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I hear that your honey has skipped, There was a man from Kalamazoo, A devious young con from Madras, I hope this won't sound too misogynous, An impatient young man of Altoona A long drought has made Lightbulb twitch, There is a young fellow called Turley, I once knew a girl who's named Joy; A man who can't handle the show, My wife said to me, "Where you been? Though polite and "of pleasing demeanor," There was a young man of New Haven An eager young fellow named Wade Cowboys are born without diapers, Returning from three days away, The toys were all over the floor; And the smell that was coming off him! He knew that he had been wrong; She worked herself into a snit, She laid down the law to him then. He wanted to woo her with kisses. And so he has learned to comply; So guys, let me give you advice: If you wine too much, you get wobbly A hobbling hobo of Hoboken And as for that chick from Regina, There isn't a skill you have mastered, There's one thing for which I do yearn; An old chief from the banks of Zambesi Young Ned was a champion lecher; Proud to be able and willing, An oversexed fellow named Croup Hold on just a minute there Hector, A man who works all day There once was a lad Gary Peach, I bet that your dream is a wet one; Though at driving you can't be surpassed," (pole position is still important)
There was a young lady of Sycamore There was a young woman named Flo Consider the plight of poor Jim, A brilliant young chairman called Humph, Your control of your tool is complete, My true character I've been masking, There once was a handsome young dude, The suit that he wore was quite cute. Are those old Birthday Suits still worn? In fine leather there are creases galore; There was a young fellow from Luton, I find myself naked and wet. There was a young fellow called Willie, A couple of brothers, the Beaners, A nudist, whose figure was crude, When they asked a young fellow why he The world's in a state of unrest, May I be the first volunteer Your courage will be an example Prince Alexi Dimitriev Rosov: There was a nude baker named Hyde, At the nudist camp big Studsman Jed A postman whose notions were lewd This problem I've had for a while: A lusty young lad in the nude "Clothing-Optional Club," they had said, The career of a Fellow called Castor, There was a young man from Detroit He asked the nude pair what they meant.
'Cause she says Cybe's better equipped;
Says he's younger than you,
And his tongue's longer too,
Plus you can't get your trousers unzipped!
--- Anon
Who didn't know what he could do,
About global affairs,
Or the flavor of pears,
So he lived in continual stew.
--- William K Alsop Jr
Pursued a rich miser for brass.
He sent him some SPAM
As a token salaam,
And got thrown right out on his ass.
--- Mike O'Conner
But I have them zones that's erogenous.
They're all in one place
And none near my face,
So maybe we're not so homogeneous.
--- Anon
Comes to climax, like others, but soona;
When meeting his date,
He can't seem to wait,
And will get all excited and roona.
--- Keith MacMillan A101A
But it's his fault; he'd no right to bitch,
'Cause girls think it a joke
And're turned off by a bloke
Who is turned on by flick of a switch.
--- David Miller
Who isn't that beefy or burley.
When aroused, he will squirm
Like and out-of-shape worm,
And pray that his bird will come early!
--- Chris Young
She was entirely way too coy.
She went out one day
In a slatternly way,
And picked up a fourteen year old boy.
--- Anon
Will find little reason to crow.
If she must have fun
Before he is done,
She'll just have to "go with the flow."
--- Frank
You left home one night on Halloween.
But now you want lovin'?
Your tea's in the oven;
It's twenty years old and it's green."
--- Anon
He's as tight as an unroasted wiener.
He'll deny you a loan
Without changing his tone.
His "demeanor" just means he get meaner.
--- Laurence Perrine P8503
Whose potential would set women ravin';
But here's the sad fact:
In the midst of the act,
Without any warning, he'd cave in.
--- Isaac Asimov
Went out in the woods with a maid;
He came back alone,
And picked up the phone
And reported her lost. Or mislaid?
--- Limber Limericks
Midst sagebrush and cactus and vipers,
So they have to be tough,
Which may be enough
To make them the world's loudest gripers.
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes
She looked 'round and just had to say,
"You sat on your duff,
Stay away from my muff!
That isn't the way to get laid."
--- Anon
The laundry was piled up and more.
The dishes, it's true,
Were a rare shade of blue
From mold-rot and poisonous spore.
--- Anon
A mixture of sweat, piss and gin.
"Stay away from my bed!"
She shrieked at his head,
While throwing a wood rolling pin.
--- Anon
He tried to appease her with song.
But found himself busted;
His pipes were all rusted
from drinking right out of the bong.
--- Anon
A screaming, most devilish fit!
The babies were crying;
The plants started dying;
She told him, "Now look, this is it!"
--- Anon
"You'll be living your life in the den!
If you don't get clean,
I am going to scream
Until only God will know when!"
--- Anon
She ducked, he only got misses.
"If you want your wishes,
You'll learn to wash dishes!"
Kicking hard where he usually pisses.
--- Anon
At housework he's willing to try.
He's doing his best
Till he passes the test
And can once again taste her pie.
--- Anon
If you're hoping your girl will be nice,
Don't show off your power
By refusing to shower,
And indulging in bachelor vice.
--- Anon
And could lead to losing your jobbly.
A woman to be brave
Is just what I crave,
And to want me for more than my knobbly.
--- Anon
Got busted -- that is to say broken;
He begged a car ride,
And when 'twas denied,
He asked the car man for a token.
--- Levi N Fouts P0509
Dan will never get in her vagina.
She says, "This here snot
Will stay out my twat,
I don't never have sex with no minah!"
--- Anon
(Except, I suppose, getting plastered).
You loaf 'round the house,
And you sponge off your spouse;
You're a blodger, you pitiful bastard.
