A panda's may not be too long,
Nor Peter's, though I may be wrong.
In the history museum,
It says (carpe diem)
A blue whale has a 3 meter dong!
--- Anon

All kinds of whales swim in the seas,
And they swim where ever they please.
Whale watchers then shout
When they see sperm whales spout.
At the Poles, the whales don't seem to freeze.
--- William K Alsop Jr

An avidly ambitious aardvark
Commenced a career as card shark;
To the shouts of his foes
When he dealt with his nose,
He said "Smelling your ace was the hard part."
--- Anon

An anteater, chasing his tail,
Fell into a barrel of ale.
He said with a hic,
"I feel terribly sick..."
Then he staggered away, looking pale.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada

There was a young girl from the Sault
Who was lonely, had nothing to do.
So she slathered some honey
'Round the edge of her cunny,
And met anteaters down at the zoo.
--- Jim Weaver Collection A

The anteater has a long snout,
And it packs quite a tongue, there's no doubt!
It comes out of his lips,
Then back in it zips;
He's designed for a day eating out.
--- Actaeon

An anteater sat in the sun
And said to himself, "It was fun
Eating twenty-two billion
And three hundred million
And four thousand ants on the run."
--- Lims Unlimited

Real strange is the old armadillo
Who never will climb up a willow.
They've horny old scales
And flat furless tails,
So never us one for a pillow.
--- Archie

There once was an arch armadillo
Who built him a hut 'neath a willow.
He hadn't a bed
So he rested his head
On a young porcupine for a pillow.
--- Carolyn Wells

A very depressed armadillo
Lay weeping under a willow.
His armor was rusted,
His oil can was busted,
And he hadn't a comfortable pillow.
--- Nancy Henry Kline P9607

There was an old man of Prickwillow
Who tamed a superb Armadillo;
Though brought from Rangoon,
It would feed from a spoon,
And then roll itself up for a pillow.
--- Creatures Facetious P0312

There was an old man from Amarillo
Who collected road-kill armadillos.
If you complained of the smell,
He was likely to yell,
"We all have our own peccadillos!"
--- John Wayland TP9901

Edentata no longer exist!
Zoologists now all insist
That the order be split;
I don't give a shit,
But their logic is hard to resist.
--- John Miller

The aardvark lives mostly on ants;
His nose is like an elephant's.
With heavy, sharpened claws
On his powerful front paws,
He seldom wears any pants.
--- William K Alsop Jr

A remarkable beast is the aardvark.
It speaks softly and not with a hard bark.
Some think its song sweeter
But 'tis an ant-eater;
The sticky tongue makes it a marred lark.

(also attributed to Joel Cohen, Cambridge, MA about 1974)
--- John M Burns P9707

An avidly ambitious aardvark
Commenced a career as a card shark.
To the shouts of his foes,
When he dealt with his nose,
He said, "Smelling your ace was the hard part!"
--- Funfax Limericks

The Aardvark explores after dark
Every inch of this African park.
With his tongue and his claws
For those termites he gnaws,
So he won't end up starving and cark. (troubled - McW)
--- Anon

First the poor ant-slurping aardvark
Was seen as a brutish old hard vark,
But his greatness unfurled
Till he charmed the whole world,
And arrived on its a-lists as starred vark.
--- David A Brooks Q

Frau aardvark once tried, for a lark,
To de-trouser her spouse in the dark.
As she snuffled about
In his pants with her snout,
She cried, "Vot you got 'ere? It's 'ard...vark!"
--- Anon

The aardvark I walk in the park
Used to crap in its pants and remark,
"If I didn't wear pants,
Then the termites and ants
I could lick and not suffocate, mark?"
--- Anon

And thus I discarded his pants
And heeded his words; for perchance,
With his hindquarters freed
From constraint he'd succeed
To get rid of those bothersome ants.
--- Anon

The Aardvark eats no leafy plants,
No mushrooms and no succulents.
Under bark, his tongue
Gets vitamins among
A diet full of new tree ants. (nutrients?)
--- Guy Ben-Moshe

