There once was a midwife of Gaul,
Who had hardly no business at all.
She cried, "Hell and damnation!
There's no procreation!
God made the French penis too small!"
--- L0928

I want something new for my pleasure;
Some new kind of sexual leisure.
I'm sick of soft dicks,
And good-old-boy hicks,
Who usually have fuck all to measure!
--- Cyberhog T9710

Poor Peter, with tool miniscule,
Was subject to much ridicule.
For Petal cried "Teeny!
How teeny yor weenie!
It gets lost in my pink reticule!"
--- Ogni Gioia

There's a really unfortunate Greek,
Whose pecker's small size gives him pique.
When with wife he has sex,
They're almost total wrecks,
Because first they must play hide and seek,
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0408

A woman I know from New Hampshire
Took a lover to find her own rapture.
She said, "It's of course
'Cause he's hung like a horse,
While my husband is hung like a hamster."
--- Wildman T9801a

There was a young woman named Lynne,
Who said, "Very well, let's begin."
"My God," said her beau,
"That's a heart-breaking blow;
It's an hour since I put the thing in."
--- Isaac Asimov

Three two-letter words that begin
With 'I' are a source of chagrin.
There are guys who can cry,
Even wish they could die,
At that soul-searing phrase, "Is it in?"
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner

Mickey has a very small mini
Teeny-weeny little jimmy.
The thing's so damn small,
That he has to call
Out during sex that he's in me.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There was a young fellow named Paul,
Who confessed, "I have only one ball.
But the size of my prick
Is God's dirtiest trick,
For my girls always ask, 'Is that all?'"
--- L0211

I asked the Duchess to dance,
And rubbed her behind with my lance.
She said, "Back off honey,
Your limericks ain't funny;
The real joke is down in your pants."
--- Gene Brady

The lovely Samantha from Reading
Denied me a romp in her bedding.
My pencil, she said,
Was lacking the lead
To give her much more than a heading.
--- SFA

Observing the bulge in his khakis,
She said, "I want you in my crack, please!"
She tore open his trousers,
And then exclaimed "Wowsers!
It's only the size of a crackie's!"

(crackie - a small dog)
--- Limberick

There once was a young lad named Sean
And the size of his tool made girls yawn!
He viewed with distaste
That south of his waist,
He was hung like a damn leprechaun!
--- Anon

There once was a moron named Ward
Whose wife was eternally bored.
When he took out his dick,
She was physically sick.
It was more like a wart than a sword.
--- Ward Hardman

A Scotsman who came from Lock Ness,
Said, "Come, see my monster, young Bess!"
But when they went to bed,
She looked at it and said,
"It's more like a goldfish, I guess."
--- Tiddy Ogg

"My microbiologist ex
Had a weeny too teeny for sex,"
Complained Sue with a sigh.
"Perhaps I should try
A macroeconomist next!"
--- Mido T9711a

There's a very strange bloke who's called Rod,
And his doctors they think him quite odd.
The size of his phallus,
He puts down to malice
On the part of his father, or God!
--- Tony Long P9201

Well aren't you an insolent blighter -
To continue your rootin' despite her
Complaints that your knob
Is too small for the job -
What, you use your "kit" too 'cause it's tighter?

Spare a thought for a fellow named Hugh
Who exclaimed, feeling terribly blue,
"I get nowhere with chicks,
'Cause when God gave out pricks,
It was me at the back of the queue!"
--- Paul Westwood P9607

"Though at times sex is sin", mused Miss Grillo,
As she eyed the guy nude on her pillow,
"Your equipment's so small
That it's no sin at all;
I would term it a mere peccadillo."
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner

A girl from the land of the tropical
Fought me with a subject one-topical.
She claimed that my skewer
(For the good it would do her)
Might as well have been microscopical.
--- MrMalo

There was an old pander from Perth
Who had sheilas collapsing with mirth,
When he asked them to chew
On his didgeridoo
Of exceedingly miniscule girth.
--- Peter Wilkins

