One can't always head up the class;
Some men will lose out, some surpass.
If by chance you lose face,
Take defeat with some grace;
It is better than losing your ass.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1994

A sage of the great Eightfold Way
Told me, "Saints never let their minds stray,"
But I fear it would tax him,
If he knew that's a maxim
That I sometimes have pondered all day.
--- Graham Lester

A cynical sage with a kink,
Said, "Between thought and deed there's a link.
When I think what I thought,
I don't do as I ought,
So it's best to do nought, and not think."
--- Hassall Pitman

Remember when you are bemusing,
And daily decisions confusing,
That for life existential,
The thing that's essential
Is never the choice, but the choosing.
--- Cyril Hughes

Sexologists constantly preach
That between sex and love is a reach;
But there's the odd fact
That sex as an act
Is focused on filling the breach.
--- Norm Storer P9603

Now I'm old. All my songs have been sung.
And worse yet, my springs are now sprung.
Could I go around twice,
I would heed the advice,
Of all Realtors, "Get lots while you're young."
--- Loren Fitzhugh P9912

In receiving, there's multiple pleasure
Especially unwrapping treasure.
But the secret of living
Is not taking, but giving.
In this, you'll find much greater measure.
--- Doug Harris P0504

For ages I have heard it said,
That men are too easily lead.
But Man's like a horse:
Once given his course,
He'll gallop when given his head.
--- SFA

"Well done, gal," I say with a grin,
Too soon though, a fella will win
A place in the game,
Of life: whence he came,
Is where he'll ever try to get in.
--- Anon

If you feel life has pulled out the plug
From under your feet, don't just shrug.
Face up to the foe;
If you go with the flow,
Then it's likely you'll wind up in the jug!
--- Val Burns P0510Q

The reincarnated Res, I,
Back from my travels decry:
Don't sweat the petty things,
Don't pet the sweaty things,
And leave the rest in the sty.
--- Res Ipsa

With a conscience we're able to see
Just how bad we're permitted to be.
At the same time it's true
That what's wicked for you
Mightn't be half so wicked for me.
--- Limeratomy - Euwer P8708

A hitch-hiker shouldn't succumb
To offers of peppermint gum:
An edict this isn't,
With threat of imprison't,
But merely a crude rule of thumb.
--- Anon

A bon vivant wastrel named Lunt
Has given up seeking fresh cunt.
He now sees quite clearly
We all pay too dearly;
The goal is less fun than the hunt.
--- Armand Singer

A famous philosoppher, Occam
(To upset his readers and shock 'em),
Wrote, "The very best way
To keep women at bay,
Is spread 'em out flat and stiff cock 'em!"
--- Armand E Singer 407

I'm in bed. There's a really good show.
But my eyes won't stay open. Oh no!
In the a.m., it's one.
I awake; my show's done.
Just like life, the end I can't know.
--- Andrea Dietrich

Too many are taking the road
Which fosters a negative code.
If we don't forgive
And live and let live,
The planet itself will explode.
--- Lims Fables & Poems P0507

Who knows what the future may hold?
Dark seas you must cross and be bold.
If it fucks up, okay.
If it doesn't Wey Hey!
Have a laugh, pull some birds, now you're told.
--- Anon

You can call out the sheriff and cop,
Have the posses ride hard till they drop;
Man's a son-of-a-bitch
With a murderous itch,
All the scratching on earth will not stop.
--- Warrick Elrod

Do you think meditations on Buddha
Go better with beer or with Gouda.
And with peace and eclat,
When I fancy a chat,
Should I phone my Fadder or Muddah?
--- Anon

When you find yourself in the dark; gropin'
'Gainst the troubles of life, hardly copin'.
To be fully astute,
Use your mind's parachute;
You'll find it works best when it's open!
--- Doug Harris P0505

To procrastinate steals all your time,
Caution those who believe it's a crime.
Yet, it's often agreed
That more hurry's less speed;
Not much reason, a whole lotta rhyme!
--- Anon

