Buster was a dog that was yellow,
Who belonged to a crazy old fellow.
His toys, they were queer;
They were kept soaked in beer,
And that helped to keep Buster mellow.
--- R L Arnold

Our Dog needs a pill twice a day;
We sneak 'em in gobs, like gourmet;
Peanut butter'll upset
The gut of our pet;
Cheeze Whizz better suits Old Dog Shay!
--- Anon

I once had a dog named Ambrose
And I taught him to speak through his nose.
He wore funny pants
And could sing and tap dance,
And wrote all his limericks in prose.
--- Neal Wilgus P8307

Maggie, my dog, she is three;
She would never harm a flea.
If she got one,
She'd love him a ton,
And show him off quite gleefully!
--- Anon

A dog must be man's best friend,
Who will be with you till the very end.
Kids who get bit,
And great piles of shit,
Are the things with which we contend.
--- Larry Brash

Yes, dogs are the noblest of creatures.
Their tale is twice-told in their features.
They honor their maw,
And they honor their paw,
And their eyes melt with tears when they meet'churs.
--- Laurence Perrine P8307

My dog is so smart that he greets
All my friends and he shows them some treats.
But the skeptics don't scoff
When he takes his shoes off --
They go wild when the see my dog's feats.
--- Al Chaplin P9711

I once had a dog I named "Sit."
And now I must really admit
When I called him,
Confusion'd set in.
Here Sit! I'm just a big shit.
--- Jon Gearhart

An excitable fellow named Gomez
Told his dog "I don' wanna no mess.
Cleaning the floor
I ain' doing no more
And I've had it with nasty aromas."
--- Michael Palin

A breeder of dogs -- what a dastard!
A chastity belt for dogs mastered:
A device to ensure
That the breeds remained pure,
And no son of a bitch was a bastard.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 G1221

The dog is a creature of habit;
When he sees running game, he will grab it.
But the dog, fine and fit,
If he stops for a shit,
I'm afraid he will not catch the rabbit.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2609

This here pup from a flea-market booth,
For our furniture has a sweet tooth.
This wee beastie we've bought,
Was house-broken, we thought.
But we soon learned the most offal truth.
--- Allen Wolverton

Wee Prada would get very sick,
If tacos he hastened to lick.
No more would he sniff,
He'd be dead and stiff,
And look like a Pet-on-a-Stick.
--- Anon

A girl who we all know as Corky
Had a little dog that she named Porky;
When she was asked why,
She replied with a sigh:
"'Cause he'd rather fuck pigs than a Yorky!"
--- MarcoM P8307

There once was a young man from Kent;
His dog followed him wherever he went.
He said, "Piss off mutt!
I'm meeting my slut!"
He was such a kindly young gent.
--- Jayne

There was a small doggie named Treadwell
Who put on an act when not fed well.
He would lie on his back
And mutter, "Alack!"
Then roll over once and play dead well.
--- Alsop P8307

The was once a very small fox,
Who used to live in a box,
One night very late,
He stood near a gate
And there he caught the chicken pox.
--- Christine Dogman

I was really rolling in clover
At a dog show with my champion Rover;
He forgot pedigree
And raised his leg to pee...
The judge said, "Your pup runneth over!"
--- Observer

A pushy young man in Pachogue,
Runs a radio hour for the dog.
His program of growls,
Barks, bays, whines and howls,
Is setting the dog world agog.
--- Morris Bishop

Here's a question designed to perplex,
Why a great many dogs are called Rex.
But the number is minor
Of those called Regina,
Amongst mutts of the opposite sex!
--- FCA T9712

A man coming home in South Bend
Found his wife in bed with his best friend,
Who he smacked with a paper
Because of this caper,
And then had old Rover re-penned.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9010

There once was a guy named Ben,
Who summoned his dog and then,
Scared her away
By shouting out "SPAY",
And his dog has not been seen again.
--- Anon

