Says Clark "That's a great idea, Perry.
Let's see if she still has her cherry.
Her hymen, it's possible,
Has remained uncrossable,
As for likely though, I'd say not very."
--- Anon

Lois lane said "Hey, Clark fucking Kent!
Why don't you, Jim and Perry get bent.
A kiss 'tween my cheeks
Is all you get, geeks.
It's for Superman, this pussy's meant!"
--- Anon

Said Clark "Allow me to appeal,"
Then he whipped out his pecker of steel.
Perry White gave a shout;
Jimmy Olsen passed out;
And all Lois could do was to squeal.
--- Anon

Well it didn't take long for Miss Lane
To give in and relieve all their pain.
But she saved her best hole
For the old super pole;
Looks like Supermans done it again!
--- Anon

Now we know what made him so "Super" --
Ol' Clark Kent made love like a trooper!
He drove Lois Lane
Damn nearly insane --
Left her in a love-sated stupor.......
--- Anon

As a kid, when we rode on the bus,
Deep questions we'd often discuss:
"Would it come off divine,
Or just blow out her spine,
If Superman did it with Lois?"
--- John Miller 0085 a

Superman's moves are the slowest
When it comes to seducing Miss Lois.
Would this work? Well it might,
"How about my crypt tonight?"
The reply "yes" would be apropo-est.
--- Larry Hollister

Though he's careful with money that's spent,
Turns out Supermman can't pay the rent.
Now the poor Man of Steel
Can't afford a square meal,
On the salary of lowly Clark Kent.
--- Larry Hollister

Maybe Merry and Pippin are cuter,
And it's obvious Gandalf's astuter,
But the guy on the quest
Is the one I like best.
I'm becoming a real frodo-Rooter.
--- Larry Hollister

Down with Gandalf, the wizard of Shoreditch!
He gives gals who refuse him the itch;
And he works his low spells
On sex-shy young belles--
He is really a son of a bitch!
--- G1955

Once during his long wandering,
A hobbit found a magic ring.
An object quite rare
And a pleasure to wear;
Who knew what great woe it would bring.
--- Phil T

An Ent-wife of five thousand years
Was enthralled by a Hobbit named Piers.
This halfling, 'tis said,
Would shove in his head,
And vomit while wiggling his ears.
--- G2652

This tale is, (once I'm in the groove,)
'Bout Bunter, so foreigners who've
Not heard of this lad --
Fat, cowardly, bad --
He's known as the Owl of [the] Remove.
--- Anon

This owl, after pussy, once sailed
To sea, but the engine soon failed.
He drifted ashore
"Oh cripes, crikey, lor',
I'm lost, cast away," the fool wailed.
--- Anon

"I'm out in the back of beyond!"
But there on the beach stood a blonde.
He gave her a smile:
"Hi, is this the Isle
Of Virgins? I've a throb in my wand."
--- Anon

The blonde, whose bra top was well filled-o,
Said " "No kid, until he was killed-o,
'Twas owned by old Tolkien,
Whose penis was brolkien,
Who made me a fine 'lectric dildo.
--- Anon

"It glowed fluorescent, was long,
As thick as the one on King Kong,
And looking quite nasal,
Was named by friend Hazel,
The Nose With The Luminous Dong."
--- Anon

Said Bunter, his voice going mumbly,
"I reckon you must be a Jumbly,
So take off your kit,
And let's have a bit
Of sexual rumbly-tumbly.
--- Anon

She asked "Can you match dildo Hobbit?"
He stripped."What's your name? Mr Bobbit?
But that inch or two
Will just have to do,
My dildo's gone, Hazel did rob it."
--- Anon

"The old boss, the Lord of the Rongs,
Made me a mechanical dong.
It's called Dildo Shaggins,
But the battery's flagging,
And I need me a man with a shlong."
--- Anon

So blondie then grabs Bunter's pobble,
But getting it in gives her trobble;
Gives up, starts a-whining:
"Let's try sixty-nining."
And both start to have a good gobble.
--- Anon

Just then from the edge of the channel,
Comes Hazel, who's fucking a spaniel,
Up to them she's walkien,
And thus-wise is tolkien:
"This dog'll do more than a man'll."
--- Anon

