When Catherine the Great told her finder
To find a stud horse, he'd remind her,
The horse might not make it
If he saw Catherine naked;
So make sure that she put on his blinder.
--- Theo M Heller P9206

The boudoir of Catherine the Great:
So many hussars she'd inflate.
If laid end to end,
To Minsk they'd extend,
If measured before they'd deflate.
--- Irving Superior P9204

By banks that grew steadily steeper,
With Potemkin, Kate sailed down the Dneiper,
To make love in the presence
Of numerous peasants,
Who cheered as the rascal went deeper.
--- Norm Storer P9204

The Czarina could castrate most men.
It made simply no difference when
Nor even how long
He'd been plying his dong,
She always said, "Do it again."
--- A N Wilkins P9204

Great Catherine, scholars relate,
Was a ruler who measured her fate.
Their research discovers
She'd dozens of lovers,
But dozen't that make her times great?
--- Laurence Perrine P9205

A builder was Catherine the Great.
A palace, her St. Pete estate.
Cathedral in Minsk;
Schools/churches Smolensk;
Erections all over the State.
--- Irving Superior P9204

Since it's sexual bait that's the "baitest,"
Here's historical research's latest:
Rating royal Russian lays,
The extravagant praise
Was for Catherine the Great as "The Greatest!"
--- Jim O'Conner P9205

The morals of Catherine--X rate.
Her sex drive was insatiate.
Both Kinsey and Freud
On why she enjoyed...
Each lover, a peter, the great.
--- Irving Superior P9204

Catherine, her passion so stirable,
Sought Ivan to make it transferable.
After, in a pleased state,
He said, "Catherine, you're great."
She sneered and said, "Ivan, you're terrible."
--- Bob Giandomenico P9206A

There once was a Catherine the Great;
With a horse she did copulate.
The steed's legs did give,
And she ceased to live,
Though her stud did not seem too irate...
--- Anon

Said Potemkin to Yekaterina,
"Leave your projects and peasants unseen. A
Platoon of young studs
Awaits with stiff puds
And will fuck their old lusty Czarina!"
--- Jim Vandermeer P9204

It is true Kate the Great, Russian imp,
On her sex life was not known to skimp.
Through Winter and Summers
She took on all comers
And this without aid of a pimp.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P9204

That film about Catherine the Great--
A great pre-seduction type date.
You start holding hands
While moistening glans,
Till hands inter-glans gravitate.
--- Irving Superior P9204

Male chauvinists, feminists tell us,
Who find Catherine the Great overzealous
In pursuit of the spasm
Of joy the orgasm,
Are dirty old men who are jealous.
--- A N Wilkins P9204

In days of yore how did they rate?
Like man, what made Catherine great?
This may be absurd,
But one thing I heard...
She'd special tricks with one's prostrate!
--- Jane D Hughes P9204

Said Catherine the Great, "My intent
Is to show my penchant and my bent
To develop a plan
And to prove that I can,
With aplomb, fuck a whole regiment."
--- Loren Fitzhugh P9204

Her majesty could not abide him.
She'd tease him and always deride him.
But her lust made her waive
And she said of her slave,
"The serf's up and I plan to ride him."
--- Al Willis P9511

A young serf, the one man who could thrive
With Catherine's relentless sex drive,
Never had to beg pardon
For not having a hard on,
But his heart was too weak to survive.
--- A N Wilkins P9204

In the stable one evening they found
Great Catherine, her corsets unbound,
Involved in a dalliance
With one of her stallions.
But she said, "I'm just horsing around."
--- Bob Giandomenico P9205

Historians give us the facts:
"Kate's morals were terribly lax;
Why even a pinto
Was asked to get into
Her nymphomaniacal slacks!"
--- Norm Storer P9204

The potential studs might be dismayed,
But before the Czarina was laid,
Princess Dashkov instead,
Took the testee to bed
To see whether they'd make the grade.
--- A N Wilkins P9204

Correcttion! It's Catherine, The Gate.
Her lovers take numbers and wait.
However the word
Each next number heard
Explains why the incorrect "GREAT."
--- Irving Superior P9204

