Behold aging stud, Gerulitis;
His chassis grows stiff with arthritis,
Except for his prick,
One poor drooping stick;
He well knows the shame of limpitis.
--- Armand Singer

A twitchy young bitch named O'Brien
Sighed, "Joe, you just keep right on tryin'.
I'll leave you my card,
And when it gets hard,
Please wire or drop me a line."
--- Lims For Year - 01

It's widespread, says the TV,
This conjugal calamity.
The wife needs some loving,
But it isn't forthcoming;
The husband, alas, has ED. (erectile dysfunction)
--- DC Dave

I sit here in Colchester town,
With sweet Molly B. (panties down).
But my limp dick won't rise
To a workable size,
So I rather feel being a clown.
--- Anon

While fucking, a fellow named Springer
Observed a relapse in his clinger.
He was just halfway through
When it doubled in two,
So he fininshed the fuck with his finger.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1907

At eighty an old man named Scott,
Once more a young lady had sought.
So he caught her, it's true,
And he knew what to do,
But his pecker, indifferent, forgot.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0609

A sad-eyed old satyr named Blaine
Finds his dangler a cause to complain.
In its youth, a real terror,
Now it's failed its old wearer--
The mere thought of it gives him great pain.
--- G0258

Her sex pot was ready and hot
But his part of the deal? was not.
When a babe lies there dreaming
Of a reaming and screaming...
A poor limp's in one hell of a spot!
--- Grand Prix Lim 590

An arrogant Nazi named Schiff,
Broke up with his wife in a tiff.
Though he did not lack charm,
She complained that his arm,
Was the only thing he could keep stiff.
--- Anon

Said a hot-holed young siren in Stead:
"For weeks Peter's pecker's been dead.
If I don't get laid soon
By that impotent goon,
I'll be found in some other guy's bed."
--- Jim Weaver Coll G0191

Chris Halladay's pole must be soft,
Unfit to be standing aloft,
And really diseased.
We'd all be quite pleased
If Chris would go off and get offed.
--- Anon

An elderly trooper named Sand
Had had a seduction well planned,
But he still couldn't muster
More luck than had Custer,
For Sand, too, had had his last stand.
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner

As she sat on the edge of the bed,
She pulled up her nighty and said,
"When you're reading a book,
It's pointless to look,
For it goes without saying IT'S dead..."
--- Grand Prix Lim 450

There was an old sculptor named Tony
Whose joystick refused to get bony.
It writhed and it wriggled,
Until his girl giggled,
"Now I know where they get macaroni."
--- G0471

Libidinous thoughts fill your brain.
You wait for erection -- in vain.
The years have been cruel.
When you use the tool,
It's rather like pushing a chain.
--- Larry Davis P8509

A heavy drinker named Clyde Olivetti
Wanted to lay his gal Betty.
But after much rye
And six martinis, quite dry,
Clyde's cock was as limp as spaghetti.
--- Michael Weinstein P8403

A fellow named Benjamin Berm,
He couldn't deposit his sperm
Inside of his wife,
To create a new life,
For his penis stayed limp as a worm.
--- Cap'n Bean P0409

You remember that fat Millie Brand,
Who was laid, one by one, by the band?
The bandleader cried,
For three times he tried,
But Old Limpyleg just wouldn't stand!
--- Grand Prix Lim 25

There was a young lass hight Camilla,
Who had a magical pillow.
She'd lure men to her bed,
And when it touched their head,
Their wands would droop like a willow.
--- Anon

This relationship's now gone quite platonic,
And Willy just lies there, catatonic.
He stays fully flaccid
And totally placid.
Do you think that I need some new tonic
--- Anon

A newly-wed fellow from Bandon
Just couldn't achieve a firm stand on.
His wife tried all night
To get it upright,
For her motto was "Nil Desperandum".
--- Michael Horgan

A geezer way down in Brazil
Drank whiskey till he got his fill.
He tangoed all night
Holding sexy girls tight.
The effect on his pecker was nil.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0609

