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Why not the usual rants; When the sex scandal news was uncloaked, There was a young lady named Monica, Mystery visits by "Mon" have folks buzzin'; A policy wonk we were cravin' He proved to be most of all, lusty; Old Bill and his intern were playing; "Be less brassy," his staff all advised. "Slick Willy," that SOBRIQUET fair, So friends, with my rhyme so trite, Little old Monica Lewinsky If true (like the press I'm just gropin') The victim is now perpetrater; An adventurous intern named Monica, At the White House, a young girl interned, There in the staid White House limbo, Do not feel bad for Miss Lewinsky; Our Monica's jetted off now I know what he did was not nice, Monica look like she's finding When Monica serves the Chief Crum, Collection may be her main reason Monica's morals did slip The intern wished to be upward bound; It's been days since the sweet Miss Lewinsky Lye soap's what that girl should use The job was a stroke of fate, Monica, how far will you go Monica was like a sea breeze; There once was a gal from L.A. To add to his eternal shame, He really deserves touch of shame, Sex can be wonderfully AERIOUS Clinton keeps his cigars and much more There was a counsel named Starr, Poor Bill Clinton felt quite BEREFT, Poor Clinton, no more top banana; A slave to his sexual hankerings, Monica went shopping at the store; Bill said Monica went a bit far Monica is going way too far Actions of Monica are bizarre, Hail Monica - woman of grace, A prosecutorial zealot named Starr The pundits in D.C. are clacking He protested all "sex" abuse, Ms Lewinsky, according to Starr, Poor Clinton's no more top banana; Monica's not at all photogenic Something about this whole mess, She smoked a cigar like no male, You've heard of Yuri Gararin? Special Prosecutor Kenneth Starr Why Monica, love your blue dress! Slick Willy was speaking of Monica There's a guy in the White House who sends In reports from attorney Ken Starr, Bill's a generous man, not by half, Miss Lewinsky, Miss Tripp and Ken Starr In the Whitehouse an incident took place; According to what Monica's written, That cigar, that Bill Clinton gave her, When I read the report of Ken Starr, Lewinsky, Bill's old playmate lass, The President fucked his girlfriend; Said Willie, "My love for cigars, He'll light up but won't take a puff;
I'd expect to see congressmen dance
In Republican glee.
Do you think it could be
This girl's been in everyone's pants?
--- MrMalo
I felt sorry for Monica's folks.
But when raising their daughter,
You'd think they'd have taught 'er,
Lawyer fees can make Daddy go broke!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who played penis just like the harmonica,
Till near Capitol Hill,
She played one named Bill,
And the notes could be heard to Salonika!
--- Orlando Joe T9801
It's been said there were over three dozen.
Maybe trips to Bill's study
Were just to see Buddy,
And she's just one of Bill's kissin' cousins.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
And thought Bill our country'd be savin'.
But the shitty louse,
Once in the White House,
Was only a Monica maven.
--- Chris Papa
Entranced by a young maiden busty,
Who cold pizzas schlepped,
And into pants crept,
Performing her service quite trusty.
--- Chris Papa
Toward his office he heard people straying.
He said, "Monica, please,
Get up off your knees;
They'll never believe you were praying."
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0508
Playing saxaphone is ill advised.
With a gin and a tonic-a,
She switched to whore Monica,
Which he played, as the media surmised.
--- Res Ipsa
Like when Clinton took to the air,
Denying the wrongs,
From snapping the thongs
To having "no sex" with great care.
--- Chris Papa
I say Starr's report has short-sight.
That those with big hair
Who wished life was fair,
Must always be treated with spite.
--- Anon
With Clinton and jizz on her chinsky,
Tried to deny
She'd had sex with the guy,
Saying, "He never once got it insky!"
--- Gearhart
Then Bill Clinton will surely be hopin'
That Monica, the slut,
Will keep her mouth shut,
When previously, she'd kept it wide open!