The Czarina said, "It's my fate
To have lovers both kinky and straight.
And I am not annoyed,
Au contraire, overjoyed
When my Cossacks say, 'Catherine, you're great!'"
--- Loren Fitzhugh P9203

That era's Inquirer, Celibrateski,
Told tales of Peter and his mateski;
In back seat of sled
"Da," she always said,
Thereby proving what made Catherine Greatski!
--- Jane D Hughes P9204

You spell Catherine with a C.
If K, incorrect it will be.
That is to say
If you see K,
The editor screwed up, not me.
--- Irving Superior P9204

"As the schedule of any crowned head,"
The great Empress Catherine said,
"Is filled early and late
With functions of state;
I do my best thinking in bed."
--- A N Wilkins P9204

In Catherine the Great's huge demesne,
The largest the Russians had seen,
Every inch was her turf.
She ruled noble and serf,
And her pubes, in turn, ruled the Queen.
--- A N Wilkins P8601

In St. Petersburg, Catherine's demesne,
A nobleman handsome and lean,
Or a serf who was young
And properly hung,
Could make fortunes by making the Queen.
--- A N Wilkins P9204

Catherine the Great, the Czarina,
Called for her stallion, Schlangina.
Some think it weird
But it's not to be feared,
Like sex with her laughing hyena.
--- Harry Rubin P9204

Kate the Great, much irate, said, "It's clear,
Court procurer, you've got a bum ear.
I said, 'Bring me a NORSE,'
You dumb twit, not a horse!
Oh, what the hell, long as it's here...."
--- Michael Weinstein P9408a

The young men didn't think it was heaven,
But the riches they earned were a leaven.
This made the studs glad
To give all that they had
To a toothless crone aged 67.
--- A N Wilkins P9204

Catherine's tombstone, frigid as ice,
Reveals the Czarina from vice
And carnality freed.
One stone serves her need
For whom two would never suffice.
--- A N Wilkins P8702

"The Great" Empress, Catherine II
Was considered the ultimate screw.
Alas, the discourse
That she died 'neath a horse,
Is amusing, but wholly untrue.
--- Actaeon

This is file zel

Although Catherine the Great, said the muse,
Was not anyone to make news
Bu dying in bed,
The problem, she said,
Was that nobody seemed to know whose.
--- A N Wilkins P8308

When Catherine rang for her "mount"
It said, "Neigh, not by any account.
You're being quite silly,
I'd rather a filly.
Go roll in the hay with some Count!"
--- Theo Heller P9202

Great Catherine learned from Voltaire
Of things that are wonderous and rare:
Of crystalline palaces,
Seven foot phalluses,
And pussies worn bare of all hair.
--- Norm Storer P9204

Said the gay Czar as he brushed a curl away,
"I like boys, so I run every girl away.
Yet my children are strange,
They're at home on the range,
Out of Catherine, sired by Whirlaway."
--- Theo M Heller P9206 A

So many tall tales have been spawned
About Catherine the Great's passing-on.
If it's true, it's a shame;
She's as good as they came;
But oh, what a way to have gone!
--- Anon

A Russian Doc said "It's the pits!
I can't figure out how they fits.
I've made up mama,
Three kids and one Czar,
But I've still got four leftover bits."
--- Mike Forth

A beautiful Russian Princess,
whom a poet was keen to impress,
Said, "Don't waste my time
With ridiculous rhymes,
And please keep your hands off my dress."
--- Anon

In Ireland at some ancient date,
They found fire, so comfy and great.
Each cold night it was fine,
At a quarter past nine,
That's the time they would peater the grate.
--- Tom Patton P0203

This month we are bashing Catherine
With limericks disgusting, obscene.
This month--word pollution!
Next month--absolution--
Elizabeth One, Virgin Queen.
--- Irving Superior P9204

When Catherine the Great was in need,
She was told by her trusty old steed,
"If you somehow expect
To get oral sex,
Forget it. I'm off of my feed."
--- Theo M Heller P9206

There once was a harlot named Dar
Who screwed a most affluent Czar;
He paid for her loins
With a mountain of coins,
An apartment, a watch and a car.
--- Cap'n bean P0204

