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From the day that Sir Robert was born, A curious old maid named McKesson There was a perverted young prude He wears nothing, not even a snood, Who the "Nude Dude" is, I cannot say, Does he do windows? Mine are a sight. He says nothing 'funny' goes on, A nudist's proponent named Reece A sales representative bare Oh! What have I done with my pants? At the verdict, Marie came unglued. At the gym, brawny Walter won't wear I peeked through a knothole and saw My friend slept in a tent in the rough; While punting about on the backs, Sir Hubert of Hagglestone Hall In college I'd streak without care; The dogs like to bark in the park, Big Harry was far from unique, As Harry went bobbling by, Well dear, you've a right to complain, And further, in times long since hence, There was a young man named Duane, A young man from Kensington way A half-dozen near-naked dudes (discovered by Jerry Nordhal)
There was an Old Man of Peru, A man on a sun-bed in Florida A gay lost his clothes in a bet, There was an old fellow said, "There A horny young fellow from Brest, (while there's life, there's hope)
Now Walloons can be found in Wallonia, So he said, "Come with me, let's go nestle There once was this grease-painted clown "That's not right!" he said with a snarl. The lady bent over to blow, He smiled at her curved little pinky, My Dad said, "Now listen, Joe, When he hired Miss Julie Lampeer, To a lady whose tee-shirt said "Schlitz," To his partner he said, "I am very To a lady whose shape was uncanny, To a lady he wooed with great zeal, "Why, your sunburn looks great!~ Really fine! To a lady he fancied, he said, There is an old timer called Andy There was a young man of Montclair To the shepherdess, he said, "To sleep Marquis Guy, to the Comtesse Renee, He said to his friendly landlady, To a lady whose walk didn't make it, To a lady whose fancy he'd tickle, There was a young lady from Powiss, When it comes time to pay, its the guys A crafty young bugger is Sam: A pimply young fellow named Glover, There once was a fellow so vile, There lives a young man in La Paz, A randy but careless tycoon The wisest of poon chasers cease A base-looking fellow named Bostick Take a lesson from Timmy O'Berk, Guess you won't believe that it's true That's usually not what I do, Just give a poet a chance, Said a young man, "I'm really delighted A businessman based in Biloxi In Dublin, the young Michael Byrne
No pajamas had he ever worn.
When from fire one night
To the street he took flight,
He wished night clothes he hadn't forsworn.
--- Warrick Elrod
Walked in while a man was undressin'.
His face turned beet-red,
But she smiled and said,
"I'm too ancient to find this distressin'."
--- Big Little Playoy Lims
Who could not get it up in the nude.
His bare kit and caboodle
Resembled a noodle;
But in leather pants -- Whoo! What a dude!
--- Robin K Willoughby P8312
Or a loin cloth, and some think this rude.
Women hire him to clean,
(I could sure dig that scene)
What's his number? I need the Nude Dude.
--- Ann Gasser P9408
But he made a small headline today.
He cleans homes a la buff,
Which I think might be rough,
'Cause his own hose might get in the way.
--- Ann Gasser P9408
And I'm partial to bums smooth and tight.
I love biceps that flex,
And admire super 'pecs'
And a clean house would be a delight.
--- Ann Gasser P9408
And most customers watch him and yawn.
Yeah, elephants fly,
Raccoons live in a sty,
And brains are admired over brawn.
--- Ann Gasser P9408
Was railing at hostile police:
"Those mean sons of bitches
Will make you wear britches;
Stay naked, you guys; hold your piece!"
--- Armand E Singer 877
Deplaned on time at O'Hare.
He proclaimed with a hiss,
"Ladies, I know I'm amiss
But I'll thank you please not to stare."
--- Clif Gauss P8401
I surely look rude at a glance.
But I pranced around nude,
Was wonderfully screwed,
And that made it worth all the chance.
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay
She had shot a young man in the nude.
In her room and in court,
Marie came up short.
She was scrod (That's the past tense of screwed).
--- Al Willis P9605
Any clothes, which makes bystanders stare.
