Desdemona, disguised, met Othello The Moor, Othello can't endure Old Othello, so terribly jealous, When Othello fell victim to jealousy Desdemona was really so pure, Desdemona by Othello was choked; And let me the canakin clink, clink, (Othello - spoken by Cassio, Act II, Scene 3, lines 68-72)
Othello loved Desdemona, Desdemona, a virtuous maid, If Othello seemed overly cranky Desdemona's a dandy, no doubt; When Shakespeare was asked on the day Did Shakespeare woo Anne Hathaway How seldom we hear from the Bard Will Shakespeare's the boss, don't you see? Our thanks to this Shakespeare named Will In Stratford on Avon resided I remarked to my good friend, the Bard, "The source," said a scholar named Brady, "Shakespeare's income," observed old Prof Brady, Good friend, for Jesus sake forbear, That's the only verse known to be written When he first saw Bilboa in Spain, Mr Miller, you are not good King Lear, Now I hope I don't sound very bitter, In order to celebrate Will, For shall I compare thee to Forsooth and Gadzooks! How did Will My boy, it seems that you ought Art thou like a hot summer's day? Disgraced in all the world's eyes, Don't mourn for me when I am dead, In older times black was not fair,
This is file agl
My mistress' eyes aren't like the sun; With all due respect to the bard, When I was a lad and at school, Shall I compare thee to a sum- (idiot thinks Shakespeare wrote limericks)
I've sat and watched in dumb amaze He's infected me with all those iambs; O Countrymen, Romans, and friends, What light through yon window doth break? Romeo lifted her sheet Now ordinarily the calmest of men, Young Romeo had it real bad, So panting with lust he arrived, On the balcony Julie's dad appeared, The old drunkard climbed down the vine. Sweet Julie came to the door, Poor Romeo was now perplexed. Now Julie at first simply cowered, That voyeur, Bill Shakespeare then hailed Well, I guess the old villain did pay, "Oh Romeo, wherefore art thou?" (Aside) "What the hell do I say?" "Julietta, I love you tonight ..." So this was a "comedie de moeurs" Montague and old Capulet viewed all When Romeo flirted with Julie, Said Romeo climbing the fence, If you wonder why Romeo's there, What light through crack doth appear? Three youths crashed a ball. Here's the "stat": In an era of feuding by blood Romeo and Juliette got all sappy, He faked taking poison one night; 'Twas a tragic and very sad fate
When he stopped at his favorite bordello.
She'd contracted clap
From the unfortunate chap --
Now she gave it right back, the poor fellow.
--- Neal Wilgus P8401
A Scotland moor or ships that moor.
All "moors" fill him with ire
And he must now retire
With Desdemona so demure.
--- Irving Superior P8401
Thought his wife did it with other fellas,
Yelled, "Whence cometh this hickey?
-- Who owneth this dickey?"
Then he smothered her under some pillas.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8401
He instantly grew over-zealous. He
Saw not the offense
Was his own in a sense --
A fallacy few jealous fellows see.
--- Laurence Perrine P8401
Wed to the uxorious Moor.
But their poisoned relation
Defied integration,
And was something no busing could cure.
--- Warrick Elrod
When he learned she was guiltless, he joked,
"What sad twisted ends,
When you can't trust your friends!"
Then he fell on his dagger and croaked.
--- Anatole T LubovichLib Lim
And let me the canakin clink.
A soldiers a man;
O life's but a span;
Why then let a soldier drink.
--- Shakespeare
But wrongly thought Cassio'd known her.
When a hanky went missing,
There was an end to the kissing,
He snuffed her, but regretted his boner.
--- A Cinna
Loved Othello, whom Iago betrayed.
Which caused him to think
That his girl was a fink...
Now one's strangled, one's dead, and one's slayed!
--- Prof M-G TP9806
In complaining about hanky panky,
Sigmund Freud would have known
And could clearly have shown
That his fetish was really the hanky.
--- A N Wilkins P8708
But when rumors are bandied about
That her favorite hanky
Shares a hyphen with -panky,
First Othello, then she is put out.
