In fact, over here it was hot
And dry, lots of rain we had not.
So I stripped in the sun;
I recall it was fun,
But now my first fall-cold I've got.
--- Eva Bekker

A man's face is a cool place to sit;
Most comfy, dear Carol, isn't it?
Three-day beards so itchy,
Will so make you twitchy.
And their noses? Now where would they fit.
--- Eva Bekker

Now Mama, I'm older than you,
And want not a kid nor a ewe.
I much prefer Bess
When I'm making a mess --
Though Mama, I love what you do.
--- Archie

Well, thank you, dear Archie, that's kind;
Just lately you were on my mind.
Had some dreams about fire
And a flaming desire
For the species you don't often find.
--- Eva Bekker

I'm white and I know you are green,
Though for others this cannot be seen.
And those flames red and hot
Remind us of that spot
Where we were, but no humans have been.
--- Eva Bekker

Let's fly, Arch, just up and away,
No matter what others might say;
We'll return after dawn,
Landing soft on the lawn,
To welcome a great brand new day.
--- Eva Bekker

I'm a little bit smit by Ms. Koch
She sure doesn't have writer's block.
Perhaps she could redo
An aging libido,
And turn a dry prune into rock.
--- Amego P9912

Oh Gertrude, where has she now gone?
Just lately the sun hasn't shone.
Is true what I heard
You've given us the bird;
Was your last lim your real swansong?
--- Anon

Once Kitten would purr on the spur
Of the moment, then what would occur
Was limericks naughty,
But since she got haughty,
She silently licks her own fur.
--- Anon

A year's passed! It's hard to grasp this,
So surely, there's something amiss
I'm longing for Carol
And Ericka. Sterile
Describes us with just Sister Chris.
--- Dirruk

Those ladies could not have been sweeter;
So devoted to rhyme and to meter.
They left; it's a shame
They no longer came.
I think what they're missing is Peter.
--- John Miller

Welcome to limerick land,
Where pretty well nothing is banned.
From lovely Marlene,
What's next on the scene.
I wish she would take me in hand.
--- Tiddy Ogg

I've one over-reaching complaint.
The scent of a woman is faint
In these musty halls.
More tits and less balls
Would spruce this place up like fresh paint.
--- Randog

So how does one start to recruit
Some T&A, curvy and cute;
To versify cleverly,
A Brie, Belle or Beverly
Should volley the wads that we shoot.
--- Randog

They're here, but they're staying away
In droves, as to why I can't say.
But our chances are slim
Needing more than a lim
To lure those sweet lassies to play.
--- John Miller

Ah ladies, you lent a warm glow
When you posted in here, don't you know.
And I'd be a twit
If I didn't admit
How you made my regard for you, grow.
--- John Miller

Your assessment is flawless, my friend,
And if a fair lass were to wend
Her way to this forum,
A wood-growing quorum
Would not include you. Comprehend?
--- Randog

This rhyming lark's ruling my life!
It causes considerable strife.
Whilst fumbling with him,
I think of a lim;
Soon he may seek a non-rhyming wife.
--- Jayne

Of blame, I'm not really a fingerer,
And lately I've been a malingerer.
But this poor little group
Has less substance than soup --
Sweet Azul has nobody to sing fer her.
--- Scott Oliver

Ah yes, all us masters of words
Should sing for her, sweeter than birds.
Instead of hand wringing,
We all should be singing,
Not acting like ricin-rich Kurds.
--- John Miller

The 'Doctor Angellicus' dryness
Masked sometimes an impudent slyness,
As the Breviary shows
Where its pages disclose
A limerick by Thomas Aquinas.
--- A N Wilkins P8505

The limericks which old Lear began
To write for the young Stanley Clan --
Were they actually done
In innocent fun,
Or was he a dirty old man?
--- A N Wilkins P8505

When they asked Edward Lear if he'd heard
Of the limerick, they say the old bird
Replied with a frown,
"Except for the town,
I've never encountered the word."
--- A N Wilkins P8505

As Lear's verse was enough to impel
Some Victorian males to rebel,
A. C. Swinburne made grist with
Lays of Old Aberystwith
And served limericks au naturel.
--- A N Wilkins P8505

As poetry, they may be crass.
They may lack some breeding or class.
But how they endure!
And you can be sure,
They'll tell of a lad with a lass.
--- Larry Davis P8505

"A limerick, in my estimation,"
Said Swinburne, "deserves approbation,
If it can inspire
An urgent desire
For coitus or for masturbation."
--- A N Wilkins P8505

The good ones take effort and time.
Just wit keeps them out of the slime.
But most of the fun,
Is how well you've done,
Avoiding the obvious rhyme.
--- Larry Davis P8505

Everything that he'd written, he carried
And interred with the woman he'd married.
But Rossetti, the pup,
When he dug the things up,
Should have left his bad limericks all buried.
--- A N Wilkins P8505

"Unfairness, injustice? You said it.
My best limerick -- you've probably read it,"
Said A. Euwer. "It's noted,
But now when it's quoted
Woodrow Wilson gets all of the credit.
--- A N Wilkins P8505

"Father Knox, are not limericks unfit
For a priest to compose?" "Not a bit!"
He'd reply to his foes,
"What makes you suppose
That the Lord is deficient in wit?"
--- A N Wilkins P8505

Just as H. Langford Reed was all hot
To publish new limericks, the lot
All spotlessly clean,
Norman Douglas was keen
To spring others which clearly were not.
--- A N Wilkins P8505

Norman Douglas, they said, was a vandal,
That his limericks were too gross to handle.
Mussolini wept bitterly
That he'd print them in Italy
And defile that pure land with the scandal.
--- A N Wilkins P8505

