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The chief delectation of summer:
The clicking of crickets and hum 'o
The bee; scents of flowers;
Still, sunlit hours;
And absence of John Selwyn Gummer.
(JSG - Minister of Ag during Mad Cow disease flap)
Sir John Shagbag (Conservative, Nore): When are you guys going to get real? I don't think very much of your creed, Now don't think that I take either side, We have problems quite Major over here; So, come on and sharpen your act, I watched Commons Questions last night. In the U.S. we don't have this game; The MP, Sir Willibald Lyre, We hear there's to be a reshuffle; When it comes to a seat on the Cabinet, In Britain, it very much looks An M.P., due to march in a demo, The Euro's unveiled today; Some Brits, it seems, love to bash Yanks; He was new to the diplomats' ranks; There was a Prime Minister named Tony, Pinochet, tyrant extraordinaire, The candidates from every tribe, This year it's the same in Australia; The fires of scandals become embers, (Cecil P. got his secty preggers)
A premier of character canny, There was an old Broom of St. Stephen's, Will Great Britain appoint a new czar There was a young man from Dundee, (Winston Churchill screwed up at Dardanelles)
An intrepid reporter from Wapping, Said Ted with remarkable candour, An aspiring young MP from Tring, A hidious, rotten attack If the Yanks paid more heed to Chirac, More deaths due to Bush and to Blair The Tories are counting the days The Kaiser one said at Peronne Who supports the Beep show your tongue -- We are a great nation of goats, When the Yank GI's went Over There, If the gifted and young Mr. Churchill The love-in 'twixt Gordon and Tony Tony Blair, to the world, just a fool; So, say a prayer for Clinton and Blair With one leap, he is free, Mr Blair, Balancing right on the lever, On terror, rebellious Lords Enduring's the fame for old Churchill, When his mistress declared him too short, The pound will go if you vote Blair! A govenment under John Major While in mid-air on campaign, It is said of brave Baroness Thatcher, At Blackpool one day, by the sea, Maggie Thatcher kept the Tories on course; It's rumored she took to the bit; 'Twas ten years ago from this day She's fast is Prime Minister Thatcher; A fable told by La Fontaine, The going got rough and they bumped But Tiddy, you know and I trust, You know just as well, feet of clay A tired prime minister, Tony, Selling Powergen for peanuts to Hanson When Tony asked Gordon to lunch, When Tony asked Gordon to lunch, When Tony asked Gordon to lunch, We've enjoyed the long summer recess There was an old man of Iraq There was a great leader called Blair, (must be Tony Blair - Prime Minister)
--- Fred Robinson
"The Honorable Lady's a whore.
Even now, you know what:
Churchill's pricks in her twat."
(Some applause. Labour cries of 'Withdraw')
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Left calling Right "You're a heel!"
All your verses are crap
With a scan that won't rap.
You're missing the point here, I feel.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Given a very good read
And your sad resort
To wit-less retort,
Leaves all looking half-gone to seed.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
From Blighty, I think I can hide
Any feelings of care
For you sad-sacks out there,
When you vote for some awful grey snide.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
The EU is acting quite queer;
The monetary union vote
Will mean there's just one note
And it won't be so terribly dear.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
And work out a kind of a pact.
You can try to be decent,
So unlike the recent
Collection of entries -- or you're sacked!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
It was really a wonderful sight.
A Right Honorable Twit,
Got in Tony Blair's Shit,
And he did it while being polite.
--- Anon
I can tell you it's really a shame.
I'd like to see Bill
Getting grilled on the hill,
And see just who on earth he would blame.
--- Anon
He had spoken, and hope to inspire,
Heard someone declare
"With all that hot air,
We could use him and save our gas-fire."
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
As ever, there such a kerfuffle;
Who's in and who's out?
The press will, no doubt,
Be like pigs on the trail of a truffle.
--- Andrew Walker
All MP's will be yearning at grabbing it.
Will John Prescott be ditched?