--- Thomas A Quinine P8401
That he married a maid past her May,
How she had snared the Bard,
He said: "It wasn't hard,
For you must know that Anne Hathaway."
--- Warrick Elrod
By whispering, "Anne hath a way,"
Or did Will desist
And this pun resist
Lest he bemoan, "Anne hath away"?
--- Irving Superior P8401
Since he's buried out back in the yard.
But we'll all share his wit
If his play's worth a shit,
And for him, that shouldn't be hard.
--- Johnboy
All manner of folk will agree.
With a heigh and a ho
And a heigh nonny no,
He's the king of artsy repartee.
--- Ystap TP9804
For plays that enthrall with a thrill.
He tells a good story,
With some a bit gory,
But better than Jack and his Jill.
--- R J Winkler P8401
Will Shakespeare who firmly decided
To author some plays
Designed to amaze --
Rejoicing that he wasn't misguided!
--- R J Winkler P8401
That the world held him in high regard.
He replied, "Richard II
I found easy to do;
My Midsummer-Night's Dream was quite hard."
--- Arthur Deex P8311
"Of his income was not the least shady.
Because as you know
And as records show,
The Bard married a young Avon lady."
--- A N Wilkins P8401
"Rumor says was illicit and shady.
But the actual truth
Is that in his youth
The Bard married a young Avon Lady."
--- A N Wilkins
To dig the bones enclosed here!
Blest be the man that spares these stones
And cursed be he that moves my bones.
--- Shakespeare
By the Bard of Elizabeth's Britain;
All others, bar this,
Could be written by Chris,
With Edward, or Francis, pinch-hitten.
--- Hugh Clary
William Shakespeare was quoted as sayin',
"Since my Ages of Man
With this spellin' won't scan,
I'll not waste any time here inveighin'."
--- J Maynard Kaplan
Although you can quote dear Shakespeare.
If you poke out your eyes,
Please don't be surprised
If your bullshit still has no peer.
--- Anon
But old Shakespeare was naught but a quitter.
Seems that anapests broke
His mind, the poor bloke,
So he wrote iambic pentamitter.
--- Dave Safar
That poet and playwright of skill,
I'll praise not in prose,
But I'll try to compose
This sonnet with pen, ink and quill.
--- Peter Wilkins
It droppeth from heaven like...What?
An ink blob upon it?
All over my sonnet?
Oh come: 'tis merely a spot.
--- Peter Wilkins
Compose all his stuff with a quill?
But damn, I digress
And this sonnet's a mess.
--- Peter Wilkins
To have a fifth line, not naught.
But wait! I can see
What the problem must be...
You've forgotten to yell "Out, Damn Spot!"
--- C Anton
The winds ruffle flowers in May.
I think, 'stead of vernal,
I'll write lines eternal
Whose beauty will not pass away.
--- Anna
I weep and I rail at the skies.
I envy with glee
And I wish I weren't me
Until I remember your thighs.
--- Anna
And this world for the next I have fled.
If you think of decay
And the worms in the clay,
It'll sure kill the mood in your bed.
--- Anna
Though darkness is now beauty's heir.
Still, I can't do my duty
When I see my love's booty
Is covered with wiry blackhair.
--- Anna
Her breasts are a putty-like dun.
But, although she's not fair,
Worser still's false compare.
(Nice save! Now I'll still get me some.)
--- Anna
I suspect he found limericks hard.
He got most of them wrong,
They were fourteen lines long,
And the metrical elements jarred.
--- Peter Wilkins
Our assignments weren't nearly so cool;
We would study the Bard
(Who found limericks hard)
And write sonnets all day as a rule.
--- Anon
Mer day, or a pool of my come?
Or maybe the words
Are "a pile of dog turds,"
For Dave, you are really that dumb.
--- Tiddy Ogg
While Dave has played his latest craze.
This claimed professor
Is just the possessor
Of a lifetime permanent daze.
--- Archie
My mouth is now closing like clams.
I'd much rather screw
Alongside of you,
Some mice and some ewes and some lambs.
--- Archie
Your ears and ten dollars please lend,
So I'll get a lay
On the Appian Way,
As the cash on a hooker I spend.
