The man of the mountains, I'd heard
Was a legend that some thought absurd.
So I took expedition
And fulfilling the mission,
My encounter with yeti occurred.
--- Anon

I faced up to the snowman abominable
With courage and spirit indomitable.
But then I had to go, man,
When I saw that the snowman
For me had a hard on phenominable.
--- Anon

As misses go, that was a near one;
I never thought I'd ever fear one.
I had thought I was ready
To encounter a yeti,
But I wasn't expecting a queer one.
--- Anon

Two, carelessly climbing Tibeti
Were savagely mauled by a Yeti.
The rescuing Sherpas
Remarked to good purpose,
"You askee for trouble, you gettee."
--- John Dole P9612

You may think it quite serendipitous,
When climbing a snowfield precipitous,
In peaks Himalayan,
If ropes don't start frayin',
And you don't meet a creature yetiperous.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Good shepherds with their sheep will trod
Across miles and miles of hard sod;
The sheep lay at night
In the cool of moonlight;
They're comforted by shepherd's rod.
--- Travis Brasell

The little sheep, white, black or brown,
Never awaken the town.
They always stay calm.
The remember the psalm,
"He maketh me now to LIE DOWN!"
--- Jeanie

Last night all was peaceful and calm
On the Tiddy Ogg sheep-dip and farm,
When a shuffle of feet in
The wheat caused a bleatin'
Of ovine distress and alarm.
--- Peter Wilkins

Which lamb would it be this fair night?
Which poor darling would suffer a plight
Worse than having a ram
Shove his ham up her clam,
And shoot sheep-dip with all of his might?
--- Peter Wilkins

'Tis Mary of fluffiest fleece,
Who will suffer an Ogg in her crease.
(All the others sat down
With a bleat and a frown
And awaited a breach of the piece.)
--- Peter Wilkins

But lo! It's not Tiddy the Ogg
He's in bed in his shed in the bog,
With his Erm in his arms,
So the ovine alarms
Must be caused by his faithful old dog.
--- Peter Wilkins

A slaughter-bound sheep they called Dorsey
Said, "I won't drink so do not force me!"
But they filled up her trough
With neat creme de menthe,
In hope she might taste more mint saucy.
--- Jarmo

A clever old sheep from the Marne
Was spinning his wool in the barn,
And those who may doubt it
Or argue about it,
Can see that he makes a good yarn.
--- Lims Unlimited

There was a sheepherder named Sutton
Who got from a ram quite a buttin'.
So he mounted astride it
And to death he did ride it;
For dinner young Sutton had mutton.
--- Albin Chaplin

Said the ram, "They're a motley crew --
A sort of bucolic Who's Who --
There are mares, there are cows,
There are bitches and sows --
But I only have eyes for ewe."
--- Basil Wentworth P0103

A bighorn sheep's headgear's imperious.
They butt heads till they are delerious.
Though women may fake
An occasional ache,
When a ram claims a headache, he's serious.
--- Actaeon

Those old Dolly sheep-chasing coots
Want to take all the fun from the 'fruits'.
But consider the impaction
On this minor fraction--
Us folks who make sheepherder boots!

(brass belt-buckle manufacturers also affected - McW)
--- Stu Lucas P9705

While visiting Santa's North Pole,
A sheep from the stable I stole.
I was quickly erect,
But what's this I detect?
The cold air has frozen its hole!
--- CyberCelt

I hate all those sheep; read my lips!
I helped Farmer John with sheepdips.
That farm's a latrine;
Can't get my shoes clean.
Ever since I have hated lamb chips.
--- Al Willis T9711

Young Mary, an animal petter,
Liked puppies, but lambs even better;
She said, "This one's white--
I could stroke him all night--"
But the damn little lamb wouldn't let her.
--- Norm Storer P9605

Cloning of sheep is a breeze,
Increasing your flock with great ease;
While also enhancing
Domestic romancing,
It saves wear and tear on the knees.
--- James M Menger P9705

A naturalist we know is queer;
Of women he has a strange fear.
He spurns their advances
And takes his chances
On buggering male sheep and a deer.
--- G1305

Young Mary, an animal petter,
Liked puppies, but lambs even better;
She said, "This small fellow
Is snow-white, not yellow--
And someday he'll make a fine sweater."
--- Norm Storer P9605