To cut then a long story short,
With these two our Bunter has sport.
They fair shag him out,
But he grows far less stout,
And's glad that he came to this port.
--- Anon

The moral: If you're out a-cruising,
Don't practice that dumb self-abusing;
You'll always find totty
When out on your yachty,
And that stuff you'll find more amusing.
--- Anon

The hero, a small furry thing,
On his quest for a magical ring,
Joined the forces of Right
To put Evil to flight.
Side effect: The Return of the King.
--- Arthur Deex P8409

I really like "Lord of the Rings."
In spite of the orcs, trolls, and things
That sneaked up in the dark,
Beyond Gandalf's wand's spark.
WOW! Guess what the next episode brings!
--- Willis Baddel

There once was a spammer from Porlock,
A tenth-level internet warlock,
who scorning repentence,
Was served with a sentence
So long, he was raped by a Morlock.
--- Corklebath

The title's a bore, that's the thing;
They need one with a little more zing.
"Look who's Tolkein" has worth;
"Battlefield Middle Earth"?
But I'm partial to "Dude, Where's My Ring?"
--- Larry Hollister

A "Good Time" to Barney and Fred,
Was to have Dino give 'em both head.
And to continue the revels,
Bugger Bam Bam and Pebbles,
While Wilma sucked Betty in bed!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Fred, I once thought you were built
Like a stegosaur. Now though you wilt,
To raise you's much trouble;
I'll see Barney Rubble;
He'll plunge his in up to the hilt.
--- Frank Sfa

You have to give Freddie his due,
For each time she gives him a screw,
The neighbors would know
Because he would crow,
That crappy YABBA-DABBA-DOO.
--- Frank Sfa

One night he gave Wilma a shock
And shattered his famous bed rock.
To get out of trouble
He called Barney Rubble,
To finish the job with his cock.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Said Betty: "Your tongue, Barney Rubble,
Down there is so nice, but my nub'll
Get sore from your play, sir,
Invent please, the razor,
And stop shredding me with your stubble."
--- Tiddy Ogg

This is file lfl

When it comes to the programs I've cursed,
"Barney" certainly ranks as the worst.
Still, the dork in the suit
Must have mountains of loot.
I just wish I had thought of it first!
--- Larry Hollister

"Where's his peepee?" she wondered dismayed,
Dressing Barney to take to first grade.
I explained, "He lookes neater
Without any peter."
She replied, "Well then how's he get laid?"
--- John Miller 0168

Barney, who TV created,
Has urges which cannot be sated.
His triceratops friend
Has no hole in her end,
Nor does he, the show is G-rated.
--- Actaeon

T-rex isn't quite the right species
For this creature my daughter of three sees.
Allosaurus? Not quite,
Crapodactyl sounds right,
'Cause his show smells distinctly like feces.
--- Larry Hollister

Barney, purple master of tedium,
Drives sane adults to delirium.
Spouting multi-cultural drivel,
He makes our brains shrivel,
With messages of oneness ad nauseum.
--- Anon

I think that I'd like Barney more
If he'd act like a real carnivore.
Munching children with relish,
On a rampage so hellish,
It's something they'd call in the army for.
--- Larry Hollister A

Dick Armee named Barney a fag;
As smooth as saluting the flag.
Whether slip or design,
It was less than benign,
And suggested his bent as a wag.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

On Sesame Street, it was late,
Burt and Ernie were concluding their date,
When Bert's hot erection,
Spewed the Paper Clip Collection,
Which made Ernie fuckin' irate!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A Japanese girl in a sweat shirt
Tripped over her feet when she met Bert.
Ernie then chose to say
"What a wonderful day.
I'm so glad that she didn't get hurt."

