There once was a man from Nantucket My Friend you've proven spurious, How much do I owe to the bank? There once was a development called Limerick, They were built by a developer called Lidddicoat, Liddycoat built not one, but forty. The Levitts' neighbors - the Burnses next door - Limerick homes are all custom inside. Prices of Limerick town houses are steep. A civic association? Not around. They say more construction is slated, There was a young lady from Lyme There was a young lady named Bunny "New rules," said the wife of McGee, Softly seductive young Brenda An old millionaire of Fort Worth, Here I sit in my palatial estate, A miserly farmer of Nemer, There was a young lady named Gillian, He was tall, he was dark, he was tender; There was a young chappy named Earl, If I ran a big charity, There was a young lady named Betty The lotto win, to me, is a test; Dear Girl, it is just now my duty You are all the woman I seek; It's there in the newspapers, see; (150,000 millionaires in England, mostly aging males)
I'd settle for one out of three, A breadwinner won so much bread A wealthy old fellow named Tuckers The simple man sweats and he toils, The noted economist Gaines, A plutocrat in Ute
This is file oel
A Spaniard named Vaile lnclon A budding young writer called Mona, Sir Gadwin de Gambleby, Bt., (Baronet) My uncle, who just won the lottery, The capital markets' collapse Greenspan does not give one fig; A Time-Warner exec named Levin AT&T broke into four, The advice of the guru, Grand Joe, The long bond that the broker sold Lou, A year ago, NASDAQ was soaring; In New York, on the stock exchange floor, Those folks with portfolios battered Said the stock broker, "Be bold and dash Commodity charts can't be trusted; As tech stocks went wild on NASDAQ, Stock brokers, those of "put" and "call", But those, who with silent accords, The stock market's a risky affair; The amateur dabbler in shares A fool and his money's soon parted, I once had a broker, "Tips" Bryce, The stock market, as we all know, When a CEO creates a fall There was a young broker named Nash, The investment firm, Becker and Boyne, As the stock market goes down in flames, On Wall Street, the year '29 -- It isn't as bad as you think A stuffed owl with red, flickering eyes, There was a young girl in the chips Commodity trading's a maze. There was an old man from Tibet,
Who had a sharked loan but said fuck it.
Guido came in a plane,
And caused him great pain.
Now payments are now on his docket.
--- Anon
Borrowed my cash when penurious.
Now that you're rich,
You son of a bitch,
Why the hell won't you pay your IOUs?
--- Steve Paume P0406
My memory of this is quite blank.
I must now presume,
They'll threaten me with doom,
And shut the jail door with a clank!
--- H Myers T9801
Where homes, when for sale, sold very quick.
With its manicured grass,
Subtle touches of class,
If you passed on buying one, you must feel sick!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who, from Pierre du Pont Hayward got a note,
To develop the land,
That once belonged to his clan,
But to keep the appearance looking oh-so-remote.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
With identical trim, they looked sporty!
Keeping the look all the same,
The new neighborhood found fame,
Among the Morans, the Bakers and Dohertys.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Knew house-hunting could be a chore.
She liked the home from first bound,
He soon too came around,
Dropping hopes for a house at the shore.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Spacious hallways are airy and wide.
Master bedrooms? There are two.
Fireplaces with flues.
Are the bedrooms in front? You decide.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
To live here isn't real cheap.
Acreage is oh-point-one-seven,
For a small slice of heaven.
If you can live here, you're on top of the heap.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Still good will and friendship abound.
With Christmas parties each year,
And a fall fest, it's clear
That complaints are a seldom heard sound.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
But the plans are slightly belated.
Neighbors all seem to agree
It will be a neat sight to see,
The entire development sated.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who requested the loan of a dime;
When I asked her with glee
What was in it for me,
She said, "I will phone you some time."
--- Lims Unlimited
Who was known to be everyone's honey.
She had not taken time
To loan even a dime,
And yet many young men owed her money.
--- Albin Chaplin P8707
"I'm charging a ten dollar fee."
That night, sighed by sighed,
"I'm broke," McGee cried.
"I'll loan you! I'll loan you!" cried she.
--- Irving Superior P8707
Wants a man who is sweet, kind, and tender,
And thoughtful and bright
And sexually right,
But mostly a very big spender.
--- Isaac Asimov
When asked for the cause of his mirth
Replied, "Houston and Dallas
Will shore bust a gallus,
When they hear I've just purchased the earth."
--- Ogden Nash
Watching my funds disipate.
She spends and she spends,
Like my funds has no end --
At least her fellatio's great!
--- Gearhart TP9807
Grew daily more leaner and leaner.
He remained undistressed,
Though his back touched his chest,
For the money he saved made him meaner.
--- 500 Irish Jokes & Lims
Whose brother used to call her the silly 'un.
She worked hard, and made cash;
No longer slap-dash,
She'd be first in the street with a million.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
He was known as a very big spender.
As she lay in his arms,
She exploited his charms,
But to her whims, he wouldn't surrender.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Who lived all his life in a whirl.
He lived in the fast lane,
Had his own private plane,
With a pilot, an ex-bunny girl.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
I would bank my pay - go on a spree.
Endowed by you jerks,
I'd live off the perks:
Limos, jets, and a place on Capri.
--- Arthur Deex P0105
And, if her family name wasn't Getty,
Males would not escort her,
And would not even court her,
But her cash flow can not be called petty.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Spending most of it, I'll do my best.
The wine and the women --
Thats just the beginnin';
Much later I'll squander the rest.
--- Anon
To sing of your poise and your beauty,
As you talked to the press
About your lucky guess
That won all those millions of booty.
--- Dr Limerick
Let's elope to our own island Greek.
