I think I am not going to pass;
So I'm not, that's the crux of this class.
The proof that Descartes
Was just an old fart --
Though I knew this, I still failed, alas.
--- Jon Gearhart

Is it true that a chap named Descartes
Saw a new metaphysical start,
Or could it just be
That you, he and me
Are your dream, you deluded old fart!
--- Peter Wilkins

Indeed it is all as you find:
Only down in the murk of my mind,
Do we three exist?
And because I am pissed,
We talk rot, as I'm sure you've opined.
--- Peter Wilkins

Dr Johnson, when sober or pissed,
Could be frequently heard to insist,
Letting out a great fart:
"Yes, I follow Decartes,
I stink, therefore I exist!"
--- A Cinna

One day, a man of good cheer,
Asked Descartes if he wanted a beer.
What the man got
Was "I think not",
While he watched Descartes disappear!
--- Bob Davies

There was a great thinker, Decartes
Who was severely plagued by his farts.
When he had to lecture,
His ass would conjecture,
But boy! That fellow had smarts.
--- Mr Blister

To a girl that he liked a whole lot,
Descartes gave the gist of his plot:
"I think, so I am,"
To which this dear ma'am
Said, "Hell No! I fucking think not!"
--- MrMalo

Descartes sat down for a beer,
And a lady gave him a slight leer.
She grabbed for his dink,
And he said, "I don't think..."
And promptly Descartes disappeared!
--- Bluestreak

When Descartes said, "Je pense, donc je suis."
What he meant was, (I think you'll agree)
"My body's designed
To signal my mind;
I think that I have to go pee."
--- Bluebird P9812

About that strange death of Rene
Who, sans thinking, one day passed away:
Askd, "Want a cocotte?"
He replied, "I think NOT!"
And then, POOF, disappeared! So they say.
--- Stu Lucas P9703

A student, a quarrelsome sot,
Said, "Decartes' not as great as we're taught.
He just thought that he was,.
And thought that way because,
He thought that he was 'cause he thought."
--- Graham Lester

Descartes was consuming roast yam
But pronounced that he'd rather have lamb.
When he tried spinach drink,
Ren ventured, "I think
That I am what I am what I am."
--- David Morin

Descartes sits down for some beers,
Between two chaps who are queers.
As one grabs his dink,
He declares "I don't think..."
And promptly Rene disappears!
--- Jim Weaver Collection a

"I doubt and therefore I might be,"
Is more modern, you have to agree...
In an age existential,
Misgiving's essential,
But bewildered us both, you and me.
--- Tutta Gioia

Descartes woke one night and said, "Damn!
Sometimes I suspect I'm a sham.
For if I only think
That I think, there's a kink,
For it means I just think that I am.
--- A N Wilkins P9412

A philosopher from France named Descartes
Scaled the heights of pure math and fine art.
In the fullness of time
His thoughts turned sublime,
Like, "I think so I am!" for a start.
--- Mike O'Conner

One night, when out for a beer,
Descartes was asked by a queer:
"Wanna bit on the side?"
Young Rene replied:
"I think not," and thus disappeared.
--- Tiddy Ogg

One fine day a man of good cheer,
Asked Descartes if he'd like a beer.
What the man got
Was just "I think not";
And he watched Descartes disappear.
--- Anon

One night, when out on the beer,
Descartes was asked by a queer:
"Wanna bit on the side?"
Young Rene replied:
"I think not," and thus disappeared.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Said Rene Descartes, "As I feared,
This bawd doesn't like being reared."
When she offer her twat
He replied, "I think not."
At which point he just disappeared.
--- Martin Wellborn P8903

Descartes, he did not give a damn
'Bout opinions not proved; they're a sham.
Rene was a poet,
And did readily show it,
When he said, "I do think, so iamb."
--- Ed Hexter

A tyro philosopher named Quist
Was a Radical Idealist.
Imagine his terror
On finding the error
In assuming "Il pense, donc j'existe!"

