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The best place is down by the shore, Of course we fought for a prize, "Success is a journey"'s my mot'; Some men are so full of conceit I once knew a rotten old miser, We're vicious low lithperthon, we Hunth; So this guy didn't make a big splash A simple young lad was bereft Within a cellular space, A poor goon from North Cambridge named Trapp For ten years I was humble, till when An ill-conceived Dutchman from Weerd, There was an old man of Fort Knox His legacy hung like a towel: Women fold maps into piles, He spoke in a fashion frenetic There was a young pilot named Jack; You have heard of little green men? Jim Smith must think he's a hero, Jim Smith is a pitiful moron; Jim Smith is a defective retard, Jim Smith is a defective retard; Jim Smith is a defective retard; If you're one of that group, the henpecked, There once was a guy named Joe, My Charlie is such a damn slob. I have placed, men into three groups: He started in work as a chauffeur; A fellow named Jezebel Beers That time of year seems to have come; I believed the scoutmaster, Fred Rhee, An obsessive old man of Toledo There once was a teacher named Lex, There was an old fellow named Edam; My uncle has riches galore; I'm a person of great muscularity, Well, greetings to you, doctor Tommie, There was a young man from Dieppe; There was a young man from the coast; It seems that young Willy's a bore A guy by the name of Big Tex, The stupid student stood still and grinned, The doctor looked kind and then said, There was a young man of Purdue A young engineer named Ambrose An artless young fellow named Rose There is a young Artist named Jones Joe Donald, while chewing his cud, A conceited young boy called Rob There once was a fellow named Bob There was a young man from South Wales, You espy the old dream and you chase it; Judge Hemp and Reverend Lockjaw The men that I know, none emit When alone, you're your own guardian shepherd. There once was a loner called Ricky Have you met Melba from Melbourne? My wife's learned to tolerate me. A 'Good Old Boy' from Tennessee, There was a young fellow of Graney, I'll be rich, van Dyke screamed to the frogs, When his friends call him backward, he sneers; One Edmonton man that I knew I splooge in the street and on walls, I wish I had perfect good health; You buy a book; send him to school I told him if he'd take a hike,
Where the shoeless are found by the score.
When I see all those toes,
My phallus just grows,
And those ankles are so very hardcore.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Mostly chicks with big beautiful eyes.
Be they fair-haired or red,
Our aim was the bed,
And boobs of considerable size.
--- Anon
I'm proud of what I've got.
I am glad I'm not you
With your weak assed poo-poo;
Your views mean to me, diddly-squat!
--- Anon
That they cannot accept a defeat.
To get out of a mess
They must needs acquiesce
And indulge in a glorious retreat.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2513
Who hired me as his advisor.
For money in my bank
I have him to thank;
He simply was never the wiser.
--- Marlene
We thpit on all women, thoth cunth;
We beat `em, we bed `em,
But don't pay or wed `em;
They're gone by the end of the month.
--- Armand Singer
In maligning your big hairy gash.
He had no right to slam
On your poor bearded clam.
Like I always say "Fuck him! He's trash!"
--- Anon
Of knowledge that makes a man deft.
Said his girl, "Let me know
When you're ready to go."
He said, "Now," and he got up and left.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0041
His ass is in place of his face.
That bassackwards sport
Is forced to comport
With his head in a very dark place.
--- Peg Kay
Has an FM show, "Morning Pro Yap."
Not for him Dowland pure,
No Dufay, that's for sure --
He, instead, programs hours of crap.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
I saw myself the humblest of men.
That filled me with pride;
I burst, and near died.
Now I'm proud to be humble again.
--- Laurence Perrine Lib Lim
Turned out as his mother had feared.
His hair had the greasies,
His pants stank of feces,
And vermin swarmed thick in his beard.
--- Armand E Singer 345
Who sat all his life in a box.
For years he crouched there
Till birds filled his hair
And ivy grew out of his socks.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Waterlogged, filthy, and foul.
His infamy spread
Like butter on bread,
Till disrepute dripped from his jowl.
--- Heather McCabe
And for me, that really riles.
But in truth, only
A man can see
An inch as one hundred miles.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
And made his grand plans sound poetic.
Promises did abound
Although none left the ground,
Since he was inert, not kinetic.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9807
His head did encounter some flak.
But the matter got worse,
He was rendered perverse,
And could not tell the front from the back.
--- Albin Chaplin
All women have seen 'em -- know when?
When some other guys
Stare at your bare thighs --
It just means he's jealous again!
--- Anon
An artist, just like Rome's Nero.
Of this newsgroup's vast host,
Those who want Jim to post
Add up to exactly zero.
--- Ward Hardman
A bum you would slam your front door on.
With all his slimy sleaze,
You can be sure that he's
A creep that I love to wage war on!
--- Ward Hardman
And from UseNet should surely be barred.
He moans, "I'm low in repute
And I've lost the dispute.
My image as troll all will see marred."
--- Ward Hardman
His organ will never get hard.
When he wants some good smut,
He must play "up the butt,"
And afterwards moans "Oh thank you, pard."
--- Ward Hardman
In gay bondage films he'll soon be starred.
"Ward gave me a beating,
But it was too fleeting.
I need pain beyond poems from the "Bard."
--- Ward Hardman
The best thing to do -- join a sect!
You'll get away from the house;
Be a man, not a mouse;
It will help you get back self-respect.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Who didn't know when to say "No."
He has stupid excuses
For his repeated abuses.
But no more, Pal, just GO!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
The poor man thinks that it's his job
To sit on his butt
And polish his gut,
While Archie is buffing his knob.