When things are slow here at work,
I take a moment to give up my lurk-
in'. But by the time
I think of a rhyme,
My coworkers have made me beserk.
--- Anon

This is file jdm

They interupt my noontime repast
and loads of dumb questions they ask
I hope one of these days
The lottery pays
And I can say, "Kiss my ass!"
--- Anon

Dr Singer, that writer of humor,
Has called me a sly nom-de-plum-er;
But to think, or to claim,
Bean is not my true name,
Is the thought of a simple assumer.
--- Cap'n Bean

So I'll leave it to you to discover,
As around solid truth I will hover;
But my name wasn't missed -
It was on Arthur's list;
With some research, the facts you'll uncover.
--- Cap'n Bean

Some limericks you get are inept
And many's the time I have wept,
When time after time,
The rhyme doesn't rhyme,
And the simplest of rules are unkept.
--- Peter Read P9803

The problem with some is the feet,
And often the muddle's complete.
Folks don't seem to know
That a limerick must flow.
So I hope I have done that. Yours, Pete.
--- Peter Read P9803

As you surf through the Internet scene
And find many poems obscene,
The best limericks are naughty,
So don't be too haughty.
'Tis not a great limerick when clean!
--- The Webster

If you think that this makes me quite crass,
Then most of these lines do bypass.
But for the rest of the lot,
The perverse is what's sought.
So I welcome you, laddie or lass!
--- The Webster

As I lay in my bed on the flat o' me,
I was shocked at the sight of the fat o' me,
So to keep my nerves steady
I concocted and edi-
ted this luminous, limerick anatomy.
--- Anthony Euwer

A limericker, Anthony Euwer,
Displeases the present reviewer.
No doubt there are worse
Examples of verse,
But I wish he had written far fewer.
--- Harold C Bibby

Bob to his friends sympathetic:
"Some of these rhymes are poetic.
But if you don't try
The best will go by,
And the rest may appear quite pathetic."
--- Jim Weaver Collection

So break out your own rhyming style,
Post a limerick and bring us a smile.
And soon you may find
An intelligent mind
To have intercourse (talk) for a while.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

I'm new to this neato NG;
One thing remains unclear to me.
How long does it take
For all you to make
A limerick for the whole world to see?

(NG - news group on internet)
--- Silver

The answer to your question depends
On the effort one's willing to spend.
Sometimes I start
And then lay a fart,
And that is when my effort ends.
--- Puff Adder

And what do you all use as fuel?
Will it help me ferment some mind-stool?
Is there a rule book
At which I could look,
To help me to pass a real jewel...
--- Anon

...To light up the heavens above,
Fitting tight as a fist in a glove.
Squeezing right to the tip
To expel that last drip,
From my root of life, laughter and love.
--- Anon

It's so quiet no Fuckers are here....
Are they away Fucking some bum who's queer?
Get off your Fucked ass,
Show some Fucking class;
And write one Fucking Limerick this year.
--- David Miller

So into the newsgroup you creep
Berating us for fucking sheep?
I think that, instead,
You should go back to bed
But don't turn ugly, just let her sleep.
--- Cyber Wizard

A poet sending poems to you
Should give credit where credit is due.
It's my sincere belief
That the poets a thief
For pretending his classics are new!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

He should try to create his own thought,
And not steal sosmeone else's plot.
He's surely no poet,
But he doesn't know it.
He pretends to be something he's not.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

When infected with limerick virus,
(A malady hardly desirous),
You will find there's no cure,
And you'll have to endure
Its symptoms till void of papyrus.
--- Travis Brasell

This virus may have no quick cure,
But it does have some uses, I'm sure.
By sheer accident,
I let one ferment,
And it made a great soil manure.
--- Travis Brasell

I used to post here long ago
When creative juices would flow.
My output is lean;
Inspiration has been
Quite unpredictable, you know.
--- Bruce

But now the urge has renewed.
(I hope you don't think that I'm stewed.)
I'll post in a trice
A limerick that's nice,
When polished enough to be viewed.
--- Bruce

This morning I have in my yard stood
And pondered: "I'll write as a bard should
Throughout the whole weekend,
And hope I've not weakened
My hands from the tug of my hardwood.
--- Anon

Besides, all those Washington flames
Have hobbled my log hauling aims;
The Northwest is burning
And I am here yearning
To frolick in limerick games.
--- Anon

So, here I am, long 'fore December
(I'd "see you then," if you remember)
To joust and harangue
With all of this gang
About what I do with my timber.
--- Anon

You're wondering why I should spew
Two dozen when seven would do?
Well, I had the urge
To sit her and purge
And it's too frigging hot here to screw.
--- John Miller

You've really gone nuts here today,
With many lewd things here to say,
About skanky Janet
Who's traveled the planet
And universe, screwing for play.

I'm falling in love with John's Janets,
Who fly across time and 'tween planets.
Perhaps one could travel
And deftly unravel
My never-gone-down-on young man bits.

Janet will trek back in through time
Adding H to her sexual crime,
Seducing him young
With her well-traveled tongue,
If I ever can get H to rhyme.
--- John Miller

To this limerick rhyme I am addicted.
Like a crack-smoking whore I'm afflicted.
But if I don't relent,
I won't make my rent.
At the end of the month I'm evicted.
--- Anon

So where will I turn to then?
What happens when I'm starving and thin?
I'll just find a way,
For my addiction to pay.
Thus, continuing to rhyme with the pen.
--- Anon

It won't be so bad on the street.
So what, I'll have nothing to eat.
But I still can talk dirty,
I'll be happy as a birdy;
Writing limericks and beating my meat...
--- Anon

I peruse this group 'most every day;
As much fun as a roll in the hay.
But the last several times
There have been no new rhymes;
Have the ribald bards all gone away?
--- CM