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By this time, I'd spent all my money. But of course, Tiddy got it with ease, Of course, bees couldn't do it alone. But to be biologically sound, "Two six packs, that's two," said the shopper; Some people might call this a gaffe; There once was a guy named Ed, A slothful young fellow from Hull, I slept the first night on the couch. Last night "The King" sang me to sleep; There once was a weirdo named Cox, To loll in a doorway is commonplace. Is it true that you frolic with Jello? An Englishman always knows how Have you ever considered a change? There was a rich girl from Vancouver I once shopped Supermarkets for grapes Talk radio bangs a loud gong; A THANK YOU is now about due There's a pleasant young fellow named James A young Homo sapiens, Leif, There are ways for the top-earning classes, My Scarlet is up typing nightly, Pioneers without trucks, needed trains; My store checkout line is not fast, There was an apprentice named Veldon Animals must think humans strange, A ticklish young titter named Tillie Anthropologists study mankind, Anthropologists see many butts A researcher by the name of Stan An epicure living in Putney There was a young tom-boy named Ritchie, I have to admit I'm a hater A bowl of flakes bright,starts my morn; A noisy young student from Saudi, The clocks have gone forward again; His syllables flowing like pearls, The cost of producing is mixed. Said Professor Erasmus Kildare, In writing my doctoral thesis, The FCAT has parents distraught: (FCAT - Florida Comprehensive Assessment Test)
Absentminded I am to a fault. A lecturer whose work was in Tring, I once knew a high school acting head, The grand funeral was an event; Librarians know lots of neat stuff, Indetermination Learning is fun, not a curse! A scholar who feared to misquote *In the form of a learned footnote.
All learn-to-speak records should vanish A young man who was called Jeremiah, As I sit here and listen to Au, A lazy old fellow named Gideon Have you noticed how it seldom fails; "Will anyone here volunteer There was a young fellow named Trevor, Through his school days he suffered a lack "The School Of Hard Knocks," Mr. Pease There was a young man who said "Look! There was an academic named Verne, What I've learned in the world, I've forgotten. I offer my deepest apology, My favorite thing is a good book; There was a Grad student named Lydia, There was a grad student named Lydia, Whilst readin' me way through the news,
I went home and Erm muttered "Funny.
You've really gone mad
With your buying, my lad.
But where, Tiddy dear, is the honey?"
--- Tiddy Ogg
The third item starting with B's.
For to make combs of honey
Doesn't take lots of money,
But honey's not made without bees.
--- Liam na Beag
There's flowers to be landed upon,
And pollen to gather,
So I would say, rather,
'Twas flowers had first to be grown.
--- Liam na Beag
Just which was the first to be 'round?
Was it flowers for pollen?
Was it seed that had fallen?
Or was it just pollen was found.
--- Liam na Beag
"Twelve bottles, that's twelve, you must stop her!"
Screamed another in line.
"Store Melee Wounds Nine"
Was the next morning newspaper's topper.
--- John Eggerton P0104
Slap your face with a white glove: Paf!
But mirth, I am sure,
Is the best way to endure.
How woeful if we couldn't laugh.
Who loved his mahogany bed.
He'd sleep all day through
And all night, it is true.
"Good Night!" is all that he said.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
When life seemed excessively dull,
Once tried thinkful wishin'
With slow manumission --
But dropped off to sleep in a lull.
--- Keith MacMillan 52d
I awoke rolled up in a crouch.
Attempts to stand tall
Did no good at all.
I just grumble, groan and say "Ouch!"
--- Anon
Induced a trance that was so deep,
I slept through the clock.
My pay they will dock;
I did not hear my alarm beep!
--- Anon
Who loved to sniff everyone's socks.
Said he, "Sure, it's stinky,
But don't call it kinky,
Or I'll send you home in a box!"
--- Anon
It's thoughtless and shows a lack of grace.
Now here is my riddle:
Why stand in the middle,
When inside or outside, their's space.