No, for Blair he's bewitched,
And the Cabinet must now have some flab in it.
--- Andrew Walker
An election in May's on the books.
What's more to be said?
I'm staying in bed;
They're all either morons or crooks.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Forgot to diarise it in a memo.
He thought if there's aggro
They may use some live ammo;
To the organisers he blamed it on his steno.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
New way for Europeans to pay.
In Britain we've found
We all like the pound.
So no Euro, so we say Hurray!
--- Tony Burrell
Old friends we have been, but no thanks;
We'll hear a new rhyme,
The very next time,
The Huns put the squeeze on their cranks!
--- Anon
He was told not to play boyish pranks.
We hope you're not gay,
And, old boy, by the way
Your first posting is up in West Lancs.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Who came up with papers quite phoney.
He lied and he lied
And many troops died,
'Cause the reasons for war were baloney.
--- Anon
Flown to London for medical care,
Found concerned palace guards
Had brought get-well-soon cards;
He needed no return trip air fare!
--- Observer
Are offering, (yes, here's the jibe)
The best things in life
To the world and its wife.
Their theme songs is: Here comes the bribe.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Politicians are out to impale 'ya.
Seems they're nothing but talk
With their barrel of pork.
Guess the winner will be one more failure.
--- Steve123
And the party tries hard not to remember.
How awful the sleaze
With poor Sarah Keyes
And a stuck-up Conservative member.
--- Tim
Who modestly bloomed in a cranny,
Though bland and urbane
Once was heard to complain
He'd be blanked if he stood Pretty Fanny. (A. J. Balfour)
--- Punch 1902 (Bibby)
That set all at sixes and sevens;
And to sweep from the room
The convictions of Brougham,
Was the work of this Broom of St. Stephen's.
--- Punch December 1845 P9612
Who with satellites spies from afar,
Convert your life style
Into road tax per mile,
On each journey you make in your car?
--- Anon
Who didn't succeed with the sea;
So they gave him command
Of the Air and the Land,
Just to make it quite fair with all three.
--- Anon Punch 1918 (Bibby)
Went out, so he said, to go shopping.
He shopped a few Tories
With incredible stories;
Once started, there's no way of stopping.
--- John Fernbank
"These limericks are mocking my grandeur,
So Harold and me
United will be,
And sue everybody for slander."
--- Margot Juby,
Invented a very neat thing.
He created a voter,
Complete with a motor,
Who he found would suppport anything.
--- Michael Palin
Has taken the British aback.
In times of such stress,
The Limeys, I guess,
Need good friends like Monsieur Chirac.
--- Robin T Cox
When they thought of invading Iraq,
They'd have suffered far less,
And avoided the mess
That's accrued for being on the wrong track.
--- John Miller
From their Laurel and Hardy affair.
If you drop a rock
In a sludge pool, the shock
Will cover most everyone there.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Before they are put out to graze.
But let us not weep
For these poor cloned sheep,
It's the rest of the country that pays!
--- John Fernbank
This is file vdl
That the Army we'd got was 'no bon',
But between you and me
He didn't 'compris'
The size of the job he had on.
--- Wipers Times 1916 (Bibby)
Mr Blair, who'd we'd like to see hung?
Poor old Greg was not keeping
What he sow'd, now he's reaping,
When the fan as it turns, met the dung.
--- Anon
And will keep on cutting our throats.
We're deep in the red,
And still being bled.
It's time we all took off our coats.
--- Mrs M Pearson (Bibby)
They did romance Brit ladies with flair;
With their dazzling white teeth,
Plus "great guns" underneath;
UK's gene pool, our studs did repair!
--- Anon
Is to stay on his eminent perch, he'll
Shed some of the side
Which is hard to abide --
Yes -- even in young Mr. Churchill.
--- Punch 1902, Vol 122, p268
Is wholly transparent and phoney.
Though Blair's bigging up Brown,
Guess who's keeping the crown,
If you buy this campaign baloney.
--- Jarmo
Just another schmuck Bill Clinton tool.
