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That buccaneer, Captain Ed Teach, Captain Calico Jack was a demon, The pirate Kidd buried his treasure The pirate Kidd buried his treasure First, Captain Kidd cried, "All aboard!" The captives Kidd cried, "All aboard." When the privateer Drake long ago Henry Morgan had more than a measure Ambidextrous they called Jean Laffite. "It was here! Do you dig me? Right here My dear, if you had me on deck, It's reported the pirate, Lafitte, Lafitte was a pirate of note; There was an old Member called Bevan (ebbw vale = ??)
Labour back bencher Brian Sedgemore If Britain were only a yacht, The Conservative standings aren't rising; Well, you may be a famous MP, The Brits have directed the flux Dux and rex are not bound to one sex. There was a lean lordling named Hugh, (about the Cecil family)
"Common Market?" said Harold, "Of course "Non, non", said de Gaulle with a shout. But suddenly Harold was sacked "Naughty! Naughty!" said Shirly and Roy, Now, you may well look askance; They duck and they dive and they weave, It's fun though, to watch them at play. The Honourable Lady for Gloucester, (Sally Oppenheim, Conservative)
Thomas Hobbes of Malmesbury thought When Ireland was bloody and leaderless, Election UK, fifth of May; (2005) The solons' positions are awry; A klaxon for leadership calls Your interest should really be rapt It sounds like the bloody UK When the answer to hunting is Nay, ...And the candidates either need mothering An Anglican bard named of Parr European Union? Oh no! The Germans have made great success Say goodbye to the Blues last big beast; Suggests some old Tory MP, 'Neath the Channel they work 'round the clock, (an MP, fathered child by secretary amid much publicity)
We're all tired of political grunting, Lady Astor, M.P. for Sobriety. Democracy works (entre nous) Now David, you're just not allowed Don't like what they say? Don't just spurn 'em; Tony Blair was a marvelous host, Harry Wuchowski's surname In the days of the Emperor Ming, Said Beijing: "What's Red China to do? In the capital city of Peking, Hong Kong has reverted to China, For years in a place called Hong Kong The Brits' House of Commons is grand; The Brits' House of Commons is great, Britannia, I love you, my pet, At Blackpool one day, by the sea, Good George, he spoke up like a man Harold James leaves the course in a huff; "But meet me in Brussels, dear man, Our grinning Prime Minister, Heath, I said "Mr. Home, I presume?" The chief delectation of summer (JSG - Minister of Ag during Mad Cow Disease flap)
Once gunned a girl down on the beach.
He gave her a volley
And she exclaimed, "Golly
Your salvo has sundered my breech!"
--- Bob Giandomenico P8804
A virile he-man among he-men;
His many arrangements
For navel engagements,
Lost the old devil lots of his semen.
--- Bob Giandomenico P8804
With intent to withdraw it at leisure,
But it's still in the bank
Of sand where it sank,
And it still repays interest with pleasure.
--- Laurence Perrine P8804
Somewhere in this acre (by measure),
And if I persevere
And dig long enough here,
I'll find it -- no kidding -- with pleasure.
--- Laurence Perrine P8804
Then gave his captives, all, a board,
Except the young females.
He knew once under sails,
His crew would soon scream, "All are boared!"
--- Irving Superior P8804
Then later gave them all a board.
At sea what Kidd would do
To help morale, his crew --
An "overboard when all are bored.
--- Irving Superior P8511
Caught a Spaniard, he'd say to him, "Show
Where it says in the Bible
That a Christian is liable
To having to kiss the Pope's toe."
--- Don Moore P9312
Of perversity, and at his leisure
Made maps to his humor
To encourage the rumor
That he'd left buried loot and rich treasure.
--- A N Wilkins P8804
In town the whores thought it a treat
When he was in port.
On the high seas, his sport
Was with handsome young tars of the fleet.
--- A N Wilkins P8804
Kidd buried his treasure that year.
His diggers he shot;
The spot Kidd forgot.
There was no other buccaneer near!
--- Laurence Perrine P8804
Your tonsils would be just a wreck.
While Lafitte's small boat
Just tickles your throat,
My longboat's a pain in the neck.