--- H Myers T9801
She thought pol would shed wife and mate her.
Instead she found out,
He just used his clout,
To have his way and penetrate her.
--- Chris Papa
Told Linda, Bill's love did astonish her.
"If I'd known all I'd get,
Was my underwear wet,
I'd have kept our relations platonic-er."
--- Anon
And her passion for Slick Willie burned.
But her ardor soon cooled,
As the media drooled,
While by Slick she was publicly spurned!
--- Michael W Johnson
Stood Willy with arms held akimbo.
No need to hold on,
As "no-sex" Don Juan,
Was pleasured by raven-haired bimbo.
--- Chris Papa
She's been offered $2 mill to show skinsky.
Penthouse wants her nude,
And with her attitude,
I'll bet she can take one on the chinsky.
--- MrMalo
To India. They love her, and how!
Those randy Hindus
Have named vindaloos
After her, she's their new sacred cow.
--- Anon
But many a man has that vice.
He sure found some shame
With that Monica dame,
But she had intent to entice!
--- Maggie
It's hard to be pristine and shining;
She set out to snare
Bill in his own lair,
And now all she'd doing is whining!
--- Ystap T9801
She usually murmurs, "Yum-yum."
If you have plenty power,
She'll come to your bower.
I had a hunch she would succumb.
--- Al Willis P9805a
For hunting the men out of season.
She's keep score,
But she's not a whore;
She freely puts out 'cause it's pleasin'.
--- Karen
When she swallowed the presidential tip.
She thought she'd go far
And be a big star,
But instead, poor Monica did Tripp.
--- H Welchel
She needed a plan that was sound.
She hadn't a clue
As to what to do;
She decided, I'll just sleep around.
--- Puff Adder
Went to see Kenneth Starr, the butt-in-ski.
But why does she balk
And refuse to talk?
Could it be that her story is thinski?
--- MrMalo
In her mouth, or be singing the blues.
It gives me the willies
'Cause I've heard that Billy's
Stuff tastes just like ten-year-old shoes.
--- Cheryl
Though not at the usual rate.
In an unpaid status,
She performed the job gratis,
But you could say the tips were great.
--- MrMalo
To get on Springer's talk show?
You're trailer-park trash
With a mountain of cash
And the new queen of fellatio!
--- H Welchel
A young girl with a great pair of knees.
Though she'd not swallow well,
She must have been swell.
Her fee: "Ninety grand job, please."
--- Jennifer Morales
Whose deep throat was used without pay.
When it was found,
Her book would be bound.
We know who used who, today.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
In playing his dangerous game,
Forget that we see
Infidelity;
He's given cigars a bad name!
--- Chris Papa
For actions done after the blame.
He reacted like worm
With truth, not a germ,
And even gave cigars a bad name.
--- Chris Papa
Or like canker sore or tooth carious.
But when it is done
With weird cigar fun,
I'd call it a wee bit nefarious.
--- Chris Papa
This is file ulm
When visits of State are in store.
Mr Arafat pondered,
If his stogie had wandered
From Monica's own humidor.
--- Anon
Who some say he went too far,
To avenge Mister Nixon;
He put the fix on
Bill and his famous cigar.
--- Nick Markov
The moment that Monica left,
What solace he'd get
From cigar all wet,
Once wielded by her soft hands deft.
--- Chris Papa
His heaven is empty of manna;
It's a downfall bizarre,
But Lewinsky's cigar
Was purchased in Castro's Havana.
--- Armand Singer
For interns and odd hanky-pankerings,
Bill put his cheroot
Into Monica's chute,
She blew him, of all things, some chancre rings.
--- Anon
Bill needed fine cigars, she bought more.
The new way he teased.
Oh my! How it pleased.
She's the presidential humidor.
--- Tom Patton P9811a
On all fours with her privates ajar.
But her next little thing
Would have pleased any king --
She said, "Insert that fucking cigar!"
