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The pirate can't stand his damn parrot -- Me Beauty, I've been lost at sea Ashore, if not locked up in prison, (bedizen - to dress gaudily and vulgarly)
There was an old pirate named Charlie Two pirate captain weirdos, Pissgums drank grog with a fizz, Captain Fatima, the dyke, A bloody and fierce rendezvous, The helmsman got rations of grief Piss bit Fatima's right lip -- A pirate, a randy old codger, Those pirates were all hale and hearty, But I took it all in my stride, A one-legged pirate named Mary Happy Birthday old Daniel, me nephew. Happy Birthday, old man of the seas. Happy Birthday, you scurvy sea dog. Happy Birthday, old Daniel, me lad. A pirate relentless and cold, A tubercular pirate named Duncan The seagull did shit, on the fly, Her husband was called Jolly Roger, "As for crime," said the pirate, "I've done it, Beware of that pirate, Llewellyn! If I get a few moments alone, If Long John met a wench, he would dodge her, When Long John Silver saw Blind Pugh, All pirates lacked women to carol, Let R.L.S. once show us where When business was slow, each poor buccaneer Of pirates, and PICARESQUE tales, A pirate was out on a date; Well shiver me timbers and may Now really, expressions like that The crewmen asked, "Why have we hidden The corniest folks of Penzance The Pirates of Penzance no more The pirate whom most I bemoan The pirate was dressed all in black. The pirate tied her hand and leg; The captives of Kidd were first screwed. Such evil did Robinson's crew sow! A salty old pirate named Hank The infamous pirate, Steve Bonnet, Captain Dick was a man of great sin, The pirates of old were no fools. The sight that Blind Pugh hasn't got A dashing young pirate had caught a Pirates lurking off headland and capes, I just can't resist a swashbuckle; They were picturesque knaves but they stank -- For the poor man who steals but a kettle, A hare-lipped old pirate named Matt A pirate came under the scrutiny A pirate who hailed from Nertskin Quit your dithering, Captain, less talk! Said French privateer Jean Lafitte, The other side most insincere Captain Kidd, says a scholar who delves The Ex-Pirate Captains have put, The Ex-Pirate Captains have put There once was a pirate whose leg A peg-legged captain, named Hood; Shipwrecked First Mate infrequently laughed Blackbeard the Pirate, while having a piece, The pirate, a horny young stud, Ed Teach, that old henchman of fate,
The fool thing got drunk on some claret.
Stuffed it down his pants
Where it started to dance.
It surely does tickle his ferret!
--- Marlene Lewis
All me life 'til I laid eyes on thee.
Get some grog in ya, lass.
As your giving me sass;
Then come dance the hornpipe with me.
--- Virge
Pirates tended to be quite bedizen.
In spectacular ways
They made up for dull days
When excitement and pleasure were mizzen.
--- Ann Gasser P8804
Who tooled about on a Harley.
He was tough as ten men
And meaner than sin,
And even his parrot was snarly.
--- Cyber Geezer
Fatima and Pissgums, were foes.
Her lesbian band
From cook to deckhand,
USEe looking to bring Piss to blows.
--- H Welchel
And sometimes a shot of ripe jizz.
"Mates, if you're hung,
Come rinse off my tongue!"
He'd shout 'fore his crew took a whiz.
--- H Welchel
Tried a preemptive first strike.
She grappled his ship;
He grappled her nip;
She nailed down his crank with a pike.
--- H Welchel
The dykes and the perverts hove-to.
Their cutlasses strew
Small chunks of each crew,
Some colored with blood and tattoo.
--- H Welchel
When dykes got ahold of his beef.
He screamed for his mummy
And emptied his tummy,
And steered his way onto a reef.
--- H Welchel
She bit his choad on the tip.
He got a good rise,
But to their demise,
Both soon went down with the ship.
--- H Welchel
Had a very impressive long todger.
He'd call into port,
Find himself a nice sort,
And give her a good jolly roger!
--- Anon
And they throw one hell of a party.
They stay drunk for a week,
And the havoc they wreak,
Would offend a fine lass like our Marty.