(Bert and Ernie from Sesame Street, a childrens program)
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Big Bird was playing with Snuffy...
Where his hairs are shorter and fluffy...
Strokin' with a yellow feather
Where ass comes together;
Till his dick, like his trunk, is quite puffy.
--- John Costaine T9710

Jim Henson was caught in a flubber;
This pig he wanted to bugger.
So he snuck out at night,
But it didn't feel right.
No one likes humping foam rubber.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

When Porky Pig went on a date,
He ever so carefully ate
What he was presented,
And no one resented
That Porky then licked the whole plate.
--- Anon

The roadrunner had sex on his mind
And soon a cute bird he did find.
He'd just gone "Beep beep!"
And gotten in deep,
When Wile E. came up from behind.
--- Actaeon

Well, Sadie was surely no crone,
So when Homer comes in with a bone,
She says "Hi there, fella,
This thing I won't sell ya,
But I'm glad to be Homer loan."
--- Anon

A South Park kid named Kyle.
His fucked up antics make you smile.
If he only knew
Why the creator made him a Jew,
Maybe he wouldn't be vile.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There was a young stripper named Jenny.
And of men she did have very many.
Her tits tumbled out
And then she did shout:
"Oh my God! They have just killed Kenny!"
--- Phil T

Remeber the girl named Miss Muffet
Who sat her ass down on a tuffet
And that creepy old spider,
He now flies a fighter,
And today blew Miss Muffet away!
--- Anon

Miss Muffet was once chased away
By a spider who moved in to stay.
But where did she go,
Does anyone know?;
And where is Miss Muffet today?
--- Travis Brasell

Her whereabouts is very puzzling,
And plentiful rumors are buzzling
Throughout the dominion;
So what's your opinion;
Do you have some notions you're nuzzling?
--- Travis Brasell

Her parents, of course, are concerned,
And they for Miss Muffet have yearned
For her to this day,
To finish her whey
And curds, so please tell what you've learned.
--- Travis Brasell

Oh look, there she is, fast asleep,
Down among our old Tiddy's sheep.
If you don't wake her,
I guess he will take her
Along with her friend wee Bo Peep
--- Tony Burrell

Whatever is wrong with Miss Muffet
We cure with a poke up her tuffet;
But when she's asleep
We go after Bo Peep,
And if she's not around we just rough it.
--- Peter Wilkins

You remember that Little Miss Muffet,
The one with the tits and the tuffet?
I gave her my lar-
Gest Havana cigar;
She said, "Thanks", and proceeded to stuff it.
--- Sansuesi

A lady you've heard of, Miss Muffet,
Sat down, all prepared, on a tuffet.
"If a big spider dares
To attack unawares,"
She announced, "I'll shout 'Oy' and then cuff it."
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada

Miss Muffit and Sadaam one day
Compared notes and this they did say:
"I know what you mean...
It's just too obscene!
To have all those Kurds in the way!"
--- Tiddy Ogg

There was an old camper named Muffet,
Who had to make do with a tuffet;
Groused she, "I'm a fool
To squat on this stool:
I like to be comfy, not rough it!"
--- Armand E Singer 979

Little Miss Muffet sat of a tuffet,
Knickers all tattered and torn.
It wasn't the spider
That sat down beside her,
'Twas Little Boy Blue with a horn.
--- Geoff Tring

Miss Muffet loved all of her sheep
And rams were the ones she would keep.
If they were well hung,
She'd tickle their bung...
Oh Hell - that was little Bo-Peep.
--- Archie

While eating her curds and her whey,
Miss Muffett was once forced to weigh
The impact of a spider
Who had sat down beside her
To frighten her off on her way.
--- Arthur Deex P9112

Miss Muffet's not happy today,
As, whilst eating her curds and her whey,
There came down a spider
That soon got inside her,
And discovered vaginal decay!
--- Biro

There was a young person named Muffet,
Who sat spooning whey on a tuffet,
When a hairy arachnid,
In terms coarse and hackneyed,
Succinctly enjoined her to stuff it.
--- Anon

The inept young lass, Miss Muffet
Had further bad luck with her tuffet;
Some used-tuffet dealers
Decided to steal hers,
And now she must rent one or rough it.
--- Dean Walley P9007

There was a young maiden named Muffett
Who sat on a dildoform tuffett.
Along came a spider
Who offered to ride her,
But she sneered at the size of his stuffett.
--- G1289

Here's the true tale of Little Miss Muffet:
He came to the city to "tough it."
When an eight-legged spider
Took a bar-stool beside her,
She told the web-spinner, "Go stuff it!"
--- Laurence Perrine P8701