Desdemona, disguised, met Othello
When he stopped at his favorite bordello.
She'd contracted clap
From the unfortunate chap --
Now she gave it right back, the poor fellow.
--- Neal Wilgus P8401

The Moor, Othello can't endure
A Scotland moor or ships that moor.
All "moors" fill him with ire
And he must now retire
With Desdemona so demure.
--- Irving Superior P8401

Old Othello, so terribly jealous,
Thought his wife did it with other fellas,
Yelled, "Whence cometh this hickey?
-- Who owneth this dickey?"
Then he smothered her under some pillas.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8401

When Othello fell victim to jealousy
He instantly grew over-zealous. He
Saw not the offense
Was his own in a sense --
A fallacy few jealous fellows see.
--- Laurence Perrine P8401

Desdemona was really so pure,
Wed to the uxorious Moor.
But their poisoned relation
Defied integration,
And was something no busing could cure.
--- Warrick Elrod

Desdemona by Othello was choked;
When he learned she was guiltless, he joked,
"What sad twisted ends,
When you can't trust your friends!"
Then he fell on his dagger and croaked.
--- Anatole T LubovichLib Lim

And let me the canakin clink, clink,
And let me the canakin clink.
A soldiers a man;
O life's but a span;
Why then let a soldier drink.

(Othello - spoken by Cassio, Act II, Scene 3, lines 68-72)
--- Shakespeare

Othello loved Desdemona,
But wrongly thought Cassio'd known her.
When a hanky went missing,
There was an end to the kissing,
He snuffed her, but regretted his boner.
--- A Cinna

Desdemona, a virtuous maid,
Loved Othello, whom Iago betrayed.
Which caused him to think
That his girl was a fink...
Now one's strangled, one's dead, and one's slayed!
--- Prof M-G TP9806

If Othello seemed overly cranky
In complaining about hanky panky,
Sigmund Freud would have known
And could clearly have shown
That his fetish was really the hanky.
--- A N Wilkins P8708

Desdemona's a dandy, no doubt;
But when rumors are bandied about
That her favorite hanky
Shares a hyphen with -panky,
First Othello, then she is put out.
--- Thomas A Quinine P8401

When Shakespeare was asked on the day
That he married a maid past her May,
How she had snared the Bard,
He said: "It wasn't hard,
For you must know that Anne Hathaway."
--- Warrick Elrod

Did Shakespeare woo Anne Hathaway
By whispering, "Anne hath a way,"
Or did Will desist
And this pun resist
Lest he bemoan, "Anne hath away"?
--- Irving Superior P8401

How seldom we hear from the Bard
Since he's buried out back in the yard.
But we'll all share his wit
If his play's worth a shit,
And for him, that shouldn't be hard.
--- Johnboy

Will Shakespeare's the boss, don't you see?
All manner of folk will agree.
With a heigh and a ho
And a heigh nonny no,
He's the king of artsy repartee.
--- Ystap TP9804

Our thanks to this Shakespeare named Will
For plays that enthrall with a thrill.
He tells a good story,
With some a bit gory,
But better than Jack and his Jill.
--- R J Winkler P8401

In Stratford on Avon resided
Will Shakespeare who firmly decided
To author some plays
Designed to amaze --
Rejoicing that he wasn't misguided!
--- R J Winkler P8401

I remarked to my good friend, the Bard,
That the world held him in high regard.
He replied, "Richard II
I found easy to do;
My Midsummer-Night's Dream was quite hard."
--- Arthur Deex P8311

"The source," said a scholar named Brady,
"Of his income was not the least shady.
Because as you know
And as records show,
The Bard married a young Avon lady."
--- A N Wilkins P8401

"Shakespeare's income," observed old Prof Brady,
"Rumor says was illicit and shady.
But the actual truth
Is that in his youth
The Bard married a young Avon Lady."
--- A N Wilkins

Good friend, for Jesus sake forbear,
To dig the bones enclosed here!
Blest be the man that spares these stones
And cursed be he that moves my bones.

