The pirate can't stand his damn parrot --
The fool thing got drunk on some claret.
Stuffed it down his pants
Where it started to dance.
It surely does tickle his ferret!
--- Marlene Lewis

Me Beauty, I've been lost at sea
All me life 'til I laid eyes on thee.
Get some grog in ya, lass.
As your giving me sass;
Then come dance the hornpipe with me.
--- Virge

Ashore, if not locked up in prison,
Pirates tended to be quite bedizen.
In spectacular ways
They made up for dull days
When excitement and pleasure were mizzen.

(bedizen - to dress gaudily and vulgarly)
--- Ann Gasser P8804

There was an old pirate named Charlie
Who tooled about on a Harley.
He was tough as ten men
And meaner than sin,
And even his parrot was snarly.
--- Cyber Geezer

Two pirate captain weirdos,
Fatima and Pissgums, were foes.
Her lesbian band
From cook to deckhand,
USEe looking to bring Piss to blows.
--- H Welchel

Pissgums drank grog with a fizz,
And sometimes a shot of ripe jizz.
"Mates, if you're hung,
Come rinse off my tongue!"
He'd shout 'fore his crew took a whiz.
--- H Welchel

Captain Fatima, the dyke,
Tried a preemptive first strike.
She grappled his ship;
He grappled her nip;
She nailed down his crank with a pike.
--- H Welchel

A bloody and fierce rendezvous,
The dykes and the perverts hove-to.
Their cutlasses strew
Small chunks of each crew,
Some colored with blood and tattoo.
--- H Welchel

The helmsman got rations of grief
When dykes got ahold of his beef.
He screamed for his mummy
And emptied his tummy,
And steered his way onto a reef.
--- H Welchel

Piss bit Fatima's right lip --
She bit his choad on the tip.
He got a good rise,
But to their demise,
Both soon went down with the ship.
--- H Welchel

A pirate, a randy old codger,
Had a very impressive long todger.
He'd call into port,
Find himself a nice sort,
And give her a good jolly roger!
--- Anon

Those pirates were all hale and hearty,
And they throw one hell of a party.
They stay drunk for a week,
And the havoc they wreak,
Would offend a fine lass like our Marty.
--- Jeanie

But I took it all in my stride,
And partied till I was glassy-eyed.
Then a one-legged chap
Took a shit in my lap,
And that made me finally decide.
--- Jeanie

A one-legged pirate named Mary
Had a chest that was awfully hairy.
Now, a pirate's chest's great
Full of pieces of eight,
But Mary's is just downright scary!
--- Anon

Happy Birthday old Daniel, me nephew.
I hope all your wishes may come true.
When you come back to Oz,
Get a parrot because
You'll look stupid carrying a cuckcoo.
--- Virge

Happy Birthday, old man of the seas.
When you come here, you'd best not bring fleas.
And don't let your rat
Out from under hour hat,
Or they'll hang you for spreading disease.
--- Virge

Happy Birthday, you scurvy sea dog.
Shall we go for a sail in the fog?
Just clean up your mouth
As we sail to the south,
Or you'll turn all our fresh air to smog.
--- Virge

Happy Birthday, old Daniel, me lad.
I'm glad you've gone stark ravin' mad.
'Cause if you'd been sane
With a rational brain,
It's make me black pirate heart sad.
--- Virge

A pirate relentless and cold,
Captain Singleton, finally told
Defoe of his strife
And earned more from his life
Than all of the loot that he'd sold.
--- A N Wilkins P8804

A tubercular pirate named Duncan
Had a body all shriveled and shrunken.
His wife called him Treasure
Though not from his measure.
'Twas because of his chest which was sunken.
--- Bob Giandomenico P8804

The seagull did shit, on the fly,
Right into the pirate's left eye.
Now sadly, alas,
That eye 's made of glass...
Cause he gave his new hook a try.
--- Anon

Her husband was called Jolly Roger,
But was a quite silly old codger.
A sometimes irate
Incompetent pirate,
Whose talent was simply to dodge her.
--- Susan Arden

"As for crime," said the pirate, "I've done it,
And although the best people shun it,
There's only one way
To make sure it won't pay.
Just let any government run it."
--- A N Wilkins P8804

