I took a long trip in November
To buy some new land with good timber;
Those massive tall trees,
Erect in the breeze,
Reminded me of my huge member.
--- Anon

From there I went south to the beach,
Where I met a fine 'Georgia peach'.
She gave me nine fits
By showing her tits,
And saying, "Hey, suck one of each!"
--- Anon

I left Alabama, went west,
Until I met up with the best
Whore Texas had had,
(She's good when she's bad!)
Who scobbed my big knob... as you've guessed!
--- Anon

From Texas I took a short flight
To Denver and stayed for one night;
That's where I met Ina
Who had a vagina
So ugly, but damn!...was it tight!
--- Anon

I crossed the high Rockies by train,
Sat next to a tourist from Spain;
One night in her bunk
She swallowed my spunk,
While keeping me bound with a chain!
--- Anon

Then under Montana's big sky,
I stopped at a 'dude ranch' ... met Bly,
A housewife by day,
At night a paid lay;
Fucked me ... got divorced ... wonder why?
--- Anon

I headed southeast back toward Dixie,
Encountered a ravishing pixie
Who was very fragile,
But, lord, was she agile;
Performed on my cock a great trick, see?
--- Anon

Thank goodness I'm still in my prime,
Makes 'Travlings' no less than sublime!
There's much more to share,
But now I won't dare;
You'll just have to wait 'til next time!
--- Anon

Now Phineas Fogg made a bet,
To do what no one had done yet:
To get 80 lays,
In 81 days,
So condom-stocked, off the man set.
--- Anon

Next Austrian, Estonian, Omani,
Iranian, Turk, Pakistani,
To Saudi, then back,
Filled a crack in Iraq,
Then Syrian, Turkmenistani.
--- Anon

Tunisian, then Spaniard and Libyan,
South African next, and Namibian,
And then went out seekin'
A fine Mozambiquan,
Then headed off for the Caribbean.
--- Anon

I do love to sail on the sea.
Do you have the crew's guarantee,
That this ship isn't leaky?
It sounds kinda creaky;
Are there life vests for you and me?
--- Anon

'Cause I'd hate to swim to the shores,
Of Morocco, the land of the Moors.
I swim like a rock,
So I'm afraid your cock,
Would never get into my drawers!
--- Anon

I don't mean to imply that you're cheap,
And I know your pockets aren't deep,
But if you don't mind,
The next plane ride I'll find,
One from which we don't have to leap.
--- Anon

If the boat that we ride in should leak,
I don't think your future's so bleak.
Just grab my inflated
And often fellated
Erection and sit on its peak.
--- Gearhart

I'll flip over onto my back,
And inject it deep into your crack;
Then do the back stroke
As I give you a poke,
You'll be safe -- for to swim I've the knack.
--- Gearhart

Now this being said, just enjoy
This boat ride with your favorite boy.
Although the ship's creaky,
It's yet to be leaky,
But still you can sit on my toy!
--- Gearhart

I'm glad that you thought to provide,
This fabulous way for a ride.
And it's not surprising,
The water is rising.
We'll have to jump over the side.
--- Carol

Morocco's not too far from here;
You get in the water first, dear.
Get your sail up and ready,
And please hold it steady,
So I can jump onto your spear...
--- Carol

...To make a water tight connection,
Onto your hot throbbing erection.
On the waves we ride,
Then swim with the tide,
Using your back stroke to perfection
--- Carol

Your back stroke is certainly strong,
As I enjoy the ride on your dong.
But my skin's like a prune,
(Hope we get ther real soon)
Come on John, lets move this along.
--- Carol

And as he got close I could see,
He wasn't alone, there were three.
Each waving a sword,
As they came toward,
One swooped down and carried off me!
--- Anon

First we're in a plane that won't float,
Then we jump from a leaky boat.
Now I'm on this camel;
A stinky mean mammal,
With this guy who smells like a goat.
--- Anon

This vacation so far's not drab,
And I don't mean to sound like a crab,
But kidnapped am I,
By this smelly guy,
Who thinks he's Ahab the Arab!
--- Anon

As they came a-brandishin' swords,
And screaming out harsh sounding words,
I had no choice, dear,
As they filled me with fear,
But to think of a plan afterwards.
--- Anon

It would have been of little use
For me to resist or refuse.
They would have just cut
Up my lilly white butt,
So I put up my hands as a truce.
--- Anon

Now since they did leave me alive,
I still had a chance to derive
A plan from my mind,
To save your behind;
This trip I intend we survive.
--- Anon

As I followed their tracks in the sand,
Across this broad, bare, lifeless land,
Grew afraid what I'd find.
Would they treat you unkind?
This trip ain't worked out like I planned.
--- Anon

I've walked for what seems endless time;
The heat is intense in this clime.
As I top a tall dune,
I see that I'll soon
Arrive to avenge for their crime.
--- Anon

So now I must quick rack my brains.
(A headache results from such strains.)
The camels are tied
To a post just outside
The tent by the ends of their reins.
--- Anon

Untying the camels to loose 'em,
To make them all scatter I goose 'em.
They snort, grunt, and run
Off into the sun;
The noise attracts Ahab's dumb twosome.
--- Anon

To one side of the tent I did hide,
As the two men emerged from inside.
Three camels they chased
As away they now raced,
And inside of the tent I did glide.
--- Anon

Alone in the tent she stood chained;
To ravage her there I abstained.
With seconds to act,
Grabbed the keys and unshack-
led her there and saved her again!
--- Anon

This is file kvm

So now we run out through the dunes,
Away from Ahab and his goons.
They've not noticed yet,
That you've escaped pet;
They are just two stupid baboons!
--- Anon

From Sioux City, I'm driving back west,
To the Golden State, land I love best;
My old Chevvy is purring;
Like perfect for touring;
Nebraska's no sweat, so I'd guessed.
--- Anon