--- Shakespeare

That's the only verse known to be written
By the Bard of Elizabeth's Britain;
All others, bar this,
Could be written by Chris,
With Edward, or Francis, pinch-hitten.
--- Hugh Clary

When he first saw Bilboa in Spain,
William Shakespeare was quoted as sayin',
"Since my Ages of Man
With this spellin' won't scan,
I'll not waste any time here inveighin'."
--- J Maynard Kaplan

Mr Miller, you are not good King Lear,
Although you can quote dear Shakespeare.
If you poke out your eyes,
Please don't be surprised
If your bullshit still has no peer.
--- Anon

Now I hope I don't sound very bitter,
But old Shakespeare was naught but a quitter.
Seems that anapests broke
His mind, the poor bloke,
So he wrote iambic pentamitter.
--- Dave Safar

In order to celebrate Will,
That poet and playwright of skill,
I'll praise not in prose,
But I'll try to compose
This sonnet with pen, ink and quill.
--- Peter Wilkins

For shall I compare thee to
It droppeth from heaven like...What?
An ink blob upon it?
All over my sonnet?
Oh come: 'tis merely a spot.
--- Peter Wilkins

Forsooth and Gadzooks! How did Will
Compose all his stuff with a quill?
But damn, I digress
And this sonnet's a mess.

--- Peter Wilkins

My boy, it seems that you ought
To have a fifth line, not naught.
But wait! I can see
What the problem must be...
You've forgotten to yell "Out, Damn Spot!"
--- C Anton

Art thou like a hot summer's day?
The winds ruffle flowers in May.
I think, 'stead of vernal,
I'll write lines eternal
Whose beauty will not pass away.
--- Anna

Disgraced in all the world's eyes,
I weep and I rail at the skies.
I envy with glee
And I wish I weren't me
Until I remember your thighs.
--- Anna

Don't mourn for me when I am dead,
And this world for the next I have fled.
If you think of decay
And the worms in the clay,
It'll sure kill the mood in your bed.
--- Anna

In older times black was not fair,
Though darkness is now beauty's heir.
Still, I can't do my duty
When I see my love's booty
Is covered with wiry blackhair.
--- Anna

This is file agl

My mistress' eyes aren't like the sun;
Her breasts are a putty-like dun.
But, although she's not fair,
Worser still's false compare.
(Nice save! Now I'll still get me some.)
--- Anna

With all due respect to the bard,
I suspect he found limericks hard.
He got most of them wrong,
They were fourteen lines long,
And the metrical elements jarred.
--- Peter Wilkins

When I was a lad and at school,
Our assignments weren't nearly so cool;
We would study the Bard
(Who found limericks hard)
And write sonnets all day as a rule.
--- Anon

Shall I compare thee to a sum-
Mer day, or a pool of my come?
Or maybe the words
Are "a pile of dog turds,"
For Dave, you are really that dumb.

(idiot thinks Shakespeare wrote limericks)
--- Tiddy Ogg

I've sat and watched in dumb amaze
While Dave has played his latest craze.
This claimed professor
Is just the possessor
Of a lifetime permanent daze.
--- Archie

He's infected me with all those iambs;
My mouth is now closing like clams.
I'd much rather screw
Alongside of you,
Some mice and some ewes and some lambs.
--- Archie

O Countrymen, Romans, and friends,
Your ears and ten dollars please lend,
So I'll get a lay
On the Appian Way,
As the cash on a hooker I spend.
--- Tiddy Ogg

What light through yon window doth break?
'Tis Romeo's torch, here to take
My virginal bud.
I hope he's no dud.
I want to be stuck on his stake.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Romeo lifted her sheet
And found Juliet in great heat.
They made love until dawn.
Quoth the girl in the morn,
"That'll be 20 ducats, my sweet."
--- Michael Weinstein P8401

Now ordinarily the calmest of men,
Our hero sure blew his cool then;
With a curse and a yell;
For he knew very well,
Were he Capulet, 'twould only be 10.
--- Michael Weinstein P8401

Young Romeo had it real bad,
For his virginal Julie, (so sad).
She was only fifteen
So he knew she was clean,
With no sign of the pox or the crab.
--- Tiddy Ogg

