Miss Bliss and her suitor, named Mel,
Sat poerched on the edge of a well.
Said he, "Oh, my dove,
I am falling in love."
So she pushed him, and in love he fell.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada

There was a fair Belgian of Locre,
Who smothered herself with red ochre.
When people asked why,
She exclaimed with a sigh,
"I've fallen in love with a stoker."
--- Wipers Times 1916 (Bibby)

A young woman known for her coquetry
Was caught sharing affection aback a tree.
She denied all the charges,
Claiming Science enlarges
The mind. "We were dallying in rocketry!"
--- Andrew Purdam

I met this incredible Sheila;
I took her home, then tried to feel her.
But there on her couch
I gave a loud OUCH!
Her chaperone was a rottweiler!
--- Anon

There once was a woman named Mary,
Who was thought of as being contrary.
She liked making noise
When she talked to the boys,
And the boys thought the noise a bit scary
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Becky who was engaged to a tailor,
Went out one night with a sailor.
"Oh my gosh!" said her ma.
"Oi, Oi!" said her pa,
"It's too late, but I'll certainly whale her."
--- Anon

A pretty young greengrocer's daughter
Went out with more boys than she oughter.
She said, "I love Pete,
And Robert is sweet,
But Ken makes my knees turn to water."
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada

But I just hadn't twigged till you said
What he meant; I am soft in the head!
I'll make your knee joggle!
I'll borrow his woggle,
And sit on your knee in his stead.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

At the table we sit thigh to thigh
And smile as the world passes by.
For comfort is found
In companionship bound
In this silence we cannot deny.
--- Azul

It's being left on the shelf that I hate!
For true love, I suppose I must wait.
Though my friends, they tell me,
"Plenty fish in the sea".
How much longer will I have the bait?
--- Doug Harris P0607

"I knew that I really loved Jane,"
Said Bill, "when it caused me great pain
And therefore made me mad
At the buddies I had,
When they said she was stupid and plain."
--- A N Wilkins P8502

A gallant young blade from Duquesne
Went home with a girl in the rain.
Said she with a sigh,
"I wonder when I
Shall see such a rainbow again."
--- Bennet Cerf Coll P9210

Some day ere she grows too antique,
My girl's hand in marriage I'll seek;
If she's not a coquette
(Which I'd greatly regret)
She shall share my ten dollars a week.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

I knew an old geezer named Caesar
Who did try his damnedest to please her.
Though overly stout
And well-known as a lout,
He managed to tickle and tease her.
--- R E Heuberer

A youth and a maiden from Costessey
Sat and talked on a bank that was mostessey;
After five hours of this
The youth ventured a kiss.
Not exactly a speed-merchant wastessey?
--- S C Turner

A six-foot young maiden, Miss Pooter,
Just couldn't decide on a suitor.
The one ardent youth
Was tall, but uncouth.
The other was short, but much cuter.
--- Mary Danby Armada 1

I know you're a loose girl, Euphamia,
But while we're in Mesopotamia,
While climbing the rubble,
Please stay out of trouble,
Unless he's so cute I can't blame ya'.
--- Paul Isaacs

If lads to young ladies harken,
'Twould help when they go a-sparkin',
Or else they'll be told
"Stay out in the cold,
Since you're up the wrong tree barkin'."
--- Chris Papa

There was a young fellow named Pringle,
Who desperately wished to stay single.
But when he put his paw
On a young gal he saw,
He was filled with a strong urge to mingle.
--- Michael Palin

A timid young lad from Nebraska
Met a lovely young lass from Alaska.
When they went for a walk,
He was too shy to talk.
And forgot what he wanted to ask her.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada

Her husband must not be a wee man.
He must be a big man, a he-man --
A soldier or seaman,
A demon or bee-man,
An FBI agent or G-man.
--- Laurence Perrine P9309