--- SFA
Hired whores for the ships in his fleet.
And, as everyone knows,
He chose only those
Who were French, with a bon appetit!
--- Hugh Clary
He had quite a very large boat.
It's been years since I met him,
But I just can't forget him.
I still have that Frog in my throat.
--- Christina
Who wanted to make Britain heaven.
When they said, "You will fail."
He replied, "Ebbw Vale
Gives the strength to its children of seven."
--- Barbara Leigh
Won't defend Tony Blair's dread war;
He wants to condemn
So he's switched to Lib Dem,
Which no doubt means he'll have to hedge more.
--- Jarmo
We'd be out of this mess like a shot,
With Ted and his crew
Knowing just what to do,
But it isn't and so we are not.
--- Anon
A fact that is hardly surprising.
As each week in bed,
Another member's found dead,
In a position that's quite compromising.
--- Tim
But you're not all you're cracked up to be;
I just can't remember
When your standing member,
Last lost its deposit in me.
--- Michael Horgan
Of rex and of vox and of dux.
The rex wears the crown,
But power sifts down
To the folks who vox votes on a dux.
--- Laurence Perrine P8605
It is clear now, or do I perplex?
In sum, vox elects;
But some, dux selects.
It's a delicate mix, but it works.
--- Laurence Perrine P8605
Who looked like a pious Hindu;
but beneath that disguise
We could all recognize
The chief of a cannibal crew.
--- Punch 1904 (Bibby)
I'll plead with De Gaulle till I'm hoarse,
We'll go on a spree --
Just Georgie and me,
We'll pull off a real tour de force."
--- S C Bulley (Bibby)
"I'm determined to keep Britain out!"
Harold puffed at his pipe,
Said, "The moment's not ripe --
But the cause is quite right, I've no doubt".
--- S C Bulley (Bibby)
And strange to relate -- though 'tis fact --
When Ted came along,
Harold's right became wrong --
He abandoned the cause he had backed.
--- S C Bulley (Bibby)
"Let's restrain this obstreperous boy --
His hatred of Ted
Must have gone to his head
Or he would not these tactics employ".
--- S C Bulley (Bibby)
It's fun watching Blair's clever dance.
With answers so pat,
He doesn't fall flat,
'Cause the questions he knows in advance.
--- Tiddy Ogg
And they spin with intent to deceive;
They bluster and bluff
When the going gets tough,
And their crap they assume we believe.
--- Peter Wilkins
In the Commons they argue and bray;
They shout and they jeer
Or just giggle if queer;
Beats a comedy show any day.
--- Peter Wilkins
Friendships with tenants did foster;
When they realised the fact,
They were caught in the Act;
At the next election they lost her.
--- Arthur Latham (Labour)
Life was nasty and brutish and short;
But contracts, once made,
Would come to our aid,
And ensure modest comfort - at court.
--- Peter Alexander
The tedious, garrulous Daedalus --
Having failed both as priest
And as Glorious Beast,
Sailed away to write books that were readerless.
--- Gina Berkeley
The candidates lie all the way.
Unless I can see
The MRLP (Monster Raving Loony Party - legal Brit party)
Is standing, at home I will stay.
--- Bruce
It's hard to pinpoint just why.
The Blairites are friends
But Tories get bends
At all of the debts coming nigh.
--- Bruce
This is file vel
In Parliament's hoary old halls.
Does no one have stature
Like Iron Lady Thatcher?
No doubt she was Reagan with balls.
--- Bruce
And your votes had better be apt,
On which one you send.
Your futures depend
Lest by jihadis you'll someday be capped.
--- Bruce
Is much like the U.S. of A.,
Where idiots raving
Are better behaving
Than Clinton and Bush and DeLay.
--- Jester Jon
And the immigrants--out they can stay,
And your sick of the flak
From the war in Iraq,
And the others are pink, green or grey...
--- Jester Jon
Or lie about this, that, the other thing;
So as for being mad,
Lord Sutch ain't too bad,
'Cause the rest are quite clearly all wuthering.
--- Jester Jon
Strummed this on his six-stringed guitar,
"I sing of the mores
Of rich English Tories,
Who somehow let things go too far."
