Young Hamlet, the Prince of Denmark,
Fell just a bit short of the mark.
He said to Ophelia,
"Come her, let me heal ya,"
But he missed -- 'twas a shot in the dark.
--- Neal Wilgus P8401

There was a young tourist named Cotton,
Whose travels would not be forgotten.
On a trip to Berlin,
He enjoyed all his sin,
But in Denmark, he found something rotten.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1712

Poor Ophelia went out of her mind,
When for her father, she excessively pined.
Prince Hamlet's sword
Pierced that so noble Lord,
Through the curtain he'd been hiding behind.
--- Bobbob

Here's the question: to be or to not?
Since my Mom and my Unc tied the knot.
Time's arrows and slings
Have just screwed up things.
My life's naught but a soap opera plot.
--- Arthur Deex P0312

Here's the question: to be or to not?
Is it better to suffer or rot?
For time's whips and time's scorn
Are too great to be born.
On the other hand, death's not so hot.
--- Max Gutman P0312

When Hamlet soliloquized, he
Probed the essence of Life's mystery.
No doubt with a buzzin'
I'm certain, because'n
His "To bee, or not to bee."
--- Ann Gasser P9004

Prince Hamlet went down on one knee,
While Shakespeare went up him with glee.
The Bard, not quite straight,
Damaged Hamlet's prostate;
Ham now questioned pee/not to pee.
--- Tucker D Ott P9004

Prince Hamlet found spelling a tease.
He couldn't spell buter or chease.
Was it habit or habbit,
And what about rabbit?
Are there two B's or not two B's.
--- Tiddy Ogg

To the ordeal dealt cordial Cordelia
For "I won't declaare more than I feel." Ya
May want to compare
One's fair maid was made fare,
In the fits that unfitted Ophelia.
--- Laurence Perrine P8401

That fellow from Denmark was mad.
Take, for instance, that talk with his dad.
Of attention the most
He paid to that ghost,
And the havoc it wrought was quite bad.
--- Warrick Elrod

This question occurred once to me --
To be, or perhaps not to be.
For if we are not
We will soon be forgot,
But if we're to be -- well, we'll see.
--- Neal Wilgus P8401

In Hamlet's soliloquy,
He wonders in misery,
If 'tis my fate
To reincarnate,
When, what am I to be.
--- Tiddy Ogg

I may be a flea or a bee,
Or a squirrel high up in a tree.
But I'll not be a mole
In it's dark dirty hole;
I'll never a burrower be.
--- Tiddy Ogg

I love clever girls, they're such dears...
Told one I'd seen cheers!
Then she asked, "Whose?"
I thought...This a ruse?
I replied, "Well I think 'twas Shakespeare's"
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Old Bill wrote "All the world's a stage,"
Then went on to fill up the page.
Despite all his verses,
Hamlet's curse is
Too grave to ever ASSUAGE.
--- Norm

If Shakespeare were writing today,
He would right in a much different way.
No concern for phonics,
He would write in ebonics:
"Wat up! Po' Yoric!" he'd say.
--- Oddo Von Schlong TP9901

I'm worried," said Britain's King Lear,
"It's not just your everyday fear;
They claim when you're old,
Your penis turns cold,
And courtiers will savage your rear."
--- Armand Singer

That potty old Monarch, King Lear,
Was a martyr to chronic diarrhea.
He'd sit on the throne,
Emit a loud groan,
And nobody else would go near.
--- Kevin Hale

There was that fine Earl of old Kent,
A loyal, devoted Brit gent.
He stood by King Lear
Without any fear,
But disaster just couldn't prevent.
--- Anon

"King Lear had nephews/nieces dear
Who always call the King, 'Unk Lear.'"
My book report
Was of this sort.
Next to my failing grade: "UNCLEAR".
--- Irving Superior P8401

The stories in plays like King Lear
Were based upon plots, it is clear,
From "Holinhed's Lives
Of Nobles and wives" --
No help to a great sonneteer!
--- R J Winkler P8401

What a trusting old chap was King Lear!
He'd no notion of what he should fear.
If a daughter said "Dearie,"
He should have been leery.
He'd soon have to pay for that 'dear'.
--- Laurence Perrine P8401

