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Valiant brothers, Rick and A. J. It would give me some strange satisfaction, In the AM, I switch on the TV Robert Downey's dark eldest son, An actress named Sally Struthers "Santa Barbara" and "Dallas" are soaps, The Ewing's home town would be Ewingham; Said Scully to her boss Skinner, Seinfeld? Now who the hell's he? It seems you and I do agree; It's finale for "Sex And The City;" The channels are riddled with sex, I think you may have something here; Whereas I am a trivia buff. Granny's quite strange now she's old; Don't bother to hide your recorder; For this act there need be no script; (PS: To Mr. Cybe R. Wizard) In Canada, Stern is a strange thing; Yes, I still think of suave Mr Steed, Young Jimmy would not go to bed, I reach for the remote and switch on Twin Peaks is our favorite show. Upstairs, downstairs were two different strata; My TV helps idle time pass, I wish I could see Vanna's bed, The people who come on this channel What I learned from watching TV: Waiting while nursing a hickey, As an alien sucked Scully's big toe, "I am a trained medical Dr." Mulder and Scully, Scully and Mulder; An FBI agent named Mulder No more worries for the Meathead. (Carroll O'Conner, actor, died 2001)
With Carson away or out sick, I dreamt that I entered a place The Silence gathers dust in the Cone;, With that voice, Fran Drescher is hot! Paul Reiser, you dirty little runt! When the word for the evening was said, Johnny Carson was one of the greats, Johnny Carson's most famous late show An actor named Kelsey Grammer, Incredibly old was Spike Milligan. I hate to be overly mean Suave Alistair Cooke raised a fuss Fox News has a pundit named Bill The respected old newsman, Chet Huntley The impeccably natty Dan Rather Dan Rather's a bit of a prude (American newsman of the 80's and 90's)
In Tesco's with Earth, Wind and Fire, George Michael, you know, it's a fact -- A word spout named Howard Cosell Howard Cosell Grandiose A broadcasting family named Hughes, There once was a King, first name Larry, Oh, Superman and Lois Lane, There was a stiff news man named Rather Firing Rukeyser is worse than abysmal; An Amazon Queen with red hair There once was an Amazon Queen Though the BGSB is appealing, (??-McW) (BGSB - bilious green sports bra)
Gabrielle always carried a staff. Xena yelled "Gabrielle, we must rush! All hail to the Amazon Queen! She writes in her scrolls late at night,
Are PI's from San Diego way. (private investigators)
Bachelors, like the rest,
Mom's the gal they love best.
Do you think they are straight or are gay?
--- Lynn Mostafa
And promote lots of viewer attraction,
To see Regis, with class,
Fuck Kathie Lee in the ass,
With Frank Gifford reporting the action.
--- Writerman
For the news in this land of the free.
What greets me is Regis,
Mundane and egregious,
With his sidekick, inane Kathie Lee.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9707
Once again has had too much fun.
He got caught with more drugs,
Which groups him with thugs.
What's next? Getting caught with a gun?
--- Julie Wiskirchen
Get a bit more flack than the others.
She's got a big butt --
It happens -- So what?
She'd lose it if she had her druthers.
--- Anon
Which give much of suburbia hopes.
Housewives glued to the "box"
Feed families bagels and lox,
As they watch rapes, seductions and gropes.
--- Arthur Pattaffy Q
If they had girl kids, I'd be viewing 'em,
But one thing I swear,
It wouldn't stop there;'
A piece down the road, I'd be screwing 'em.
--- Armand E Singer 658A
"How would you like to join me for dinner?"
So they went out and ate,
Then right around eight,
At his place, she made him a sinner!
--- Anon
That's one guy I never did see.
I've heard that he's clever,
But look at him? Never!
Then I'd have to put up with TV.
--- John Miller 0328
Seinfeld's not funny to me.
Watching's a chore.
His show is a bore;
Not something that I'd care to see.
--- Arden
Half the girls in town say it's a pity.
To titillate, it was best
But failed the morals test,
'Cause they showed us both pussy and titty.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun
And also with Posh and with Becks.
