On the news today, I hear
Things that make me cry in my beer.
But I thought this quite yum:
Windows and the Queen Mum
Are both 98 this year.
--- Ericka

Paparazzi of Britain all come
To the Spring Flower Show, at which some
Of the Royal Family
Fear photogs may just see
What they hope to, a well-potted Mum.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0209

That British PM, Ben Disraeli,
Shacked up with Queen Vic almost daily.
So an Empire was built
And old Ben bore no guilt,
When he should have been tried at Old Bailey.
--- John E Mayhood

When Victoria started her reign,
Some thought she had sex on the brain.
For inspecting each guard,
She asked if his yard
Could be stood at attention again.
--- Prof

When Victoria Regina inspected
The loos at Buck Pal, she objected:
"We find very numbing
This absence of plumbing.
Install a Royal Flush," she directed.
--- Mary Danby Armada 1

When Prince Albert got wed to Victoria,
He said, "Now I expect to see more o' ya'."
So she led him to bed.
Six hours later she said,
"Just once more, on the floor, I implore ya'."
--- Prof

When Victoria married Prince Bertie,
She did not appear to be flirty.
But when John Brown the Ghillie
Produced such a nice willy,
She thought "England," laid back, and played dirty.
--- Prof

God caused it to rain, say the seers,
Forty days, forty nights, through his tears.
Pish-tush! Unconstrained
Queen Victoria reigned
For well over sixty-three years!
--- Laurence Perrine P8511a

Said the Queen to her favorite ghillie,
In a voice that was notably chilly,
"While we don't wish to quarrel
We don't think it's Balmoral,
What you're doing to us with your willy."
--- Anon

Then last came Victoria Regina
Whose reign was the best--never finer!
But alas, all the women
With frustration were brimmin'.
Until Freud delved the frigid vagina.
--- G0148

The Queen-Empress suffered a glitch.
It stained her gross, smelly britch.
She admitted with snickers,
"I've mucked up me knickers,
Though I'm a fastidious bitch!"
--- Jim Jambor P9304

"I'm a monument needing renewin',"
Cried our Queen, in her weeds, cheeks-bedewin',
"My teeth are in trust,
My bosom's a bust,
And my old heart is simply a ruin'!"
--- Laurence Perrine P8308

Queen Victoria, though not enthused
About sex, clearly never refused
Prince Albert and bore
Him children galore.
The Queen, though, was never amused.
--- A N Wilkins P8605

Victoria said, "We've no quarrel
With Shakespeare, but this is immoral!
His 'Measure for Measure'
Incurs our displeasure;
We don't do such things at Balmoral."
--- Frank Richards

"We are not amused", said Victoria,
In a mood far removed from euphoria,
But a visit from Dizzy
Put her in to a tizzy,
And her views grew Tory-er and Tory-er.

(Dizzy - Benjamin Disraeli)
--- Stanley J Sharpless

Victoria was bitterly short
About hanky-panky at court;
One lady admonished
Said, "I am astonished.
John Brown cannot be what I thought."

(John Brown - personal attendant to Victoria for 34 years)
--- Cyril Mountjoy

"Dear Albert, of Saxe-Coburg-Gotha.
We desire to receive our due quota
Of amourous sport,
And not be kept short
By one tittle, or jot, or iota."
--- W F N Watson

Prince Albert and Queen You-Know-Who
Were doing what married folk do.
Cried the Queen, her heart drumming,
"We're coming! We're coming!"
"How splendid," said Albert, "Us, too!"
--- Chuck Davis P9408A

The ghillie was a fair braw,
Wore the royal pussy quite raw.
He dirtied his kilt
With the heather and milt.
"Victory!" he yelled. She said "Pshaw!"
--- Jim Jambor P9304

Queen Victoria's ghillie
Was horny as any old Billy.
He lifted his hem
And squeegeed her phlegm,
Fucking her till she was silly.
--- Jim Jambor P9304

Invented by Louis Quatorze
Were the finest of sports for indoors.
He would bugger the Pope
As he hung from a rope,
And the bishops he fucked on all fours.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2243

