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There once was a man from Nantucket
Who had a sharked loan but said fuck it.
Guido came in a plane,
And caused him great pain.
Now payments are now on his docket.
--- Anon

My Friend you've proven spurious,
Borrowed my cash when penurious.
Now that you're rich,
You son of a bitch,
Why the hell won't you pay your IOUs?
--- Steve Paume P0406

How much do I owe to the bank?
My memory of this is quite blank.
I must now presume,
They'll threaten me with doom,
And shut the jail door with a clank!
--- H Myers T9801

There once was a development called Limerick,
Where homes, when for sale, sold very quick.
With its manicured grass,
Subtle touches of class,
If you passed on buying one, you must feel sick!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

They were built by a developer called Lidddicoat,
Who, from Pierre du Pont Hayward got a note,
To develop the land,
That once belonged to his clan,
But to keep the appearance looking oh-so-remote.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Liddycoat built not one, but forty.
With identical trim, they looked sporty!
Keeping the look all the same,
The new neighborhood found fame,
Among the Morans, the Bakers and Dohertys.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

The Levitts' neighbors - the Burnses next door -
Knew house-hunting could be a chore.
She liked the home from first bound,
He soon too came around,
Dropping hopes for a house at the shore.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Limerick homes are all custom inside.
Spacious hallways are airy and wide.
Master bedrooms? There are two.
Fireplaces with flues.
Are the bedrooms in front? You decide.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Prices of Limerick town houses are steep.
To live here isn't real cheap.
Acreage is oh-point-one-seven,
For a small slice of heaven.
If you can live here, you're on top of the heap.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A civic association? Not around.
Still good will and friendship abound.
With Christmas parties each year,
And a fall fest, it's clear
That complaints are a seldom heard sound.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

They say more construction is slated,
But the plans are slightly belated.
Neighbors all seem to agree
It will be a neat sight to see,
The entire development sated.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There was a young lady from Lyme
Who requested the loan of a dime;
When I asked her with glee
What was in it for me,
She said, "I will phone you some time."
--- Lims Unlimited

There was a young lady named Bunny
Who was known to be everyone's honey.
She had not taken time
To loan even a dime,
And yet many young men owed her money.
--- Albin Chaplin P8707

"New rules," said the wife of McGee,
"I'm charging a ten dollar fee."
That night, sighed by sighed,
"I'm broke," McGee cried.
"I'll loan you! I'll loan you!" cried she.
--- Irving Superior P8707

Softly seductive young Brenda
Wants a man who is sweet, kind, and tender,
And thoughtful and bright
And sexually right,
But mostly a very big spender.
--- Isaac Asimov

An old millionaire of Fort Worth,
When asked for the cause of his mirth
Replied, "Houston and Dallas
Will shore bust a gallus,
When they hear I've just purchased the earth."
--- Ogden Nash

Here I sit in my palatial estate,
Watching my funds disipate.
She spends and she spends,
Like my funds has no end --
At least her fellatio's great!
--- Gearhart TP9807

A miserly farmer of Nemer,
Grew daily more leaner and leaner.
He remained undistressed,
Though his back touched his chest,
For the money he saved made him meaner.
--- 500 Irish Jokes & Lims

There was a young lady named Gillian,
Whose brother used to call her the silly 'un.
She worked hard, and made cash;
No longer slap-dash,
She'd be first in the street with a million.
--- Arthur Pattaffy

He was tall, he was dark, he was tender;
He was known as a very big spender.
As she lay in his arms,
She exploited his charms,
But to her whims, he wouldn't surrender.
--- Arthur Pattaffy

There was a young chappy named Earl,
Who lived all his life in a whirl.
He lived in the fast lane,
Had his own private plane,
With a pilot, an ex-bunny girl.
--- Arthur Pattaffy

If I ran a big charity,
I would bank my pay - go on a spree.
Endowed by you jerks,
I'd live off the perks:
Limos, jets, and a place on Capri.
--- Arthur Deex P0105