Celebrity chicks
In need of big dicks,
Are having to use Ant and Deck's (A & D?? not a clue)
--- Anon
Just think of my wife. The sweet dear
Watches Lifetime. And why?
The poor sap likes to cry!
Most all of those films bring a tear.
--- Anon
No, really, I can't get enough!
So it's game shows for me --
Millionaire, Jeopardy --
And the questions are never too tough.
--- Anon
She won't do a thing she's been told.
So she's off on a train,
Although I'll explain
To channel 9 the story's been sold!
--- Archie
It will go out live cross our border.
In color teevee
For everyone to see,
In translations for all, made to order.
--- Anon
It comes natural for those well equipt,
Like Jeremy Irons
And Christy's Can-yons;
We will cheer when they're all stript.
--- Anon
Your lims are like warmed-over gizzard.
And if you read mine,
Your eyes may go blind,
And you'll hang by your very own petard.
--- Anon
In the States, he is truly a king.
His penis is small,
His guests have one ball,
But his cash register always goes ding-ding!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Umbrella in hand, quick to heed
The surreal Mrs Peel
With cat-suited appeal.
The Avengers was magic indeed.
--- Mimi
But stayed watching the telly instead.
As he sat up to stare,
His face went all square
And an aerial grew from his head.
--- Mary Danby Armada 1
The TV programs that belong
To the lovers of shows
And to benefit those
Who need to know news and so on.
--- Tobias
You'd earn Emmys to bare what's below.
It could get out-of-hand
When your fans 'cross the land,
Show their wares, hoping for quid pro quo.
--- Anon
Upstairs they would play a sonata.
In the basement below,
Where the sun doesn't show,
The butler ruled all like a tartar.
--- Arthur Pattaffy Q
While potato chips build up my mass.
And I hasten to note
With my trusty remote,
I don't have to get off my ass.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun
A place where our clothes we could shed.
For delights a la carte,
Our legs we would part.
And give each the other some head.
--- Chris Kocsis P9103
Form a wise and an erudite panel;
But the folks from abroad
Are so silly and odd,
That their heads must be stuffed full of flannel.
--- Anon
Erectile dysfunction's E.D.;
That sandwiches talk;
And condoms can walk;
And that my sex drive needs a key.
--- Anon
Scully said, "We've got time for a quickie."
The dove in the closet
To withdraw and deposit,
And got Mulder's trenchcoat all sticky.
--- Hal Prillalar
They were caught in flagrante delicto,
By a robot named Gort,
Whose menace to thwart,
They yelled "Klatu barada nictu."
--- Hal Prillalar
Scully gasped out, but still Mulder shocked her,
By how thick was his prick
When he'd stick his slick dick
In her snatch as he focktor and rocked her.
--- Hal Prillalar
FBI chemistry's a smolder.
The files are X-rated
Why no love consumated?
Not colder, dear Mulder, be bolder!
--- Lynn Mostafa
Bore the cares of the world on his shoulder.
When people asked why,
He answered them, "I
Work with Scully but don't get to hold her."
This is file csm
Many tears the Dingbat will shed.
Not one more big fight,
In the 'Heat of the Night',
'Cause old Archie Bunker is dead.
--- Carol
Tonight Show would still sometimes click
With fill-in as host;
The ones I liked most
Were Rickles' insults and Coz shtick. (Bill Cosby)
--- Gary Hallock
And saw David Letterman's face.
He said to me, "Keith,
I won't fix my teeth,
Since everyone needs his own space."
--- Keith Gilman P0107
"Would you believe" that Don's soul has flown?
And his famous motif,
"Sorry 'bout that, chief,"
And there's no-one to fill his shoe-phone.
--- Tiddy Ogg
With that laugh, I like it a lot!
If I got her alone
I'd show her my bone,
And feed her all the protein I've got.
--- Richard Florida
You've pulled a miraculous stunt.
Though it's only a show
Not everyone knows
And they think that you fucked Helen Hunt!
--- Jim Weaver Collection a
A duck would drop down overhead,
With a $100 bill,
To reward the shill
For being such a good sporting egghead.
