Chaperoning the Junior High dance
To enhance my own chance for romance.
To get loved and get laid
by some sweet little maid,
I tell limericks -- and then drop my pants.
--- Martin Wellborn P8805

There was a young flasher named Jose
Who liked to be, let's say, 'expose'.
He lurked in the alley,
Then flashed it at Sally,
Who laughed and said, "Small as Rick O'Shay!"
--- Q

This Sunday the Picayune quotes
A Krew of Rex leader who gloats
That to give the true savor
Of the Mardi Gras Flavor,
They'll have flashers on one of the floats.
--- A N Wilkins P8806

A queer sort of fellow, a mime,
Stark naked, committing a crime,
Right in front of his mummy,
Mimicked flogging his dummy;
It got him three years of hard time.
--- Armand Singer

An exhibiting fellow from Truro,
Underpaid in a government bureau,
Earned additional dough
With a public sex show,
At the movie house, back in the U-row
--- Isaac Asimov

A pervert flashed a barmaid one night,
Saying "Look at me! Ain't I a sight!"
She replied "Deary me,
This bar's too dark to see.
Would you like to have a Pud Light?"
--- Cruelty Jones

A cellist abandoned his bow
And with curtains akimbo let show
His this and his that
To an onlooking cat
And to neighbors who found it 'de trop'.
--- Gents Alphabet Book P9501

The old flasher caused quite a sensation
When he serviced a church in Lost Nation. (IA)
He noted with pride
That he'd hoped to provide
Those Christians a new revalation.
--- A N Wilkins P8806

To Bill it was wormwood and gall.
As a flasher he once chose the mall
And went through his paces
In twelve different places,
But nobody noticed at all.
--- A N Wilkins P8806

There once was a flasher from Perth,
In all parts deficient in girth.
His physique was sparse,
His privates a FARCE,
Provoking no shocks, only mirth.
--- J'Carlin

A frustrated flasher named Pottle
Was rescued from drugs and the bottle,
When an art prof he knew
At the college came through
With a job as a studio model.
--- A N Wilkins P8806

The greatest of flashers was Irv,
And down to his toes, it would curve.
On straining his back,
He straightened his act,
Now all passerbyers must swerve.
--- Irving Superior P8806

When they asked an old bloke from the Dove
Why he showed himself sometimes, "Why Gov,
It's because now and then
Even dirty old men,"
The flasher responded, "need love."
--- A N Wilkins P8806

An elderly flasher, I hear,
Would've liked to retire his career,
But thought it too quick
And decided to stick
It out for a single more year.
--- Hugh Clary

A flasher not only must haste
But only one victim must face.
If witnesses see,
Most judges agree
An open-and-shut type of case.
--- Irving Superior P8806

An unrestrained fellow named Crockett
Wound up on the criminal docket,
Accused of exposure
Unzipping his closure,
And playing hard pool in his pocket.
--- Armand E Singer 697

"An X-rated movie," said Joe,
The flasher, "'s the right place to go
And provide all the crew
Waiting there in the queue,
A preview of sorts for the show."
--- A N Wilkins P8806a

While driving one night, Mrs. Bender
Had an accident, denting her fender;
For she'd seen a huge toad,
Standing right in the road,
Wearing stockings and black silk suspender.
--- Ystap TP9804

An assembler of large cardboard horses
Was often aroused by strong forces.
The instructions he'd see
("Put tab A in slot B")
Would inspire unique intercourses.
--- Actaeon

A flasher who lived for surprise,
Showed an old lady his prize.
But was taken aback
When told, "Put it back,
These eyes have seen many that size."
--- John Miller

There once was a student named Dorgan
Who streaked a large church in Glamorgan.
Almost coming unglued,
The deacons pursued
And seized the young man by the organ.
--- A N Wilkins P8312

A naive young lady from France
Had not seen a man without pants.
When a lewd fellow showed
His all in the road,
It was stiff and it got in her scants.
--- Tom Patton P0306