--- Jeanie
And partied till I was glassy-eyed.
Then a one-legged chap
Took a shit in my lap,
And that made me finally decide.
--- Jeanie
Had a chest that was awfully hairy.
Now, a pirate's chest's great
Full of pieces of eight,
But Mary's is just downright scary!
--- Anon
I hope all your wishes may come true.
When you come back to Oz,
Get a parrot because
You'll look stupid carrying a cuckcoo.
--- Virge
When you come here, you'd best not bring fleas.
And don't let your rat
Out from under hour hat,
Or they'll hang you for spreading disease.
--- Virge
Shall we go for a sail in the fog?
Just clean up your mouth
As we sail to the south,
Or you'll turn all our fresh air to smog.
--- Virge
I'm glad you've gone stark ravin' mad.
'Cause if you'd been sane
With a rational brain,
It's make me black pirate heart sad.
--- Virge
Captain Singleton, finally told
Defoe of his strife
And earned more from his life
Than all of the loot that he'd sold.
--- A N Wilkins P8804
Had a body all shriveled and shrunken.
His wife called him Treasure
Though not from his measure.
'Twas because of his chest which was sunken.
--- Bob Giandomenico P8804
Right into the pirate's left eye.
Now sadly, alas,
That eye 's made of glass...
Cause he gave his new hook a try.
--- Anon
But was a quite silly old codger.
A sometimes irate
Incompetent pirate,
Whose talent was simply to dodge her.
--- Susan Arden
And although the best people shun it,
There's only one way
To make sure it won't pay.
Just let any government run it."
--- A N Wilkins P8804
He's gay and I've heard that old felon
Is seeking small buoys
For sexual toys:
He's probing the 'straights' of Magellan!
--- Anon
And Ermintrude gets off my bone,
I'll then find the time,
To write down the rhymes,
Of that evil she-pirate, Long Joan.
--- Anon
And though not an effeminate codger,
He would tell no sly fib
As to cut of his jib,
His sail flapped for young Jolly Roger.
--- Ann Gasser P8804
His first reaction was "Pooh-pooh."
When Pugh the "black spot" gave,
Long John became less brave
And in his long johns John went "poo."
--- Irving Superior P8804
But the sport that they played was nonpareil;
For the barrel's bung hole
Did suffice to console --
There was always a man in the barrel.
--- Al Chaplin P8804
His Long John Silver combed his hair
Or rinsed his hose
Or washed his clothes
Or Long John changed his underwear.
--- Irving Superior P8804
His trophies would sell for 'one buck an ear'.
The BUCCANEER name
Perverted became
When women would offer them one fuccaneer.
--- Irving Superior P8804
'Bout pillaging long ships with sails,
And chasing some fluff
To have some sex rough;
If not, settling for shipmate males.
--- Chris Papa
He got amorous; she said "But wait!
I like you, sweet honey,
But I also like money,
So lets see your pieces of eight!"
--- Anon
The eight winds come blow me away,
And rattle my skull
And wreck my old hull,
And sink me inside of the bay.
--- Matthew Montchalin
This is file vfl
Are rather antique and "old hat",
But not quite so shocking
As the way you were talking
Of someone who chews more than fat.
--- Matthew Montchalin
Our casket of gold in this midden?
Said the mate, "So a pirate
Won't stop to admire it.
Keep digging, lad. Do as your bidden!"
--- Rory Ewins
Were lead such a song and a dance
When Sullivan's Gilbert
Was nuts like a filbert,
Creating a pirates' romance.
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P8804
Have cannons on stage as before.
Last week they went BANG.
(Their captain we'll hang)
And sank H.M.S Pinafore.
--- Irving Superior P8804
Is he with dull skull and cross bone,
Who tries to win fame
By printing his name
Over words can be shown, are my own.
--- Laurence Perrine P8804
The lady was taken aback.
His cock was so large;
It gave her a charge.
She begged him to give her the rack.
--- Bonnie
Widespread on the rack she did beg.
Please give me some rum
And I'll make you come;
I blow like a lit powder keg.
--- Bonnie
In turn, one by one, each was crewed.