So panting with lust he arrived,
At her house and while standing outside,
Shouted "Hey Julie, chick,
I've got a hard dick,
Come on, honey, you'll love a ride."
--- Tiddy Ogg

On the balcony Julie's dad appeared,
Looking frazzled, he'd been on the beer,
But the short-sighted beau
Called up "Julie, that yo'?
Get down here and jump on my spear."
--- Tiddy Ogg

The old drunkard climbed down the vine.
In the darkness, Ro' did not divine
Just what was to come.
When J's dad bared his bum,
And whispered "Take me from behind."
--- Tiddy Ogg

Sweet Julie came to the door,
And appalled at the sight that she saw,
Cried: "Romeo, you perv!
How could you have the nerve
To court me? You ass-fucking whore!"
--- Tiddy Ogg

Poor Romeo was now perplexed.
He'd never seen Julie so vexed.
But her old man just roared:
"Come here you dumb broad,
There's plenty more, it's your turn next.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Now Julie at first simply cowered,
While Ro' in the corner just glowered.
So it soon came to pass,
In the cunt and the ass,
By her daddy, young J was deflowered.
--- Tiddy Ogg

That voyeur, Bill Shakespeare then hailed
The dad, saying "You'll be blackmailed.
For five thousand duc-
ats, I'll hush up this fuck,
And if lucky you will not be jailed.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Well, I guess the old villain did pay,
'Cause in Willy's moth-eaten play,
If you search through the plot,
You'll find not a jot,
Of the happenings upon that day.
--- Tiddy Ogg

"Oh Romeo, wherefore art thou?"
"I'm under the balcony, cow.
I'm picking a rose
In my doublet and hose...
And I ... What do I say to you now?"
--- Anon

(Aside) "What the hell do I say?"
"You say ..." "Hush!" (sotto voce) "Oy vey ..."
"That's all?" "No there's more;
You get down on the floor,
Bend your knees and say "Love you"; OK?"
--- Anon

"Julietta, I love you tonight ..."
(sotto voce) "My hose is too tight;
Can't get on my knees;
It's too much of a squeeze
And ... oh bugger this!" (exit stage right)
--- Anon

So this was a "comedie de moeurs"
And poor Juliette, what about her?
Romeo got the frights
Because of his tights;
The thread shoud be "dramatic amateur"
--- Anon

Montague and old Capulet viewed all
Time as a meaningful doodle.
Though Capulet's dance
Was in late Renaissance,
The relation between them was feudal.
--- Laurence Perrine P8401

When Romeo flirted with Julie,
Their parents declared them unruly;
Undaunted, he wooed her
And bravely pursued her,
Insisting, "I love you most truly."
--- R J Winkler P8409

Said Romeo climbing the fence,
"I love you, but this makes no sense.
That damned wire has ripped
My left ball and snipped
Both my prepuce and vas deferens."
--- John Ciardi

If you wonder why Romeo's there,
At her window instead of her stair:
With a breezy maneuver
He might easily prove her
Just the louver to let in some heir.
--- C Webster Wheelock P8401

What light through crack doth appear?
That smell - Yes, my Juliet's near.
'Tis good that she's farted,
Her ass cheeks have parted,
And sunlight shines out of her rear.
--- Anon

Three youths crashed a ball. Here's the "stat":
Five deaths ensued upon that.
Both R. and J. died
By vile suicide,
And Mercutio was killed by a cat.
--- Laurence Perrine P8401

In an era of feuding by blood
Lived a nimble nymphet and a stud.
Yet for getting hormonal
In their setting Veronal,
They are tragically nipped in the bud.
--- Francis D Sails P8401

Romeo and Juliette got all sappy,
Which made their families unhappy.
So they thought up a plan
To help this out and
Sure enough things turned out crappy.
--- Lorne Elliot

He faked taking poison one night;
Julliette, upon seeing this sight,
Killed HERself. He came to;
Did Likewise. Boo hoo
Teenagers were never that bright.
--- Lorne Elliot

'Twas a tragic and very sad fate
For the young lover, Romeo, late.
Denied of his bride
Due to Montague pride,
And refusals to Capitulate.
--- Gary Hallock