A poor henpecked husband named Ralls
Was a flasher at one of the malls.
He wished, he confessed,
As his friends might have guessed,
To show the world that he had balls.
--- A N Wilkins P8806

"Hey gorgeous!" said Bertie, "See this?"
And flashed at the pretty young miss.
"For fucks sake, young Bertie,"
She uttered, "I'm Gertie;
I've seen it before -- I'm your sis!"
--- Peter Wilkins

"For years, you've been after a jig,
But frankly, I care not a fig;
For that 'neath your mac,
My dear brother, is slack
And pathetically thin as a twig."
--- Peter Wilkins

A flasher who lived in the woods
Tried to stun two young girls with his goods.
They just giggled and pointed,
Said, "We're disappointed,
It's dinky, not like Hollywood's!"
--- John Miller

Boasts conceited young flasher, McCloud,
"Taking pride in the fact I'm endowed,
I display my erection
For a mob-scene inspection,
Since I love standing out in a crowd!"
--- Jim O'Conner P9208

There once was a flasher named Izz,
While shaving, cut gashes in his.
Now bandaged entire,
Izz had to retire
Commenting, "I guess that's Show Biz."
--- Irving Superior P8806

Though some people are hard to convince
That it's cold, we have had certain hints.
The flasher, they say
On the Plaza today
Is giving out Polaroid prints.
--- A N Wilkins P8802

A naive young lady of Bude
Had not seen a man in the nude.
When a lewd fellow showed
His all on the road,
She did not know what to conclude.
--- C Chevallier

"My daughter, take under advisement
What those men unzipping their flies meant.
It was not to amuse you,
But only to use you
As a means of their self-aggrandizement."
--- Lance Payne P8806

There is a black flasher named Amos
Whose naked exposings are famous.
Some old judge said, "I'm curious;
I must see you're not spurious;
I issue this writ of mandamus."
--- Armand Singer

A whore told a flasher named Ash
That pursuing the sport appeared rash.
"Wherever you've gone
You've encountered a yawn,
Since you have so damn little to flash."
--- A N Wilkins P8806

This is file tll

A magistrate once had occasion
To put an old man on probation
For displaying his balls
Through the crack in the walls
Of the gentlemen's stalls

In the loo at Victoria Station.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A daring old flasher named Lassiter
Espying a lass, made a pass at her.
Like most of his kind
He was of one mind,
And dropping his pants, waved his ass at her.
--- Armand E Singer 275

There was a young flasher named Jose',
Who like to be, let's say, expose'.
He lurked in the alley,
Then flashed it at Sally,
Who laughed and said, "That's what they all say!"
--- Rick O'Shay

The flasher, the streaker, the masher --
Which one of the three is the brasher?
Their actions, like bacon
Are stripped, thin, mistaken.
It's hard to say which one is the rasher.
--- Lance Payne P8806

"My best," said a flasher named Leach,
"Were Nixon's inaugural speech,
The Popes coronation,
And Grand Central Station.
My worst had to be a nude beach."
--- David Miller P8208A

My wife is a filly of wit.
She'll say, "Go ahead, suck my tit;
Beat my ass black and blue,
And then you may screw
Till you've squirted your spunk in my slit."
--- Clement Wood G0742

A masochist pervert from Ealing
Found testicle stretching appealing;
He hammered one ball
To his living room wall,
And the other he nailed to the ceiling.
--- Peter Wilkins

Although you may think it a folly,
A masochist's Christmas is jolly.
He'll fit to his prick
A lit candle's wick,
With his balls decked with spriglets of holly.
--- Anon

The S&M bar, oh my dears,
Is a place to get stomped on, for queers.
To get beaten and spat on,
And pissed on and shat on--
The thrill of your gayest young years!
--- G0952

I dined with the Duchess of Ditches,
Who said, "God! How my bottom-hole itches!"
So she passed around switches
And took down her britches,
And soon her guests had her in stitches.
--- L1413

A bugger, while dying of AIDS,
Would beg whores for hard bastinades.
While smack on his back,
He'd pinch up his crack,
And shoot liquid shit fusillades.
--- Nik Synytskyy