Responsible owners will tend
To the doings of man's best friend,
By stooping to scoop
The loopings of poop
That come from the nether end.
--- MrMalo

There was a young pup named O'Malley;
On the rug he would dilly and dally.
The dilly's not bad,
For it's only a tad;
But the other's a fairly good tally.
--- S A Latham

My doggie makes sounds like a grunt,
Then shits on my shoes, the damn runt;
I'd shoot her, ya know,
But where would I go
When I needed me some strange cunt?
--- Anon

It don't get much stranger than that:
Screwing poochie who on your shoes shat.
Although, on the whole,
For the sake of your pole,
It is prob'ly much safer than cat.
--- Anon

"There's a bear on my roof," Raymond said,
"But I'm scared I might fall off instead;
So if one of us falls,
And dog goes for MY balls,
Please shoot my best friend in the head."
--- David Miller

My dog's favorite part of the day
Is when a good meal comes his way.
When he is replete,
He sits at my feet,
Content and quite willing to stay.
--- Maggie

A blind parachutist named Jack,
Through landing hard, injured his back;
Then a method he found
Of detecting the ground...
When his guide dog's harness went slack.
--- Tiddy Ogg a

You Bozo, I am not a tart.
Damn! Stop sniffing my private part.
I demand more respect
When you that wish neglect,
I will let out a foul smelling fart.
--- Dirruk

A tough dog who stole everyone's lunches,
When hit, simply rolled with the punches,
Till a black belt named Rick
Gave that dog such a kick,
He now hides while their lunches he munches.
--- Martin Elster P0305

My dog took me out for a stroll;
He's always the one in control.
I try to keep up
With my lively pup,
But soon I run out of petrol.
--- Terry Braaten

In my town there has been an influx
Of beggars, and that really sucks.
One fellow named Greg
Taught his dog how to beg,
And that sucker came home with ten bucks!
--- Observer

This is file lwk

My three-legged dog wakes with the larks;
One-eyed "Lucky" gives a few barks.
I depart for a swim,
But I will not take him,
'Cause he lost both his balls to the sharks.
--- David Miller

"Where's your essay?" the teacher asked Truitt.
"My dog ate it, along with some suet,
Then threw up on my head.
The result," Truitt said,
"Is my story, and I'm sticking to it."
--- Jerry Nordal P0209

A student of canine biology,
And using the latest technology,
Takes vomit from dogs
To study -- which Ogg's
New dictionary calls dogsickology.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Old dawg Ty passed away Monday night;
And the yard now's the lonesomest sight;
Soon we'll see some new paws,
But we'll first have a pause,
'Til her old turds have all turned to white!
--- Anon

Dogs are held to be mankind's best friend;
A friend upon whom you depend.
Some are large; some are small;
Some have no hair at all;
And some are pure bred, some a blend.
--- William K Alsop Jr

A lady from Florence named Feller,
Had a dog that was such a good smeller,
He could sniff out a meal
From as far off as Lille,
And if it was nice, he would tell her.
--- Michael Palin

A dog is what I have not;
I have fleas, some crabs and a spot.
No bills from the vet
For some stupid pet.
I suppose for this lim, I'll be shot.
--- Bob Mornington

My neighbor owns a strange dog;
The poor mutt thinks he is a hog.
He roots in the ground,
And so far has found,
Three worms, two moles and a frog.
--- Bob Mornington

My dog's a bit frosty and slow,
She always makes "dew" in the snow,
And she'll never pee
Behind a big tree,
As most Frigid-airdales might go.
--- Mark Levy P9507

I once met a Japanese man
Taking two lovely dogs from his van.
"They're Akitas," he said,
As I patted one's head.
"It's a breed that was bred in Japan."
--- Anon

I have a nice dog, an Alsatian;
When I bought him, he'd a reputation.
One day he went wild;
He bit a small child,
Without any justification!
--- Arthur Pattaffy