There was a French princess named Christine
Whose hymen was intact and PRISTINE.
Despite her boyfriend's urgin'
She remained a virgin,
Saying, "It's part of my image as Dauphine."
--- Norm Brust

But Christine said, "Don't you frown.
Just watch you don't stain my blue gown.
Though you're no Dauphin,
I'll do all I can."
And with that, the Dauphine went down.
--- Chris Papa

Going down may protect the hymen,
According to Chris's latest rhymin',
But it's still obscene.
And if you're Dauphine,
It will slow down your social climbin'.
--- Norm Brust

Said Henri Quatre, in advance,
"No Henri Cinq - not a chance!
Nothing is loonier
Than to name a son Junior -
A Fifth Bourbon rule France?"
--- History Pun Chimera P0108

King Louis gave a lesson in Class,
Simultaneously sexing a lass.
When she use the word "Damn"
He rebuked her: "Please Ma'am,
Keep a more civil tongue up my ass."
--- L0390

Old King Louis and court were obscene.
They would screw day and night. And the Queen!
But they made one great error,
They hung 'round for the Terror.
Guillotine! Guillotine! Guillotine!
--- Anon

There once was a Duchess of Bruges,
Whose cunt was exceedingly huge.
Said the King, as he came,
To this spirited dame,
"Mon Dieu! Apres moi, le deluge."
--- Anon

Old Louis Quatorze was hot stuff.
He tired of that game, blindman's buff,
Upended his mistress,
Kissed her while she kissed his,
And thus taught the world soixante-neuf.
--- L0433

In France old King Louis Quatorze
His ministers gathered indoors.
He did want, it appears,
An Old Home for the queers,
And a subsidy plan for the whores.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2242

A sycophant courtier named Florse
Shunned sex as a matter of course.
But when eager to please,
He'd go down on his knees,
And "con brio" blow Louis Quatorze.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There once was a king in a cell,
Whose fate it is grisly to tell.
They took off his crown
But the king didn't frown,
'Cause they took off his noggin as well.
--- John Eggerton P0106

In France they revere the old count;
Of biblical lore he's a fount.
Over scripture he pores
And behind castle doors,
There's no girl, boy or sheep he won't mount.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0309

This is file zil

A club of French folk of renown
Then plotted to purloin the crown;
"This powdered-wig fey
Has had more than his day;
It's time for the Sun to come down."
--- John Eggerton P0106

Max Robespierre was his name;
The revolution his big claim to fame.
As he picked up the head
Of King Louis, he said,
"Anyone for a volleyball game?"
--- Michael Weinstein P8609

A sultan who likes his girls buxom,
At ninety still often abducts 'em.
And then they are led
To a sumptuous bed,
In which he, regretfully, fucks 'em.
--- Anon

King Feisal, so the old story goes
Could excite naive girls to the throes
Of passion just by
This ridiculous lie:
That his schlong was as big as his nose.
--- Michael WeinStein P8407

The randy old Bey of Algiers,
Who'd confined his cock-poking to queers,
Tried a cunt for a change,
And remarked, "It felt strange...
Just think what I've missed all there years!"
--- G0503

The sore-peckered Bey of Algiers,
Told his harem next evening: "My dears,
Last night's round of screwing
Has proved my undoing,
So you may not get fucked for TEN YEARS!"
--- G0504

This spermless old Bey of Algiers,
Said: "Back in my more potent years,
I begat brats by dozens
On my sisters and cousins,
Besides oiling the hips of fat queers."
--- G0505

"But alas!" said the Bey of Algiers,
"I've gone impotent now, it appears.
If the eunuchs won't suck you,
I'll have puppydogs fuck you,
So don't pee in your pants or shed tears."
--- G0506

Then up spake the Bey of Algiers:
"I am old and well striken in years,
And my language is blunt;
But a cunt is a cunt,
And fucking is fucking"--(loud cheers).
--- Norman Douglas P9302