--- Bluebird
While saying hello to a fellow?
I really don't care
If you Jello your hair,
But I wish that you'd stifle your bellow.
--- The Beard
To arrest an incipient row.
With the iciest stare
Meaning, "Do if you dare,"
And, if need be, he raises his brow.
--- Warrick Elrod
To go off and ride on the range?
Or hunt polar bear
In the forests near Ayr?
Or dance with a dog with the mange?
--- Tiddy Ogg
Whose governess never could move her.
Then one day she said,
"You get out of that bed,
Or I'll suction you out with the Hoover!"
--- Graham Jones
And meat products, perhaps frozen crepes.
That was in days of yore.
Now! Just go there for
Dates, prescriptions drugs, video tapes.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0105
I never can listen for long.
Dissent they dismiss
For the message they hiss;
Is "we're right, and non-listeners are wrong."
--- Bruce Thompson
To Sewell, to Ruth, and to Lou;
To Jane and to Bob,
To daughter Jane (Sob!)
To Sara and Claudia, too.
--- William K Alsop Jr
Whose behavior each moralist blames.
With a genius IQ
Multi-talented too,
He keeps thinking of nothing but dames.
--- Isaac Asimov
Had an almost religious belief,
That when encountering a stone,
Its fate's to be thrown,
Preferably while perched on a peak.
--- Anon
Exclusive or more for the masses;
Some make a big pile
Selling carpets in style,
Some simply attend to the asses.
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P9301
When I wish I were holding her tightly.
But it must be OK,
Cause all I can say,
Is a keyboard in bed is unsightly.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Before there were roads, there were lanes.
If no tools and dies,
Means you must improvise;
If you've no education, use brains.
--- VOL 5
So I change to line 2. I'm aghast!
Line 1 just got quicker.
Line 2 was a tricker.
Yea! The last shall be first; the first, last!
--- Andrea Dietrich
Who loved words of praise such as "well done!"
He'd go home full of joy,
This hard working boy;
He won't be outshone by anyone.
--- Arthur Pattaffy Q
That they have a bad case of the mange.
Our ranting and raving
And ways of behaving,
They probably think we're deranged.
--- Gearhart
Said, "Giggling is stupid and silly,
But some spots that you rub, Bub,
Create a real hubbub,
Like erogenous zones on a filly!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 301
And tribes that aren't easy to find.
In jungles quite deep,
Or mountains real steep,
As long as the natives don't mind.
--- Bob Birch P0511Q
Of people who live in grass huts,
Where dicks are concealed,
But breasts are revealed,
As well as are pussies and nuts.
--- Bob Birch P0512Q
Came up with an ingenious plan.
It caused quite a shock
For all men of good stock;
On such studies now, there's a ban.
--- Mikhail Lyubansky
Was enamored of Major Gray's chutney.
"I once won a wager,"
He said, "from the major
On the date of the Battle Of Jutney."
--- Lims Unlimited
Whose schoolfriends called her rather bitchy.
Playing on the school team,
Never played to a scheme;
The coach and her teachers grew itchy.
--- Arthur Pattaffy Q
This is file szm
Of wetheads who won't get me data.
When they make a right cock,
They just blame the post doc.
"Not my fault. Go away. Come back later."
--- Gordon Conference
Helps the farmer where I was born.
Five cents is his share;
Do you think this is fair?
I paid three dollars for that corn!
--- Gerald Bosacker
Was dismissed by his tutors as rowdy.
So imagine his glee
When he got his degree;
They had to admit him Cum Laude.
--- Roger Morris
It's a regular summer-time pain.
Been winding my watches
Through several notches,
And now I'm adjusting my brain.
--- Anon
The well endowed reader unfurls
His floral disserations,
Of poets from all nations,
While his Longfellow pleases the girls.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0608
Part of the cost will be fixed.
And the rest, never-ending,
On level depending,
Or maybe on the politics.
--- Anon
When denied an Emeritus Chair
In Babyish Studies,
"You guys ain't my buddies!
