You're the ruler of waves, say you so?
No, no, Britannia, go slow!
Recall King Canute
Who once tried to do't,
And what the results you well know.
--- Laurence Perrine P8605

The king, a cross-dresser from diapers,
Would then dance as though bitten by vipers.
At the end of each day,
He'd command his valet,
To bring him his slip and his pipers.
--- Bob Giandomenico P0312

The Brits call everything Royal,
But this, it makes my butt broil;
I bought Rosie a draft,
And got the Royal Shaft;
I'm backed up with princely love oil.
--- Anon

On Mary the proud queen of Scots,
Regarding her anti-Liz plots,
Elizabeth said,
"If I chop her head,
I'll separate her from her thoughts."
--- Irving Superior P9401

There was a small boy wrote: "Dear Queen,
Aren't you on holiday near Aberdeen?
Could I come to stay?
It's not far away.
Declining would be terribly mean."
--- Anon

Those "Royals" seem far out of touch
With all of the riches they clutch.
Perhaps I'm incorrect.
They'll prefail, I suspect.
Much ado about not very much.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9710

Said the Queen to the King, "Beg your pardon, er,
It appears that your prick needs a hardener."
Said the King, "I'm afraid,
If you want to get laid,
You will have to get fucked by the gardener."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0288

Said the Duke to the Queen, "I will bring
Great joy," and he showed her his thing.
When the Queen viewed his gear,
She said with a sneer,
"You have not enough prick to be king."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0060

In the days of Elizabeth Rex
There were ways to obnubliate sex;
For example, the jerkin
Might encircle a merkin,
In the spot where the smegma collects.

(obnubliate - to cloud an area or a mind)
--- Thomas A Quinine P8307

For years I have tried to report
The doings at court and in sport.
Now my editor's nagging,
My energy's flagging,
And this is my final resort.
--- Laurence Perrine P8607

'Twas Edward the First that you quoted,
As his girlfriend's slack garter he noted.
When he tightened the slack
Her foot went slowly black
A legend to her dear devoted.
--- Anon

Prince Phillip said, "Jeeves, I'm ashamed.
My libido just isn't the same.
Go fetch me some crumpet,
And If I can hump it,
We'll know it's her Highness to blame."
--- Loz

Oh yes, old Phillip the Greek
Loves giving maids' bottoms a tweak.
Then buggers the porters
And in servants' quarters,
He'll brandish his choat in a streak.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Though only the son of a vassal,
I nailed Princess Anne in her castle,
Without being seen,
When we were thirteen,
When she told me she wanted to wrassle.
--- John Miller

She told me some Merkin, real coarse,
Had grabbed her, to take her by force.
But his dick was so small,
She'd not felt it at all;
He couldn't compete with her horse.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Ah, yes, indeed that was me;
A slow one to reach puberty.
But since, it has grown
And makes Annie moan,
Like the horse, (at the glue factory.)
--- John Miller

A Scotsman came from Aberdeen
To London to look at the Queen.
But he drank so much ale
That at home told a tale
Of the Queen and her twin he had seen.
--- Warrick Elrod

A drunken old servant named Thor
Attacked England's Queen on the floor.
The scene that transpired,
By the King was admired,
While the Queen simply shouted, "Encore!"
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0353

In England, though all of us prize
Our freedom," asserted Lord Wise,
"There are two things a man
Never thinks of by plan,
And those are," he said, "The Queen's thighs."
--- A N Wilkins P8605

The British with heads full of vapours,
Are nutured on most stupid capers.
When Her Highness feels fit
For a fart or a shit,
It is plastered in all daily papers.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2375

King Richard's wife said: "Summer's near.
The holiday season is here."
Said he, "Book a cruise
To the land of the Jews,
And pack all my armour, my dear."
--- Mary Danby Armada 1

Said King Richard III, "I did fail
My crusade and my search for the Grail.
I lost these quests holy,
Entirely and wholly
When my horse lost that damned horseshoe nail."
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9612