After aardvarks alarm anxious ants,
All assemble at arms and advance.
Army ant-aides arrive
And advise, Ants alive:
Await assonant ant ambulance.
--- David A Brooks

The dog and the wolf have both starred
In movies and books of regard,
And even a civet
Or hyena will rivet;
But Aardwolves are doing it 'ard.
--- Anon

Queer is the beast called the aardvark,
Whose burrow is really quite dark.
It has the distinction
Of cheating extinction
By being the first in the ark.
--- Sam Chen

My pet elephant's name is McFink.
He is sadly addicted to drink.
He trips on his trunk
Whenever he's drunk
And sees people in all shades of pink.
--- June Sullivan P8403

After downing my scotch and my rye,
He thought he'd be able to fly.
With a good running start,
And propelled by a fart,
He gave it the old elephant try.
--- June Sullivan P8403

He soared fifty feet in the air
And frightened most everyone there.
He alit with a thud
For a roll in the mud
And three bottle of vin ordinaire.
--- June Sullivan P8403

Now I keep McFink chained in the yard,
And I've hired a security guard.
I've rationed his boozing
If he wants to go cruising,
Let him hoist on his own petard.
--- June Sullivan P8403

Elephants are trained to do
A helluva lot with their poo;
So them you can't blame
If they start to aim
Their shit right back at you.
--- Anon

It really comes as no surprise
Elephants come in just jumbo size.
These overweight hunks
Have their built-in trunks,
Long front teeth, and small beady eyes.
--- Cape Town Al

An elephant, sick with amnesia,
Declared to his mate, "It will please ya,
To know that I've not
Completely forgot,
You've the biggest behind in Rhodesia."
--- Lims Unlimited

The elephant's elongated nose
Should not be considered a hose.
It's really much more
Than a thing that gets sore
When a mammoth-sized cold has arose.
--- Canadian Spirit

This is file lrk

Ten elephants fooling around,
Leaped onto a car with a bound.
But they didn't get far
In the poor little car --
Only two metres into the ground.
--- Funfax Limericks

The mermaid-ish dugong and manatee
Are part of the elephant's family tree.
An aqueous solution
Was how evolution
Made light of the problem: I'm too heavy.
--- Izzy Cohen

"Can you tell," asked a groom from Khartoum,
"An elephant fart from saloon?"
A shout from the far room:
"A saloon's just a bar room --
An elephant's fart is BAR-ROOOOOM!"
--- Number Two P9011a

The animal fair was a ball;
The beasts all caroused, large and small;
But the elephant sneezed
And fell on his knees
On the monkey (now under this pall).
--- Robin K Willoughby P8408

I'll tell you this joke really quick;
With an elephant-skin wallet I'll stick.
As when I rubbed it, it grew
To a briefcase, It's true!
The skin was from the end of it's dick.
--- Anon

A circus caretaker named Lew
Would act as the dung beetles do.
When he heard the first fart,
He would run for his cart
To gather the elephant poo.
--- Al Chaplin P8711

From the Elephant paddock one day,
They took poor Barbara Woodhouse away.
There's no harm, in the least,
Shouting "Sit!" to the beast,
But she should have got out of the way.

(Barbara Woodhouse - celebrated dog obedience trainer on TV)
--- Frank Richards

The Pachyderm God without guile
Is not - I declare - 'milkophile";
The Elephant Frolic
Is pure Lactoholic -
That's surely the classical style?
--- Jim Weaver Collection

An elephant taking a shower
Has a whole lot of surface to scour;
By the time that he's through
With his wash and shampoo,
It has taken him nearly an hour.
--- Cap'n Bean P0402

Another old person from Slough,
Fucked rabbits and snakes and a sow.
It may not be relavant,
But he tried a small elephant--
They're dredging to find his corpse now.
--- G1326

A famous zoologist, Vundrum,
Was posed a perplexing conundrum:
Where to locate what falls,
From an elephant's balls.
And he said, "Vy, it's simple, look undrum."
--- Anon

