MORE
The main market indices went There are many investors irate, Consider the life of old Gabby I know that I can't pay the rent. As you ride the NASDAQ or Dow, Shadenfreude has covered the nation, (overcompensated head of NY stock exchange)
A defunct stock exchange, says a source, My friend is a fellow named Fox, Came the 80's and girls got material. If the market you want to play, There was an investor from Frisco There is a new breed of tycoon, The Internet boom has gone bust! For my stocks I am not very sure When governments act laissez-faire, An investor who's known to be shrewd I never thought stocks were just surgers; Moaned a broker who lived at UpwelI, Now the market is down quite a lot; As I said to myself, it ain't funny, "And a thing to remember, as well," A 201(k) is still strong; Which is all very well if it's true, "The economy doesn't look sunny," There was a young gambler named Brock, Merrill Lynch broke the rules at their peril. An investor, whose sizable pith There was a New Yorker named Slade, There was a young fellow named Nash What happened to last year's high fliers, In New York, on the stock exchange floor, Your mutual funds having doffed; Consider the life of Moll Flanders, A broker named Sarah yelled: "WOW!" Initial Public Offering dot com-y. There was a stockbroker named Slade, A Toast Point reader with insight Investment in sex would be sin, The old stockbroker dated Miss Kline Young Joe stareted more of his ventures; Let us drink to our CEO Mable; Fate's grim finger moves on having writ, "Five billion in damages," sang Result of few meetings, ad hoc, Why does Dow Jones gyrate every spring? There was a dotcom called Priceline. The stock market experts are saying Trading markets have really been weird, Though the funds are front loaded, I fear The graph's heading downward, you thought; I often have sold a stock short On Wall Street, the bear snarls and snorts; Will the market on Monday be blue? Well, the market indeed took a thump If they pay you with options on stock, Their equity was an illusion; But now, thanks to the S.E.C. A Japenese stockbroker Wen When deciding where best to invest, The tremor began in Hong Kong There was a young man named Arkell; Ed's broker is honest. He'll say, There was a young man from Porthcawl; On Wall Street where Greed is the God, Still listening to tales of Miss Muffet? The market he called a cash cow, Each replay of the greater fool theory,
Down today, two more percent.
Investors are betting
Prosperity's getting
Away from our faux-President.
--- Dr Limerick 05-06-02
Who were quick to bemoan their fate.
Our stock they had bought
At forty naught naught,
But now it's twenty-five point eight!
--- Azmeer Salleh
Hayes, who was unwashed and scabby.
Till that son of a bitch
Became suddenly rich,
On a stock market tip from Dear Abby.
--- Arthur Deex P9712
The market, down seven percent,
Is losing my money.
We know it's not funny.
I'll live in a used Army tent.
--- Frank Fazed
Your ears may be hurtin' you now.
Try yawning or gum,
To remedy some
Of the pressure, from plummeting down.
--- Dr Limerick
As he fell from the loftiest station.
Will GRASSO be too shy
Or will he apply
For well earned unemployment compensation.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0311
Still maintains a custodial force,
To keep furnaces lit,
Though some feel it's unfit,
And so wasteful to heat a dead bourse.
--- Bob Giandomenico P2006
Who dabbles in biotech stocks.
Do you think he could win?
Should he even stay in?
Depends on whose jewelry he hocks!
--- Monique de Plume
The US started feeling imperial.
See Wall Street? From there
Came our foreign affairs.
No wonder our money's ethereal.
--- Anon
When told "sell" you must not delay.
Martha Stewart's new creation
Is inside information;
You can learn something new every day.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0208
Who feasted on Intel and Cisco.
When tech took a dive,
He had to survive
On a diet of Bud and Nabisco.
--- Keith Gilman P0106
Who says to the oldsters, "Make room!
Our business grows quickly.
The old economy grows sickly.
We're part of the Internet Boom.
--- Roger Morris
No longer are tech stocks a must!