There was a young lady named Betty
And, if her family name wasn't Getty,
Males would not escort her,
And would not even court her,
But her cash flow can not be called petty.
--- Arthur Pattaffy

The lotto win, to me, is a test;
Spending most of it, I'll do my best.
The wine and the women --
Thats just the beginnin';
Much later I'll squander the rest.
--- Anon

Dear Girl, it is just now my duty
To sing of your poise and your beauty,
As you talked to the press
About your lucky guess
That won all those millions of booty.
--- Dr Limerick

You are all the woman I seek;
Let's elope to our own island Greek.
I won't forget wife
To whom I vowed life --
I'll write her at least once a week.
--- Dr Limerick

It's there in the newspapers, see;
So come on girls, flock now to me.
I'm an aging male, too.
No cash, but girls, you
Could settle for two out of three.

(150,000 millionaires in England, mostly aging males)
--- Tiddy Ogg

I'd settle for one out of three,
Because I'm not greedy, you see.
But I'll tell you, hon,
I'll pick the first one!
Yup! Make it the money for me!
--- Marlene Lewis

A breadwinner won so much bread
He collapsed with a pain in his head;
His doctor said, "Joe,
It's the weight of the dough,
You need a long loaf in your bed."
--- Limber Limericks

A wealthy old fellow named Tuckers
Claimed all of us could be big-buckers.
But if all of us chisel,
Then the whole thing will fizzle;
For who will be left to be suckers?
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2823

The simple man sweats and he toils,
And his hands at his labor, he soils.
Millionaires are unseen
But their fingers are clean,
As they gather to divvy the spoils.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2817

The noted economist Gaines,
Divulged after racking his brains,
That the rich always share
All the wealth that is there,
While the poor folk divide what remains.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2967

A plutocrat in Ute
Was counting up all of his loot:
All stocks and bonds
And his docks and ponds,
And flocks of blondes, to boot.
--- Lims Unlimited

This is file oel

A Spaniard named Vaile lnclon
Wrote novels `bout getting it on;
He claimed looks are nice
But never suffice:
Long green is the sine qua non.
--- Armand Singer

A budding young writer called Mona,
Wrote sagas about Arizona.
Her first lengthy story
Brought greenbacks and glory;
In that state she's a wealthy landowner.
--- Arthur Pattaffy

Sir Gadwin de Gambleby, Bt., (Baronet)
Makes a thousand a week playing f(t.
Of all taxes);
And so he relaxes,
With paeans of praise on his clt.
--- Harold C Bibby

My uncle, who just won the lottery,
Is a gentleman well into dottery,
Paying dollies in lace
To sit on his vase,
He forgets and says, "Sit on my pottery."
--- Arthur Deex P0204

The capital markets' collapse
May be due to the ethical lapse
Of public accounting,
Which leaves us all doubting
And convinced that we've been played for saps.
--- Dr Limerick 05-29-02

Greenspan does not give one fig;
If ever a man was a prig.
He'll pull his accounts
'Fore stock market bounce,
And he will be fat as a pig!
--- Anon

A Time-Warner exec named Levin
Thought that he had rolled a seven,
When he bought AOL,
The acquisition from hell,
That sent his stock from 60 to 11.
--- Norm Brust

AT&T broke into four,
Hoping its share price would soar.
But Wall Street said "Separate
Really means desperate!"
And the price headed straight to the floor.
--- Dr Limerick

The advice of the guru, Grand Joe,
Caused declines in my monthly cash flow;
But then, I should have known
That the man was a clown,
For his motto was Buy High, Sell Low!
--- William N Nesbit P9606

The long bond that the broker sold Lou,
Was of chip somewhat less than true blue,
And soon went in default;
Lou rang up broker Walt,
Who's audacious reply was, "Lou Who?"
--- William N Nesbit P9606

A year ago, NASDAQ was soaring;
Investors were happy, euphoring.
We soon realized
'Twas a fools paradise;
Now balance sheets are not so boring.
--- Dr Limerick 03-10-01