Being courted by Richard the Third,
Lady Anne took the man at his word;
Thus the woman pursued
Was successfully wooed,
Married, taken to bed, and interred.
--- A Young Girl From Verona

The royal court, they say, became hushed,
And John Lackland, they testify, blushed
And seemed likely to burst,
When King Richard the First
Said, "We call the kid John 'cause he's flushed."
--- A N Wilkins P8308

King Richard the Third we malign,
To accuse him of evil design.
He drowned 'em in malmsey,
But not without qualms -- he
Just loved a full-bodied wine.
--- History Pun Chimera P0108

The royals who live in old Buckingham,
All flirt with the maids and try sucking `em;
Unless they are queer,
They lay off the rear,
But God knows the bastards love fucking `em.
--- Armand Singer

A jealous old monarch, King George,
Undressed his young queen for an orge.
"Before we proceed,"
He stoutly decreed,
"I'd like to inspect the Royal Gorge."
--- David Miller

The Duchess of York never flinches
When the king pats her ass and he pinches.
For she welcomes a date
From the head of the state;
Every ruler, she knows, has twelve inches.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0449

There once was a braw Scottish sentry,
Who was standing his post by the entry.
When the Queen saw his stature,
And yielding to nature,
She soon made him one of the gentry.
--- John Ciardi

There was an inn keeper of Towster,
Who was quite an inveterate boaster;
He claimed that Queen Bess
Had left her impress
When she slept in his famous four-poster.
--- Harold C Bibby

She was known to her subjects as "Highness,"
But she reigned with unusual shyness.
With her words she would stun,
Turning thoughts into pun,
And she shocked heads of state with her spryness.
--- Anon

The infamous Richard the Third
Found the fashionable fuck was a bird.
The hole of a sparrow,
So dry, pink and narrow,
He oiled up with a hummingbird turd.
--- G1335

While inspecting the Guard at Dundee,
The Queen found them spiking their tea.
So she told the lieutenants
To make them do pennance--
And they did (it was shocking to see!).
--- Norm Storer

This is file yml

The folks in Buckingham Palace
Bear nobody harm or malice.
Just like you and me,
They all watch TV.
All together now -- DALLAS.
--- Spike Mulligan

There was an old harlot of Belfast
Whose pussy no longer would sell fast.
Said the King, "The whole trouble
Is from taking pricks double.
From this the Queen's cunt went to hell fast."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0398

A lady named Wally we've known,
With a single cunt hair all alone,
Tied a knot neat and slick
Around Edward's prick,
And she pulled the king right off his throne.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0235

A red-haired police from East Sheen,
On royal parades could be seen,
Until one fateful day
When his zipper gave way,
And the copper-knob waved to the Queen.
--- Prof

Mary was out burning leaves
When Willie came by. Dad believes
He slaked his desire
Right there on the fire:
"There's a Hellion if Mary conceives!"
--- John Miller

Willy told Mary one night
Out sailing, she said in delight
"Although you look cuter
Beside your computer,
Your barque is much worse than your byte."
--- John Miller

When distant and feeling alone,
They turned on their cams. With a moan,
Said Mary to Willie,
"Your meat makes me really
Aroused. Come on -- show me your bone!"
--- Randog

Willie spied Mary and Rose
In swimming without any clothes.
Though Willie can't swim,
He dove in both quim,
Without even holding his nose.
--- John Miller

Mary got stuck in the mud.
Willie came by, drew his pud
And had her right there.
She said, "I don't care
To drown in this sticky Spring flood!"
--- John Miller

Said Willie to Mary, "Now hush!
I know the snow's hard on your tush,
But give me some action;
I'll get satisfaction
And let you get up from this slush!"
--- John Miller

This couple was placed on the throne,
(A fact many papists bemoan).
Those who think that the Dutch
Never amounted to much,
Didn't hear what she said 'bout his bone.
--- Randog

"Oh Willie, your willy is weally
A weapon that I, willy-nilly,
Want thrusting down there
To bwing me an heir,
While you get to woger me silly."
--- Randog