--- Al Chaplin P9901
By using Doppler enhanced sonar.
In case it is mugged,
Her pussy is bugged,
To take a picture of the cigar.
--- Tom Patton P9811
But this one, I'm afraid, is subpar.
At the moment she came,
She shouted the name
Of another big fellow's cigar.
--- Tom Patton P9811
Put a cigar in a different place.
Then she left it in her fixture,
While Bill took her picture,
'Cause it looked like Fidel Castro's face.
--- Lee Malone
Has spent 45 million thus far,
To prove the President's agenda,
Included Monica's pudenda,
And an illegal Cuban cigar.
--- Davy Tartar P9811
About President Clinton's off-jacking.
Is Lewinsky a whore?
Or a cigar humidor?
In her box, Bill's Coronas she's stacking.
--- Anon
Though taught her to live in ways loose.
To flash thong to flirt
And cigar insert,
Then soiled dress with his damning juice.
--- Chris Papa
For a phallus, used Clinton's cigar.
Now to most common folk
It seems that the bloke
Has been probing the matter too far.
--- Crazy Legs
His heaven is empty of manna.
It's a downfall bizarre
But Lewinsky's cigar
Was purchased in Castro's Havana.
--- Armand Singer P9811
And she seems just a bit schizophrenic.
But although she's obscene,
Her lungs are quite clean;
Her cigars were non-carcinogenic.
--- Bob Mornington
(The lust, the cigar, and the dress):
It hastens the day
When sex is passe,
And fewer may need to possess.
--- H Welchel
But I have a mind for detail.
I asked without guile
As I gave her a smile,
"You smoked, but did you inhale?'
--- Anon
'Twas space he decided to star in.
But that Lewinski dame
Achieved much greater fame,
By sticking Bill Clinton's cigar in.
--- Anon
Discovered Bill Clinton's cigar.
When the band is finegled
By Monica's kagel,
It tastes better than a "Cuban" by far!
--- Anon
It seems a part of it is a mess!
Whose cigar were you smoking?
Fondling and stroking?
Wait, don't tell me, let me guess!
--- Anon
While sipping on his gin-and-tonica.
"If you think that cigar
Was going too far,
Wait 'til you hear 'bout the harmonica.
--- Chris Clark
Little presents to all of his "friends."
But his humidor's lid
Is nailed shut, it is said,
Until his term of orifice ends.
--- Anon
There's a tale of a Clinton cigar;
That the thing was inserted
Sounds oddly perverted,
But in Washington, just about par.
--- Tim Thompson
When he offers cigars to his staff.
He said "Though I'm no surgeon,
I could see she's no virgin,
So I shoved it up just for a laugh."
--- Anon
All had sex one day in a car.
Poor Bill was sure missed,
And Monica was pissed
'Cause Kenneth forgot the cigar.
--- Cinful
Bill Clinton is left in disgrace.
His cock shaped cigar
Didn't burn down that far;
Left a deposit on Monica's face.
--- Anon
Thong undies helped Bill C. get smitten.
That dildo cigar
Is no more bizarre,
Than Charles' wannabe tampon in Britain.
--- Esther Koch
Was not meant as something to savor.
He thought it quite dry,
And so asked her, "Why
Don't you try to improve the flavor?"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
One thing struck me as bizarre:
When the economy's weak,
Why on earth should you seek
To moisten and so waste a cigar?
--- Bob Mornington
Had a gripe that she wouldn't let pass.
"Those big brown cigars
Were loaded with tars
And left nicotine stains on my ass."
--- Betty Ann Cansano
That cigar was really the end.
He made a big mess
On Monica's dress,
And he'll never have sex again.
--- Karen
For myriad ladies boudoirs,
And MELLIFLUOUS tongue
Of an intern quite young,
I shall not cite in my memoirs!"
--- Observer
To smoke it is not just enough.
He thinks it is swell;
He doesn't inhale.
"Use your cigar for much better stuff."
--- Roy White
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