--- Armand E Singer 646
That's not the way we want to go.
We get very cross
If we're not the boss,
Rather like the Merkins, you know.
--- Tony Burrell
With financial skill to impress,
But Britons stand off;
Prefer their own trough;
It seems we prefer our own mess.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Down and out, if he's not deceased.
Seems that his party
Has deemed this old farty,
Like his suits, fag-stained and creased.
--- Jarmo
But who? That's a mystery to me.
A shot in the dark:
Suggest Kenneth Clark,
If not, must be old WC. (Winston Churchill)
--- Tiddy Ogg
Drilling through limitless rock.
Cecil Parkinson's role
With regard to this hole,
Is to plug up the end, with his cock.
--- Tony Davie Collection
The spin and the bluff and the stunting.
Let's find a new leader,
New Labour's succeeder.
Who's with me for a round of Fawkes hunting?
--- Doug Harris P0512Q
Mrs. Wintringham -- she's for Propriety.
Now Berwick-on-Tweed
With all speed has decreed
Mrs. Phillipson wins -- for Variety.
--- A E Halliday (Bibby)
When a knowing intelligent few
Tell the people: "You rule!"
And each plebian fool,
Says, "Right, Guv'nor, what must we do?"
--- W Stewart
To speak such opinions out loud!
When arguments fail,
They chuck you in jail.
Why, Hitler himself would be proud!
--- Wikipedia
Take them and their books and just burn 'em.
If you miss the times
Of cruel Nazi crimes,
Just keep all this up and return 'em.
--- Wikipedia
As he skewered Chirac at a roast.
And to honor Jeanne d'Arc,
That Gallic bench mark,
The meal was topped off with French Toast.
--- Tutta Gioia
Has changed because of his fame.
The state does not like him,
And rather than strike him,
They cut off the end of his name.
--- Al Willis P9509
They'd beat Harry Wu and he'd sing.
Speaking of wu,
I've a hairy one two,
For that is the Chinese for 'thing'.
--- Thomas Patton P9509
Chou En-lai's dead and Mao is too...
Still, the West threatens sanctions
And now the World Bank shuns
Us for beating our own Harry Wu!"
--- Oscar B Leone P9509
It's the good old days we're seeking.
We'd play a tattoo
On poor Harry Wu;
Then the US and I would stop speaking.
--- Thomas Patton P9509
Britain says no gesture could be finer;
Forgetting the odium
Of having smuggled opium
And grabbed it like a hungry hyena.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
The Brits and Chinese got along
With no real Democracy
Until -- what hypocrisy!
It was time for Great Britain's swan-song.
--- M Mestert
Their show helped me to understand
Why England's in trouble:
Because in that rubble,
Not ONE speaker first raised his hand!
--- Travis Brasell
I stayed up and watched them quite late,
On our C-SPAN station,
Broadcast 'cross the nation;
By jove, all that action's first rate!
--- Travis Brasell
Some fine Empire drawers I will get,
And they'll keep a cover
From all but your lover,
On that place where the sun never set.
--- Anon
IDS made a speech rousingly. (Ian Duncan Smith, Tory)
The party all cheered,
Though they thought it was weird,
When he wore kitten heels on TV. (low heels, says Tiddy)
--- Tiddy Ogg
Saying "Ted's terms are the same as our plan,
He's not a bad bloke
Who ran at a stroke;
Wipe the floor with the General's ban."
--- Archie
Edward George sails along through the rough.
"Ship ahoy! Harold dear,
I'll soon be in the clear.
I'm so sorry you've made such a muff."
--- Archie
For a drink to the EEC plan.
Bring Jenkins and George,
New friendships to forge;
You've muffed it, c'a ne fait rien."
--- Archie
Has beautiful shiny white teeth.
So they don't tarnish,
He coats them with varnish,
But thometimeth they thick when he eatth.
--- Robert Sugden
He answered in voice full of gloom,
"Pronounce room like Rome;
I'm Hume when I'm Home,
And he whom you call Home is Hume."
--- Archibald Saunders
Which will stop it becoming a bummer,
Will be throwing sharp darts
At unprintable parts
Of a picture of John Selwyn Gummer.
--- Peter Toye
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