Although you've been gone for awhile,
The images quickly compile,
For, I still see your face,
And recall your embrace
And the love in the warmth of your smile.
--- Cap'n Bean

A handsome you bachelor named Lance,
Asked a lovely young miss to the dance.
Poor Lance didn't know,
To the Altar he'd go.
He should have been warned in advance!
--- Norma L Huisman P9208

Back then, if you knew what you know
Today, you would eagerly sow
Wild oats while you could.
It would be understood
That the outcome of wooing is woe.
--- Alex Heydon P0508

There's a tiresome young man of Bay Shore
When his fiancee cried: "I adore
The beautiful sea!"
He replied, "I agree;
It's pretty, but what is it for?"
--- Morris Bishop

When I have to leave town for yonder,
I know my heart's heart tends to wander,
So I squander my money
On gifts for my honey;
It's presents that make the heart fonder.
--- Laurence Perrine P9004

A problem had poor Farmer Ted --
He didn't know which girl to wed.
On Maria and Jean
He was equally keen.
"Ave Maria," advised Uncle Fred.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada

For this girl he felt quite an attraction.
Much later, he had satisfaction.
He gave her a chain,
His wife did complain,
For it brought on a loud chain reaction.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Love, to a woman's addiction,
Is just what she reads in cheap fiction.
True love is primary
And sex, secondary.
With men, it's a matter of friction.
--- Al Willis T9712

The thing about men from Wayne State,
(And this incidently I hate)
They dress for distress,
And I must confess,
They take mommy on every date!
--- Hungry Hannah

A macho young farmer named Ed
Could pitch bales of hay overhead;
But he found out one day
Better uses for hay --
Now it's woo that he pitches instead.
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes

When my heart is broken and blue
And I can think only of you,
You know what I think?
I think that you stink;
I know that the fault is with you.
--- Marlene Lewis

There was a young fellow named Clark
Who cared not with whom he did spark.
In his mind was no doubt
For when lights were put out,
All the cats felt the same in the dark.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1991

This is file som

I'm in love with a girl; Ida Stare.
And I just can't forget Ida's pair.
My mind's eye does pare
Off her clothes, I despair!
How to win her - you got ideas spare?
--- Doug Harris

A middle aged American called Morty,
Said life began when he reached forty.
Meeting the opposite sex,
Wondering what came next;
He found the best actions were naughty!
--- Arthur Pattaffy

When boys become men they get randy,
And females begin to look dandy.
They get attentive, and then some,
Chasing girls that are winsome,
Who soon learn that boys are quite "handy."
--- Bill Edwards P9103

Let me say without any circuity
That with women we like contiguity;
An end we can gain
By legerdemain,
By witchcraft, or else ingenuity.
--- Limber Limericks

A dashing young cowgirl named Nancy
Saw a cowboy she really could fancy;
She sneaked up beside him,
And roped him and tied him,
'Cause runnin' 'em loose can be chancy.
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes

There was a young Tripolitanian
Who dated a Turk, a Turanian,
A Zulu, a Slav,
A Croat, a Zouave,
Then married an old Pennsylvanian.
--- Limber Limericks

There was a young man who by chance
Into a nurse's eyes did glance.
Before he was aware,
He floated on air,
And was definitely in a deep trance.
--- Edwin J Weinstein

The pickings round here have been slimf;
I've found that the girls hate my limpf.
My old walking cane
Just split at the grain;
I cannot catch my sinner nymph.