--- Tiddy Ogg
'Tis Romeo's torch, here to take
My virginal bud.
I hope he's no dud.
I want to be stuck on his stake.
--- Tiddy Ogg
And found Juliet in great heat.
They made love until dawn.
Quoth the girl in the morn,
"That'll be 20 ducats, my sweet."
--- Michael Weinstein P8401
Our hero sure blew his cool then;
With a curse and a yell;
For he knew very well,
Were he Capulet, 'twould only be 10.
--- Michael Weinstein P8401
For his virginal Julie, (so sad).
She was only fifteen
So he knew she was clean,
With no sign of the pox or the crab.
--- Tiddy Ogg
At her house and while standing outside,
Shouted "Hey Julie, chick,
I've got a hard dick,
Come on, honey, you'll love a ride."
--- Tiddy Ogg
Looking frazzled, he'd been on the beer,
But the short-sighted beau
Called up "Julie, that yo'?
Get down here and jump on my spear."
--- Tiddy Ogg
In the darkness, Ro' did not divine
Just what was to come.
When J's dad bared his bum,
And whispered "Take me from behind."
--- Tiddy Ogg
And appalled at the sight that she saw,
Cried: "Romeo, you perv!
How could you have the nerve
To court me? You ass-fucking whore!"
--- Tiddy Ogg
He'd never seen Julie so vexed.
But her old man just roared:
"Come here you dumb broad,
There's plenty more, it's your turn next.
--- Tiddy Ogg
While Ro' in the corner just glowered.
So it soon came to pass,
In the cunt and the ass,
By her daddy, young J was deflowered.
--- Tiddy Ogg
The dad, saying "You'll be blackmailed.
For five thousand duc-
ats, I'll hush up this fuck,
And if lucky you will not be jailed.
--- Tiddy Ogg
'Cause in Willy's moth-eaten play,
If you search through the plot,
You'll find not a jot,
Of the happenings upon that day.
--- Tiddy Ogg
"I'm under the balcony, cow.
I'm picking a rose
In my doublet and hose...
And I ... What do I say to you now?"
--- Anon
"You say ..." "Hush!" (sotto voce) "Oy vey ..."
"That's all?" "No there's more;
You get down on the floor,
Bend your knees and say "Love you"; OK?"
--- Anon
(sotto voce) "My hose is too tight;
Can't get on my knees;
It's too much of a squeeze
And ... oh bugger this!" (exit stage right)
--- Anon
And poor Juliette, what about her?
Romeo got the frights
Because of his tights;
The thread shoud be "dramatic amateur"
--- Anon
Time as a meaningful doodle.
Though Capulet's dance
Was in late Renaissance,
The relation between them was feudal.
--- Laurence Perrine P8401
Their parents declared them unruly;
Undaunted, he wooed her
And bravely pursued her,
Insisting, "I love you most truly."
--- R J Winkler P8409
"I love you, but this makes no sense.
That damned wire has ripped
My left ball and snipped
Both my prepuce and vas deferens."
--- John Ciardi
At her window instead of her stair:
With a breezy maneuver
He might easily prove her
Just the louver to let in some heir.
--- C Webster Wheelock P8401
That smell - Yes, my Juliet's near.
'Tis good that she's farted,
Her ass cheeks have parted,
And sunlight shines out of her rear.
--- Anon
Five deaths ensued upon that.
Both R. and J. died
By vile suicide,
And Mercutio was killed by a cat.
--- Laurence Perrine P8401
Lived a nimble nymphet and a stud.
Yet for getting hormonal
In their setting Veronal,
They are tragically nipped in the bud.
--- Francis D Sails P8401
Which made their families unhappy.
So they thought up a plan
To help this out and
Sure enough things turned out crappy.
--- Lorne Elliot
Julliette, upon seeing this sight,
Killed HERself. He came to;
Did Likewise. Boo hoo
Teenagers were never that bright.
--- Lorne Elliot
For the young lover, Romeo, late.
Denied of his bride
Due to Montague pride,
And refusals to Capitulate.
--- Gary Hallock