If the Mad Cows deserve euthanosnia,
We could ship them directly to Bosnia.
They could tromp the mine fields,
Till they're head over heels,
Then conceal them with good comouflosnia.
--- Al Willis P9606

As the bull charged the scared matador,
He could not find a safe corridor.
He fell down in despair
To his knees for a prayer,
Till a spectator yelled, "Pick a door!"
--- Al Chaplin P9206

All those years of bullying vacas,
Has affected your 4th and 5th chakras.
Had you meditated
The cattle ill-fated,
Your nuts wouldn't shake like maracas.
--- Anon

A clever young farmer named Binns
Fed his cows on scrap metal and pins.
It was always the same;
When milking time came,
It was neatly delivered in tins.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada

There was a young lady from Gloucester
Who married a farmer named Foster.
Next day, she said' "Now
I will milk this nice cow."
But the cow was a bull--and it tossed her!
--- Mary Danby Armada 1

El Pedro, that mincing old matador,
Bolts either through thees or through thatador.
He's much less ambitious
When bulls are real vicious,
And finds no more use for the latador.
--- David A Brooks

A talkative fellow named Lister,
Went walking one day with his sister.
A bull with one poke,
Tossed her into an oak,
And 'twas six weeks before Lister missed her.
--- R S Sharpe published 1822

The heifer named Elsie LaRue,
She never did learn how to moo;
But she felt right at home
With a bull named Jerome,
Because he never learned how to, too.
--- Cap'n Bean P0102

There was an old man of Lucknow
Who was frightfully anxious to plough;
But the family bull
Wasn't anxious to pull,
And his apathy spread to the cow.
--- RD P0010

It is daring, but not very wise,
To face Toro's rear end, not his eyes.
But the facer should know
That it's best to let go,
Should a problem materialize.
--- William N Nesbit P0108

A cow in a field cried, "Awake!
We have all made a ghastly mistake.
I've been forced to conclude
That this herd has been screwed;
We're not here for shakes but for steak!"
--- Graham Lester

Those bulls you describe, known as oxen,
Are neutered; somebody's done rocks in,
To keep colossal
Power beasts docile,
Without administering toxin.
--- Daniel Ford

The cow is a pastoral ruminant,
That sometimes eats grass that is luminant.
They glow ultra-violet;
So says a jet piolet,
But I'm not really sure he is humanant.
--- Tiddy Ogg

He ran with the bulls at Pamploma
He was first past the finish -- a loner.
When asked, "Why such speed?"
He said, "I took heed,
The bull behind me had a boner."
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0301

With a sly grin the bull joins the line
Of cows to be milked 'fore they dine
Imagine the shock
That milker'll have got,
When he grabs a hold of that pine.
--- Anon

Our milkmaid calls the bull Nijinski,
On account of his ballocks, I thinkski.
To milk him she toyed
Which the bull quite enjoyed.
Now she's got a dress like Lewinsky.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Tiddy, using new hay as bait,
Pinned Bessy's head in a gate;
He then donned a glove,
To penetrate his love,
And this cow he'll now vaccinate.
--- Anon

Cows are of the old bovine ilk;
One end gives moo, the other milk.
But you will often find
Cows of a different kind,
Those talking bull, but wearing silk.
--- Al Lichtman

Alas, since early this morning,
The steers have lost all their adorning;
They went through the chute,
Pausing en route,
For branding, castrating, dehorning.
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes

To describe the Tibetan yak:
He's not so hairy on the back.
Yak's milk's to make butter;
To describe it, we can't utter.
His legs and flanks are white and black.
--- William K Alsop Jr

There once was a milk cow whose udder
Dragged on the ground in the mudder,
And some of that ilk
So flavored the milk
That drinking it made us all shudder.
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes

A tenderfoot known as Maxine
Thought she knew how to give some vaccine.
She shoved the sharp point
In the little calf's joint,
And had hoof-in-the-mouth when last seen.
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes

