For romansk a miss from Gdansk,
Took a chansk on a trip to Murmansk.
But she didn't screwski
A single young Rooski;
She longed for a Pole in her pantsk.
--- Pierce Evans

There once was a man from Gdansk
Who stole Tiddy Ogg's velvet pantsk.
When we asked Tids to dansk,
He replied with a glansk,
"I would if I could but I can'tsk."
--- Ericka

But wasn't that out in Slovenia;
I know you were there 'cause I seen ya.
That horizontal tango
You did with old Django,
Was great, though he's ten years your senior.
--- Tiddy Ogg

The city was really Smolensk
Where Django's prick, quite swollensk,
Young Ericka humped
And ground as they bumped,
Before Django filled Ogg's colonsk.
--- Randog

Perhaps you're remembering Kharkov?
I stripped to the skin in the darkov
A cold winter's night?
We dance in firelight,
Till we got too close and caught a sparkov.
--- Ericka

We went north to old Archangelsk;
You ate cockles, winkles and welksk.
And then got so hot
From misuse of your twat,
It caused half the ice-cap to meltsk.
--- Tiddy Ogg

There was a huge girl from Yakutsk,
Who had an enormous big buttsk.
She tried sixteen pair
Of huge underwear,
But finally gave up in disgutsk.
--- Ericka

Raquel, from the Argentine pampas,
Attends an American campus.
"You guys ride like a gaucho,
When we're spread on the couch. Oh,
We love the rough way that you tamp us!"
--- Hugh Clary

Mariachis for the local cantina;
Party guests dancing the Macarena.
Chile rellenos divine,
Tears flowing like wine;
"Don't cry for me, Arch and Tina!"
--- Ron sartain

There was a young girl from Belize,
With the boys could not feel at her ease.
She was good with a lens,
Shooting all her friends:
"Please sit down with my mum, and say cheese."
--- Arthur Pattaffy

A cracker who lived in Brazil,
Found the nuts there, were making her ill.
She flew off by airplane
Never went back again;
Told the doctor to send her his bill.
--- Arthur Pattaffy

Just say, "Gem of the Ocean," they snigger,
Since "Columbia" has gotten bigger.
Her new growth transcends brawn.
We trust she'll later on
Regain her allegorical figure.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0105

I know a loose fellow named Leo,
Who spends every weekend in Rio,
Where it's easy to find
Young girls who don't mind
His sticking his prick where they pee-o.
--- Michael Horgan

A serape from Mexico calls,
To mind Montezuma's famed walls,
Where Cortez and cronies,
Met men of cojones,
And were awed by their great baggy shawls.
--- Bob Giandomenico P0302

I'm just back from Texas today,
At the border town, Eagle Pass way.
Not much of a town,
By day flat and brown,
But at night Mexicans sure can play.
--- Tom Allen

In Mexico, I dropped a few dimes
On tequila with salt and some limes.
With the call of "Hey Meester,
Wanna play with my seester?
She now been a virgin twelve times."
--- Tom Allen

And did you like cattleman Lorne?
He said that he met you one morn,
And fill up with lust,
He told me I must
Give Carol a Texas long-horn."
--- Tiddy Ogg

It's amazing. They grow up so soon.
To the tourist trade though they're a boon.
Kindergarteners, yet
Throngs of them board a jet,
To enjoy their Spring Break in Cancun.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0105

The Washington Post wins a prize
For the most creative of lies.
"A corrupt Mexico?"
How could we all know.
It comes as a total surprise.
--- David Martin

A lovely young girl offered sex
And companionship last year in Mex-
ico. "Why what's the catch?"
I said, fondling her snatch,
As my love-muscle started to flex.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

"We're shooting a magazine spread
And I hear from the editor, Ped-
ro, you're good; so I plead --
Please help us -- we need
You Aztec-nical expert", she said.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

I kissed her sweet innocent face
And she gave me a loving embrace
And she whispered, "Remember
My love this December;
Tijuana come back to my place?"
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Now weak with desire I said, "Sister,
I'd love to", and once again kissed her.
Chihuahua so good
As she fondled my wood;
Not surprising, I couldn't resist her.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A native Executive Sec
Of a Fund at Nahualt Toltec
Has denied that his needs
Are for Mexican beads.
Hualt please him? Nahuatl? A chec!
--- Clifton Fadiman P9804