Now I hear, 'neath the hood, all ain't right;
There's a knocking like something's not tight;
Then I think: "What the Duece?
Hell, a rod can't be loose;
I just worked on that engine last night!"
--- Anon

So, I turn up my radio's knob;
Music drowns out that ominous throb;
Also put on some speed,
Maybe not a smart deed;
Cuz the car's running rough as a cob!
--- Anon

Radio louder! More gas! Got more clatter!
Suvva gun! What the hell is the matter?
Man, I'm getting in dutch;
Better push in the clutch!
About then's when my teeth start to chatter!
--- Anon

A new engine block's now in my clunk;
See the wreckage I've saved in the trunk;
Lots of steel, twisted up
Work of Art? I'd say "Yup;
Looks like Salvador Dali got drunk!"
--- Anon

This sure is a crappy hotel;
There's no one to answer the bell;
No chambermaid, porter,
Or owner's young daughter...
Good heavens; I'm home for a spell.
--- Peter Wilkins

I'd be happy to help you out, Pete;
I can keep your room tidy and neat.
And answer the door,
And then around four,
I'll make you a nice little treat.
--- Carol

Now Carol, I'm eager to see
What treat you are planning for me;
In fact, I'm so keen
Than I've kept my room clean
In the hope I can have it at three.
--- Peter Wilkins

Your room is so clean, it's like new.
Now, I've lots of time, it's just two.
So please close your eyes,
Here comes the surprise.
The treat that I'm making is you!
--- Carol

I'm taking up cudgels and gavels
Against these unwarranted travels
I'm having to make
For the company's sake,
Lest my mind, if I have one, unravels.
--- Peter Wilkins

"Now look, boss, I won't go away."
"Yes, you will, like I told you -- today."
"I resign, you can stuff
It." "Okay, that enough --
If you do, you can do without pay."
--- Peter Wilkins

Apart from the flight and hotel,
Entertainment expenses as well,
I shall claim, with no shame,
Under Food -- for a dame --
Maybe two if I'm lucky as hell.
--- Peter Wilkins

In India, claim you're a Swami;
In Japan, show your date origami;
For a Catholic Spaniard,
Wear a cross on a lanyard,
And in Rome just pull out your salami.
--- Dick Potts P8511

In Kabul, find yourself a cute Afgan,
And stealthily pull off her caftan;
In France, drop your pants,
And beg for romance,
In Greece, just bend over an ashcan.
--- Dick Potts P8511

Been working away for a spell,
But the horrible hovel from hell
I was booked in to stay,
Was by far and away
The most hellish since Bate's Motel.
--- Peter Wilkins

The "chalet" I slept in was old;
Like a monastery cell, awful cold.
It was furnished with junk
And a metal-framed bunk,
But the piece-de-resistance was mould.
--- Peter Wilkins

The mould grew in patches galore,
On the walls of the bathroom for sure;
But much worse was the fungus
Exceeding humungous
That grew 'neath the bed on the floor.
--- Peter Wilkins

And what could possibly be finer
Than supper at night in the diner?
A greasy pork chop
And inedible slop
In a soup-bowl of secondhand china.
--- Peter Wilkins

Around the whole place is a fence
Which is awesome and truly immense,
And to keep people out
There are turrets (no doubt
With machine guns) for added defense.
--- Peter Wilkins

"Your motel room reeks of the dead.
There's stench from the floor and the bed.
Its dank with no heat,
And furthermore, Pete,
It smells," Tom instinctively said!
--- Observer

She gambled away all her money.
Please don't laugh, because it ain't funny.
She's paying the hotel
By doing the no-tell,
With some old guy calling her Sonny.
--- Marlene Lewis

Now that just doesn't sound right.
Are they doing the nasty at night?
With his bifocal glass,
He should look as her ass,
While she holds it up next to the light.
--- Jeanie

I'm sorry to hear that this debtor
Is chained to her debt like a fetter.
But, oh, what the hell,
Next time will you tell
Poor Bonnie she needs to learn better?
--- Travis Brasell

Excuse me but Marty's chest looks
Like something squished it flat with some books.
Her sonny-flat chest
Should just lay to rest
Suspicions that she is one who hooks.
--- Bonnie

It must be her, he's calling sonny,
'Cause I am a well-endowed honey.
I've really learned well --
So Trav, what the hell,
Do want to give me some money?
--- Bonnie

You fibber! You liar! You Jerk!
I do not do that kind of work.
My boobies ain't flat,
Except the one that
Is making the rest of you smirk.
--- Marlene Lewis

Oh Marty, how could you just lie?
And expect all these guys to buy.
Your boobies ain't flat.
If you were a gnat,
That statement you could dignify.
--- Bonnie

We ladies do never expect
These guys to buy what they detect.
By using their eyes,
They use open flies
And check it out when they're erect.
--- Marlene Lewis

The pain-in-the-butt 'cross the room
Has got me quite sunk into gloom.
Takes me fifty tries
To match her replies.
I wish she'd ride off on her broom.
--- Marlene Lewis

I wish I was going away
On holiday later today;
Alas and alack,
Though, for work I must pack,
Else I might get the sack and no pay.
--- Peter Wilkins

I won't stay in hovels and tents
And spend a mere 25 cents;
Instead, as befits,
I'll stay at the Ritz
And thus rack up expenses immense.
--- Peter Wilkins

There isn't, of course one admits,
A Midlands Hotel called the Ritz.
It's fantasy time
For the purpose of rhyme,
And I bet where I stay is the pits.
--- Peter Wilkins

At Xmas I get very bored;
Away, I wish I could afford;
By boat or plane
Or even by train,
To a warmer place, somewhere abroad.
--- Anon