A puppet on a string,
A sad awful thing,
For their failing goal of world rule.
--- Anon
That they run into justice somewhere.
That it's slow and it's painful
For these two disdainful
Hated assinine criminal pair.
--- Anon
To continue his rule from his lair.
Did he finger the Dyke;
Send him off on his bike?
Or was Hutton completely unfair?
--- Anon
For what seems like fucking forever;
Though this bills unfair,
Seems like tough-talking Blair
Thinks Ping-pong politically clever.
--- Jarmo
Defied Tony Blair in their hordes;
"That," they said, grunting,
"Is for stopping us hunting.
Next time think before crossing swords!"
--- Jarmo
Though some are allowed to besmirch still,
His dignified mien.
It's unfair and obscene
What those pigeons, for whom he's a perch, spill.
--- David A Brooks
"You're too long," was Disraeli's retort.
So they each gave an inch,
With the aid of a winch,
And it settled the case out of court.
--- Thomas A Quinine P8303
Says Tory Hague, causing a scare.
But I'll bet my last penny
That votes for you aren't many,
'Cause you have not a head full of hair.
--- R Rezel
Was so soundly beaten, I'll wager
'Cause the Tories he led
Were too often in bed
Giving tabloids a sleazy front-pager.
--- Prof M-G
Lightning struck Tony Blair's plane;
Perhas it's a sign
From forces divine,
His help from on high's on the wane.
--- Jarmo
That three mortal men couldn't match her.
When she once saw a mouse
In her Downing Street house,
It took six mortal men just to catch her.
--- David A Brooks
Maggie rattled her handbag with glee.
"Voters hate IDS
And don't like the rest.
Now the party must turn back to me."
--- Amanda Green
Even Labour would bend to her force.
But one wonders if nays,
Would have been easy yeas,
If she hadn't the face of a horse.
--- Goin2later
Though old and decrepit, she's fit.
She finally lost power
Because of that shower
Of pussies, yes-men, and a twit.
--- Frank
That our Maggie was heard to say
"First I'm selected
Then I'm elected
And now the poor bastards will pay".
--- Anon
You gotta be good just to catch her.
But once she is caught,
Don't give it a thought;
She's clay in the hands of a snatcher.
--- Armand Singer
I read once, and tell it again:
Two pots, one of clay,
One of iron, one day
Walked side by side up an old lane.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Together and each time they thumped,
Cracks came in the clay,
And it soon shattered, lay
In pieces and shortly was dumped.
--- Tiddy Ogg
That iron is subject to rust
And crumbles away
While pots made of clay
Remain when all else turns to dust.
--- John Miller
Most likely will not win the day.
And the jackals about
May put us to route
If all that we do is delay.
--- John Miller
Trots out the same bunch of baloney.
In the New Labor lexicon
All talk of respect's a con
And policy all skin, no boney.
--- Jarmo
(Who provides half the Tories financin')
Wins Thatcher's consent.
So don't call her bent --
She's as honest and clean as Charles Manson.
--- Tony Davie Collection
Gordon planned on an innocent munch.
He didn't think the entree
Would be arsenic souffle,
But Tony's sniggering gave him a hunch.
--- Ralph
Said Gordon, "Why Tone, thanks a bunch!
I would love to succeed you,"
Tony said, "I don't need you,
There's no deal, when comes the crunch."
--- Chris Hartley
He said to him, "I've got a hunch,
If you'll back me to win,
I will hire some spin;
On the Tories we'll land a KO punch.
--- Lawrence Maidment
Without Parliament making a mess.
But get ready for phoney
Rhetoric (monoTony)
Just how will he choose to depress?
--- Doug Harris P0510Q
Who said: "Things don't look quite so black,
Now that Tony Blair
Has had his heart scare.
Pity 'twas not a full-blown attack!"
--- Alexander Baron
Thought the people, "He just doesn't care."
Manefesto enabled,
He crapped on disabled,
And said, "Take the piss out of my hair."
--- Raymond Davies
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