(he thinks not I think - McW)
--- Indiana Millwart

When I think about what Descartes said,
You exist where you are in your head --
It is perfectly clear,
That I'm not really here;
I am inside your panties instead!
--- Jim Weaver Collection a

'Twas said, "I think, therefore I am,"
And that could get you in a jam.
If on the off chance
You are in my pants,
I'll give your round head a good slam
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Renee had a sickly old Mum,
Who gave birth to a brother quite dumb,
The schools threw him out
For his great love of stout,
And "incognito ergo bum".
--- Anon

When Descartes was around, you could see
His opinions on life were to be,
And not idealistic;
So he gave us, "Je pense, donc je suis."
--- Bluebird P9812

Descartes was born in Touraine;
He had a mathematical brain.
Rene's downfall,
If he had one at all,
Was the liquid that's made from a grain.
--- Anon

Descartes to a tavern was drawn;
Took a table outside, on the lawn.
Said the serving wench, 'Dear,
Would you care for a beer?'
'I think not.' And like that, he was gone.
--- Anon

The philosopher moped about, glum,
On account of his pecker was numb.
He found no solution,
But reached this conclusion:
"Non coito, et, ergo, non sum."
--- Robin K Willoughby P8311

There was an old man called Dupree,
Who couldn't count higher than three.
He said, "Damn and God rot!
It is plain I am not,
Because si je pense, donc je suit."

(if I think, ????)
--- R I

A philosopher once, named Descartes,
Was explaining himself to a tart.
"Since I think--I exist,"
He remarked, as he pissed;
"But what does it mean when I fart?"
--- G1376

Irish philosopher Dustcarts
Did once pronounce in between farts,
"My wonderful plan --
I stink therefore I am!"
A rip-off of Rene Descartes.
--- Tony Burrell

A French soldier known as Decartes
Said, "I hope that you've taken to heart,
That without a safe line
To something divine,
Each is stuck at his self engrossed start."
--- L S Sprigge

This is file usl

A sweet 'tater said, "Oh, yes ma'am.
I'm sentient, and don't give a damn.
You may think it's jive,
But it's not; I'm alive!
I think, and so therefore I yam.
--- Kirk Miller

A parched Descartes went for beering;
When the barkeep said, throat clearing,
"Like another shot?"
Replied, "I think not!"
And then he began disappearing.
--- Daniel Ford

A student who lived in Montmarte
Had studied more Descartes that Sartre.
He said, "What's essential
Is not Existential,
But "We think, and therefore we artre'."
--- New Comic Limericks P8506

Every day, hermits Larry and Linc
Would debate what a hermit should think.
Paraphrasing Descartes,
They'd agree at the start:
"We undoubtedly are, for we stink."
--- Cyber Geezer

Nothing's happy (in Nietzsche it's read)
With no more that its own daily bread.
Skipping "Can I?" and "Can't I?"s,
All things strive to aggrandize
And to get even further ahead.
--- Lim Hist of Philos P9407

From a monk to the merest mu-meson,
It's sheer will that each thing has its base on.
Whether "dead" or quite quick,
That alone makes it tick
And provides each's etre with raison.
--- Lim Hist of Philos P9407

Thus respecting the truth as our norm,
The Cartesians all need a reform.
But mere grammar's what's taught'm
"Where there's thoughts, something thought'm."
So we're perfectly safe to ignore'm!"
--- Lim Hist of Philos P9407

In Fact, whether thoughts step on deck
Is a matter of will's call and beck.
Much is conscious, it's true.
But if so, it's all due
To the forces below someone's neck.
--- Lim Hist of Philos P9407

Hence even the Schopenhauerians
Must fall short in their view of experience.
For each thing that's alive
Is a manifold drive.
So their theory's not true (though it nearly is!)
--- Lim Hist of Philos P9407

While it's rare that such truths are avowed,
Each person is more like a crowd.
But don't look for democracy.
For each drive seeks autocracy
And won't rest till all others are cowed.
--- Lim Hist of Philos P9407

Thus all willing, despite variations,
Looks for more than mere manifestation.
While you swagger or cower,
All your drives aim at power
And some share it in general inflation.
--- Lim Hist of Philos P9407

But while power's what all our drives seek,
Many are and remain always weak.
These have no respect due--
Quite unlike select few,
For whom power exceeds normal peak.
--- Lim Hist of Philos P9408