Dot coms became sickly,
And values dropped quickly,
When the economy's growth bit the dust.
--- Roger Morris
What the upcoming war holds in store.
Of course I will grumble,
If they merely stumble,
But I'll screech if they plunge through the floor.
--- M Silverstein P0304
Bull markets firm up from the bear;
But hands-on techniques
Bring shudders and shrieks
To hot liquid assets you snare.
--- Randog
Invested in websites ...all lewd;
The sites are stupendous,
With profits tremendous;
And now he's a wealthier dude.
--- Cap'n Bean P0106
Another crap shoot for big splurgers.
No one made a mention,
I could lose my pension
And end at Big Mac flipping burgers.
--- M Silverstein P0304
"At this game I shall never excel.
Shares are always sky-high
When I'm wanting to buy,
And low when I'm trying to sell."
--- Archie
With danger, investing is fraught.
I fear that today
My 401(k)
Has a 201(k) in its spot.
--- Hugh Clary
Reading how on Wall Street things ain't sunny.
I thought, "Seems to me
That you would have to be
Very rich to have lost so much money."
--- Mike Dale
I perceived, as I gasped from the smell,
"So the markets been downed --
It'll come back around.
You'll only lose out if you sell."
--- Mike Dale
Don't worry; your plan won't go wrong.
The market, I'm told,
Will level and hold,
But aim to retire half as long.
--- Travis Brasell
But who knows what the market will do?
Will it go up or down?
Will it ever come 'round?
Will those blue-chip stocks always be blue?
--- Mike Dale
I said just this morn to my honey.
"Eat eggs, ham, and cheese
And get fat as you please,
So we'll croak 'fore we run out of money."
--- Jeanie
Who ordered a bundle of stock.
The stockbroker fumbled;
The stock market tumbled,
And now Mr. Brock is in hock.
--- Donald Edwards
Their feeble excuses are sterile.
Heavy hand cuffs that pinch
Should await Mr. Lynch;
In addition, they ought to lynch Merrill
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0209
Last fall had proved merely a myth,
Grasped noose and a lance,
And took a firm stance
To lynch Merrill, pierce Fenner and Smith.
--- Dan Richards P8805
Who worked in the brokerage trade.
He sold bonds and stocks,
And bought gold in blocks.
Wow! Look at the money he made!
--- Thomas A Ratliff Jr P0401
Who would only go through it for cash.
Some dames started a pool,
But caught sight of his tool,
And the market declined with a crash.
--- Isaac Asimov
Ulcerates former stratosphere buyers.
After much hyped renown,
The stock market's marked down.
There's no net when you traipse high wires.
--- Esther Koch P0107
Since the ladies joined in, there is more
Pandemonious strewing
Of clothes and men queuing.
Than in any bare market before.
--- David A Brooks Q
Buy, buy and then buy Microsoft.
Remember Xerox,
When you, like a fox,
Bought, bought and then bought those shares oft.
--- Anon
Which was spent among harlots and panderers.
'Til that worn-out old bitch
Became suddenly rich,
On a stock-market tip from Ann Landers.
--- Anon
This is file odl
As she followed the jackrabbit Dow.
She said "I'll sell the GE,
But I like P & G,
And hang on to my mutual funds now."
--- William K Alsop Jr
She plunked down her money without qualmy
When the tech stocks were hot.
Now that NASDAQ's been shot,
She not buying steak, but salami.
--- Lynn Mostafa
Who married a lovely young maid.
He fathered three boys
Who make lots of noise,
As he works in the brokerage trade.
--- Thomas A Ratliff Jr P0401
Was asked about stocks and to shed light.
I haven't a clue, Sir,
About reading the future,
And have to rely on my sight.
--- Rasta Rickey
Advised the old stockbroker, Flynn.
If it's growth stock you hunt,
Stay away from the cunt,
For you never get out what went in.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2302
And she said, "Is your stock doing fine?"
He replied, "How surprising!