Along with each life comes an ending,
When the soul, it's believed, is ascending.
Of your days on the earth,
Cherish all they are worth;
Mortality's truly unbending.
--- Cap'n Bean

So what is this thing called success?
It's eluded me long, I confess.
But, to never give up,
Whatever hiccup,
Is a triumph itself, I should guess.
--- Doug Harris P0509

Must one really have something to say?
I do this for pleasure and play.
Why be rigid and stiff?
Who cares, what's the diff?
Don't just think black and white, ponder gray.
--- Anon

In Lent, the kids are complaining:
No candy on which to be training.
Then an easter Choc spree
Makes them sick -- which to me
Proves no good ever comes from abstaining.
--- Prof M-G TP9802a

Tomorrow becomes yesterday.
Be able to look back and say,
"I surely had fun
And got a lot done."
Do not regret your life away.
--- Anon

By friends that you keep you are guaged;
Do not over words be enraged,
And avoid as a rule
A dispute with a fool,
Lest you find he is likewise engaged.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2586a

'Twould be nice to be called debonaire,
Or perceived to possess savoir faire,
But I'm no David Niven,
And not otherwise driven;
Now to kindle my life with a flair.
--- J Maynard Kaplan

If philosophy teaches one thing,
It's that people should do their own thing.
If you run out of gas,
Forget that young lass,
And don't get your ass in a sling.
--- Al Willis TP9807

Here's a query posed by Jake McFee,
"Is it possible for one to be
Hyperactive and slothful,
Forgiving and wrathful,
Shifty, shiftless, concomitantly?"
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0208

An ambition of mine's to design
A routine to extract all the wine
Of life from each day,
No matter how grey;
But if sometimes I falter, that's fine.
--- David Morin

Here common sense takes quite a beating,
And logic's a victim of cheating;
The pudding, not kiddin',
Is not where it's hidden,
The testing must lie in the EATING.
--- Norm Storer P9410

This is file uul

What a painful reality, for sure;
You have to stop going with her --
This fact must be stated:
Reality's over-rated!
Fantasy is much better, dear sir!
--- Anon

A philosopher stood to proclaim:
"Not to make your own mark, is a shame.
Were it mind, or physique,
Everyone is 'unique.'
So, to differ, you need to be 'same.'"
--- Graig Gigol P0205

I can't say who's right or who's wrong,
And I don't want to join or belong.
Since reason can show
That we truely don't know;
Till we do, can't we all get along?
--- Anon

Perhaps there is less eccentricity
In living a life of simplicity,
Than in churning about
With ulcers and gout,
For the sake of a little publicity.
--- Lims Unlimited

All our problems, the Stoics enlighten us,
Are the upshot of too much uptightness.
Let's stay placid, their pitch is,
Through life's high-points and hitches.
Don't let worldly things flatter or frighten us!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Said an erudite sinologue, "How
Shall I try to describe to you, Tao?
It is come, it is go,
It is yes, it is no,
Yet it's neither -- you understand now?"
--- R J P Hewison

I'm one always giving advice --
Some good, some not very nice --
But know that I speak
With tongue in cheek --
'Cause I've tried it all once or twice!
--- Kaylin

To study another man's life,
And document his joy and strife,
You must walk in his shoes,
And drink all his booze,
And sleep for a month with his wife.
--- Bob Birch P0512Q

If you seek life's secret, then take it.
Beware though, there's plenty that fake it.
So I say it straight,
Whatever your faith,
The secret to life's what you make it.
--- Carroll Stinger

Gone tomorrow, but yet here today,
And at most, it's not that long a stay.
Although dreams we fulfill,
We might keep in mind still
It's about "those we meet 'long the way."
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0304

The Bigot, the Slave, and the Fool:
None guided by Reason's bright rule...
The Fool 'cause he cannot,
The Slave 'cause he dare not,
The Bigot just will not, that ghoul.
--- Tutta Gioia

