Just what did humanity do
To deserve an Economist or two?
We'd be better sans any;
Instead we got many.
No wonder the economy's askew.
--- Robley E George

Said a man who's not dressed all that neat,
With shoes covering part of his feet:
"The Safety Net's a joke,
For all who are broke.
Now me, I just sleep in the street."
--- Robley E George

Our spending is down, that is why
They'll ufge us to go out and buy;
Consumption is IN!
Not buying's a sin!
We can turn things around if we try!
--- John Miller

Buy a blivet you don't really need;
That money will serve as the seed
For the rest of this session
Of evil recession.
(Exhortaions you surely must heed!"
--- John Miller

The money, economists say,
Will replay and replay and replay;
Let the shopkeeper earn,
Then he will, in turn,
Spend that money the very next day.
--- John Miller

And then, (the great gurus explain),
The money will move throught the chain,
Getting lazy young slobs
All working at jobs,
Who in turn will spend money again.
--- John Miller

But think, at the same blivet store,
If you smash in the window or door,
The same flow of cash
Will result from the bash
As the sale, and an awful lot more!
--- John Miller

There's the cops who must check out the crime;
No doubt they'll be paid overtime!
And the hungry street sweepers,
Adjusters with beepers,
And lawyers and other such slime.
--- John Miller

I will do my part with great pride!
In a moment I'm going outside
With a brick in my hand,
To (You understand)
Fight back a stock market slide.
--- John Miller

Price increase with no growth: STAGFLATION,
Leads to national indignation.
If leaders so choose,
Economic blues
Result in indigo-nation.
--- Daniel Ford

With no-growth economy rife,
But bills going up, says the wife,
"I know that our nation
And sure to bring worry and strife."
--- Chris Papa

Said one gene to another, "Oh Hell!
My life isn't doing so well.
My doctor says travel
Would help me unravel,
But I'm sentenced to life in this cell.
--- Steve Hardison

His friend said, "I know what to do.
Tell me if this sounds good to you.
What I propose is
We start a mitosis,
And split this damn cell right in two!
--- Steve Hardison

The geneticist breakthrough is on
With unlimited wonders to spawn.
For the millions who die
May yet still testify
In the courtroom long after they've gone.
--- J Maynard Kaplan

Anthropologist Wellington Jones
Fell in love with some fossilized bones.
He believes in free love
And my heavens above,
You should see the collection he owns!
--- Neal Wilgus P8304

I went to the animal fair,
My race's ancestors were there.
An ape scratched his chin
With an air of chagrin,
After grinning a while at his heir.
--- Laurence Perrine P8408

Yasir Arafat said with a scowl,
"Something's wrong, I'm calling a foul.
I'm telling you,
It can't be true,
If it is, I'll throw in my towel.
--- Anon

There was a young lady named Annie
Who had polkadots on her fanny.
If you got in her genes,
You'd find what it means --
She inherited spots from her Granny.
--- Neal Wilgus P8208A

So here it is - one, nine, eight, four;
The biggie in Orwellian folklore.
We worried and fussed,
But so far it's a bust;
'Bout the same as all years heretofore.
--- June Sullivan P8411

There just isn't anything new:
In April our taxes came due,
The hopeful politicians
Still vie for positions,
And the swallows arrived right on cue.
--- June Sullivan P8411

In one area I'd hoped for a change.
It's human anatomy that I'd rearrange.
By snipping DNA
The geneticists may
Make us more utile, but I hope not too strange.
--- June Sullivan P8411

Just look at our human design!
Is our architecture really so fine?
I think a third arm
Wouldn't do any harm,
And I'd get good use out of mine.
--- June Sullivan P8411

Here's another anatomical innovation.
Let's give sex a more central location.
A strong tail would be neat
To form a three-cornered seat
With the legs. At S.R.O, a sensation.
--- June Sullivan P8411

