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Young Hamlet, the Prince of Denmark, There was a young tourist named Cotton, Poor Ophelia went out of her mind, Here's the question: to be or to not? Here's the question: to be or to not? When Hamlet soliloquized, he Prince Hamlet went down on one knee, Prince Hamlet found spelling a tease. To the ordeal dealt cordial Cordelia That fellow from Denmark was mad. This question occurred once to me -- In Hamlet's soliloquy, I may be a flea or a bee, I love clever girls, they're such dears... Old Bill wrote "All the world's a stage," If Shakespeare were writing today, I'm worried," said Britain's King Lear, That potty old Monarch, King Lear, There was that fine Earl of old Kent, "King Lear had nephews/nieces dear The stories in plays like King Lear What a trusting old chap was King Lear! That sorry old fellow, King Lear, I hope that I never shall hear An obsession with sex took Shakespeare Old Lear got more senile and hoary, Both Lear and old Gloucester were blind King Lear, whose good mind went bad, Two sisters had learned how to flatter Macbeth, with witchly connection, When Shakespeare wrote plays like Macbeth, Three witches were stirring the cauldron, The first hidious beldam grabbed, hauled Ron He lay their while each of the hags, In a voice quite devoid of emotion, He drinks it, this nauseous syrup, Here's Lady MacBeth, feeling hot, It's nearly an hour since he scored, He left home, height six feet or more, And thus, that strange potion proved true, So, males of the species humanity, Macbeth stabbed his way to the throne, The Lady and the Lord Macbeth There once was a Lady MacBeth How I pity that guy called Macbeth -- If Macbeth had been more of a man -- Jan MacDuff, a young man with great stuff, Lady Macbeth did chores, did she not? Bill said, "I'll concoct a new plot Said this Lady MacBeth to her spouse. To the banquet dead Banquo brought madness. Not noted for cooing and billing, Lady Macbeth's pleas were urgent. Sweet William rode long in the stirrup, An expert dry cleaner named Waring Those two noble Scots, the Macbeths, I'll tell you the tale of a fellow, A tart wandered up, said: "Hey Sailor; So soon then, they jump in the sack; "And he's such a pointed-head bigot, No matter, they wed on the sly, Who's Bill? That old playwright of ours, Othello, jealous, acts in haste When first the Moor, Othello, sees her, That jealous old soldier Othello Margot, a dumb blonde from Cape Cod, Othello, Act Four, Second Scene,
Fell just a bit short of the mark.
He said to Ophelia,
"Come her, let me heal ya,"
But he missed -- 'twas a shot in the dark.
--- Neal Wilgus P8401
Whose travels would not be forgotten.
On a trip to Berlin,
He enjoyed all his sin,
But in Denmark, he found something rotten.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1712
When for her father, she excessively pined.
Prince Hamlet's sword
Pierced that so noble Lord,
Through the curtain he'd been hiding behind.
--- Bobbob
Since my Mom and my Unc tied the knot.
Time's arrows and slings
Have just screwed up things.
My life's naught but a soap opera plot.
--- Arthur Deex P0312
Is it better to suffer or rot?
For time's whips and time's scorn
Are too great to be born.
On the other hand, death's not so hot.
--- Max Gutman P0312
Probed the essence of Life's mystery.
No doubt with a buzzin'
I'm certain, because'n
His "To bee, or not to bee."
--- Ann Gasser P9004
While Shakespeare went up him with glee.
The Bard, not quite straight,
Damaged Hamlet's prostate;
Ham now questioned pee/not to pee.
--- Tucker D Ott P9004
He couldn't spell buter or chease.
Was it habit or habbit,
And what about rabbit?
Are there two B's or not two B's.
--- Tiddy Ogg
For "I won't declaare more than I feel." Ya
May want to compare
One's fair maid was made fare,
In the fits that unfitted Ophelia.
--- Laurence Perrine P8401
Take, for instance, that talk with his dad.
Of attention the most
He paid to that ghost,
And the havoc it wrought was quite bad.
--- Warrick Elrod
To be, or perhaps not to be.
For if we are not
We will soon be forgot,
But if we're to be -- well, we'll see.
--- Neal Wilgus P8401
He wonders in misery,
If 'tis my fate
To reincarnate,
When, what am I to be.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Or a squirrel high up in a tree.