There was an odd farmer called Boodles,
Who raised lots of beagles and poodles.
He fed them raw bones,
And fruit without stones,
And some soup with oodles of noodles.
--- William K Alsop Jr

My dog, a mis-wired Border Collie
Thinks cold frosty mornings are jolly.
He hurries off, fast,
Where the horses have passed;
There's nothing quite like a turd lolly.
--- Tiddy Ogg

My friend has a fierce bulldog named Mark,
Whose bite wasn't as bad as his bark.
To those not invited,
He sounded quite excited;
He is fearsome to meet in the dark.
--- Arthur Pattaffy

There was an old bulldog named Caesar,
Who went for a cat just to tease her;
But she spat and she spit,
Till the old bulldog quit.
Now when poor Caesar sees her, he flees her.
--- Anon

The bulldog belonging to Clegg
Was trying to make-out on my leg.
A powerful kick
Inverted it's dick,
And now it can't sit-up and beg.
--- Anon

That Indian gal, Minnehaha,
Sat down on a little chihuahua,
And this sure did botha
Her mate, Hiawatha,
Who thought things had gone far too faha.
--- Anon

Our Chihuahua did charge his first skunk.
No brains! But Igor had spunk!
The polecat let fly! Whee!
But dog too tiny
To get stuck with much odorous gunk.
--- Anon

A dog from the port was taken to court;
It was charged with molesting his father.
Said the Judge to the pet,
"How low can you get?"
Said the pet to the judge "A chihuahua?"
--- Duncan Brown

A man with a chihuahua named Prada,
Saw a Taco Bell ad in Granada.
He fumed at his pet,
"You love tacos, yet
You never say 'Yo quiero' nada!"
--- ROE

The chihuahua's a finicky breed
And I don't think this one found a need,
To sink to fast food,
When not in the mood:
Good for him if he sticks to his creed!
--- Anon

A white cocker spaniel from Poole
Had a thing about Peter O'Toole.
When he came on the telly,
He'd roll on his belly
And do funny things to the stool.
--- Michael Palin a

There was a young lady named Jolly
Who spread wide her thighs to a collie.
The girl, as she spent,
Went nuts with content,
And the collie certainly felt Jolly.
--- G1260

On account of his very short wheels,
My Dachshund can no longer feel
His wee thing. On the ground
It keeps dragging around,
And he brakes with a helluva squeal.
--- Peter Wilkins

There once was a Dalmatian named Spot;
Dalmatians get named that a lot.
She would answer instead
To Rover or Fred,
But mostly she liked the name Dot.
--- James Brown

A poodle who lived in Deer Park
Refused to be taught how to bark.
When told to say, "Woof!"
He always said, Rrrrrroof!"
Then added a nasty remark.
--- Alsops Foibles

Where do scientists idea's come from?
More often than not, they are wrong.
Dingoes don't spread rabies,
Wreck ozone, eat babies,
And they don't need to fart, they just pong.
--- Balto

A baby with parents from Perth
Was lost in the outback at birth.
Dingos in the wild
Raised the manchild,
When his parents gave up the search.
--- Gearhart

He's Archie, the dingo-boy,
On a mission to seek and destroy
The parents he thought
Threw him out like snot,
Or like a discarded foreskin. (Oi!)
--- Gearhart

My dog is called Tara, of course;
A Doberman-Staffy type cross.
The runt of the litter,
You'd think she'd be bitter,
But she's soft, like good fairy floss.
--- Archie

A lady named Abigail Fenture
Received from her colleagues a censure.
She being a vet
Accidentally let
A mischeivous Doberman Pincher.
--- William D Robinson

The dazzling Miss Dolly from Dixon,
Detested fox hunting, did mix in
With wildlife protection
(With all her affection)
As stand-in, and neighborhood vixen.
--- Carl Ludvig Kjelsen P8606

Hear the ringing of bells, how it swells.
From the collar of the dog, it repels.
That German Shep
Whose full of pep;
The Rin Tinnabulation of bells.
--- Tom Patton P9807