Yet others (And all their deeds show it!)
Have great strength in a form that's inchoate.
All their acts, "Good" or "Evil,"
Involve such upheaval,
They're less apt to succeed than to blow it.
--- Lim Hist of Philos P9408

Still it's only by means of such passion
That we're freed from antique fad or fashion.
Now that God is defunct,
God-made "man" should be junked.
And those dangerous words: Adam smashin'!
--- Lim Hist of Philos P9408

From our cradles, still whining and puling,
We're subjected to outmoded schooling.
After heaven's demise,
Here on earth let's get wise:
Good and Evil's my privileged ruling.
--- Lim Hist of Philos P9408

But destruction's not all that we need
When we're trying to shape a new breed:
Apostate, Apostle:
One set free, one a fossil--
Either way, live your life by some creed!
--- Lim Hist of Philos P9408

We'll see Superman given a boost
When our powers are finally loosed.
But unless these get aimed
Via values we've framed,
It's still mass-man that's ruling the roost.
--- Lim Hist of Philos P9408

While the fictional hero's escapist,
So one knows, yet, what Superman's shape is.
But though Power's his "thing",
Don't infer, if he's king,
That he'll just be a killer or rapist.
--- Lim Hist of Philos P9408

While he may not have typical graces,
Still he won't be a beast or papacious.
For he's (a) not one sided
And (b) always guided
By the future he sees as our race's.
--- Lim Hist of Philos P9409

Of course, don't be fooled, it's not a breeze
To produce one or more of such prodigies.
It's a task that's enormous,
Since we're mostly conformists
And have wills even softer that cottage cheese.
--- Lim Hist of Philos P9409

And the weak ones all feel trepidations
In the face of real strength's emanations.
For while they rule the world,
On their banner, unfurled,
Will read: Power to all tepid nations!
--- Lim Hist of Philos P9409

If the power in question's through voting,
Then the weak might of course do some gloating.
But mere strength that's from gangs
Is like sheep that grow fangs;
Still sheep, though they don a wolf's clothing.
--- Lim Hist of Philos P9409

With the aid of the Word of Our Lord,
Earthly rule was usurped by this horde.
From year One (Anno Domini)
What they preached was ignominy:
That the penitent's mightier than the sword!
--- Lim Hist of Philos P9409

All the same let us hope, if not pray,
There's a chance for a new dawn of day.
Though he may be high-priced,
Let's all hail Antichrist.
And we'll hope he can show us The Way.
--- Lim Hist of Philos P9409

That sad fellow, Friedrich Nietzche,
Was once a fine classical teacher,
Till a voice in his head
Told him God was now dead --
This became of his thought the chief feature.
--- L S Sprigge

"If you're aristocratic", said Nietzsche,
"It's thumbs up, you're O.K., Pleased to meet ye.
If you're working-class bores,
It's thumbs down and up yours!
If you don't know your place, then I'll teach ye."
--- Gerry Hamill

That miserable bloke Friedrich Nietzche
Had one most extrordinary feature.
He used it to pester
A fat tart named Esther,
But luckily, didn't quite reach her.
--- Bill Wall

"Gott ist tot!" Nietzsche once said.
What put that strange thought in his head?
On August twenty-fifth
God shattered that myth,
When he took his soul; now look who's dead!

My ergo sum prefix, "Cogito,"
was arrested and changed to "Burrito."
Thus I am what I eat,
But I'll soon be a treat
For some eager, to meet me, mosquito.
--- Lawrence Berk

A toper who spies in the distance,
Striped tigers, will get some assistance
From reading Decartes,
Who holds that it's part
Of his duty to doubt their existence.
--- Leslie Johnson

But if he's a student of Berkeley.
One thing will emerge, rather starkly,
That he ought to believe
What his senses perceive,
No matter how dimly or darkly.
--- Leslie Johnson

That skillful lens grinder Baruch
Said, "Nothing can happen by fluke,
For nothing is free
From Nature's decree.
Free will is just gobbledegook.
--- L S Sprigge

The philosopher Berkeley once said,
In the dark to a maid in his bed:
"No perception, my dear,
Means I'm not really here,
But only a thought in your head."
--- P W R Foot