--- Anon
And way up there, his legacy rates;
When his life was all spent,
Up to heaven he went;
"Heeeere's Johnny!", they said at the gates.
--- Cap'n Bean P0503
Has Ed Ames do a tomahawk throw.
Though his scalping, in fact,
Leraves the top skin intact,
When Ed aims, his foe's scalped down below!
--- Prof M-G TP9806
Who's known for his encessant yammer --
Screwed his kid's sitter
Which made her quite bitter.
He barely avoided the slammer.
--- Molly Denver
He wanted to take that blue pill again,
For the girls he had known
And the fields he had sown,
He feared that he never could till again.
--- Archie
To that gentleman brilliantly keen,
But I have to be raw
And suggest it's a flaw,
That all of his verses were clean!
--- Hugh Clary
On old TV show "OMNIBUS;"
It wasn't a book,
Nor adjective. Look,
It brought high-class viewing to us.
--- Chris Papa
Whose view of the world is quite shrill.
Fair and balanced, his claim.
He makes Franken look tame.
He's a right-wing conservative shill.
--- Anon
Addressed his wife coarsely and bluntly.
She explained, "He is sickly
And it's making him prickly."
He countered that she behaved cuntly.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0410
Shaves close 'fore the camera folk gather.
When his image comes back
From his chat in Iraq,
The stuff 'round his mouth wasn't lather.
--- Gene
About news that is dirty and lewd.
Or at least so I gather
For it seems that he'd rather
Eat shit than say anything rude.
--- Neal Wilgus P8205
Mr Wind assaulted a buyer.
Mr Fire then hit Earth,
Who promptly gave birth.
"Tesco's; News at Ten; Barry Cryer."
--- Kevin Hale Q
I can't say it with much more tact.
I have heard it said
It was in the head
That he got caught in a lewd act.
--- Anon
Set his sights on the language Nobel,
By over inflating
His conflabulating,
But to blow hard is not to blow well.
--- John Ciardi A
Gave answers quite often verbose.
Culling grain from the chaff,
Rarely produced a laugh,
And the viewer became comatose.
--- Mark Chartrand
Had a programme devoted to news.
Their approach was so lax,
In sports shirts and slacks,
The novelty was the name - Hughes news.
--- Arthur Pattaffy Q
Who seven women did marry.
He isn't so pleasin',
Maybe that is the reason
Why none of the women did tarry.
--- Popsicle TP9806
One's a cripple, the other's insane.
He fell off his steed,
She lost it indeed,
Between them, they have but one brain.
--- Anon
Who worshipped Newt's mother, we gather.
Hey, bitch! Watch your tongue",
He told Connie Chung,
"And your liberal Eye-to-Eye blather."
--- Mark Levy P9507
The new show is DOA dismal.
Riled, Lou's sponsors quit;
PBS had a fit;
Blame the moron who axed the charismal.
--- Esther Koch P0208
Found a bit of ambrosia somewhere.
Lodged in her bra,
It filled us with awe,
And she gave it to her lady-fair.
--- Anon
Whose eyes were so pretty and green.
Her smile was like sunshine;
Her lips red as fine wine;
The most beautiful Queen every seen.
--- MK, Jul 97
Of late it is truly revealing.
Either it's getting smaller
Or Gab's getting taller,
But it's not really very concealing.
--- The Perf, Jul 96
"Little girl, what's the stick?" they would laugh.
"If you must know," she said,
With a nod of her head,
"Just attack me; we'll see who laughs last!"
--- Nutrasweet Teen, Jul 97
Get on Argo! Stop whining now! Shush!"
But she couldn't stay mad
Long at Gab 'cause she had
A touch that turned Xena to mush.
--- Nutrasweet Teen, Jul 97
The Goddess of fair Gabardeen.
Her legions are many,
And swear that aren't any
Who look better in billious green.
--- The Perf, Jul 97
Scribing epics by dim firelight.
The tales that she'll tell,
Found by Janice and Mel,
Speak of courage and passion and might.
--- MK, Jul 97
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