A lustful young lady named Frenum
Was left with an itch in her plenum.
With her flute, she made tries,
Her man's cobra to rise,
But his viper was all out of venom.
--- Albin Chaplin a

How he cried when he lost his erection!
Must have been from all that protection.
His balls were so blue,
I guess yours'd be too,
If you couldn't give a sperm injection.
--- Jennifer W T9801

A Frenchman whose plume was long dead
Hung crepe on the thing and then said,
"Sacre Bleu, also merde!
Zat should have been spared,
For wat use am I now in ze bed!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 191

A middle-aged loser named Hecht
Kept grousing he got no respect,
Cause his wife, out of spite
Had told all within sight,
"His prick simply won't stand erect."
--- Armand E Singer 397

Just lately it's gone very soft;
Did not even twitch when I coughed.
The viagra cure
Won't work any more,
And praying can't get it aloft.
--- Anon

Really stupid if horny is Munz,
(There are those who have called him a dunce.)
But his late-in-life crisis
To be very precise is
Dumb or smart, it won't rise even once.
--- Armand Singer

Bemoaned an old codger named Dwight,
"I suffer the ultimate blight;
I still love all the foreplay,
What I miss is the more play --
I can't get it up in the night!"
--- Armand E Singer 46

A sad old ex-satyr named Weir
Remarked as he wept in his beer,
"As a sexual hero
My status is zero--
I ain't had it up for a year."
--- G0220

"The days were more sportive and merrier,"
An old Turk told a newsman named Ferrier,
"Before my magic wand,
Of which women were fond,
Became merely an old water carrier."
--- A N Wilkins P8407

One of Madison Avenue's head
Executives sobbed as he said,
"I'm a victim of treachery,
For my rep here is lechery,
And the thing I use for it is DEAD!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 550

There was an old geezer named Meeker,
Who sex urge grew weaker and weaker.
His pecker at night
Could no women delight,
Ending up as old Meeker's limp leaker.
--- Grand Prix Lim 50

This is file tpl

I pity the old Duke of Kent
Whose days as a stud are long spent;
He can't get it on,
His potency's gone.
His minds not too sure where it went.
--- Armand E Singer 922

A frustrated nympho named Frome,
Told her boyfriend one midnight in Nome,
"If your penis stays dead
You can hop out of bed,
Put your clothes all back on and GO HOME!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 053 G0078

An impotent first baseman named Cliff,
At the sexual plate he would whiff.
So he spent day and night
In a high state of fright,
Because he thought he could be scared stiff.
--- Tom Patton P9704

A timid young man named Gary,
Was most desperately anxious to marry.
But he found the defection
Of any erection,
A difficult factor to parry.
--- L1422

Said the geezer with evident glee,
To happiness I've found the key.
Forget about sex;
It's not for us wrecks.
Just be grateful that you can still pee.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0609

A tailor whose tail had quite failed
Massaged his dead needle and quailed,
"My wife says a tailor
Who is a tail failer,
Should be first tarred and feathered, then jailed.
--- Grand Prix Lim 228

There was a young lady named Bigger,
Who said as she squeezed on the trigger,
"You son of a bitch,
My cunt has the itch,
And in morte, you may attain rigor."
--- L1692

While crisps in my cider I'm dunkin',
I think that I may well be drunken.
I'd go and fuck Lottie,
A fine bit of totty,
But alas, from the booze my dick's shrunken.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Oh pity an oldster named Ball;
His fortunes have plunged in free fall.
What once was pure magic,
Has turned truly tragic:
He can't make it rise up at all.
--- Armand Singer

A British diplomat named Danner
Seduced a very young Jappaner.
Though he diddled for days,
He could not get a raise,
From a pecker which hung in this M,A,N,N,E,R.