That sorry old fellow, King Lear,
Had troubles which made him turn queer.
If he'd just gone away
At the start of the play,
We could all have grown tipsy on beer.
--- Problem Dear Henry P8401

I hope that I never shall hear
A play quite a gloomy as Lear.
But if necks were just wrung
Of bad daughters when young,
The King would have much less to fear.
--- Warrick Elrod

An obsession with sex took Shakespeare
Whenever he drank too much beer.
Then he'd write of a king
Who was having a fling,
And often he'd make the King leer.
--- Neal Wilgus P8401

Old Lear got more senile and hoary,
But that is just part of the story:
Two daughters disdained him,
Cordelia pained him --
The rest of the story is gory.
--- R J Winkler P8409

Both Lear and old Gloucester were blind
To how kindred are often unkind.
And only when blinded
Or out of their mind, did
The two learn true love of their kind.
--- Laurence Perrine P8401

King Lear, whose good mind went bad,
Had three daughters: one good, two bad.
"Two bad, one good,"
The King would brood,
"Two bad, one good -- too bad!"
--- Irving Superior P8401

Two sisters had learned how to flatter
And left old Lear flatter, not fatter.
The third could not falter.
This caused Lear to fault her.
He'd yet to learn what matters matter.
--- Laurence Perrine P8401

Macbeth, with witchly connection,
Used murder to gain his election.
It came to no good
With an ambulant wood,
And a case of Caesarean section.
--- Nicol Macintosh

When Shakespeare wrote plays like Macbeth,
He told of great carnage and death.
The audience thrilled
As heroes got killed
And horror left most out of breath!
--- R J Winkler P8401

Three witches were stirring the cauldron,
When up comes that bloke they call Bald Ron.
"I say, ladies fair,
Can you grow me some hair?
It's cold 'round my ear holes, dears," called Ron.
--- Tiddy Ogg

The first hidious beldam grabbed, hauled Ron
To the floor, stripped him off, and then mauled Ron.
"Your Dunsany Wood,
Stands up pretty good.
Hey Sisters, you want to try Bald Ron?"
--- Tiddy Ogg

This is file ahl

He lay their while each of the hags,
Bestrode him, and each one he shags.
Despite these tarts' putri
fied warty foul uteri,
His todger stands straight, never flags.
--- Tiddy Ogg

In a voice quite devoid of emotion,
Witch One says: "Yes, I've a notion,
We'll fry frog's eye, cool,
Add newt's foot, toad's tool,
And liquidise into a potion."
--- Tiddy Ogg

He drinks it, this nauseous syrup,
While birds in the willow trees chirrup,
And rides homeward, slow...
But his horse seem to grow,
His feet soon don't reach to each stirrup.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Here's Lady MacBeth, feeling hot,
On the bed with her dog, while her twat
Enjoys the sensation
Of canine fellation;
Here's hubby, kicks dog, "Out damned Spot!"
--- Tiddy Ogg

It's nearly an hour since he scored,
So, rampant, he's leaping aboard;
But something is strange,
His face, for a change,
He finds 'twixt the breasts of his broad.
--- Tiddy Ogg

He left home, height six feet or more,
And now he's about five foot four.
As witches forboded,
His hair is eroded
By friction on headboard no more.
--- Tiddy Ogg

And thus, that strange potion proved true,
From henceforth his follicles grew.
Alas, what he drunken
Made John Thomas shrunken,
And that night he had his last screw.
--- Tiddy Ogg

So, males of the species humanity,
Take heed, for it's total insanity.
To lose what's down there
For a head full of hair,
Is a criminal sop to your Vanity.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Macbeth stabbed his way to the throne,
But his conscience did not turn to stone.
His plot was undone
By an oddly born son,
And a forest than moved on its own.
--- Nicole MacIntosh

The Lady and the Lord Macbeth
Would pause their scenes and acts of death
To think of bygone days
When simpler were their ways
And he was Mac and she was Beth.
--- Irving Superior P8401

There once was a Lady MacBeth
Who chewed garlic to sweeten her breath.
When she puffed through her bonnet,
No Shakespearian sonnet,
But court callers died tragic death.
--- H Kleidman

How I pity that guy called Macbeth --
He must suffer with each mortal breath.
He issued commands --
Now there's blood on his hands,
For he choked his poor rooster to death.
--- Neal Wilgus P8401