--- Rory Ewins
It's lack does indeed make me burn.
My most secret wish is:
He'd help with the dishes;
Seems like something that he'll never learn!
--- Anon
Always liked his sex once over easy.
His wife swears, in writing,
That's about as exciting
As a grueling game of Parcheesi.
--- Isaac Asimov
Shagged many a wife you can betcha.
Confronted one night
In glowing street light,
The sod sent me off on a stretcher.
--- Anon
He blindly regarded life thrilling.
Then found it was blighted
By love unrequited,
His prophecy was self-fool filling.
--- Loren Fitzhugh
Even tried to bugger the soup.
Then he reckoned to screw
All the knotholes and you
Know the pain from a sharp splinter group.
--- Fred Cohen P8504
You're pissing along the wrong vector.
Dont make me edgy
Or I'll give you a wedgie,
And shit in your pocket protector.
--- Anon
This is file nal
Without time for fun or play,
His wits he dulls
As he sits and mulls,
Waiting for a lady to come his way.
--- Anon
To whom girls were out of his reach.
He had nothing to do,
But sit on the loo,
Dreaming about naked girls on the beach.
--- Anon
They're swimming like fish and you net one.
Stop dreamin you fool
And pinch off that stool,
And then get off your ass and go get one!
--- Anon
She tell me, "You finish too fast.
As applies to the prize,
Guys find 'twixt the thighs,
The best man, sir, finishes last."
--- John Miller
Who wanted her boyfriend to pricka more,
Indicating the last
Time he came much too fast,
And she didn't enjoy such a quicka more.
--- Hugh Oliver A094Aa
Who liked to be tickled below.
Yet she couldn't abide it
When one fellow tried it;
"You fool," she exclaimed, "You're too slow."
--- Isaac Asimov
Who, when asked what girl was for him,
Said, "A tramp or a lady
'Twixt thirteen and eighty,
Dumb, smart, short, tall, fat or slim.
--- Ed Cunningham
Who was always surrounded by bumph,
Kicked his legs in the air,
Ran a comb through his hair --
Which for him was a major triumph.
--- Kevin Hale Q
And your will's hard as steel or concrete.
Like the other men's, too
And the sky's always blue,
And you'll always put down the loo-seat.
--- Ulla
And in the bright Indian sun basking;
If more questions you ply,
In deep voice I reply,
"I'm normally lying. Who's asking?"
--- Anon
Who walked around in the nude.
He was not there to pray,
When he happened to stray
Into church...and that was quite rude.
--- Bob Birch P9804
I thought that I spied a cheroot.
But my eyesight was bad;
The gent was unclad;
He was wearing his own birthday suit.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
I got mine on the day I was born.
As growing has ceased,
The poor thing has creased,
And now it's all tattered and torn.
--- Tony Burrell
Each one giving character, therefore
What if we regard those
Creases that life bestows
Proudly as the spoils of war.
--- Jenni Saqua
Who walked down the street with no suit on.
"I may be almost bare,
But folks shouldn't stare.
I've got a well-placed bunch of fruit on!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
I think I will for call for my pet.
Oh, doggie come here!
Hows about a beer?
Oh, doggie, calm down, please don't fret!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Whose behavior was frequently silly.
At the big UN ball,
Dressed in nothing at all,
He claimed that his costume was Chile.
--- Anon
Lost all of their clothes at the cleaners;
They were forced to buy more,
So they walked to the store,
And they shopped while displaying their weiners.
--- Cap'n Bean P0108
Decided to dress like a dude.
He left for the city,
But said, "It's a pity
To have to disrobe to get screwed."
--- Julia Strawn P8709
Had come nude to a dance at Tralee,
He said, "Your invitation
To this celebration
Says 'Dress Optional' here, as you see."
--- A N Wilkins P8312
And folks hunker down quite distressed.
But I shall continue
In my normal venue
Of standing erect and undressed.
--- Travis Brasell
To show that I too, have no fear?
With you I'll undress
To relieve all this stress.
I'll also bring chilled wine and beer.
--- Carol
To other cute lasses who'll trample
Through miles of tall timber
To suck on my member,
Like you do so leave them a sample.
--- Travis Brasell
His tool unexpectedly goes off.
It would not be so bad
If he hid what he had,
But instead he takes all of his clothes off.
--- Mike Tice
With a shop by the water's high tide.
The sun was so strong
Before very long,
His buns were all burnt on one side.
--- Charles Crockford P9309a
Said, "Leapfrog's a game that I dread.
I'm called a low creep
For the note when I leap
I get stuck half way over, instead."
--- Grand Prix Lim 179
Went about on his route in the nude.
He said, "I'm a mailman
And to prove I'm a male, Man,
This method's convincing, if crude..."
--- Grand Prix Lim 288
Old ladies walk more than a mile
To see me get nude.
I hate to be rude;
I strip just to see those girls smile!
--- Anon
Sighed to his woman, "I brood
Whenever you leave,
I groan and grieve,
For I miss the times that we wooed."
--- Clif Gauss P8401
So I wore just a hat on my head.
But to my surprise,
They require shoes and ties,
And 'twas more than my face that turned red.
--- Bob Birch P0302
One day met with sudden disaster.
When he came into Hall
Wearing nothing at all,
And made a rude sign at the Master.
--- Anon
Who would give to his brother his shoit.
When these brotherly varmints
Got all of his garments,
As a nudist he grew quite adroit.
--- Baxter Sperry P0111 P9803
Had they come there with evil intent?
"We came, we confess,
Within tent to undress,
But I'm sure there was no evil meant."
--- Laurence Perrine P8407
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