There once was a Russian, a tar.
Very posh. Had a beard. Owned a car.
Would spurt as I piddled
And claimed, taradiddled,
I'm not just a tar, I'm the Tsar!
--- Aunt Mable

Said Alfred the Great: "All it takes,
Is one or two minor mistakes,
To eclipse all your fame,
So forever your name,
Is remembered for burning the cakes."
--- Richard Long

His Majesty, King Frederique,
Appointed, as jester, a freak
Whose pranks so beguiled,
That the king went half wild,
And was at his wit's end in a week.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9111a

The beautiful Madame Lupescu,
Once came to Romania's rescue.
It's a very fine thing,
To be under a king.
Is democracy better, I esk you?
--- Anon, 1940's L1471

Said a gluttonous king, as round as a tub,
While addressing the Royal Dieting Club:
I'd sail to the ends of the earth,
To diminish my girth,
If I had a ship big enough to carry the grub.
--- Anon

There are now fewer kings, they say,
Than there were back in their hey-day.
Chessboard kings and in decks,
But no kings of the female sex.
Except for Billie-Jean -- Okay?
--- William K Alsop Jr

"Now hand me that SPAM," said the King.
"I think that I'll just have a fling."
With an accurate eye,
He squashed a gadfly
Which happened to be cleaning its wing.
--- Mike O'Conner

"The other can, please," said the prince.
"The King's antics sure do make me wince."
And he hit the fat King
On his wing-a-ding-ding,
So the King had to give it a rinse.
--- Mike O'Conner

There once was a King in his castle,
Who caught his fair Queen with a vassal.
"I'll soon have your head,"
The King to him said.
Answered, "Nope, but I'll bugger your asshole!"
--- Gearhart

Said Chan, Chinese heir to the Mings,
"We rulers indulge in such things
As horse racing, stamps,
Sleek yachts, hunting camps,
And fucking, the real sport of kings."
--- Armand E Singer 781

First spoke the King of Siam:
"For women I don't give a damn.
I get all my joys
From a fat juicy boys,
I'm a cocksucking monarch, I am!"
--- G1045

The queen had a cute chambermaid
Whom most of the butlers had laid.
The king, liking head,
Told her, "Come to my bed."
So what could she do? She obeyed.
--- Al Willis P9802

When addressing the Monarch polite,
To be 'proper', and perfectly 'right',
Though both are correct,
To show my respect;
Is it 'Dipshit', or simply 'Gobshite'?
--- Anon

The Queen got in bed with the King,
Prepared for a fine royal fling.
But the King, so sedate,
First her pussy he ate,
Then proceeded to do his own thing.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1874

When His Majesty visited Crete,
His deportment was most indiscreet.
He disported for days
In the Minoan Maze
With a native both nude and in heat.
--- Thomas A Quinine P8308

Since their lust didn't have to be mastered,
Kings "did it" whenever their ass stirred,
And that explains why,
Though a prince may rate high,
A duke is so often a bastard!
--- Lance Payne P8308A

Though craven men fought for old Warwick,
His defeat by the king was historic.
He kept them from running
By using his cunning,
For he fed all his troops paragoric.

(this one is sneaky - McW)
--- A N Wilkins P8308

So the king is finally dead,
Many a tear is sure to be shed.
A wonderful man,
And peace was his plan,
And he wore a hanky on his head.
--- Anon

Young Frederick the Great was a beaut.
To a guard, he cried, "Hey man, your cute.
If you'll come to my palace,
I'll finger your phallus,
And then I shall blow on your flute."
--- G0827

The powerful King of Hibernia,
Returning from India: Purnea,
"I could build a sphinx,
Though everyone thinks
Raising rocks would be hard on my hernia.
--- VOL 7

There once was a Queen, who with malice,
Took a leak in the King's favorite chalice.
That woman he'd bedded
Has since been beheaded,
And now he's alone in the palace.
--- Mike Wheeler

When the Marquise de Maintenon rose,
The King espied laces and bows.
The Grand Monarch, endowed
With courtesy, bowed
And whispered, "Madame's quelque shows."

(quelque - something, anything : kickshaw)
--- A N Wilkins P8306