There was a Mulah from Kabul
Who worried about his poor tool.
He cursed of his ails,
"What good are four nails,
When your hammer is so miniscule?"
--- Phil T

He whispered one night in her ear,
"I wish for strange nooky, my dear."
Said his wife, "What a bore!
Had you two inches more
You could get some strange nooky right here."
--- Bob Giandomenico P9103a

My miserable friend, Richard Cholmondley,
Looked down at his pecker, most glumly.
"With such a small widget,
I can't attract Bridget,
Or other young ladies, most comely."
--- Tiddy Ogg

A bishop there was of Pyongyang
Who offered an actress his dong.
She cried, "'Pon my Seol
I have a huge hole,
But your thing's just comme-ci Kumsong."
--- L1738

A man from Essex County,
His dick was as small as can be.
His power was naught;
Women could not be bought.
He was even restricted to pee.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Us women prefer a big size,
Which is not very much a surprise.
You claim yours is cute,
But it's really minute,
And wouldn't ever win you a prize.
--- Anon

There once was a poet of sorts,
Who was seen by his girl without shorts.
She said "You look silly
With your wee little Willy.
Of what use is it to cavorts?"
--- Stan

"It's the home of the Whopper," said Ray
As he pulled down his shorts for a lay.
With a well-seasond whore
Named Lenore who said, "More
Like a child-sized White Castle, I'd say."
--- Michael Weinstein P8802

There once was a man named Brian,
Whose dick was so short he was cryin'.
As he said, with a tear,
As he cried in his beer,
"If I said it was long, I'd be lyin!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Forgive me, my dear, if I'm blunt,
But your bat is really a runt.
If you're calling that
A "major league bat"
You probably do nothing but bunt!
--- Anon

There's a sad little fellow named Herm
Has a tassel the size of a worm...
Though he visits love bookers,
He's avoided by hookers,
For his worm wouldn't make a worm squirm.
--- Grand Prix Lim 110

This is file ttl

There was a young lady named Venus
Whose man had a very small penis;
So exceedingly small
It was nothing at all,
So she told him, "There's nothing between us."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0636

A Scotsman can be quite a sight!
Often seen around Glasgow at night.
Lasses don't want him;
They tease and they taunt him;
His willie's one inch when upright.
--- Jayne

There once was a guy named Dave,
And to all the girls he did wave.
While pleading for pleasure,
His dick they did measure
And the finger was all that they gave.
--- Mervyn Cripps collection

When he showed her his thing-a-ma-jig,
She laughed and said, "That one can't dig."
He was nobody's fool
And said to his tool,
"It's time that I pay and look big."
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P8405

At the whorehouse, I saved me some dough.
Twenty-five of fifty, 'tis so.
But it is not pleasin'
To tell you the reason.
You pay by the inch, don't you know.
--- Les Stewart a

To his date, a young fellow named Hame
Said, "Your cunt is too big for this game."
But she said, with derision,
"It should fit with precision,
If your prick is as big as you claim."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0469

Ivor Biggun was his boastful name;
But his bragging was a little too tame,
As his was quite small,
And hidden behind a ball,
And the piss-taking was really a shame.
--- Funny Bone

There once was this girl named Sue Morgan,
Who boyfriend turned out a bad bargain.
He was handsome and tall,
But she started to bawl
When she felt his tiny hard organ!
--- Laurence Craft

A great big fat cop of Belle Isle,
Had a pecker that made the whores smile.
It was teeny and skewed,
He could only get screwed
When the girl kept on twisting meanwhile.
--- G0250

It must have been the funniest scene;
In our youth we boys played submarine,
Half submerged in the water,
But the girls did not bother.
Periscopes were the smallest ever seen.
--- Dirruk

From: the star of the cast, Ethel Schwartz,
To: the cast of the play, "Queen of Hearts."
My co-stars I'll coach,
But I want no approach
From actors with very small parts.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Now girls, it is not nice to mock
Us guys with an undersized cock,
Just 'cause your hole
Needs a telephone pole,
And the smell sends us all into shock.
--- John Miller