But fate ensured Mary stayed barren
And William was really past carin'.
To affairs he was prone,
But what of the throne?
It passed to a Hanover Baron.
--- Randog

A jeweler perused with her loupe
A brooch set with stones in a group.
She saw with dispair
They weren't something rare,
But splashes of Brown Windsor soup.
--- Nick

To dashing and handsome Tom Wyatt,
Boleyn said, "Hey, want to try it?"
Thomas said, "Well...
Oh what the hell!
If Harry gets sore, I'll deny it!"
--- Sansuesi

So Anne and Sir Tom shared some bliss
As she offered soft lips to his kiss.
She said, as her gown
Slipped from shoulders of down,
"Dear heart...How do you like this...?"
--- Sansuesi

Wallis Simpson loved Ed number Eight,
Causing conflict of Church vs State.
Now the same problem gnarls
At Camilla and Charles:
If they wed, should the prince abdicate?
--- Prof M-G TP9806A

"Oh mummy, don't be such a meanie!
She'd make such a super nice queenie...
Wallis, she's not...
She's a low-mileage twat
And gets off on my weenie though teeny.
--- Tutta Gioia

Prince Charles should be easy to please,
Now that he has his divorce decree.
It's no longer a sin to
Have him move into
Camilla Bowles' BVDs.
--- MrMalo

The horse box, whose name was Camilla,
Would phone the mad son of Prince Philla.
And Charlie's a champion;
He will be the tampion
Camilla will next use to filla.
--- Archie

Sweet Camilla, the type known as "Horsey,"
Was Wales's Prince's beloved divorcee.
Charlie's favorite ride
Was his Cammy astride...
But this limerick's getting to coarse, see.
--- Ward Hardman

'Tis true they confessed being "wicked,"
Of romping together while nekkid.
Hear Cammy's defense,
"My head's not so dense,
I acted as any smart chick'd!"
--- Ward Hardman

How lovely that Charlie is able
To add such a mare to his stable.
In groove that was High,
He saddled young Di,
But now she's no more than a fable.
--- SFA

Charlie, the problem you see
Was finding a virgin that he
Could use as a prop,
While he flailed his crop
On Camilla, for so long, scot-free.
--- Emma Mara

Prince Charlie has had the full force,
Of comments both hurtful and coarse,
On account of Camilly,
Who looks like a filly,
But he does love to ride a good horse.
--- Jim Weaver Collection a

Prince Charles, he is fond of a hike
Then speaking to a TV "mike"
He enjoys his evening strolls
With 'Camilla Parker-Bowles':
Then he likes to "Roll palace's warm bike!"
--- Anon

The royalty rumors are spreading
That Queen Liz is snubbing the wedding.
And it's safe to bet
That she is upset
'Bout that floosie Charlie's been bedding!
--- Observer

Here's bonny Charles, riding his mare,
But we note that Camilla's not there!
She's back at the palace
And sucking the phallus
Of a stallion named Randy McClare.
--- CM

Camilla's party 'mongst the ladies,
Put a smile on the Queen fit for Hades.
To heal up the rift,
She gave her a gift --
Trip to France and a nice black Mercedes.
--- D'Arcy

The Prince Royal admitted with sighs
His idea of fun wasn't Di's.
She'd like vogueing for pics,
Whereas he got his kicks
'Twixt Camilla's equestrian thighs.
--- Betty Noire a

Princess Diana, Camilla's reviler,
She christened her rival, "Rottweiler."
Why did Wales' randy Prince
Choose the elder of bints?
Prince Charlie prevers a "dog-styler".
--- Ward Hardman

With her head on the floor on a cushion,
The prince cried, "Into you I am pushin'!
How I love this embrace
Where I don't see your face!
My happiness comes when I'm squooshin'."
--- Ward Hardman

While Hardman is pulling his peter,
To make it much longer and neater,
Pope Archie the first...
Said what he had rehearsed:
"You're still bloody short of a metre!"
--- Archie