(MANNER is to be printed vertically)
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 G2001

She said: "Arch, the problem, my pet, is,
If men get me all hot and wet, it's
No good if you lay,
And want a replay,
They're limper than ten day old lettuce."
--- Anon

A lecher named Robin Adair,
Besotted with vin ordinaire,
Could get no erection
But touched by affection,
Would brandish his limp do-take-care.
--- Armand E Singer 620

There's a geezer in southwestern France,
Who can't keep his dick in his pants.
Though it's worthless for screwing,
He knows what he's doing;
It's handy for watering plants.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0609

Septagenarians, wise,
When recalling their most recent tries
Say, "As youths we'd complain
Being forced to abstain.
It's quite easy now, since it won't rise."
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9708

That pitiful loser Hieronymus
Is forced to join Impotents Anonymous;
His thing just won't rise
Like most other guys' --
Ignoring commands, it's autonomous.
--- Armand E Singer 744

A twitchy young bitch named O'Brien
Sighed, "Joe, you just keep right on tryin'.
I'll leave you my card,
And when it gets hard
You wire me, or drop me a lian.
--- G0156

I've conjured up visions of bliss
Of a pretty curvaceous young miss;
But my thing isn't working;
It seems to be shirking
And dismally drooping like this. (printed vertically)
--- Anon

There's still no reaction, I fear;
I have terminal droop of the spear.
What I need is a lass
With a cute little ass,
To come snuggle on down with me here.
--- Anon

There was a young lady of Arden,
The tool of whose swain wouldn't harden.
Said she with a frown,
"I've been sadly let down,
By the tool of a fool in the garden."

(Who said, "Do you call that a hard-on?")
--- L0002

Quit fucking around with the gardener.
What you need is a new love pardner.
I'm very well hung
And if you have a tongue,
That's all I should need for a hardener.
--- MrMalo

An impotent fellow called Fred
Took a job as a waiter and said
To a diner called June
Who complained of no spoon
For her tea, "Shall I use this instead?"
--- Anon

So saying he whipped out his dick
Stirred her tea anti-clockwise (a trick
For the left-handed man)
Which he did with elan
And said, "There you are love; want a lick?"
--- Anon

Remember old Uncle Tom Cobleigh?
Young girls used to make him feel knobbly.
Whenever they sat
On his knees for a chat,
He'd say, "Careful now; mind Mr. Wobbly."
--- Anon

"Ha ha!" cried his wife, "It won't show;
Mr. Wobbly's a wimp; I should know.
You're an impotent fool
With a useless old tool;
Should have left you a decade ago."
--- Anon

Said Tommy, "I'd rather NOT be
A wanky old geezer like me;
When I was a pup
I could get Wobbly up
All night, and all day, if need be."
--- Anon

There was an old salty named Krimper
Whose pecker got limper and limper.
"We men are ill served;
The world," he observed,
"Ends not with a bang but a whimper."
--- Armand E Singer 159a

"I claim," wails the poet, haranguing,
"It's destiny, fate overhanging.
Never let down your guard;
Paraphrasing the bard,
'Life ends with a whimper, not banging.'"
--- Armand E Singer 159A

I said though that those were the days,
When thrice-daily the girls I'd amaze
With my flexible joint,
But it's come to the point:
Now my peter takes ages to raise.
--- Peter Wilkins

Except when I'm passing the school
Between lunchtime and 2 (as a rule)
When the girlies at play
Cause me trouser affray,
As I stare at their bodies and drool.
--- Peter Wilkins

"It's time we had sex again, Pat",
He said, flashing his member. "What's that?"
She said, "Nasty limp thing;
I remember in Spring
'44, it was juicy and fat."
--- Anon

"But 55 years without lusting
Ain't fair", he said, "Look how it's rusting."
"You knew when we wed
And you took me to bed",
She said, "Once was enough; you're disgusting."
--- Anon

Whilst doing the deed with Lorraine,
Poor Bill lost the use of his vein.
She cried, "It's no good
If you can't keep it wood!"
He replied, "It's not up to the strain."
--- Tim Fisher

But her swan song had not yet been sung;
In fact, she had only begun.
She said, "Listen Billy,
Now sort out your willy
Or get the job done with your tongue."
--- Tim Fisher

At old age, Wilbur always had scoffed,
But he'd gone to the well much too oft.
To be sure, his intentions
Retained giant dimensions,
But the physical part had gone soft.
--- Isaac Asimov