Beware of that pirate, Llewellyn!
He's gay and I've heard that old felon
Is seeking small buoys
For sexual toys:
He's probing the 'straights' of Magellan!
--- Anon

If I get a few moments alone,
And Ermintrude gets off my bone,
I'll then find the time,
To write down the rhymes,
Of that evil she-pirate, Long Joan.
--- Anon

If Long John met a wench, he would dodge her,
And though not an effeminate codger,
He would tell no sly fib
As to cut of his jib,
His sail flapped for young Jolly Roger.
--- Ann Gasser P8804

When Long John Silver saw Blind Pugh,
His first reaction was "Pooh-pooh."
When Pugh the "black spot" gave,
Long John became less brave
And in his long johns John went "poo."
--- Irving Superior P8804

All pirates lacked women to carol,
But the sport that they played was nonpareil;
For the barrel's bung hole
Did suffice to console --
There was always a man in the barrel.
--- Al Chaplin P8804

Let R.L.S. once show us where
His Long John Silver combed his hair
Or rinsed his hose
Or washed his clothes
Or Long John changed his underwear.
--- Irving Superior P8804

When business was slow, each poor buccaneer
His trophies would sell for 'one buck an ear'.
Perverted became
When women would offer them one fuccaneer.
--- Irving Superior P8804

Of pirates, and PICARESQUE tales,
'Bout pillaging long ships with sails,
And chasing some fluff
To have some sex rough;
If not, settling for shipmate males.
--- Chris Papa

A pirate was out on a date;
He got amorous; she said "But wait!
I like you, sweet honey,
But I also like money,
So lets see your pieces of eight!"
--- Anon

Well shiver me timbers and may
The eight winds come blow me away,
And rattle my skull
And wreck my old hull,
And sink me inside of the bay.
--- Matthew Montchalin

This is file vfl

Now really, expressions like that
Are rather antique and "old hat",
But not quite so shocking
As the way you were talking
Of someone who chews more than fat.
--- Matthew Montchalin

The crewmen asked, "Why have we hidden
Our casket of gold in this midden?
Said the mate, "So a pirate
Won't stop to admire it.
Keep digging, lad. Do as your bidden!"
--- Rory Ewins

The corniest folks of Penzance
Were lead such a song and a dance
When Sullivan's Gilbert
Was nuts like a filbert,
Creating a pirates' romance.
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P8804

The Pirates of Penzance no more
Have cannons on stage as before.
Last week they went BANG.
(Their captain we'll hang)
And sank H.M.S Pinafore.
--- Irving Superior P8804

The pirate whom most I bemoan
Is he with dull skull and cross bone,
Who tries to win fame
By printing his name
Over words can be shown, are my own.
--- Laurence Perrine P8804

The pirate was dressed all in black.
The lady was taken aback.
His cock was so large;
It gave her a charge.
She begged him to give her the rack.
--- Bonnie

The pirate tied her hand and leg;
Widespread on the rack she did beg.
Please give me some rum
And I'll make you come;
I blow like a lit powder keg.
--- Bonnie

The captives of Kidd were first screwed.
In turn, one by one, each was crewed.
When the gang bang was done,
Overboard one by one,
With many exclaiming, "That's crude."
--- Irving Superior P8804

Such evil did Robinson's crew sow!
A pirate's flag Robinson's crew sew,
Then overboard throw
With no place to go...
Did Satan make Robinson's crew so?
--- Irving Superior P9112

A salty old pirate named Hank
Decided to play a mean prank.
So he put a dead snail
In the ship captain's ale,
And the captain yelled, "Roll out the plank."
--- Bob Birch P0302

The infamous pirate, Steve Bonnet,
From his captains chair bellowed, "Doggonit!
I've sat on my cutlass
Now I'm nearly buttless,
And it pains me to put weight upon it."
--- Bob Giandomenico P8804

Captain Dick was a man of great sin,
Sailed the seas with an evil grin,
Sadistic and cruel,
He'd replaced his limp tool
With a cast iron belaying pin.
--- Ann Gasser P8804