--- Marlene Lewis
There's fodder, the dupes, turdish poops.
These guys are half-wits,
Still suckling moms' tits,
Gene tree branches knotted in loops.
--- Anon
He retired and became the firm's gofer.
He wasn't dependable;
He became expendable;
He was far more at home on the sofa.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Was never discreet with his leers;
He ogled each dame
With an absence of shame,
As he uttered his lecherous sneers.
--- Cap'n Bean P0111
I need to start studying some.
Yes, finals are here!
Forget it! Pass me a beer!
I think I'll like life as a bum.
--- Anon
When he taught all the scouts, also me.
But then I was tossed
In a forest and lost;
I found moss on ALL sides of the tree.
--- L C Fitz P0209
Is sustained by the tenuous credo
That the functional aim
Of a beautiful dame
Is to bolster his fading libido.
--- Keith MacMillan A094B
With muscles he'd constantly flex.
But his arms would droop,
And then he'd stoop.
No wonder he never had sex.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
This is file nvl
His family was his special freedom.
He raised full twenty-eight
And he thought it was great,
But he did not have money to feed 'em.
--- Albin Chaplin
In fact, he just can't want for more;
But he's boring as shit.
He lacks warmth, wile and wit.
He needs much more than money to score.
--- Mark Levy P0204
Which means I have great solidarity;
My brain is sufficient,
Though hardly omniscient,
For I don't know the meaning of parity.
--- Limber Limericks
It sounds like you need an old swami
To give you the knowledge,
You spurned while in college,
Or just never got from your mommy.
--- Anon
In the army he was never in step.
He had never been bright;
Knew not left from his right,
One foot, then the other, he'd schleppe!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
"I'm strong as an ox," he would boast.
"To prove it, I'll now
Lift this Hereford cow."
His coffin is flatter than most.
--- Mary Danby Armada 1
And unsure right down to his core.
Indecisive he'd been
But now he came clean
He admitted he just wasn't sure
--- Anon
Was obsessed by females in specs.
Didn't notice their asses;
Was obsessed by their glasses,
Which is why his wife's now his Ex.
--- Michelle
As his teacher and advisor sinned.
The two had joined forces
To change grades on his courses,
When the one thing he had passed was wind.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0508
"There's nothing at all wrong with Ned.
He just does not study;
His grades are quite cruddy,
His pants are just loaded with lead."
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who bragged of the women he slew.
But a nymph from DeWitt
Forced this man to admit,
"One more victory like this and I'm through."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0302
Had problems he could not dispose.
He could never decide
How the job should be tried,
So he stood there, just picking his nose.
--- Albin Chaplin
Was given some work to dispose,
For he lacked any vision
For a simple decision,
So he stood there just picking his nose.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2774
Whose conduct no genius atones:
His conduct in life
Is a pang to his wife,
And a plague to the neighbours of Jones.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
At the same time was pulling his pud.
Joe, slightly confused,
Has a cud now contused,
And a pud sporting toothmarks and blood.
--- Anon
Was commonly known as a snob.
When asked to make tea,
He'd say, "No, not me,
That certainly isn't my job."
--- Anon
Who was a world champion slob;
A six-pack of beer
He would ram in his ear
And commend himself for a good job.
--- Anon
Who wanted to save all the whales,
And on the farm,
Save the turkeys from harm.
And, concerned, he soon flooded the mails.
--- Thomas A Ratliff Jr P0402
If you have any doubt you erase it.
Then it sours and withers;
He's reduced you to blithers;
You're attracted to assholes, let's face it.
--- Anon
Once lectured our class about tort law;
They stood bloviating,
Same time, masturbating;
They didn't know shit from Shinola!
--- Anon
A modicum sliver of wit;
With a healthy supply.
Each and every guy
Is endlessly spouting out shit.
--- Goin2
Human thugs are more common than leopards.
So be cautious, alert,
With spray ready to squirt,
Because those who assault should be peppered.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who said human love is too tricky.
I'm not having sex--
We could both break our necks,
And I'm sure it would be rather sticky.
--- Chris Young
She makes songwriter's hearts yearn.
He cannot show it;
She does not know it;
The songwriter's to oft taciturn.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
She "Tsk tsk's" very frequently,
But knows men are "Boys"
And among their toys
Is talking like they're spirits free.
--- Chris Papa
Is now in my office with me.
All night he does pitter,
About his new litter,
Of coon dogs that bark up a tree.
--- Anon
Incredibly clever and brainy.
When he put up his gamp, (large umbrella)
If he found it was damp,
He could tell that the weather was rainy.
--- Langford Reed (Bibby)
There's treasure (beep-beep) in these bogs!
Croaked one, "Your detector
Would beep in each sector.
It's sensing the nails in your clogs."
--- David A Brooks Q
"I am very advance in some spheres.
With my jigsaw technique,
I can do in six weeks
Puzzles clearly marked '2-4 years'."
--- Anon
Was a pet, but he hadn't a clue!
Apprehensive in bed,
He was frequently said
To persuade the young maid to unscrew.
--- Keith MacMillan 92c
While naked, out walking, in malls.
I shouldn't so taunt 'em --
The visions must haunt 'em --
They'd queue just to smell of my balls.
--- Anon
I wish I had infinite wealth.
I finally wish
For a lover delish --
Or thousands to keep for myself.
--- Peter
And ask him to follow the rule.
At all this, he'll scoff;
His thinking's just off.
Too late, he has turned out a fool.
--- Anon
I'd lend him my two-wheeled bike.
He can go roun'
To your side of town;
His propensities you'd probably like.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
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