Panama is no longer our pal
Now that China commands the canal.
There is no doubt
That we've been sold out,
And our ships confined to one locale.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Then I landed a girl from Patagonia,
She seemed to get bonier and bonier,
Then we tried aural sex,
It her hearing did vex
(She only had one - 'twas a lone ear).
--- Anon

One ought not to go to Peruvia;
The experience wouldn't behoove ya'.
When sliding some meat
At twelve thousand feet,
It takes two extra people to move ya'.
--- MrMalo

A circus lion in poor fettle
Rode a bike that was made of metal.
His coat was all shaggy;
His eyes were both baggy;
Pity the Popocatepetl.
--- Tom Patton P0207

There was a young man from Peru --
But what does it matter to you
Where he's from, or the same
For the young fellow's name?
The question is, What did he do?
--- Laurence Perrine P8805

There was a young man from Peru
Whose bride came from Kalamazoo;
They were wed in Medina
By a bishop from China,
Who had come there from far Timbuktu.
--- Laurence Perrine P8805P

The end of the world is at hand.
Tierra Del Fuego, grand land;
Not a true paradise,
Here withstand wind and ice.
Not so nice, daily weather not bland.
--- Joel D Ash P0504

Jump off point to Antarctica bleak,
Cruise ships sometimes venture a peek;
To seek penguins and seals,
Total whiteness conceals,
The South Pole midst thick ice so unique.
--- Joel D Ash P0504

Round the Horn on a day that is rough;
Monstrous waves, roiling sea that is tough;
Stuff of legend and lore,
Awful thoughts, dream of shore,
Only once to explore, that's enough.
--- Joel D Ash P0504

This is file kxm

Beyond here, be dragons tenacious;
Sea monsters with hunger voracious;
Fallacious assumption,
By sailors with gumption,
Brave captains who were so audacious.
--- Joel D Ash P0504

Fin Del Mundo, Ushuaia of old;
Chilly town where the bold all grow cold;
Manifold sights here found;
Patagonia bound;
A threshold for adventure untold.
--- Joel D Ash P0504

I have strayed very far from my home.
I have traveled from Moscow to Rome.
I have eaten pommes frites,
And I tried a French teat,
But the best are the girls from Stockholm.
--- Al Willis P9702

I blew all my dough, like E. Flynn.
Oh my, what a spot that I'm in.
From Bonn to Bombay
I was carefree and gay,
And I haven't a pot to piss in.
--- Al Willis P9702

Took a trip down Mexico way,
On my way back over today,
The border patrol
Fingered my hole;
Think I'll cross over each day!
--- Gearhart

Returning from a foreign trip,
The customs men told me to strip.
My ass they were feeling,
In case I was concealing
More shit that my cheeks could grip.
--- Funny Bone

It truly is breaking my heart,
'Cause from Texas I'm forced to depart.
But I will not grieve
'Cause us Texans believe
Such a move makes both places more smart.
--- John Miller 0165

The film will be ready on Monday.
We'll kick back with Scotch and Burgundy.
Fine photos we'll view.
Kate will give us a clue,
If we think they were shot in Burundi.
--- H Welchel

Some people would think it insane,
To fly in a jet aeroplane.
It's better, they've found,
To remain on the ground,
And travel by bus, car, or train.
--- Anon

A smart Hong Kong guy name of Cisco,
Phoned a friend in a Honk Kong Disco.
"I'm sorry to state
I've broken our date;
This call's from a number in Frisco."
--- Tom Patton P9708

Is homeward transportation
From where you start
To where you part
With global circulation.
--- Lims Unlimited

Our lovely brunette was no sneak
When prowling around Martinique.
She cornered some guy,
Who'd caught her wide eye;
Now he's flying to see her next week.
--- Dick Hull

A vacation at sea is a cruise,
With enjoyment, good food and good booze.
For you, as a single,
Most times you will mingle.
If this is your joy, you can't lose.
--- Arthur Pattaffy