But I'll not be a mole
In it's dark dirty hole;
I'll never a burrower be.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Told one I'd seen Hamlet...got cheers!
Then she asked, "Whose?"
I thought...This a ruse?
I replied, "Well I think 'twas Shakespeare's"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Then went on to fill up the page.
Despite all his verses,
Hamlet's curse is
Too grave to ever ASSUAGE.
--- Norm
He would right in a much different way.
No concern for phonics,
He would write in ebonics:
"Wat up! Po' Yoric!" he'd say.
--- Oddo Von Schlong TP9901
"It's not just your everyday fear;
They claim when you're old,
Your penis turns cold,
And courtiers will savage your rear."
--- Armand Singer
Was a martyr to chronic diarrhea.
He'd sit on the throne,
Emit a loud groan,
And nobody else would go near.
--- Kevin Hale
A loyal, devoted Brit gent.
He stood by King Lear
Without any fear,
But disaster just couldn't prevent.
--- Anon
Who always call the King, 'Unk Lear.'"
My book report
Was of this sort.
Next to my failing grade: "UNCLEAR".
--- Irving Superior P8401
Were based upon plots, it is clear,
From "Holinhed's Lives
Of Nobles and wives" --
No help to a great sonneteer!
--- R J Winkler P8401
He'd no notion of what he should fear.
If a daughter said "Dearie,"
He should have been leery.
He'd soon have to pay for that 'dear'.
--- Laurence Perrine P8401
Had troubles which made him turn queer.
If he'd just gone away
At the start of the play,
We could all have grown tipsy on beer.
--- Problem Dear Henry P8401
A play quite a gloomy as Lear.
But if necks were just wrung
Of bad daughters when young,
The King would have much less to fear.
--- Warrick Elrod
Whenever he drank too much beer.
Then he'd write of a king
Who was having a fling,
And often he'd make the King leer.
--- Neal Wilgus P8401
But that is just part of the story:
Two daughters disdained him,
Cordelia pained him --
The rest of the story is gory.
--- R J Winkler P8409
To how kindred are often unkind.
And only when blinded
Or out of their mind, did
The two learn true love of their kind.
--- Laurence Perrine P8401
Had three daughters: one good, two bad.
"Two bad, one good,"
The King would brood,
"Two bad, one good -- too bad!"
--- Irving Superior P8401
And left old Lear flatter, not fatter.
The third could not falter.
This caused Lear to fault her.
He'd yet to learn what matters matter.
--- Laurence Perrine P8401
Used murder to gain his election.
It came to no good
With an ambulant wood,
And a case of Caesarean section.
--- Nicol Macintosh
He told of great carnage and death.
The audience thrilled
As heroes got killed
And horror left most out of breath!
--- R J Winkler P8401
When up comes that bloke they call Bald Ron.
"I say, ladies fair,
Can you grow me some hair?
It's cold 'round my ear holes, dears," called Ron.
--- Tiddy Ogg
To the floor, stripped him off, and then mauled Ron.
"Your Dunsany Wood,
Stands up pretty good.
Hey Sisters, you want to try Bald Ron?"
--- Tiddy Ogg
This is file ahl
Bestrode him, and each one he shags.
Despite these tarts' putri
fied warty foul uteri,
His todger stands straight, never flags.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Witch One says: "Yes, I've a notion,
We'll fry frog's eye, cool,
Add newt's foot, toad's tool,
And liquidise into a potion."
--- Tiddy Ogg
While birds in the willow trees chirrup,
And rides homeward, slow...
But his horse seem to grow,
His feet soon don't reach to each stirrup.
--- Tiddy Ogg
On the bed with her dog, while her twat
Enjoys the sensation
Of canine fellation;
Here's hubby, kicks dog, "Out damned Spot!"
--- Tiddy Ogg
So, rampant, he's leaping aboard;
But something is strange,
His face, for a change,
He finds 'twixt the breasts of his broad.
--- Tiddy Ogg
And now he's about five foot four.
As witches forboded,
His hair is eroded
By friction on headboard no more.
--- Tiddy Ogg
From henceforth his follicles grew.
Alas, what he drunken
Made John Thomas shrunken,
And that night he had his last screw.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Take heed, for it's total insanity.