Ten cows munching grass by the wall.
Two bulls wander out of their stall.
The young bull shouts, "Run!
We can each fuck us one!"
The old bull says, "Walk, and fuck all."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2039

If you want to raise cows, take my word,
Math involved might seem rather absurd.
Dairy, hybrid or beef,
To solve lots of grief --
A good bull will be worth half your herd.
--- Tom Patton

Gladys, Drusilla, and Ruby,
Were three bovines directing a movie.
But the plot fell apart
When the diva lost heart,
And sued them for wringing her boobie.
--- M A McFadden

Take note of the beautiful Yak.
He has hair all over his back.
He lives in a zoo
With room service too.
He sounds like a good Democrack!
--- C O Ingamelis P8411

There was a young farmer named Max,
Who avoided the gasoline tax.
It was simple, you see,
For his Vespa burned pee
From his grandfather's herd of tame yaks.
--- G1427

It's amazin' how cows go a-grazin'.
The sly way they pollute is so brazen.
The thing that does pain us:
Methane from their anus.
It is quite a big stink they are raisin'.
--- Ward Hardman

A farmer I knew once said, "How
Shall I manage to carry my cow?
For if I should ask it
To get in my basket,
I think it would make a big row."
--- Anon

There once was a cow who said "Moo.
I really have nothing to do.
I stand here all day,
And chew on some hay.
And then chew it again when I'm through."
--- ROE

Her life must be boring, I guess.
She should save some prime time with old Bess.
Then all of us boys
Could double our joys,
And less waiting in line means less stress.
--- John Miller

Sometimes I think you are right,
And I do sympathize with your plight.
What one cow could do
Would be doubled by two,
And you boys could go at it all night!
--- ROE

Oh dare I believe what I've read;
We're adding a cow to the shed?
Don't take me to task,
I really must ask...
Will bossie perhaps give us head?
--- Frank Specter

This is file lyk

For firewood I made many trips,
And damned near wore out my two hips;
I brought in old Bess;
She makes quite a mess,
But keeps my fire hot with her chips!
--- Anon

A man that was named Farmer Bean,
Had a cow that was simply a dream.
Bean's hands were so cold,
That without being told,
The cow squirted out ice cream.
--- Samson

A cow's a milk-making machine;
You can always tell where they've been.
They leave little pats
Rather like Frenchmen's hats,
But they're brown, they stink, and they steam.
--- Tony Burrell

A young urbanite from North Philly
Said, "You're kidding me! C'mon, really?"
I think it's absurd
To cavort with the herd --
Cow-tipping is udderly silly!"
--- Scott Oliver

A cattleman isn't a cow;
Human half-breed, with horns on his brow;
He's a person who tends 'em
And now and then sends 'em
For slaughter, to turn into chow.
--- Anon

The cautious collapsible cow,
Gives milk by the sweat of her brow;
Then under the trees
She folds her front knees,
And sinks fore and aft with a bow.
--- Arthur Guiterman

A rural bedroom is where I
Awake to birdsong from on high.
Then some cows join in,
Which creates quite a din,
But I'm thankful that they cannot fly.
--- Matahourua

Cows 'round the outhouse are nosy;
Their moos make you feel warm and cozy.
They graze and they share
What is fertilized there,
While depositing many a posy.
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes

A prudish old person named Lear,
On seeing a cow from the rear,
Said, "Its milk is delightful,
But that figure is frightful--
I shall knit the poor beast a brassiere."
--- G2396

Tended by a fair-looking young lass,
A heifer was out eating grass.
Ruminating with bliss,
She had a big piss,
And crapped right up to her ass.
--- Archie

The prominent dairyman Butters
Worked hard as a youth in the gutters,
And he purchased one cow --
He has ten thousand now,
But he swears that he owes all to udders.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2486

At El Rancho, of all that we changed,
The cows are the most disarranged;
In the barn now all day,
They seem rather fey --
Not crazy, but clearly de-ranged.
--- Norm Storer

