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Here's a marvel of gene-splitting science! The great lion tamer, Ms. Chung, Once they got older, they'd roar Miss Mary has a lamb she can keep, There was an old floozy named Myrtle I once fell in love with a ram; A shepherdess high in the Grams A circus performer named Peale, On a bench sat a man, kind of old; The old man thought this kid might be gay, "I got drunk once, woke up, puked a ton; There once was a lady called Brills Said our Little Nell of Glen Ellen, Beastiality's a sin--that's emphatic! A woman whose morals were loose There was a young girl of Geneva, A blond with an oversized box A shepherd who lived near Torino, An innocent maiden named Letty An obliging young lady of Leeds A Tel Aviv couple must wince The children of old Mrs. Carey Their genes are all out of whack, When my finances were really dire, A young pregnant woman named Mears A baboon, slightly long in the fang, Big Robert from Medicine Hat A woman residing in Perth, The first child of Mrs Keats-Shelly (I wonder not who, but what she has been screwing?)
A pervert by named of George Greer There was a great redhead from Lithem, When counting his family, Mark Evans Said a slave-holding lecher named May My life's been a zig-zag, it's clear; There once was a maid of Japan, My father, the terrorist Jackal, There was a black lady named Ella An albino who married a Haitian A sorcerer from East Upper Randle The poor little bastard emerges He told us this tale, did La Rouche: Beware of man's sexual goal... And you end in the red, on the whole!
A rueful young maiden named Sue, Said a horny young man from Calais A maid met that man from Calais Now that randy young pair from Calais Une femme in the Faubourg Germaine A lady proceeded to curse A remarkable baker was Hartz. A certain young lady who stuttered If one-eighth black, an octaroon; Concerning sex, Miss Minnie Meggs, That night as the Earth shook with thunder, The condom he wore, thus exploding, She naturally called the tad Thor; He aged from this surfeit of passion, He entered a most heart-felt plea, A gene-splitting chemist named Gist -- Lady Cynthia Parkerhouse Furman Man, it's never as good as it looks, There was a young fellow from Frisco There once lived a man named Slade, A broadminded lady, quite shackey, There was a young lady named Sharkey, A colleen for fair Ballycrotty, Here lies a young salesman named Phipps, There's a freaky old fellow named Ike
Took a rooster, and made strange alliance,
With a lawyer's gray matter
In the rooster; such clatter!
Now the bird enjoys clucking defiance!
--- Anon
Had sex with her charges while young.
The kids are like her,
Except that they purr,
And drink milk with the back of their tongue.
--- John Miller
"Mama was such an old whore!"
She slept with the monkey
And even the donkey,
Or whatever else came through the door.
--- Arden
But her secret is dark and it's deep.
The lamb's not a pet;
It's what you can get
If you go around screwing with sheep.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0208
Whose loins were incredibly fertile.
Out her sexual chute
Came a roach, and to boot,
Three young'uns, two dogs, and a turtle.
--- Armand E Singer 92
In bed he was really "Hot Damn!"
I'd nary a grizzle
About his huge pizzle,
But it hurt like hell having his lamb.
--- Cyberhog T9711
Had a beautiful slit 'twixt her hams.
One day an old buck
Got her down for a fuck,
And now she's the mother of lambs.
--- G1246
Who coupled for kicks with her seal,
Was distressed that she did,
For she then had a squid,
A frog and a large conger eel.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9002
To the same bench, a younger dude strolled;
His spiked hair was a riot
Of colors, none quiet;
Red and purple, plus blue, green and gold!
--- Anon
As he stared, somewhat rudely, I'd say;
The punk glared; then he spoke:
"Whassamatter, old bloke?
Ever done something wild in your day?"
--- Anon
I could not believe what I'd done;
I had fucked, so I heard,
A big tropical bird;
Now I wonder if you are my son!"
--- Anon
Who decided to grow her some gills.
She married a dish
Turned into a fish,
And produced twenty electic eels.
--- Jester Jon
On finding her midriff was swellin':
"I've only used candles,
Hot dogs and broom handles,
So what I will have is hard tellin'."