An elephant struck up a pose;
On her tail were a couple of bows.
She thought she looked cute
In her big birthday suit,
Or when taking a bath with her nose.
--- Silvia S Crockett P0104

The teacher said please analyze
The elephant, no matter its size.
We worked very hard
With that tub of lard
To get him to crawl on a slide.
--- Al Willis

Dumbo, a good little elephant,
Felt so sad, thought his life was irrelephant.
He became an adult;
Packed his trunk; joined a cult;
And now he's absolutely malelephant.
--- Nancy Henry-Kline P9307

In tundra the mammoth was froze,
With a stiffie as big as a hose.
The scientists thawing
Him out were guffawing,
When someone said, "Shit; thar 'e blows!"
--- Anon

I'm only an Antipodoan
And often don't know what's a goin'.
I'm not really a klutz,
So don't crush my nuts,
Or have me stomped by mastodoin!
--- Anon

The elephant's famed for his trunk,
Which he raises to thwart the odd skunk.
For his nostrils, you see,
Since they're mobile, are free
To be other than where the skunk stunk.
--- David A Brooks Q

A druggist, Bart Hannibal Strunk,
Thought the circus physician was drunk,
When he offered to pay
For two gallons naasal spray
To open the elephant's trunk.
--- Ann Gasser P8711

Jumbo is tops when he goes out and shops
Though the big fellow certainly sweats.
There's no need to insist
On a grocery list,
For an elephant never forgets.
--- VOL 3

Why is it, do you suppose,
Elephants in the bush of the rose,
Never sit like a duck?
They're sure to get stuck.
...Quite clever pachyderms, those.
--- Arthur Deex P8508

The plumber said, "This doesn't bode
Well for your indoor commode.
A pachyderm peein'
Need an outdoor latrine,
And especially when dropping a load.
--- Tutta Gioia

The elephant never forgets,
Neither messages, shopping, or debts.
He can take in his trunk,
A whole load of junk,
And the small ones make fabulous pets!
--- Anon

An elephant paints color scenics,
For three grand a canvas in Phoenix;
Earning cash for the Zoo
And she signs them all too --
So neatly, it's like a machine "X"!
--- Prof M-G TP9804

After tearing some paper to bits,
Friends asked why? (It gave them the shits.)
"Keeps elephants away."
"But there's none!" they did say.
"It's working!" I said, dodging hits!
--- Archie

On an elephant ride, guests embark,
From northeast India's national park.
Rhinoceros beckon;
The Assamese reckon
This park is Assam's Noah's Ark.
--- Anon

The elephish lives in a swamp,
And there in delight he does romp.
On peanuts he feeds
In the rushes and reads
How the King and the Queen live in pomp.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2809

There was a young fellow called Fred,
Had an elephant sit on his head.
Where the elephant sat,
Fred's head grew quite flat,
But Fred didn't care, he was dead.
--- Audrey Freeland 12, P0112

Ed the elephant rejoined the herd;
He said that he felt like a nerd.
He said he felt tainted;
He'd been shot at -- and painted;
To his friends he must look quite absurd.
--- Arthur Pattaffy

An unhappy elephant named Clyde
From all of his friends used to hide.
He lamented, "Those guys
Ridicule my cock size,
A mere yard long and eight inches wide."
--- Michael Weinstein P8303

An elephant lay in his bunk;
In slumber his chest rose and sunk.
He snored and he snored,
Till the jungle forks roared,
And his wife tied a knot in his trunk.
--- Anon

The arrogant elephant tends
To avoid ever making amends,
Which can risk disaffection
And outright rejection
By all of his elephant friends.
--- Anon

As he filled up his order-book pages,
He decided, "I want higher wages."
So he struck for more pay
But, alas, now they say
He is sweeping out elephants' cages.
--- Anon

Some elephant bulls at the circus
Complained, "Man, those keepers sure work us!
We practice all day
For mere peanuts as pay;
To reward work like ours, they should jerk us.
--- Actaeon

An elephant once learned to fly;
Such talent is in short supply.
This strange Jumbo jet
Has not come down yet.
When I say this, I don't bat an eye.
--- Al Willis