right here on the shore,
And now what's in store
Is to jump and to soar feeling free.
--- Anon
Out over the falls so that I
Can get down there fast;
How many have crashed
On the rocks down below? Did they die?
--- Anon
While I slowly massage your thighs.
My hands will caress,
Every inch with finesse,
'Til your passion gives way to a rise.
--- Anon
My loins are ablaze with great wrath.
Your skillful finesse
As done nothing less...
Than lifted my thighs out the bath.
--- Anon
Who got into the tub around noon;
She emerged around three,
Just as clean as can be,
With her skin wrinkled up like a prune.
--- Cap'n Bean P0209
Hub of culture and learning, great city!
And sidewalk cafes
For pastries and teas,
But I don't like croissants 'a la gritty!'
--- Jim Weaver Collection
From pork chops to a kosher knish.
But what is it to me?
It was all on TV;
In my hands just a satelite dish.
--- Phil T
Who ate all her meals in a hurry.
She liked her food tinned,
And so she got wind,
And raspberries from Edwina Currie.
--- Kevin Hale Q
Who barks for his food like a seal;
Says his wife, with a sniff:
"'Twould be funnier, if
He'd skip an occasional meal!"
--- Morris Bishop P8801
If it is not messy, it's lame.
If the kitchen is neat
When you finish your treat,
You've none but yourself to blame.
--- Karen
If it doesn't hurt, it's not right.
I'm not saying a lot,
Just a little too hot,
And maybe a little too tight.
--- Karen
Her tastebuds and visage both pure,
Was about on the town,
And while making her rounds,
The heart of each chef she did skewer.
--- Niven Shaw
And said, "Chef, there's no time for talkin'!
The reviewer is here
And she's ordered a beer.
And the whole waiter staff's out there, gawkin'!"
--- Niven Shaw
(Her melons were covered in sable!)
He said, "Madame critic,
Please have some Glenfiddich,
And I'll make the best meal that I'm able."
--- Niven Shaw
And a stunning free-range coq au vin.
He plied her with cider,
And sat down beside her,
Presenting warm, crisp tarte tatin.
--- Niven Shaw
And the Chef, so emboldened by this,
Was so floored by her charm,
He took her in his arms,
And leaned in to pilfer a kiss.
--- Niven Shaw
But instead, felt a hand in his lap!
What a glorious night!
And with no end in sight,
He dismissed his whole staff with a snap.
--- Niven Shaw
And worshiped her radiant face;
So fetching was she,
He fell to one knee
And proposed that they be wed post-haste.
--- Niven Shaw
And though I'm convinced you're a doll,
Many thanks for the thought,
But alas, I cannot --
I'm afraid your cucumber's too small.
--- Niven Shaw
"From now on I know that I'll gnaw
On edible undies,
But never on Sundays,
Since I choked on an underwire bra."
--- Loren C Futzhugh P9805
He prepared in a sensible way,
Had lots of rare meat
And potatoes to eat,
And took something for heartburn each day.
--- A N Wilkins P8711
All loved for her great set of boobs,
Went down on the barker
Who happened to spark her,
And singed off the poor barker's pubes.
--- Michael Polo P8711
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