--- Grand Prix Lim 880 G1665
Its effects can be quite problematic.
Are the offsprint cute? Sure!
But they all, when mature,
Get on welfare and vote Democratic!
--- Vassar Smith P9403a
Once while camping, a deer did seduce,
Greatly swelling her girth
After which she gave birth
To an elk, a gazelle, and a moose.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9002
A gorilla she got to relieve 'er.
The result of the fuck
Was a hen and a duck,
A snake and a bloody retriever.
--- Anon
Thought: Gorillas have very big cocks.
Her son's a fine lad.
His looks are not bad,
But his knuckles, they drag when he walks!
--- John K Roberts P9302a
Would frequently shag a merino.
He'd not wear a sheath
While out on the heath,
And he now has a woolly bambino.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Was laid one fine night by a yeti;
Though this inhuman action
Gave her great satisfaction,
Results nine months later weren't pretty.
--- Armand Singer
Thinks life should be filled with good deeds,
But regrets the sequelae (...the effects)
Of free gillie-gillies (Caused by careless free sex)
For her kids are ten shades and three creeds.
--- G1679
After marrying just four months since.
For to nuptials they'd brung
Fully seventeen young,
And now they're expecting some quints.
--- Mesterton-Gibbons MG9704
Are an odd lot, they really do vary.
Some have two heads --
Real thoroughbreds!
Some are bald, some feathered, some hairy.
--- June Sullivan P8411
(Mrs. Carey is nee Kallikak)
Give the Devil his due,
It really is true
They all hold office, alack!
--- June Sullivan P8411
I put myself out on hire.
What I did not know
Is you reap what you sow.
Now all of Mumbai calls me sire.
--- Anon
Birthed a child that would bring you to tears -
For out of her cunt
Came a bow-legged runt,
With his ass up between his ears!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Mated up with an orangutang.
The mutant result
Was to them an insult,
But the source from which we all sprang.
--- June Sullivan P8408
Thought he had the procedure down pat;
But pinned to the wall
He mistimed his withdrawal --
Thus it was Little Bob was begat.
--- Hugh Oliver 90a
She died on the day she gave birth
To a baby named Fred,
With a truly large head,
And a butt of exceptional girth.
--- Cap'n Bean P0800
Came to light with its face in its belly.
Her second was born
With a hump and a horn,
And her third was as shapeless as jelly.
--- Edward Gorey
Would hop on his wife from the rear;
Though at last she conceived,
She was hardly relieved:
Her offspring burst out through her ear.
--- Armand E Singer 844
Who sang with a band and slept with 'em.
It's sad to relate,
She's borne twelve kids to date,
Six brass, four reeds, and two rhythm.
--- Ed Wolfert P8212
Said, "There's triplets, and quads, Oh! Good heavens!
I've also twin daughters
At three and three-quarters
And my sons are at sixes and sevens."
--- Funfax Limericks
Of the fruit from a romp in the hay:
"Why the cute little creature's
Got all his dad's features,
And I've always loved 'cafe au lay'."
--- Armand E Singer 123
This is file dfl
But consider, sirs, is it so queer,
Since my ma was pure white
And my pa black as night,
That I've had such a checkered career?
--- Laurence Perrine P8911
Who married a Hottentot man;
The maid she was yellow,
Black as coal was the fellow,
And their children were all black and tan.
--- Arthur Deex P9304
Would strap Mom to the bed with a shackle;
Then to copulate fully,
He'd suspend from a pulley,
I'm called Chip - off the old block and tackle.
--- Mark Levy
Who was laid by a Caucasian fella.
The result of their sins
Was a mixed set of twins,
One chocolate, the other vanilla.
--- Bob Giandomenico P8912
Had intentions of quick procreation.
But, the colour extremes
Wouldn't mix, so it seems,
For the children were plainly Dalmatian.
--- Alex Heydon P0503
Made love by bell, book, and candle.
His sexual strife
Drew groans from his wife,
And now a young changeling, they dandle.
--- Bruce Thompson
Unaware of Man's sexual urges...
