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So maybe he fibbed to his court A man who when asked, would just say, At a fence, trying sex exercises, So Bill took up 'fencing' for kicks; Old Billy boy is now on a roll -- Billy will now try to bed With Jones the lawyers did define And her claim you may recall, It's a fact, Paula Jones keeps replying, Now I think her story's untrue As leader of this great nation The first thing I'd do is pass laws I'll lead you if you will follow; You could be jumping to conclusions; She looks to be very beddable; She claims she was groped by the toad, There once was a gal named Willie; She wrote letters of sweetness and light, Believe now a Willey so free, It's been five years after this disgrace, Since tales about villains we bruit, (publicize, tout) That's the bad guy in the dark suit, It started in bad manner, so, "Unhand me now, please, CEO, Around Oval Office they flew, With rage he did fly in a stew, "We've got him with the smoking gun, They loaded their tapes into sacks, The right wing conspiracy ends, Keep cheerful, don't worry, don't vex; If he does, then he should have suggested Old Beau Brummell had pure "camp" in mind. A lady who came from Hong Kong, A bow tie is always quite proper, You don't show suspenders or {} I've got a friend who's called Rob; There once was a man named O'Brien, From the bangles you wear on your wrist, On the top of my head is my hat; A Victorian teacher named Valerie A foppish young fellow named Luke There was a young man at the races I'm wearing my turtle earrings. And what is the turtle's opinion, My handkerchief soaked up the stain, I knew a tough guy in the past, A rich virgin, high on Mount Lassen, Though Chastity Belts should defend hers -- On Chastity Belts, Doctor South, This cute English lassie named Myrtle, There was a young lady named Myrtle, Crusaders leaving, soon risk their lives, A knight who was quite hard to please This maiden ran off in a fright Robert said to the Widow DeGrand, "I wonder," said Sarah McGee, How I wonder," said Sarah McGee, I think you must have self-restraint, To his wife said Sir Hubert de Hoars, No Chastity Belt for Van Goss; So this iron pyrites I smelt Keep all of your thoughts pure and clean A locksmith I now need to find Smithy, can you please help out, It is Sir Lance-a-Lot here, Lady, your fine as a pearl.
Was that court doing all that it ought?
Or trying to get
A democrat yet,
By checking up just on his sport.
--- John and Liz
"I'm having a quiet little lay."
And hurt his wife's heart.
That's not a good part
For any world leader to play.
--- John and Liz
Bill tried knotholes of various sizes.
A goose, thinking "Worm!"
Got a beak full of sperm --
Ain't life just chock-full of surprises?
--- PeterW
Of knotholes he screwed ninety-six.
But for knothole abuse
There is not an excuse,
Because knotholes are not holes for dicks.
--- PeterW
He's found a new place for his pole.
It just goes to show
The thing we all know --
He'll screw anything with a hole!
--- Kaylin
Any old hole, living or dead.
In that case, take care
To arrange you hair,
To cover that hole in your head.
--- MrMalo
Sex to such a fine line,
That they only can tell
Whether that upon which I dwell
Is worthy of even a fine.
--- Anon
The Judge said it must fall,
For he gave her a promotion
And nary a commotion
About her refusal to ball.
--- Anon
Which Clinton of course keeps denying.
She said she could see
On his gross anatomy,
A mark that would prove she's not lying.
--- Ray Gessler
And most of the people would view
That fact with some doubt --
More claims would come out,
For if true, there would be quite a few.
--- Ray Gessler
I would spare you from such degradation
Put me in that chair
And I'll take better care
Where I shoot my ejaculation.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
To keep girlfriends from flapping their jaws.
Word gets back to the wife;
They'd get 20 to life;
I bet that one would stick in their craws
--- Jim Weaver Collection
My promises won't ring hollow.
No stains on her coat!
Just give me your vote,
And I'll make it a crime not to swallow
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Kathleen might be selling delusions.
I'm not too appalled
At a sexual assault,
That doesn't leave scrapes and contusions.
--- MrMalo
I bet she would even be edible.
But her past is bizarre
And she's fallen far.
She's really not too fucking credible.
--- MrMalo
But I've seen cunts like her by the load.
You try touchy-feely;
That's when they're squealy,
Not four or five years down the road.
--- MrMalo
The story she told was a dilly.
She'd never complained
But now Clinton is framed.
Is she a friend of Bill's family? Not really.
--- Harold Heidler
Pleading for a Christmas invite.
Bill wanted a clown,
So she was turned down.
Her seeking revenge isn't right.
--- Harold Heidler
Upset with his actions in '93?
He fondled her boob,
Put her hand on his tube;
Now she's making the rounds on TV.
--- S C Saint
When she wanted to slap his face.
She's now quite a bore
For an ugly old whore.
It's good Bill didn't come in her face.
--- S C Saint
Girls on tracks wait big train's "toot-toot",
That dark plot is foiled,
The transgressor boiled,
"The seeds of crime bear bitter fruit!"
--- Chris Papa 2/20/98
Who's smoking an evil cherroot,
And stroking mustache,
A "Snively Whiplash,"
With morals like "Willy the Cute."
--- Chris Papa 2/20/98
When intern in office would go,
"I've got you, my lass!,
Now give me some ass,
Or better yet, make it a blow."
--- Chris Papa 2/20/98
Respect for us poor girls, please show.
My mother has said,
I shouldn't give head,
To someone that I barely know."
--- Chris Papa 2/20/98
And then, before anyone knew,
He grabbed helpless maid,
Whose disgust displayed
His chance for some lovin' was through.
--- Chris Papa 2/20/98
And lifted her, as if on cue,
In manner sinister,
Throw, administer,
Her, to GOP taping crew.