I hate you! I hate you! Not fair!"
--- Rory Ewins
I planned a complete exegesis
Of rhetorical rules,
But I failed, like the fools,
When I rendered aposiop...
--- Q
Frantic cramming annihilates thought.
Fails creative arts too;
Fewer children aim true.
Fundameantally, classes aren't taught.
--- Peter Wilkins
I forget there's a pole when I vault.
I have this tattoo
Lest I lose my name too,
Since forgetful is just my gestalt.
--- Donna Lee Dom
Issued homework for his students to bring
In for their next session.
(If you'll excuse the expression)
Asked "Was this done whilst you were freethinking?"
--- Arthur Pattaffy Q
Knew all the pupils from "a" to "z".
Tall ones, fat ones, short ones,
Good ones, bad ones, sport ones;
He was popular until he dropped dead.
--- Arthur Pattaffy Q
Many wreaths of flowers had been sent.
The world of education
Came to give its oration;
Every word that was spoken was meant.
--- Arthur Pattaffy Q
And can find it when going gets tough.
How deep is the sea?
Can you find it for me?
They'll go and find it, sure enough.
--- Earl J Moniz
Is hopeless vacillation
About the choice
That one must voice
Upon deliberation.
--- Lims Unlimited
Especially when it's taught in verse.
Because you don't learn,
It'll be harder to earn
A paycheck. Now what could be worse?
--- Tom Campbell
Carefully clarified all that he wrote.
His works were well padded
With each reference added.*
--- Charles Barssotti P8203
Or just scratchy ones, they should banish.
'Cause the last one I bought
Taught me fluent, I thought,
Till they told me I stutter in Spanish.
--- Friar
At school became quite a crier.
He grew up in a racket,
That brought in quite a packet.
If he says he did not, he's a liar.
--- Arthur Pattaffy Q
I'm hopin g that right about now,
A bolt from the sky
Will strink down from on high,
And silence the stupid old cow.
--- Gordon Conference
Wastes hours in matters quotidian.
If he can but peruse
All the day's petty news,
He feels he has reached his meridian.
--- Armand E Singer 870
Different cultures share myths, sayings, tales?
Several have, it's been said
The one... "nail on the head,"
But only in those which use nails.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0205
To undertake a study?" Answer:
If a grant funding agency
Gives a lot of money to me,
I'll do a report in three years.
--- Anon
Who said, "I'd quite like to be clever.
I think I'd be less denser
If they'd ask me joining Mensa;
I'd join if they ask." But they never.
--- Richard Long
And felt worthless; knew he didn't stack
Up with the other kids.
He was on downhill skids
And dropped out, for he had no back pack.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0309
Remarked, "never has been a breeze.
Unlike many a college
Of more abstract knowledge,
It gives no honorary degrees."
--- A N Wilkins P8311
I perceive the demise of the book.
The past we'll forget;
Now we all surf the net."
I hope the young man was mistook.
--- Richard Long
Who ate fast food, getting heartburn.
His stipend which was low
Upset his status quo.
His menu'd not stretch to Sauterne.
--- Arthur Pattaffy Q
So some education I've bought'en.
With my good intent
And money I've spent,
My readin' and writin's still rotten!
--- Jeralah P9811
For not writing much on cosmology.
I know little of space,
And so to save face
I'll tell you some stuff 'bout psychology.
--- Bob Birch P0111
Yes, sex is okay for a look --
But I'd rather read
Than have me a feed.
If only I knew how to cook.
--- Marlene Lewis
Who pored over the encyclopedia.
Her husband then said,
As she avidly read,
"Lydia, I can't keep up widya."
--- Tom Ratliff P0303
Who read all the encyclopedia.
Her husband then said,
As she avidly read:
"Lydia, I can't keep up widya."
--- William K Alsop Jr
Just lookin' for something to use,
I focused me eyes
On two nice replies,
And now I just can't seem to lose!
--- Anon
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