For nine months, unknowing,
He's spent his time growing,
Despite subsequent humpings and purges...
--- Grand Prix Lim 82
"My wife had just finished her douche,
When out popped a foetus,
Who reached out to greet us,
And said, 'Boy ain't I a bonne bouche!"
--- Armand E Singer 856
Once you plug it, my friend, with your pole,
You are hooked for a meal; a mink coat or a seal...
You're expected to wed for a bout in her bed...
You are sued for support for the kid she brought forth,
--- Grand Prix Lim 751
Though warned of the evil men do,
Refused to take heed
And soon failed to bleed:
In time came a squalling baboo.
--- Armand E Singer 549
(Who masturbated all day)
"It's safer than swimmin',
And neater than women,
And it's only myself that I pay!"
--- John Miller 0337a
And exclaimed, "Oh, don't throw that away!
I won't charge a fee
If you shove it on me,
And we'll have lots of fun in the hay!"
--- John Miller 0337b
Watches fifteen young kids as they play
At games with each other --
Sister and brother --
And they all seem to like it that way.
--- John Miller 0337c
Had a bad intersexional pain...
She'd borne twins before,
But now she dropped four.
...Unmarried, that's hard to explain!
--- Grand Prix Lim 763
Her child with his antics perverse.
"He brought nothing but shame,
And he's sullied my name,
And the fuck that he came from was worse."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1408A
His life imitated his arts.
For every last son
Was a fruitcake (each one);
While his daughters were tasty young tarts.
--- Michael Weinstein
So wobbled her breasts when she uttered,
It was later revealed
That her milk got congealed,
And the brood she brought forth was half-buttered.
--- G1724
If one-fourth black, you're a quadroon.
But if you're half and half,
Both races will laugh.
If half and half, you're a spittoon.
--- Irving Superior P8911
Remarked as she tightened her legs,
"The last time I did,
I had me a kid,
So to hell with you men and your pegs!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 674
Making love 'neath a tree was a blunder.
A lightning bolt
Struck his asswith a jolt;
He very near split her asunder.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Made the sperm change genetic encoding.
The child, as she feared,
Was decidedly weird,
And quite justified her foreboding.
--- Tiddy Ogg
He'd screw any girl, rich or poor.
Plus sheep, cows and cats,
Dogs, horses, and rats,
Till his prick was most tender and sore.
--- Tiddy Ogg
So bought an old Mac, started flashin',
Was soon apprehended.
(Not what was intended)
And from the judge got an ear-bashin'.
--- Tiddy Ogg
"My genes were all addled, you see."
It worked, I'm released.
I'm terribly pleased...
Oh yes, I admit, it was me!
--- Tiddy Ogg
A genius and true scientist --
Crossed some jerk of a Pole
With a Wop on parole,
Begetting a hit man that missed.
--- Armand E Singer 20A
Met and married, off Finland, a merman.
But whether the woman
Bore babes that were human
Or finnish, we've yet to determine.
--- Laurence Perrine P9407
Nor as good as in Limerick books...
But it's still so attractive
It keeps the race active,
Making kids out of nookie, in nooks!
--- Grand Prix Lim 997
Who greased up his organ with Crisco.
But such was the heat
When he wielded his meat,
That his children were made of Nabisco.
--- G2344
Who claimed he had never been laid.
He had children in bunches,
And confirmed most folks' hunches
That all of his kids are hand-made.
--- Oddo Von Schlong T9710
Once had a bout with an Iraqi.
The result of their sins
Was triplets, not twins,
One light and one dark and one khaki.
--- Sex to Sexty P8808
Who had an affair with a darky.
The results of her sins,
Were quadruplets, not twins,
One white, and one black, and two khaki.
--- Anon L0978
Loved men of all colors, 'twas dotty.
But her children's a sight,
Every heart to delight,
For they're black, brown, green-striped and spotty.
--- Anon
Who married on one of his trips,
A widow named Block.
He died of the shock,
When he saw there were six little chips.
--- Anon
Who lives in a house down the pike.
His dad and his mother
Were kin to each other --
That's why he looks so much alike.
--- Bob Giandomenico P8811
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