To lose what's down there
For a head full of hair,
Is a criminal sop to your Vanity.
--- Tiddy Ogg
But his conscience did not turn to stone.
His plot was undone
By an oddly born son,
And a forest than moved on its own.
--- Nicole MacIntosh
Would pause their scenes and acts of death
To think of bygone days
When simpler were their ways
And he was Mac and she was Beth.
--- Irving Superior P8401
Who chewed garlic to sweeten her breath.
When she puffed through her bonnet,
No Shakespearian sonnet,
But court callers died tragic death.
--- H Kleidman
He must suffer with each mortal breath.
He issued commands --
Now there's blood on his hands,
For he choked his poor rooster to death.
--- Neal Wilgus P8401
Prithee picture the play if you can --
In the place of ambition
He'd have practiced coition,
And his Lady'd be laid with elan.
--- Thomas A Quinine P8401
Met a lovely Shakespearean buff.
In a year they were wed
And the poor lad was dead.
For she always cried, "Lay on, MacDuff
--- Anon A
Hating every plate and cooking pot.
Oh how she did complain,
"I just washed you again.
You're washed thrice, now out, out, out Spam dot?
--- Tom Patton P0109 P0108
And with Lady Macbeth cast my lot.
I've sown seed, so must reap
A somewhat troubled sleep,
In which I'll mumble 'Out, out damned spot'."
--- Loren C Fitzhugh
"Stick dat shiv in old Duncan, ya louse.!"
Yelled the crowd, "That's tragedy!"
With no refunds there had to be
Not a dry handkerchief in the house.
--- Don Moore P9009
Unfit Macbeth's fit damped the gladness.
Halfway through the salad, he
Grew faint from his malady --
A ghastly return for his badness.
--- Laurence Perrine P8401
The lady was eagerly willing
To utilize death
For love of Macbeth,
So Lady Macbeth did the killing.
--- R J Winkler P8409
She felt she had need of detergent,
To make her hands clean,
So she wouldn't be seen
To be acting as Dink Duncan's surgeon.
--- Enid Leff
While Lady Macbeth, with her fur up,
Defaced him with twat
And suckled his knot,
Until she uncorked his thick syrup.
--- Anon
Came to Lady Macbeth once declaring
That he'd work for the queen,
Keep her dresses all clean,
And take out the spots without swearing.
--- A N Wilkins P8401
Sought advancement through other folk's deaths.
When they saw Banquo's ghost,
They knew they were toast,
And soon they had drawn their last breaths.
--- Ted Syrett
Who hung round the local bordello,
In Venice, way back,
In search of a crack
To fit him. His name was Othello.
--- Tiddy Ogg
I'll act as your codpiece unjailer.
I see that your prize
Is one hell of a size;
That's fine, my cunt's big as a whaler.
--- Tiddy Ogg
He takes her to heaven and back.
"How 'bout getting hitched?"
He asked, but she bitched:
"My daddy won't like it! You're black...
--- Tiddy Ogg
He won't want no African spigot
Exciting his daughter,
'Cause he is the sort o'
Dumb racist who just couldn't dig it."
--- Tiddy Ogg
But jealousy strikes by-and-by.
Bill's tale of great angst
Ain't worth half a wangst,
But it ends where the pair of them die.
--- Tiddy Ogg
And he drags the thing out for hours.
So if you should go,
To see such a show,
Take rotten tomatoes, not flowers.
--- Tiddy Ogg
And pillows Desdemona's face.
If he but loose his grip
Or let the pillow slip,
The courts won't have a pillow case.
--- Irving Superior P8401
He figures out how best to please her.
So now when they embrace,
A smile will crack her face.
He calls her Desdemona Lisa.
--- Irving Superior P8911
Let out a stentorian bellow.
He fell on his sword,
And shouted: "Oh Gawd!,
That's the last time that I'll play the cello!"
--- Kevin Hale Q
Had a quite brief encounter with Rod,
When he said, "Dear Margot,
Let's watch Olivier play Iago."
She replied, "I think football's quite odd!"
--- FCA T9712
Desdemona -- her husband was keen
To find if she'd sinned,
When from Iago got wind
That his wife wasn't faithful pristine.
--- Hugh Clary
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