This exposure of skin
Can cause major chagrin,
For Walt's fitness is sinful to bare.
--- Bob Giandomenico P0608
Six cavorters athwart in the raw.
So I summoned the sherrif
Who said "I don't care if
They've suborned the short arm of the law."
--- Robin K Willoughby P8312
He said that it made him feel tough.
When he turned in at night,
His girlfriend was contrite,
When she saw that he slept in the buff.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
I purposely took off my slacks,
In hopes that the sun
Would tan either bun --
But all I received was snide cracks.
--- Norm Storer P9812
Attended a masquerade ball.
All his friends stood agape
When as the "Naked Ape"
He wore no mask nor costume at all.
--- Warrick Elrod
It was fun just to run being bare.
Today I'm so old
And the weather so cold,
That I streak in my long underwear.
--- Tom Patton P0001
The lovers to spark in the dark.
Hark! Hark! The dogs bark.
They are having a lark.
And the streakers flash by in the stark.
--- Laurence Perrine P8610
In lacking athletic physique.
One day in the sun,
He took a nude run;
'Twas more like a blob than a streak.
--- Tiddy Ogg
An old lady shrieked, "What do I
See when I'm about
With a camera without.
The star of "The Blob"! That's the guy!
--- Marlene Lewis
I quite understand; I'll explain:
My streaking's abated,
With dick lacerated,
That barbed wire sure gives you pain.
--- Anon
With urges to streak quite intense,
Across fields I'd sprint,
With never a hint
I'd encounter a damn 'lectric fence.
--- Anon
Who was nude at the beach once again.
He burned his left bun
In the noon day sun,
And now he can't sit without pain.
--- Richard D Ladner
Went out in his backyard to play.
He's such a cool dude,
He romped in the nude
And sunburned his toys, yesterday.
--- Marlene Lewis
Were out trick-or-treating all nude.
A cop found the lads
Somewhat scantily clad,
And sent them away freshly clued.
--- Arcata Police Log P0302
Who never knew what he should do;
So he tore off his hair,
And ran around bare,
In the hope he would find a loose screw.
--- Edwardian Leer 014
Lay stripped to the buff in the corridor.
The people who passed
Were amazed and aghast
For they'd never seen anything horrider.
--- John Dole P9705
In Vegas, playing roulette.
He had to walk nude
Into Siegfried's room,
And he ain't come out of there yet!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Are fellows who like to go bare.
So I sits and I watches
Their beautiful crotches,
While they stroll in the warm summer air."
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay
Showed up at Down-Downs undressed.
When the girls ran away,
He said, "There'll be another day;
Dum vita est, spes est."
--- FB
And most are in bed with pneumonia;
Comes from speaking in French
In the rain to some wench,
While wearing just one white begonia.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
In the grass underneath the train trestle."
She replied, "Bring a blanket
Or you might have to yank it.
And that won't be much fun, will it, Cecil?"
Who painted a smile on his frown.
He used this expression
To hide his depression,
But his friends still knew when he was down.
--- Virge
This is file nzl
"My name should be said just like Carl,
But start with a 'D'--
Repeat after me,
d-A-r-r-E-l-l, Darrell!"
--- Scott Oliver
He said, "You must do it just so,"
But he was a gent,
What the guy really meant,
"Why waste a big cake on this ho."
--- Joe McEwen P9505
Then said, "Here's another small drinky."
But he was a gent,
The guy really meant:
"When you're drunk, we'll do something kinky."
--- Tom Patton P9505A
Off to school, you really must go,"
But he was a gent,
What the guy really meant,
I didn't know what I didn't know.
--- Joe McEwen P9505
He said, "I will further your career."
But he was a gent,
What the guy really meant:
"I'm going to fuck you, my dear."
--- Tom Patton P9505
He said, "I admire how it fits.
But he was a gent,
The guy really meant:
"Now, that is a great pair of tits."
--- Norm Storer P9502
Impressed. Why, you dance like a fairy!"
But he was a gent,
The guy really meant:
"Your legs are disgustingly hairy!"