Sweet springtime is driving me frantic;
I'm dreaming of love so romantic;
Of a tender nice guy
Who's fast forward not shy,
And who owns a big heart quite gigantic.
--- Anon

There's a few chubby gals in this cow town,
Who will sit by the lake around sundown.
Their dreams mostly lost in
The Big Town (that's Austin),
Where they'd love to go chase a good man down.
--- Anon

The farmer's daughter looked so sad,
In her long skirt and blouse of plaid.
Then she saw me
And she said with glee,
"Let's elope to the island of Chad."
--- Liam na Baeg

"If you love me, you'll take me away
From this farm that's all work and no play,
To a place by the sea;
Just us, you and me,
We'll party all night, sleep all day.
--- Liam na Baeg

On the sandy beach and in the sun,
We'll swim and play and have such fun;
Frolic and free
And here is the key:
Labor and work? We'll have none.
--- Liam na Baeg

It will be a life, life of delight.
Our love for each other will burn bright.
I'll love you tonight
And the rest of my life,
If you will be my white shining knight.
--- Liam na Baeg

The next morning, right after chores,
My lover and I slipped out the door,
Away from the farm
To a land of charm.
We headed for the blue water shores.
--- Liam na Baeg

We traveled light, not a bag was in sight;
Bought a ticket on the very next flight.
Our plans supposed
We wouldn't need clothes.
We are on the beach before midnight.
--- Liam na Baeg

Two months later, on the Isle of Chad,
Now we are both quite a bit sad.
Sand in our hair.
There's sand everywhere;
Our sunburned skin is really quite bad.
--- Liam na Baeg

We laze every day with no glee,
With only the sun, sand and the sea.
There is no stimulation;
I'll say without hesitation,
It's a boring life, to the Nth degree.
--- Liam na Baeg

This life of ease we soon outgrew;
The love of my life became a shrew.
Bitchin' and kickin',
Sand she is flickin'.
She says I'm the cause of her mood blue.
--- Liam na Baeg

I'll take her back, back to the farm.
Back to farm, with all of its charm.
The plow and the cow
Look very good now.
We'll go back and repair all the harm.
--- Liam na Baeg

Bob Schumann was one of life's geeks,
Not blessed with the best of physiques.
And so, to win Clara,
That fine avis rara,
Took quite a large number of weeks.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Remember when nearly sixteen,
On your very first date as a teen,
At the movies? If yes,
Then I bet you can't guess
What was shown on the cinema screen.
--- Peter Wilkins

One cannot express the elation
Of flying off on a vacation,
And finding the locals
(The nice ones, not yokels)
Engaging oneself in flirtation.
--- Millicent Friendly

My dear, you are full of delights!
You light up my days (and my nights!)
With the sweet things you do;
But I have to warn you...
I'm a little terrified of heights.
--- Anon

Spring is when thoughts of a guy
Turn to beautiful, bouncy, or shy
And demure little lasses
With cute little asses,
Who giggle and wiggle on by.
--- Peter Wilkins

Jay's a young lad, one for the lasses.
He looks for his love in the masses.
He does not care what kind,
Though one thing you will find:
He's got a thing for girls with glasses.
--- Gaz Perch

Hey guys, if your sweetie feels low,
Affection is what you should show;
A personal gift
Will give her a lift;
Go buy her a rake or a hoe.
--- Travis Brasell

There once were two neighbors in Jasper;
A maid, and a fellow named Caspar;
And when she walked by
She would give him the eye,
And Caspar of Jasper would grasp her.
--- Alsops Foibles

My boyfriend is covered with hair
And therefore he's never quite bare.
But he's awfully sweet,
So cute and so neat,
That I think that we make quite a pair.
--- Toast Point

Been saying it time and again;
That falling in love is a pain.
But one hint of romance
And my heart starts to dance,
So I'm damned if I'll ever refrain.
--- Anon

Phil Pickle was quadragenarious,
Still single, and not temerarious;
When a mild mid-life fling
Wound him tight as a spring,
His coworkers found it hilarious.
--- Gail Koontz

There was a young man from the West,
Who loved a young girl with much zest.
So hard did he press her
To make her say, "Yes, sir,"
He broke three cigars in his vest.
--- Anon

Said daughter to Mom, "My friend Mark,
Quite often takes me to the park.
To him should I mention
What is his intention,
'Cause I'm mostly kept in the dark?"
--- Observer