Next, I think I would like to dispose
Of all hair and the nails on the toes.
And I'd build a pocket
Below each arm socket,
And put a hook where we now have a nose.
--- June Sullivan P8411

I'd move the nose down to the chest;
Near the pocket with Kleenex is best.
A Swiss army knife would become
An improved left thumb,
And a built-in strobe light -- center breast.
--- June Sullivan P8411

Now think of the tailor's delight.
He'd be sewing all day and all night
To create a nose slit,
Make a third sleeve to fit,
A tail hole and a flap over the light.
--- June Sullivan P8411

I guess these improvements must wait.
We may have them by two two ought eight.
But alas, this poor bod
Will be under the sod.
By then I'll be known as "the late....
--- June Sullivan P8411

It happens, it seems, in mitosis.
The lions become less ferocious.
Chromosomes go berserk
And through a strange quirk,
The lions are merely precocious.
--- Al Willis TP9804

A sense of futility looms
In this GRC run by Steve Coombs.
What else could I think
When the bloody wine's pink,
And the ladies all have separate rooms.
--- Gordon Confeerence

A scientist who was named Dodds
Tore "The Racing Form" into small wads
As a feed for his rooster,
A genetic sperm booster,
And now all his chickens lay odds.
--- Don Moore P9403a

At a lab a technician named Sloan
Pricked his finger while dialing the phone,
A mistake he'd regret,
When years later he met
His own illegitimate clone.
--- Cyber Geezer

Celibacy's not in the genes;
If it were, 'twould be totally keen.
Conception by proxy;
It sounds kind of foxy;
Could be the start of a "new scene".
--- Cheryl

The whole scientific world's buzzin';
There are articles writ by the dozen.
The geneticists say
It's really O.K.
If a guy wants to marry his cousin.
--- Anon

This is file zzl

Two bright boffins named Watson and Crick
Puzzled out what makes DNA tick;
It's just like spiral stairs
With the bases in pairs.
How on Earth did God think of that trick.
--- P Chernoff

Molecular mysteries pose
A wonderful challenge to those
Who would like to grow beans,
Producing proteins
That can cure anyone's runny nose.
--- Norm Storer P9912

Short gives us words to the wise
For beasts of each shape and each size.
It now seems so clear:
The Mitochondria
Are why humans dangle their Y's.
--- Stuart Barrow

Disappointed Naive Attache's,
Deposition: Negation Astray,
Didn't Neck Anywhere?,
Dress Narrating Affair!
Four new ways to decode DNA.
--- Anon

"Diarrhea," explained Dr. Keens,
"Is inherited sometimes -- which means
That researchers now know
And they have proof to show
That it frequently runs in your genes."
--- A N Wilkins P8403

The Jefferson-Hemming affair
Is a warning to all those who err.
Your kids' DNA
Will forever betray
Their ancestry. Sinners beware!
--- Mervyn Cripps a

DNA makes you you and me me,
Nearly twins with the fine chimpanzee --
A terrible blow
To the chimps that I know;
From this stigma, they'll never be free.
--- John Miller

The mind of my child is profounder
Than mine, but I still could have crowned her;
She sent away
Some fresh DNA,
And found out our chimp family founder.
--- John Miller

I am thankful and now I know why.
I am me and not some other guy.
I reflect now and then
On just what might have been;
But for the DNA, there go I.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0410

Predilections are easy to see;
Junior was a clone of "Dad" Murphy.
Both moved with a sidle
And were shiftless, bone idle.
DNA falls not far from the tree.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0508

Acid is quite algebraic;
Thymine, adenine,
Guanine, cytosine;
Bond together in one big mosaic.
--- Stephanie Martin

These nucleotidic routines
Are life's reproduction machines,
And are programmed, like guys,
When their helices rise,
To find ways to get into girls' genes.
--- Hugh Clary