--- Chris Papa 2/20/98
But then if our country is run,
By clod Albert Gore,
There is really, 'what for',
So why don't we let him have fun."
--- Chris Papa 2/20/98
And emptied the ones held in racks.
To Blair House they tore,
And knocked on the door,
And took smiling Veep to the tracks.
--- Chris Papa 2/20/98
They've saved our great nation, my friends,
And White House sweethearts,
Can play their grand parts,
In setting new sexual trends.
--- Chris Papa 2/20/98
Have a few simple medical checks.
Hope your doctor won't say,
"Well you did it, okay.
Now with whom do you think you had sex?"
--- Anon
You get yourself DNA tested.
(Won't work I'm afraid
If you didn't get laid,
And the evidence now you've ingested.)
--- Anon
He regarded high fashion a kind
Of a hodgepodge of hats,
Loud, bright, garish cravats,
Which are now thought of as "ties that blind."
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0312
Whose breasts were both flattened and long,
Would keep them both rolled
'Round her ears in the cold;
For ear-muffs whe couldn't go wrong.
--- Donald McGill
This is file vqm
Officious, and such a show-stopper.
So, if you dress nude,
Remember this, Dude,
Be proper when greeting that copper!
--- Lucas Lines
When dressed up for Jockey Clu{};
But items like these
May drop to you knees
While engaging in loving em{}.
--- Harold C Bibby A
He's a very elegant slob.
A chain to his pocket
Does not hold a locket,
But a snot rag upon his watch fob.
--- Anon
Who, whatever he did, kept his tie on.
In the shower, or deck chair,
He was heard to declare,
That "It shows I'm a man to rely on!"
--- Michael Palin
Comes a music that's hard to resist.
Metal bracelets, quite round,
Make a sweet jingling sound,
Like a windchime that Zephyrus kissed.
--- Sheila B
It is round and it's small and it's flat;
It is old and it's grey,
And I like it that way;
It was made from the fur of a cat.
--- Limber Limericks
Bought a parasol out of her salary.
It took off like a kite,
Dumping Val, in a fright,
On the roof of the National Gallery.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Wears spats, cumberbund and peruke;
In this day and age,
They're scarcely the rage --
One get this desire to puke.
--- Armand E Singer 692
Who neglected to put on his braces.
His trousers fell down
And he felt such a clown,
With spaces in various places.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Do you know the pain that it brings,
To wear them to bed?
They poke in your head
And make little holes and it stings.
--- Marlene Lewis
Of being your unwilling minion?
Send the poor creat-
Ure back to its beach,
And don't please commit such a sinion.
--- Tiddy Ogg
My condom could scarcely contain.
While shagging young Kate
On the twenty-to-eight,
Where I left my umbrella again.
--- Peter Wilkins
Who broke boards with his hands. He was fast,
Till he took on a brick
Just a tad bit too thick,
But he still could break boards with his cast.
--- Moore P0101
Found her chastity belt would unfasten.
She cried to her guide,
"Papa won't know you pried...
Let's DO...when no skier is passin'!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 649
From actions overt should suspend hers --
Most women will chuckle,
"All belts can unbuckle,
So, darling remove your suspenders."
--- Irving Superior P8903
Each morning on leaving his houth,
"Three belts, now, my Dear,
One front and one rear."
Then gave her a belt in the mouth.
--- Irving Superior P8903
Was so fecund and fruitful and fertile,
She was got with a child, (That Sir Christopher Wren)
By Sir Christopher Wilde, (Put an egg in this hen)
Through a crack in her chastity girdle.
--- G1694
Whose womb was exceedingly fertile.
Her pa got contortions
At all her abortions,
And bought her a chastity girdle.
--- L0949
Locked chastity belts on their wives,
And left salve for the itches
Caused by iron-clad britches --
Too bad if they came down with hives!
--- Al Kracht
Had his wife secured down to her knees.
But the wretched old bitch
Developed an itch,
That she blamed on the lack of a breeze.
--- Bob Birch P0304
And found just the key that was right.
With belt now discarded
And rules disregarded,
She cried out, "I'll screw every night!"
--- Bob Birch
"Hey baby, your pussy is canned!
Please give me the key!"
She said, "Don't you plea,
For it's held in my late husbands hand!"
--- C W Curry P8902
"Why my lover's lost interest in me.
Is it that I can't dance,
Or the lock on my pants,
For which I won't give him the key?"
--- Big Little Playoy Lims
"Why my lover's lost interest in me;
Is it that I can't dance,
Or the lock on my pants,
For which I won't give him the key.
--- Anon
But I must state a tiny complaint:
Your undies have locks,
And they are stumbling blocks,
So forget that you're almost a saint.
--- Al Willis TP9807
"Fix this chastity belt round your drawers!"
But an amorous Celt,
Found a key to the belt,
While the Squire was away at the wars.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
He painted a duck near her moss.
By lovers erased;
He repainted in haste;
"I pee-ed and the duck swam across."
--- Irving Superior P8903
To construct you a chastity belt.
If you dare start to simmer
With lust, it will shimmer
And show you're beginning to melt.
--- H Welchel
And ignore invitations obscene.
I'll look after this key
While I'm over the sea.
Be a good wench, you know what I mean.
--- H Welchel
To get me out of this bind,
'Cause the ache in my twat
Is making me hot,
And my hips are starting to grind.
--- Jules
As my boyfriend, the untrusting lout
Has locked up my treasure,
thus spoiling my pleasure
And I'm suffering sexual drought.
--- Jules
With my pliers and bolt-cutting gear.
Have you free in a jiffy!
Now play with my stiffy.
We'll soon swing from the chandelier.
--- Lancelot
So smithing? I'll give it a whirl.
I've popped many rocks.
Excuse me, I meant locks.
I stand a your cervix (service?), sweet girl.
--- H Welchel
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