There were two nudists from Dover,
Each painted purple all over.
We don't know how,
But they were munched by a cow,
When they were mistaken for clover.
--- Ogden Nash

The dairyman Borden, with wit,
Disclosed how his fortune was knit.
It began, he did vow,
With one Elsie, the cow,
And he showed how he pulled Elsie's tit.
--- Albin Chaplin

That charming old cud-chewing cow
Gave us milk by the sweat of her brow.
She got pampered for life
By both farmer and wife.
Have you read enough fairy tales now?
--- David A Brooks

Said the bull, "I'm so cold I can't piss;
I'd consider it heavenly bliss
To get out of this ice
And slip into a nice
Warm Jersey -- or else a Brown Swiss!"
--- John Miller 0023

Brazil is no place to keep cool,
So Bessie has jumped in the pool!
This cow's a 'Dutch Treat';
She's hot from the heat
And friction of Dirruk's big tool.
--- David Miller

Iowa cows feel at ease
When floating on oceans and seas.
They relax as they drift,
But the plankton they sift
Tastes of Iowa farmers' cream cheese
--- Jim Weaver Collection

I've never considered cows pure.
There's Bull Shit, not to mention manure.
And I know that it's corny,
But they're kinda horny,
And a cow ain't no lady, I'm sure.
--- Anon

Old Bessie, the milk cow said, "Ow!"
When bit on the tit by a sow.
With her trusty hind foot,
She took aim and put
That pig out of reach of the chow.
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes

A saucy young milkmaid of Dorset
Works outdoors in a lacy black corset;
Farmer Brown thinks it lewd
To milk cows semi-nude
But bossy (who's gay) just adores it.
--- Steve Brown P8802

Attracting much more than just moooooos,
She's the one the limerick guys choose.
It seems our dear Bess
Now needs a chic dress -
Something that will go with her shoes.
--- Anon

There was an Old Man of Reading
Had a house, with a yard, with a shed in;
'Twas meant for a cow,
But so small that I vow
The poor creature could scarce get its head in.
--- Published 1822

The veterinary surgeon was stuck
Right up to his shoulder in muck.
"Oo ar," said the farmer,
"Already she's calmer;
Our Bessie were wantin' tha' fuck."

(you wouldn't believe how they test for pregnant cows - McW)
--- Peter Wilkins

There was a young lady from Slough
Who drank her milk straight from the cow.
To her udder delight,
She could drink through the night;
Amazing, but don't ask me how.
--- Anon

There was an old man who said, "How,
Shall I flee from this terrible cow?
I will sit on this stile
And continue to smile,
Which may soften the heart of that cow."
--- Vivien Noakes (ed) P0401

I don't think it's mad cow disease,
For she's not falling down on her knees.
Diagnosis? No pump
For a month up her rump;
May I offer you, sir, the first squeeze?
--- Anon

Will you check out the tightness of fit,
While I chew on her udders a bit?
Oh my god, it's now clear;
It's a case of diarrhea.
Stand back, mate, she's going to shit.
--- Anon

What a mountainous pancake of poo.
Not surprising dear Bessie was blue.
So it seems that your dick
Did the ultimate trick;
Do you hear her contentedly moo?
--- Anon

If you wish to descend from a camel,
That oddly superior mammal,
You just have to jump
From the hump on his rump:
He won't just stop dead like a tram'll.
--- Anon

A camel, when ridden, they say
Will fart every step of the way.
On camel trains therefore,
What you pay the fare for
Is more when the lead beast you pay.
--- Tiddy Ogg

The poor camel's a grouse and a grump,
Who won't gambol or gallop or jump.
For he's always too troubled
By wetly bewobbled
Warm water what waits in his hump.
--- David A Brooks Q

The camel is an ungainly beast,
And is the rudest, to say the least.
When kneeling, he moans,
And rising, he groans.
Perhaps his joints should be greased.
--- William K Alsop Jr