A biology prof named Caster
Whose project she wanted to last her,
Took an idea complex,
Aimed at changing the sex
Of Drosophila Melanogaster.
--- Don Homuth

On researching my family tree,
I think Petal's related to me.
She's my grand daddy's mis-
Tress's daughter's son's sis-
Ter, Oh how can this possibly be...
--- Peter Wilkins

...For my grand daddy swears that this daughter
Ain't his. (Though I don't know a quarter
Of what he did when
Or with whom in his den;
But with what, I can guess; he'd not oughta.)
--- Peter Wilkins

Now grand daddy's mistress's sister
Loved grand daddy's cousin who kissed her.
This cousin's young brother's
Aunt's grand daughters's mother's
Young sister had offspring, a mister.
--- Peter Wilkins

Then grand daddy's mistress's daughter
Was led like a lamb to the slaughter,
By grand daddy's mother's
Young sister's son's brothers's
Son down to the den where he taught her...
--- Peter Wilkins

...The very same tricks that her mother
Got up to with great uncle's brother.
Their son had a sister;
It looks like I've kisssed her
And more! Yes, she's Petal, none other.
--- Peter Wilkins

When your Sumo frame lands on the mat,
And your cartilage goes with a splat,
I'll fix your bum knee
With the cause of its plea:
I'll use stem cells derived from your fat.
--- Arthur Deex P0408

Jews and Arabs, genetic lore,
DNA tests matching some more;
Brother to brother,
Same as each other,
Now they can fight a civil war.
--- Anon

If a man tracing lineage believes
That no royal blood flows, then he grieves.
But I do not despair
For I'm fully aware
That my forebearers were untitled thieves.
--- Albin Chaplin

Of the garden decor which I own,
My choice pieces I do sometimes loan.
And then most recently
I showed for all to see,
The quite newly discovered G. Gnome.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0800

The biologist, Hermann Van Katsch,
A novel idea did hatch.
He would transplant the gene
Which cause scratching obscene,
To a place much more decent to scratch.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2142

A geneticist working in Queens
With impressive statistical means,
Has established quite madly
That most fellows, sadly,
Are shaped by wee things in their genes.
--- David A Brooks Q

A nine-thousand-year-old homesteader
Was so dead, he couldn't be deader.
Yet they're able to say
From his bones' DNA
That his genes are still rampant in Cheddar.
--- Mesterton-Gibbons MG9703

The genetic scientists now say
Jews and Arabs match DNA.
Both are burning the wire
To see if thy can hire
The lawyers who defended O.J.
--- Anon

My blood simply isn't transfusible,
You may not believe it's excusable,
But because of a gene
It is yellowish green,
And green is not healthy or useable.
--- Limber Limericks

A dusky young maiden named June
Lived deep in the South, in Calhoun;
When asked, "Are you white,
Or the color of night?"
She said, "I am half macaroon."
--- Limber Limericks

By Cetacean sperm donation,
A human hybridization
Will soon be for sale;
Half person, half whale!
At every SeaWorld location.
--- David Miller

At I have sighted
A news item that got me frighted.
They've turned sperm into eggs,
Thus reversing the sex;
Can men so be hermaphrodited?
--- Dirruk

The Geneticist Algernon Hall,
Takes eggs from Davina McCall,
And then the smart alec
Adds sperm from a Dalek,
And waits to see what will befall.

(Daleks - arch baddies from sci-fi, Dr Who)
--- Tiddy Ogg

The offspring amazingly scotches
The rumor that these things are botches;
The thing that's unfurled
Will take over the world,
And do so while nobody watches.
--- Tiddy Ogg

All this uproar about cloning's perceived
As reaction to tenets believed.
Only nature should do
Procreation by two.
Variation is just ill-conceived.
--- Limerick Man T9801a

Her mom was an Alberta Cree.
Her dad was a heathen Chinee.
For her genes she got
The worst of the lot.
That's why they call her Ugh Lee.
--- Larry Davis P9212