The pirates of old were no fools.
When the crew captured prisoners, the rules
Were that they must hunt
In each woman's cunt,
In case she was hiding rich jewels.
--- A N Wilkins P8804

The sight that Blind Pugh hasn't got
Doesn't slow him a hell of a lot.
He comes and he goes
In his old ragged clothes,
With his seeing eye canine, Black Spot.
--- Arthur Deex P8804

A dashing young pirate had caught a
Spanish princess like he oughta.
Imagine his fright
When he came in sight
Of the vengeance bound Spanish Armada.
--- Anon

Pirates lurking off headland and capes,
Captured treasure and carried out rapes
Of their innocent prey.
Their successors today
Find more profit in records and tapes.
--- A N Wilkins P8804

I just can't resist a swashbuckle;
It gives me a thrill and a chuckle.
Stabbing and swishing
Get me to wishing
That under a sword I may truckle.
--- Joie de Vivre

They were picturesque knaves but they stank --
Those pirates whose vessels we sank.
From captain to cook,
Unless I'm mistook,
They were just about equally rank.
--- Laurence Perrine P8804

For the poor man who steals but a kettle,
The hangman his fate will soon settle.
But a pirate so bold,
Steals a shipload of gold,
And he's honored and given a medal.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2640

A hare-lipped old pirate named Matt
Said, "What do you know about that.
I've been searching for years
For my lost buccaneers,
And they're here under my buckin' hat."
--- Bob Giandomenico P8804

A pirate came under the scrutiny
Of his chief on suspicion of mutiny.
This scum was unwilling
To kill for a shilling,
And preached it was sinful to loot any.
--- Laurence Perrine P8804

A pirate who hailed from Nertskin
Became so exceedingly thin,
That while cleaning his gun,
When the day's work was done,
He looked down the bore and fell in.
--- Anon

Quit your dithering, Captain, less talk!
Set your feet on the gangplank and walk!
There's a fate worse than death
If you waste one more breath,
And a fate worse than that if you balk!
--- Rory Ewins

Said French privateer Jean Lafitte,
"I feel stuffed, and dead on my feet;
I'm tired and depressed
And feeling quite stressed,
I need AARRRRGH and AARRRRGH tout de suite."

The other side most insincere
Succored pirate and base buccaneer.
What they did was awful
While we, always lawful,
Commissioned our own privateer.
--- Arthur Deex P8804

Captain Kidd, says a scholar who delves
Into history's dank moldy shelves,
A Godfearing man
Carried out the Lord's plan:
"God helps those who," he said, "help themselves."
--- A N Wilkins P8804

The Ex-Pirate Captains have put,
On their club door a sign writ in soot:
"As your Mum don't work here,
Management make it clear,
Before entering, please wipe your foot."
--- Q

The Ex-Pirate Captains have put
On their club door a sign writ in soot;
"As your mum don't work here,
Management makes it clear,
Before entering, please wipe your foot.
--- David Miller

There once was a pirate whose leg
Was made from the cork of a keg.
When he swam in the sea,
He'd upend at the knee
And scrape barnacles off of the skeg.
--- Tillmanator

A peg-legged captain, named Hood;
Prosthesis adrift, that's not good.
His parrot kvetched,
"S'pose you'd like that fetched?"
Said captain, "Aye aye I shore wood"
--- Anon

Shipwrecked First Mate infrequently laughed
When with Captain he bobbed on a raft.
Sharks made him afraid
And his boss, a gay blade,
Kept him worried both fore and aft.
--- Ann Gasser P8804a

Blackbeard the Pirate, while having a piece,
"The reason I've let my beard length increase --
I want you to go
And 'Yo-ho-ho-ho,'
When I go below and tickle your knees."
--- Irving Superior P8804

The pirate, a horny young stud,
Laid a maid in the course of her flood,
And remarked, "It's so weird
To attack a blackbeard
And then find out you've got Captain Blood."
--- Bob Giandomenico P8804a

Ed Teach, that old henchman of fate,
Had an apetite nothing could sate.
Back in old Los Antillos,
His wild peccadilloes
Gave new meaning to 'pieces of eight.'
--- Arthur Deex P8804