When the gang bang was done,
Overboard one by one,
With many exclaiming, "That's crude."
--- Irving Superior P8804
A pirate's flag Robinson's crew sew,
Then overboard throw
With no place to go...
Did Satan make Robinson's crew so?
--- Irving Superior P9112
Decided to play a mean prank.
So he put a dead snail
In the ship captain's ale,
And the captain yelled, "Roll out the plank."
--- Bob Birch P0302
From his captains chair bellowed, "Doggonit!
I've sat on my cutlass
Now I'm nearly buttless,
And it pains me to put weight upon it."
--- Bob Giandomenico P8804
Sailed the seas with an evil grin,
Sadistic and cruel,
He'd replaced his limp tool
With a cast iron belaying pin.
--- Ann Gasser P8804
When the crew captured prisoners, the rules
Were that they must hunt
In each woman's cunt,
In case she was hiding rich jewels.
--- A N Wilkins P8804
Doesn't slow him a hell of a lot.
He comes and he goes
In his old ragged clothes,
With his seeing eye canine, Black Spot.
--- Arthur Deex P8804
Spanish princess like he oughta.
Imagine his fright
When he came in sight
Of the vengeance bound Spanish Armada.
--- Anon
Captured treasure and carried out rapes
Of their innocent prey.
Their successors today
Find more profit in records and tapes.
--- A N Wilkins P8804
It gives me a thrill and a chuckle.
Stabbing and swishing
Get me to wishing
That under a sword I may truckle.
--- Joie de Vivre
Those pirates whose vessels we sank.
From captain to cook,
Unless I'm mistook,
They were just about equally rank.
--- Laurence Perrine P8804
The hangman his fate will soon settle.
But a pirate so bold,
Steals a shipload of gold,
And he's honored and given a medal.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2640
Said, "What do you know about that.
I've been searching for years
For my lost buccaneers,
And they're here under my buckin' hat."
--- Bob Giandomenico P8804
Of his chief on suspicion of mutiny.
This scum was unwilling
To kill for a shilling,
And preached it was sinful to loot any.
--- Laurence Perrine P8804
Became so exceedingly thin,
That while cleaning his gun,
When the day's work was done,
He looked down the bore and fell in.
--- Anon
Set your feet on the gangplank and walk!
There's a fate worse than death
If you waste one more breath,
And a fate worse than that if you balk!
--- Rory Ewins
"I feel stuffed, and dead on my feet;
I'm tired and depressed
And feeling quite stressed,
I need AARRRRGH and AARRRRGH tout de suite."
Succored pirate and base buccaneer.
What they did was awful
While we, always lawful,
Commissioned our own privateer.
--- Arthur Deex P8804
Into history's dank moldy shelves,
A Godfearing man
Carried out the Lord's plan:
"God helps those who," he said, "help themselves."
--- A N Wilkins P8804
On their club door a sign writ in soot:
"As your Mum don't work here,
Management make it clear,
Before entering, please wipe your foot."
--- Q
On their club door a sign writ in soot;
"As your mum don't work here,
Management makes it clear,
Before entering, please wipe your foot.
--- David Miller
Was made from the cork of a keg.
When he swam in the sea,
He'd upend at the knee
And scrape barnacles off of the skeg.
--- Tillmanator
Prosthesis adrift, that's not good.
His parrot kvetched,
"S'pose you'd like that fetched?"
Said captain, "Aye aye I shore wood"
--- Anon
When with Captain he bobbed on a raft.
Sharks made him afraid
And his boss, a gay blade,
Kept him worried both fore and aft.
--- Ann Gasser P8804a
"The reason I've let my beard length increase --
I want you to go
And 'Yo-ho-ho-ho,'
When I go below and tickle your knees."
--- Irving Superior P8804
Laid a maid in the course of her flood,
And remarked, "It's so weird
To attack a blackbeard
And then find out you've got Captain Blood."
--- Bob Giandomenico P8804a
Had an apetite nothing could sate.
Back in old Los Antillos,
His wild peccadilloes
Gave new meaning to 'pieces of eight.'
--- Arthur Deex P8804
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