Old Erm's on vacation again,
She's not off to Iceland or Spain,
But parts Indonesian,
For some crazy reason.
"Djakarta?" "No, she went by plane."
--- Tiddy Ogg

I once to a trip to NYC;
A storm settled in, cold and icy.
I spent four long days
In a hotel-bound haze,
And not one famous sight did I see.
--- Scott Oliver

One weekend I drove to San Fran
To watch some young girls do the Can-Can.
But the fog was so thick,
That the girls couldn't kick,
For fear of assaulting a man-fan.
--- Scott Oliver

So I thought I'd head down to L.A.
For some real sunny weather--no way.
'Cause the mud, it did slide
So I hunkered inside
Watching half of the coast melt away.
--- Scott Oliver

Now I'm sailing to good old Barbados
For a well-earned employment hiatus.
But it's cold on the deck;
Rain and wind sure as heck
And there' hail big as cherry tomatoes.
--- Scott Oliver

So I guess I'll just turn right around
And go back to my home. I have found
You can run, but can't hide
From the storms or the tide.
We've got four feet of snow on the ground.
--- Scott Oliver

I was travelling deep into Europe,
Just to see what misdeeds I could stir up.
"Know Jim Smith?" I was asked,
And in glory I basked,
"I've poetically beaten that cur up!"
--- Ward Hardman

In Vienna, I met at the Prater,
An pervert who had plumbed old Jim's crater.
He complained, "It's so loose,
I damn near lost my shoes.
He's among all my conquests the nadir!"
--- Ward Hardman

In the festival beerhalls of Munich,
I encountered a very fat eunuch.
He smiled at me wanly,
Lisped "Jim's much less manly,
Sprinkling women's cologne on his tunic."
--- Ward Hardman

In a farmyard just outside Dachau,
We were all introduced to a sow.
Said the guide, "Jim Smith's Mum!
His old Dad was a bum,
But poor Jim is much lower, I'd vow."
--- Ward Hardman

I've packed in my shirts and my jocks,
A toothbrush, a comb for my locks
And a razor; OK,
Now I'm well on my way
And ... oh damn, I've forgotten my socks.
--- Anon

Advice you'll not find in a poem
Should be heeded when tempted to roam.
Pay attention to it,
It's for your benefit:
Go first class or keep your ass home.
--- Warrick Elrod

I'm rushing around like a mad
Man; in underpants only I'm clad,
Chucking shirts in my case
And still shaving my face;
I'll be gone soon enough to Baghdad.
--- Anon

A neighbor I knew was a drunk,
Who would wander around in a funk.
When I found him in Rome,
I sent him on home,
Packed up in an old steamer trunk.
--- Bob Birch P0302

The hoteliers are down in their trade,
As their guests stayed away. They're afraid.
From U.K. and the states
They're now making new dates;
The staffs hope now that they will be paid.
--- Arthur Pattaffy

A globe-trotting man from St Paul
Made a trip to Japan in the fall.
One thing he found out,
As he rambled about,
Was that Japanese ladies St. Taul.
--- Ferdinand Christgau P9707a

A globe-trotting man from Twin Cities
Made a trip to seek Oriental pretties.
One thing he found out,
As he rambled about,
Was that Japanese broads have small titties.
--- Arthur Deex P9707

Bon voyage to my good matey Gary,
To the States by taxi, then ferry.
Then a ship and a train,
Plus a bus and a plane,
For a vacation on which he'll make Mary.
--- Anon

A well-traveled fellow named Greer
Said, "I've been to Hong Kong and Zaire,
To Queensland and Spain
And the Uruguay Plain,
But my favorite spot's Wigan Pier!"
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada

We are off to good old Natal,
Where the women are built rather well
And the fish like to bite
In the morn and the night,
And they all enjoy a good swell.
--- Anon

There was a Manhattan Tycoon
Who took his vacation in June;
When asked, "Are you bound
For The Lake or The Sound?"
He answered unfailingly, "Schroon."

(Schroon Lake, New York, USA)
--- Limber Limericks