If Macbeth had been more of a man --
Prithee picture the play if you can --
In the place of ambition
He'd have practiced coition,
And his Lady'd be laid with elan.
--- Thomas A Quinine P8401

Jan MacDuff, a young man with great stuff,
Met a lovely Shakespearean buff.
In a year they were wed
And the poor lad was dead.
For she always cried, "Lay on, MacDuff
--- Anon A

Lady Macbeth did chores, did she not?
Hating every plate and cooking pot.
Oh how she did complain,
"I just washed you again.
You're washed thrice, now out, out, out Spam dot?
--- Tom Patton P0109 P0108

Bill said, "I'll concoct a new plot
And with Lady Macbeth cast my lot.
I've sown seed, so must reap
A somewhat troubled sleep,
In which I'll mumble 'Out, out damned spot'."
--- Loren C Fitzhugh

Said this Lady MacBeth to her spouse.
"Stick dat shiv in old Duncan, ya louse.!"
Yelled the crowd, "That's tragedy!"
With no refunds there had to be
Not a dry handkerchief in the house.
--- Don Moore P9009

To the banquet dead Banquo brought madness.
Unfit Macbeth's fit damped the gladness.
Halfway through the salad, he
Grew faint from his malady --
A ghastly return for his badness.
--- Laurence Perrine P8401

Not noted for cooing and billing,
The lady was eagerly willing
To utilize death
For love of Macbeth,
So Lady Macbeth did the killing.
--- R J Winkler P8409

Lady Macbeth's pleas were urgent.
She felt she had need of detergent,
To make her hands clean,
So she wouldn't be seen
To be acting as Dink Duncan's surgeon.
--- Enid Leff

Sweet William rode long in the stirrup,
While Lady Macbeth, with her fur up,
Defaced him with twat
And suckled his knot,
Until she uncorked his thick syrup.
--- Anon

An expert dry cleaner named Waring
Came to Lady Macbeth once declaring
That he'd work for the queen,
Keep her dresses all clean,
And take out the spots without swearing.
--- A N Wilkins P8401

Those two noble Scots, the Macbeths,
Sought advancement through other folk's deaths.
When they saw Banquo's ghost,
They knew they were toast,
And soon they had drawn their last breaths.
--- Ted Syrett

I'll tell you the tale of a fellow,
Who hung round the local bordello,
In Venice, way back,
In search of a crack
To fit him. His name was Othello.
--- Tiddy Ogg

A tart wandered up, said: "Hey Sailor;
I'll act as your codpiece unjailer.
I see that your prize
Is one hell of a size;
That's fine, my cunt's big as a whaler.
--- Tiddy Ogg

So soon then, they jump in the sack;
He takes her to heaven and back.
"How 'bout getting hitched?"
He asked, but she bitched:
"My daddy won't like it! You're black...
--- Tiddy Ogg

"And he's such a pointed-head bigot,
He won't want no African spigot
Exciting his daughter,
'Cause he is the sort o'
Dumb racist who just couldn't dig it."
--- Tiddy Ogg

No matter, they wed on the sly,
But jealousy strikes by-and-by.
Bill's tale of great angst
Ain't worth half a wangst,
But it ends where the pair of them die.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Who's Bill? That old playwright of ours,
And he drags the thing out for hours.
So if you should go,
To see such a show,
Take rotten tomatoes, not flowers.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Othello, jealous, acts in haste
And pillows Desdemona's face.
If he but loose his grip
Or let the pillow slip,
The courts won't have a pillow case.
--- Irving Superior P8401

When first the Moor, Othello, sees her,
He figures out how best to please her.
So now when they embrace,
A smile will crack her face.
He calls her Desdemona Lisa.
--- Irving Superior P8911

That jealous old soldier Othello
Let out a stentorian bellow.
He fell on his sword,
And shouted: "Oh Gawd!,
That's the last time that I'll play the cello!"
--- Kevin Hale Q

Margot, a dumb blonde from Cape Cod,
Had a quite brief encounter with Rod,
When he said, "Dear Margot,
Let's watch Olivier play Iago."
She replied, "I think football's quite odd!"
--- FCA T9712

Othello, Act Four, Second Scene,
Desdemona -- her husband was keen
To find if she'd sinned,
When from Iago got wind
That his wife wasn't faithful pristine.
--- Hugh Clary