Three strumpets waved with their pinkies
At some boys, to mock their young dinkies.
In response to their quips,
The boys stretched wide their lips,
And replied right back to the stinkies.
--- Res Ipsa

To his wife an old rounder from Frome,
Said, "I'll get some strange pussy at Nome!"
"If you get two inches more,
You stupid old bore,
You could get some strange pussy at home!"
--- Clarence E Boyle P8504 a

While romping in bed with her Roger,
She scoffed at the size of his Todger.
She gave him no head,
But kicked him out of bed,
Then summoned the well-hung young Lodger.
--- Anon

There once was a man named Chico,
Who thought he was all suave and rico.
But all the girls say,
To his ego's dismay,
His taquito is muy poquito!
--- Anon

My Teutonic Maiden said, "Vahrd,
Ven I suck, yours gets long und hard.
Vereas Jim Smith's kleine schwanz
Can't supply a girl's vants.
Sheiss-kopf should be feathered und tarred!"
--- Ward Hardman

My Teutonic Maiden said, "Vahrd,
Venn I zuck, yours gets so long und hard.
Vhereas Jim Smith's klein Schwanz
Can't zupply a girl's vants.
'Scheisskopf' zhould be feathered und tarred!"
--- Jim Smith

There was a young woman named Jeannie,
Who sobbed to her date, "You're a meanie.
You claim you're a stud,
But Oh! What a dud!
Your prick is a real teeny-weeny."
--- Isaac Asimov

There once was a young man from Gaul,
Whose dick was exceedingly small.
Said the female reportage,
Of his noted shortage:
"The rise is the same as the fall!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection

You must be quite jealous of Peter's
If bragging 'bout 10 centimeters.
That's under four inches
Which pleases few wenches,
Unless you spew semen in liters.

Unless you're the king of quim eaters.

Unless, just like Peter, you eat her.
No matter how ably you treat her.
Sans pump-action found in repeaters.
Go join the sad crowd of meat beaters.

--- Randog

Said a snooty young thing from Australia,
"Now concerning the male genetalia,
Men brag of their size
Till you're sure you've a prize,
Then exhibit wee paraphenalia.
--- G0243

After he gave his lady a ring,
She was shocked by the size of this thing!
"Like it or not,
It's all that I got.
Get your Whopper at old Burger King."
--- Writerman

Quite poorly endowed is young Rick,
Disgraced by his miniscule prick;
Sneers his wife, "It's a joke;
You can't fix it, `tain't broke;
I laugh `till I almost get sick!"
--- Armand Singer

There once was a fellow named Nooney
Whose wife became totally loony,
For she ached for the rise
Of a boner of size,
But his dick was amazingly puny.
--- Cap'n Bean P0406

There was a conundrum, 'Enigma,'
Who went through life bearing the stigma
Of limerick error,
Perhaps from the terror
Of sexual romps with a pigma.
--- Anon

(Enigma, I hope you don't mind
The changes below that you find.
I don't mean to scoff
But your meter was off,
So I changed it but left it unsigned!)
--- Anon

While drifting along the Three Gorges,
Where the Yangtse to Sanxia forges,
She complained with a groan
While eyeing my bone,
"But you promised me one that enlarges!"
--- Hugh Clary

Now you're up in your hungering pride,
When no one is here, glorified.
Last night you were needed;
I could have succeeded,
But that's when you shriveled and died.
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay

These cold frosty mornings in Eng-
land are fresh and they're putting a zing
In my step when I go
Off to work, but you know
That they do tend to shrivel my thing.
--- Peter Wilkins

Just wait until your tea break,
And then in your hand you can take
Your thing that is shriveled,
To dunk it a little.
You'll see just how fast it will wake!
--- Ardens

"I know you are older and grey,
But I haven't had sex for a day.
I've worked up a sweat
And my panties are wet.
Will you screw me without a delay?"
--- Peter Wilkins

"I'm sorry, can't do it," I said.
My dick's a disaster in bed.
It's a wee little thing,
Like a piece of old string.
And it's moribund, dormant, and dead.
--- Peter Wilkins