For sons of the Caliph of Bagdad
Taboo was the harem their Dad had.
"Since we are all brothers
And they are our mothers,
And also it might make our Dad mad."
--- Irving Superior P8309

A sultan, inspecting his harem,
Said, "Eunuch, proceed to unbare 'em."
Having seen the details,
He issued long veils
And ordered the harem to wear 'em.
--- Isaac Asimov

The King of Morocco is dead.
His subjects have cut off his head.
The men from A.P.
And Reuters agree
That it's bound to make headlines," he said.
--- A N Wilkins P8308

Then spoke up an old Maharajah:
"When I get a new wife I dodge her,
And so tease her a bit
If she's too tight a fit,
Till someone has made her hole larger."
--- G1052

The old halls of the harem ring
With laughter as the slave girls sing.
The Sultan so proud,
Will choose a gal from the crowd,
And she'll share this night of spring.
--- Anon

Provoked was old Sheik Abdul-Hissun;
His eunuchs he started dismissin'.
He knew someone had crept
Where his harem had slept,
For last night he felt one piece was missin'.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1917

There once was a sultan named Darren,
Who liked to play tricks on his harem.
He caught him a mouse,
Which he loosed in the house,
And called the result, "Harem-scarem!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A dead dude recently know as a Sheik,
Was lying in state for a peek.
He eyes popped wide open
And he started in gropin',
But his Harem had left him last week.
--- Joseph Eldridge

King Feisal once commissioned two schmucks
For a sculpture of him in a tux!
A statuette made
Out of silver and jade...
The nose alone is worth two million bucks.
--- Michael Weinstein P8609

An angry young driver named Mac,
Sent a telegram off to Iraq.
He said, "Tell King Feisal
To stuff all his diesel--
I've traded my car for a yak."
--- W J Buchan P8202

Then spoke the Sultan himself,
A monarch of great power and pelf:
"I take thirty whores
And lock all the doors,
And proceed to enjoy myself."
--- G1053

A noble young prince of Khartoum
Was laid all too soon in his tomb.
The sage pedagogues
Said he went to the dogs,
But the pussies had led him to doom.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2140

Her name was once Lisa Hallaby;
Jordan's King married her, you see.
Now known as Queen Noor,
Forever more,
But does she still really wanna be?
--- Arden

Then up spoke the Shah of Iran:
"All women from court we must ban.
They haven't the clutch
Or the velvety touch
Of the orotund arsehole of man!"

(orotund - full, strong, and clear of tone)
--- G1059

In exile, the Shah of Iran,
A sad and embittered old man.
Since forced into flight,
"On my tombstone write,
--- Albin Chaplin P8202

There once was a mideastern Shah
Who planned a vacation afar.
He liked the scene
At a spa Caribbean,
Because he loved to dance the ska.
--- Anon

The Sha had a brother named Stan
A Sha's brother is called a Shan
Stan I'll leave you to run,
Our affairs while I'm gone,
Because Stan you are my main man
--- Anon

When it came to affairs of state
The Shan really wasn't first rate
He would make revisions
Of all his decisions
The pressure was ever so great
--- Anon

One day, loaded down with work
He suddenly went berserk.
Slashing with his cutlass
He left many gutless,
From servants to guards and clerks.
--- Anon

The Shah did return the next day;
His palace was in disarray.
He had to find out
What had come about,
During his vacation away.
--- Anon

He called for his man servant Otan
And he said dry your tears my good man
Be calm, no more fear
Just what happened here?
Where were you when the fit hit the Shan?
--- Anon

Then they paused while the Persian Shah
Tried to settle a bet with the czar,
That the tip of his tool
Was much the less cool--
But neither could reach quite that far.
--- G1058

There was an old Sultan of Salisbury,
Who wanted some wives for his harem.
So he had them sent down
By a fast train from town,
For he thought that his motor would scare 'em.
--- E V Knox Punch 1929 Bibby

The harem of Abdul el Krim
Would wait every night on his whim.
With much to confuse,
Which girl will he choose?
A girl he could fill to the brim?
--- Irving Superior P0800