If Velcro were used for a zipper,
And Baptists believed in Yom Kippur,
And all of the time
We all spoke in rhyme,
The world would be way much more hipper.
--- H Welchel

Life you must live to the limit;
Every day, every hour, every minute.
But in retrospect,
It's fun to reflect
How you thought you were important in it.
--- Frode S. Stringer

Near the start of our life is pubescence,
Which begins the nest stage -- adolescence.
Then quickly senescence
Creates obsolescence --
And that, of man's life, is the essence.
--- Laurence Perrine P8503

Philosophers say and repeat
That life's a shit sandwich, complete;
And it's gospel, I guess,
The more bread we possess,
The less shit we'll be having to eat.
--- Anon

Oh don't eat it dear, that won't do;
'Round here we just flush down the loo.
Sewer workers, I've heard,
Get paid time and a turd,
But I wouldn't do it, would you?
--- Anon

Oh yeah sure, they say life is the top!
Have a dance and a waltz and a bop.
A sandwich of shit?
And that? That is it?
What you say is that life is a plop!
--- Anon

My friend, do not fret, you'll not find
The answers those seek, who are blind.
The sages all natter
'Bout the start of all matter.
That arrangement had not you in mind.
--- Anon

My mind has not ever lacked learning
'Bout mysteries I know lots concerning.
But I learned very late
Learning's ultimate fate...
In the end 'scapes wisdom, still spurning.
--- Anon

"Life," it comes as a blessed relief
That it's much like a tin of corned beef.
Her, him, you and me
Are all seeking the key,
(It's hidden away, underneath).
--- Arthur Deex P0505

"Life," it comes as a beloved nanny,
And it's much like a tin of Sweet Fanny
Adams. "They, you and I
Seek the key--"Well we try",
(It's hidden away in a cranny).
--- Arthur Deex P0505

The experts in life are named They;
All truth is found in what They say.
I hope that one day
They will go away,
But damn, just how long will they stay?
--- Travis Brasell

My whole life, They've been my guide;
They make the path where I stride.
Each step is subjected
By what They directed;
Just once They should let my steps slide.
--- Travis Brasell

You know that They are after you;
There's nothing They will let you do.
They will come along
To tell you you're wrong.
You know what They say is all true.
--- Travis Brasell

I wonder where They learned it all?
Do you think They ever will fall
And not know a thing?
They should have a fling;
What They need is to have a ball!
--- Travis Brasell

I'll make this a wonderful day;
I'll do thing in my own damn way.
Though experts They be,
I'm gonna be me;
No more will I care when They say!
--- Travis Brasell

If your success at first is denied,
Destroy all evidence that you tried.
May be conclusion
Came with confusion,
Attendant upon brain being fried.
--- Daniel Ford

Who hesitates is probably right;
You'd avoid precipitous fight,
If with poker group
(And her is the scoop!)
Never do clever card tricks, you wight!
--- Daniel Ford

While you may be alone for success,
Everyone sees you make a big mess,
And you seem alone
As long as you drone,
But slightest mistakae they address.
--- Daniel Ford

Why is it the harder the butter,
The softer the bread for my cutter?
Just as in the breach,
If itch beyond reach,
Grows intense, makes my eyelids flutter!
--- Daniel Ford

To steal from one is plagarism,
Nicholai Lobachevskyism,
But steal from many,
Ideas any,
That we regard through research prism.
--- Daniel Ford

Says the cynic when he's spinning,
"Two wrongs are only the beginning."
Two wrongs make not right fair,
But four rights go nowhere;
That is where you meet yourself, grinning.
--- Daniel Ford

Perhaps you'd like with eagles to soar,
But find yourself here on the floor.
Just remember this,
If great heights you miss,
No weasel's sucked in jet engine roar.
--- Daniel Ford