In New York, on the stock exchange floor,
Now that nudists hold sway, there is more
Pornographic parading
And swapping and trading,
Than seen in bare markets before.
--- Howard Spindel

Those folks with portfolios battered
Or plans for retirement shattered,
There guts say, the rally
Is not peak, but valley;
Regardless of how pundits nattered.
--- Dr Limerick

Said the stock broker, "Be bold and dash
Off to the bank, bring all your cash!
Think options -- don't worry,
But you'll have to hurry,
If we're to beat the stock market crash!
--- Observer

Commodity charts can't be trusted;
The Female Form play cuts no mustard.
A "Head with Left Shoulder"
Shows sell, so I sold her.
Now the chart and myself are flat-busted.
--- Theo Heller P9306

As tech stocks went wild on NASDAQ,
He heavily mortgaged his shack.
Bought on margin near peak,
Then sharp slide made him shriek;
Oh Lord, won't you cut me some slack!
--- Esther Koch P0010

Stock brokers, those of "put" and "call",
Abetted by analysts all,
Would public BAMBOOZLE,
Such that the bad news'll
Destroy all their life savings small.
--- Chris Papa

But those, who with silent accords,
Sit on each others' top boards,
Some searching reveals
All got sweet heart deals,
With no-risk, quick millions rewards.
--- Chris Papa

The stock market's a risky affair;
You can be rich if you have the flair.
This life is not for me,
One must surely agree,
As I don't know a bull from a bear.
--- Arthur Pattaffy

The amateur dabbler in shares
Doesn't know his Bulls from his Bears.
So if prices should plummet,
He gets sick in his stomach
From being caught so unawares.
--- Lichtman

A fool and his money's soon parted,
When entering water uncharted.
So listen to me;
I've stock tips not free.
So send cash, I'll not be downhearted.
--- Tiddy Ogg

I once had a broker, "Tips" Bryce,
Who gave me some bad "good advice;"
Stocks he rated a buy
I would grab at their high.
And then sell at one third that price.
--- William N Nesbit P9606

The stock market, as we all know,
Can deal one a rather hard blow.
I think I'd do better
If I could unfetter
My penchant for "Buy high, sell low."
--- Macsam

When a CEO creates a fall
That takes stockholders flush to the wall,
As the bottom drops out
Why do board members shout,
"Here's your bonus, old chap, have a ball!"
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0800

There was a young broker named Nash,
Whose transactions on Wall Street were rash.
What he would then buy
Made the experts all cry;
His best clients lost most of their cash.
--- Arthur Pattaffy

The investment firm, Becker and Boyne,
Did marginal work in Des Moines;
Their decisions were made
And were oftentimes swayed
By the casual toss of a coin.
--- Cap'n Bean P0106

As the stock market goes down in flames,
New polls are released to proclaim
That the hoi polloi
Are bursting with joy;
That's the consumer confidence game.
--- Dr Limerick 03-27-01

On Wall Street, the year '29 --
The stock market's greatest decline;
Tremendous the cost,
Great fortunes were lost,
In skyscrapers men stood in line.
--- Anon

It isn't as bad as you think
As into recession we sink.
There's no need to panic;
It's not the Titanic;
This ocean is merely red ink.
--- John Miller

A stuffed owl with red, flickering eyes,
Gives tips on stocks which will rise;
Forget 'em! He's undead!
Or from Hell you'll be fed
The margin clerk's big booby prize!
--- Anon

There was a young girl in the chips
Who was fond of rotating her hips.
She would take on a gent
And discount ten percent
For insider stock market tips.
--- Arthur Deex P9012a

Commodity trading's a maze.
You can lose it in soybeans or maize.
The prime rule (you should mark it
While playing the market):
Don't get screwed by those sweet Fanny Maes.
--- Theo Heller P9201

There was an old man from Tibet,
Said, "Don't put your wealth in the Net.
If your route to success
Is a dotcom address,
Then you're certain to end up in debt."
--- Richard Long


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