For a while it was rising,
But I think it is now in decline."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0233
He gambled in shares and debentures,
And lost all his cash
In a stock market crash;
Now he's trading in second-hand dentures.
--- Peter Wilkins
I must tell you just how she was able
To rise clear to the top
Of the corporate shop:
Her last offer to lay on the table.
--- Armand Singer P0203
Caring for what it wrote not one whit.
Didn't John Houseman say
Our dough's made the old way,
At Smith Barney, we merely steal it?
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0307
Caldera's executive gang.
"We'll show them the code;
This stock will explode!"
But only the gavel went bang.
--- Tubby Bubba
By Milken, the seller of stocks,
Was junk bonds he'd make
With earnings quite fake;
'Twas Wall Street's own PANDORA'S BOX.
--- Chris Papa
Why did Oprah latch onto a king?
If you knew in advance
Would you take a chance;
Try to stop a wild pendulum's swing?
--- Anon
In '99, investors did fine.
By '02 they were sad,
'Cause times were real bad,
And its value had steeply declined.
--- Roger H Morris
That thanks to the Supreme's nay-saying,
On recounts for Gore --
The market will soar.
It had better, for the price we are paying.
--- Election 2000
After CEO's greed first appeared;
A bull or a bear?
Score some most unfair,
With many retirement plans seared.
--- Gene
That the payments would be through my rear.
Broker Sam says, "Please see
How this benefits me --
My son enters Harvard next year."
--- William N Nesbit P0106
In that case, you ought to sell short.
So pick up the phone,
Sell what you don't own.
Once price drops, then stock is bought.
--- Tiddy Ogg
And sometimes, I have to report,
Made out very well --
And lost some, but Hell
Just money, and all in good sport.
--- John Miller
About margin calls, folks are bad sports;
What we'll see on the NASDAQ's
A grand selling climax,
Followed up by a squeeze on the shorts!
--- Anon
Dire predictions of crashes come true?
I will bet you somehow
The Expletive "WOW"
Will be used 'fore the session is through.
--- John Miller 0131
Which the spin-doctors call "just a bump".
So go out tomorrow
With all you can borrow,
And pick up some bargains, you chump!
--- John Miller 0132
The company's going in hock
To you and your peers;
Inspiring fears
That investors are shit out of luck
--- Dr Limerick 12-17-01
Always at risk for dilution.
If some lovely day
You'd all call and say
It's time for a strike execution.
--- Dr Limerick 12-17-01
The wage bill is out there to see;
This won't prevent trouble
Or a market bubble,
But we always like transparency.
--- Dr Limerick 12-17-01
Knew what stock he should purchase and when,
And he was a success
In his trades in U.S. --
For the dollar he had a strong yen.
--- Al Chaplin P0007
Your head can get thoroughly messed.
Love of money's the root
Of all evil, but loot
Grows from taking the right interest.
--- Val Burns P0510Q
(Unless I am totally wrong)
Then spread, in a flash;
Portending a crash?
We'll know when they strike the big gong.
--- Frank Fazed
The future he tried to foretell.
He sunk all his money
In companies that were funny
And his bank balance started to swell.
--- Anon
"This stock is the Stock of the Day.
Ed, buy it then after,
I'll buy some (light laughter),
I'll use the commission you pay."
--- Irving Superior P2006
He was clever from when he could crawl.
He read not the three bears,
But preferred stocks and shares;
Now he's on that street that's called Wall.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Where big bank rolls alone, get the nod,
If those fools only knew,
How such thinking's askew;
Addled heads come from ranking ones wad.
--- Bob Giandomenico P0208
I have moved to Warren Buffet.
Such useful tools,
His simple rules.
Once learned, you just can't muff it.
--- Gunjan Saraf
Said the broker, taking a bow.
He said, "You can't lose,
But look at the news."
So, where the hell art thou now, Dow.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0208
Makes swooping stock syndrome uncheery.
Up like orangutang,
Down with dross-filled bang,
Huge wipeouts unravel the weary.
--- Esther Koch
MORE