Spank me! I've been a bad man!
Beat me as hard as you can!
Induce it to swell
Then kiss it all well.
There's nothing like cuffs and rattan!
--- H Welchel

This year I'll be having a go
At dipping my willy in snow,
In hope that the freeze
Will tremble my knees,
And give my poor gonads a glow.
--- Anon

There was a young man clad in plastic;
His sexual styles were drastic.
Handcuffed to the bed,
He'd fuck till he bled,
Then beg to be whipped with elastic!
--- Violette TP9901

When Christians, both farmhand and burgess,
First followed hermitical urges,
Historians tell,
There was for a spell,
Quite a shortage of hairshirts and scourges.
--- A N Wilkins P8712

I have no cane, but a leather belt
Will not leave too much of a welt.
You don't have to thank me --
Just come here and spank me --
And tell me just how good it felt!
--- Kaylin

Ritualistic old flagellant Peale,
On his bare back raised many a weal.
In neat row after row
And he did it just so
With a wild Evangelical zeal.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0604

There's really an amazing girl,
Doing things that will make your hair curl.
She sucks and she nips,
Ties down and whips,
You really should give her a whirl.
--- Anon

I'd like to check out this chick Susan;
I hope that it's me she'll be choosin'.
And happy we'll be
For as long as she,
Enjoys weird perversions and boozin'.
--- David Miller Q

So, David, you're looking to be
A swain for l'il old me?
Is that golden rain?
Or sparkling champagne?
You're sipping while on bended knee?
--- Susan Arden Q

This Guardsman at play must assume
Black lace and the chains for costume,
While a lady assails
His back with nine tails,
And he dreams of the siege at Khartoum.
--- Donald Hall P8201

A masochist by name of Hank,
Often frequents the house of spank.
The girls they do whip
'Til he comes in a drip,
With nary a kiss or a thank.
--- Anon

Some folks say that spankin' is rough,
But for me, that's just not enough.
I want her to kick-it
And then gently lick-it,
Until it is tender, yet tough.
--- Anon

A fellow in west Mogadishu
Had a pillar he spent three days leashed to.
I won't say he's kinky,
But many did think he
Overdid it by moaning in Pushtu.
--- Robert Elliot

Have you seen that TV girl Heather?
The one who announces the weather?
I've heard of her fetish,
And what makes her wettish
Are beatings with straps made of leather.
--- Nicole Ryder

I guess they call such pain "exquisite",
But frankly I can't see how is it
Blokes go to a whore,
To get pained and sore...
Perhaps I will pay her a visit.
--- Anon

A masochist, old Henry Kettle,
When holly is short, oft will settle
To carefully pick
Then wrap 'round his dick
The foliage from stinging-type nettles.

--- Tiddy Ogg

I shared an apartment with Ted
When he took a young lady to bed
In the room next to mine.
It was not by design
But I heard them quite clearly. He said...
--- PeterW

"I'm a weak and submissive young man
And your haughty demeanor, Roxanne,
Is a turn on. Despise me,
Surprise me. Chastise me.
And whip me as hard as you can."
--- PeterW

There followed a flurry of SMACKS!
And a frenzied attack of KER-THWACKS!
Then the swish of a cane,
Not just once, but again
In a series of furious WHACKS!
--- PeterW

And I heard him shout, "Harder, you slut!
Will you aim for my bollocks and butt?
For I won't feel complete
Till you've beaten my meat."
And I lay there and thought, "What a nut!"
--- PeterW

"Oh, beat me," begged sweet little Em.
Then answered her Master, "Ahem.
I'll have to resist,
You cute masochist,
So "no" is my answer, pro-tem."
--- Confused

Ah, the world of "under" and "top,"
With whips and chains and what not;
To spank with great care
On the buttocks bare.
Sense in the head they ain't got.
--- Anon

A well-heeled old dame named Roberta,
Had been brought up to think sex would hurt 'er.
But she found, in the main,
A high threshhold of pain,
Was an asset that would not desert 'er.
--- John Ciardi