I won't forget wife
To whom I vowed life --
I'll write her at least once a week.
--- Dr Limerick
So come on girls, flock now to me.
I'm an aging male, too.
No cash, but girls, you
Could settle for two out of three.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Because I'm not greedy, you see.
But I'll tell you, hon,
I'll pick the first one!
Yup! Make it the money for me!
--- Marlene Lewis
He collapsed with a pain in his head;
His doctor said, "Joe,
It's the weight of the dough,
You need a long loaf in your bed."
--- Limber Limericks
Claimed all of us could be big-buckers.
But if all of us chisel,
Then the whole thing will fizzle;
For who will be left to be suckers?
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2823
And his hands at his labor, he soils.
Millionaires are unseen
But their fingers are clean,
As they gather to divvy the spoils.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2817
Divulged after racking his brains,
That the rich always share
All the wealth that is there,
While the poor folk divide what remains.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2967
Was counting up all of his loot:
All stocks and bonds
And his docks and ponds,
And flocks of blondes, to boot.
--- Lims Unlimited
Wrote novels `bout getting it on;
He claimed looks are nice
But never suffice:
Long green is the sine qua non.
--- Armand Singer
Wrote sagas about Arizona.
Her first lengthy story
Brought greenbacks and glory;
In that state she's a wealthy landowner.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Makes a thousand a week playing f(t.
Of all taxes);
And so he relaxes,
With paeans of praise on his clt.
--- Harold C Bibby
Is a gentleman well into dottery,
Paying dollies in lace
To sit on his vase,
He forgets and says, "Sit on my pottery."
--- Arthur Deex P0204
May be due to the ethical lapse
Of public accounting,
Which leaves us all doubting
And convinced that we've been played for saps.
--- Dr Limerick 05-29-02
If ever a man was a prig.
He'll pull his accounts
'Fore stock market bounce,
And he will be fat as a pig!
--- Anon
Thought that he had rolled a seven,
When he bought AOL,
The acquisition from hell,
That sent his stock from 60 to 11.
--- Norm Brust
Hoping its share price would soar.
But Wall Street said "Separate
Really means desperate!"
And the price headed straight to the floor.
--- Dr Limerick
Caused declines in my monthly cash flow;
But then, I should have known
That the man was a clown,
For his motto was Buy High, Sell Low!
--- William N Nesbit P9606
Was of chip somewhat less than true blue,
And soon went in default;
Lou rang up broker Walt,
Who's audacious reply was, "Lou Who?"
--- William N Nesbit P9606
Investors were happy, euphoring.
We soon realized
'Twas a fools paradise;
Now balance sheets are not so boring.
--- Dr Limerick 03-10-01
Now that nudists hold sway, there is more
Pornographic parading
And swapping and trading,
Than seen in bare markets before.
--- Howard Spindel
Or plans for retirement shattered,
There guts say, the rally
Is not peak, but valley;
Regardless of how pundits nattered.
--- Dr Limerick
Off to the bank, bring all your cash!
Think options -- don't worry,
But you'll have to hurry,
If we're to beat the stock market crash!
--- Observer
The Female Form play cuts no mustard.
A "Head with Left Shoulder"
Shows sell, so I sold her.
Now the chart and myself are flat-busted.
--- Theo Heller P9306
He heavily mortgaged his shack.
Bought on margin near peak,
Then sharp slide made him shriek;
Oh Lord, won't you cut me some slack!
--- Esther Koch P0010
Abetted by analysts all,
Would public BAMBOOZLE,
Such that the bad news'll
Destroy all their life savings small.
--- Chris Papa
Sit on each others' top boards,
Some searching reveals
All got sweet heart deals,
With no-risk, quick millions rewards.
--- Chris Papa
You can be rich if you have the flair.
This life is not for me,
One must surely agree,
As I don't know a bull from a bear.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Doesn't know his Bulls from his Bears.
So if prices should plummet,
He gets sick in his stomach
From being caught so unawares.
--- Lichtman
When entering water uncharted.
So listen to me;
I've stock tips not free.
So send cash, I'll not be downhearted.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Who gave me some bad "good advice;"
Stocks he rated a buy
I would grab at their high.
And then sell at one third that price.
--- William N Nesbit P9606
Can deal one a rather hard blow.
I think I'd do better
If I could unfetter
My penchant for "Buy high, sell low."
--- Macsam
That takes stockholders flush to the wall,
As the bottom drops out
Why do board members shout,
"Here's your bonus, old chap, have a ball!"
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0800
Whose transactions on Wall Street were rash.
What he would then buy
Made the experts all cry;
His best clients lost most of their cash.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Did marginal work in Des Moines;
Their decisions were made
And were oftentimes swayed
By the casual toss of a coin.
--- Cap'n Bean P0106
New polls are released to proclaim
That the hoi polloi
Are bursting with joy;
That's the consumer confidence game.
--- Dr Limerick 03-27-01
The stock market's greatest decline;
Tremendous the cost,
Great fortunes were lost,
In skyscrapers men stood in line.
--- Anon
As into recession we sink.
There's no need to panic;
It's not the Titanic;
This ocean is merely red ink.
--- John Miller
Gives tips on stocks which will rise;
Forget 'em! He's undead!
Or from Hell you'll be fed
The margin clerk's big booby prize!
--- Anon
Who was fond of rotating her hips.
She would take on a gent
And discount ten percent
For insider stock market tips.
--- Arthur Deex P9012a
You can lose it in soybeans or maize.
The prime rule (you should mark it
While playing the market):
Don't get screwed by those sweet Fanny Maes.
--- Theo Heller P9201
Said, "Don't put your wealth in the Net.
If your route to success
Is a dotcom address,
Then you're certain to end up in debt."
--- Richard Long