--- Norm Storer P0502
He said, "You remind me of Granny."
But he was a gent,
The guy really meant:
"I've never seen such a huge fanny!"
--- Norm Storer P9503
He said, "To your beauty I kneel."
But he was a gent,
The guy really meant:
"Oh please let them hooters be real!"
--- Norm Storer P9502A
And your red, ruddy cheeks are divine.
But he was a gent.
The guy really meant,
"You've a face like a baboon's behind."
--- Theo Heller P9504a
"Your lips are incredibly red." (talents truly high-bred)
But he was a gent,
What he really meant:
"No doubt you give marvelous head!"
--- Norm Storer P9505
Who often get desperately randy.
So he walks 'round the streets,
Hailing all that he meets:
"I may not be cute, but I'm handy!"
--- Chris Young
Said, "I have that freedom from care
That to be understood,
Comes to only the good,
For I don't smoke, drink, chew nor swear.
--- Stuff and Nonsense P0604
With you, is a dream I must keep."
But he was a gent.
The guy really meant,
"I would much prefer one of your sheep."
--- Theo Heller P9504
Did declare, "Je suis tres enchante,"
But he was a gent,
The guy really meant:
"I would bet you're a really great lay."
--- Thomas G Keller P9505
"You're dark and mysterious, Sadie."
But he was a gent,
What the guy really meant,
"You're past is jet black, not just shady."
--- Al Willis P9505
He said, "You're a dancer, I take it?"
But he was a gent,
What the guy really meant:
"Just shake it a bit, you won't break it."
--- Norm Storer
He said, "I'm quite sure you're not fickle."
But he was a gent,
What the guy really meant:
"I'll bet you would spread for a nickel!"
--- Norm Storer P9505
Who asked of her lover, "Just how is
It possible for you
To perform as you do?
Quoth he, "An amalgam of ability and prowess."
--- Linda Marsh Coll
Overcharged in our stuffed shirts and ties.
Most pussy I've seen,
A fair trade would have been
To McDonalds for burgers and fries.
--- Anon
He claims that he don't give a damn.
But when all's said and done,
He always has fun,
And then leaves, with polite "Thank you, ma'am."
--- Anon
Who fancied himself quite the lover,
Informed all those who said
He'd be lousy in bed,
"You can't tell a book by its cover."
--- Armand E Singer 368
All our maids lost their heads for a while.
Somehow what he lacked
In breeding and tact,
He made up for by sheer lack of style.
--- John Ciardi A
Who is known for his carnal pizzazz.
You might think such exuberance
When employing his protuberance
Would cause problems. Well guess what? It has!
--- Robert Elliot
Hired whores out in outer Kowloon.
With no care for his wealth,
And less for his health,
He spent all his life chasing poon.
--- Anon
The chase when they ask for a piece
Of tail from the 'lookers',
They think are real hookers,
Who say, "Gotcha, John, we're police!"
--- Travis Brasell
Was asked why his manner was caustic.
He replied with some guile
And an acidy smile,
"The gum that I chew makes my jaws stick!"
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2458
Who would not do all his homework.
He'd goof off in classes
With all the sweet lasses;
`oday he's a Congressional Clerk.
--- Lynn Mostafa
And I probably can't convince you,
But there's thousands of gals,
And all my E-pals,
Lining up for a good Cybe R. screw.
--- Anon
I'd not be abnormal with you.
But I'm such a prude
That if I got screwed,
It'd be when my taxes came due.
--- Anon
And he'll detail his latest romance!
We met on the net,
So you all know the set...
It's like deja vu in advance.
--- Writerman
To find that my love is requited
By all twenty-eight
Of the girls that I date.
Were there fewer, I'd feel myself slighted.
--- Isaac Asimov
Was known far and wide to be foxy.
He transmitted his orders
Via two tape recorders,
While he stayed home and diddle his doxy.
--- Isaac Asimov
Decided his girlfriend to spurn.
His philosophy:
Was there's more in the sea.
Now he doesn't know which way to turn!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
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