Said the shepherd, "No fun in this game--
I might just as well chase a dame.
Cloning is bleak;
When we play hide and seek,
These nubile ewes all look the same."
--- Arthur Deex P9705

A handsome young shearer named Bull,
Loved pretty young sheep, well and full.
But he'd never abuse
The ugliest ewes,
Because that's where we get virgin wool.
--- CyberCelt T9711a

A matronly sheep named Maude Dupets
Gave birth to a set of quadruplets.
"Oh what shall I do?"
Cried the motherly ewe,
"My faucets come only in two sets!"
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes

Said a sheep to her child, "My dear Ruth,
Such precipitate haste is uncouth.
When you come down a stair,
Use some caution and care,
And restrain the wild impulse of youth."
--- J G Francis

There once was a Welsh mountain sheep,
Who sang Gregorian Chants in his sleep.
When local monks heard,
They thought it absurd,
That a ram should intone strains so deep.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

All Tiddy Ogg fans should dig deep,
And purchase from me, on the cheap,
For our Pommie friend,
To whom I'll then send,
Our best Aussie seeing-eye sheep.
--- David Miller

Our weeds are now growing quite huge;
The sheep will be having a chewge;
Eating up their greens,
They'd best leave my beans,
Or they might end up in a stewge!
--- Anon

Slick Wills got a big shiny button,
And so's my mate big Jim Sutton.
When the buttons are pressed,
In unison carressed,
All sheep instantly now are mutton.
--- Anon

This sheep bomb will sure kill us all,
But who cares, and I ask "Why the stall?"
In destroying this earth.
We're all doomed and cursed,
To spend the rest our lives on a ball.
--- Anon

When the last consciousness fades away,
There'll finally be no more gays,
Or Slobos or Russians,
And slobering Prussians,
So it's worth it, you see what I say?
--- Anon

This is file mxk

A New Zealand sheep shearer, Phillipe,
So skillful at shearing the sheep,
He could shear in his sleep,
The whole flock in his keep,
Thus producing a great big shorn heap.
--- Bob Giandomenico P0508

The sheep shearing gang, every male,
Would work dawn to dusk without fail.
The farmer'd then let
His young daughter, Bet,
Come bring a great bucket of ale.
--- Travis Brasell

The workers would then drink their fill;
The farmer a-watching them still,
To see if those peasants
Perhaps had the presence
Of mind to ask Bet for a thrill.
--- Travis Brasell

And if one should offer to sleep
With Betsy, that man's pay he'd keep;
That man was a shirker,
The truly hard-worker
Was sheared out from shagging the sheep.
--- Travis Brasell

But Betsy had hots for Bill Crumm,
And fancied him banging her drum.
So in fields late at night,
Far away from Dad's sight,
With foam squirting Bill, Betsy'd come.
--- Travis Brasell

How how should I put it? Let's see...
While counting sheep I dreamed young Betsy
Had drawn from my well
More foam for her pail --
This morning my bed was all wet, see!
--- Travis Brasell

To guard against forays by leopard,
A shotgun was kept by a shepherd.
But one of his flock
Tripped over the stock;
The sharp-shooting sheep's shepherd's peppered.
--- Archie

The shepherd had a rival, a ram,
Who thought shepherd Sam was a sham.
They queued all the ewes
For their personal use,
But the ram had the lambs and not Sam.
--- Archie

A sheep is a cute woolly creature
Whose coat is its very best feature;
It feels so forlorn
Whenever it's shorn,
That it won't even bleat to greet yer.
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes

Said a pious old lady of Bingham,
"I have seven sheep and I bring 'em
To church when I go,
For they love the hymns so,
And it does my heart good when the sing 'em.
--- C Ray Wylie P0609

There was a young girl of Tacoma
Who rejected her sheepskin diploma.
She knew it was made with
A lamb she had played with
And recognized by the aroma.
--- Ogden Nash

Do you like it when they are fresh shorn?
Or perhaps when they are newly born?
Does a suckling yearling
Give the ultimate feeling?
Or is mutton what gives you the horn?
--- Julie

A chameleon, when he's feeling blue,
Can alter his glum point of view,
By changing his hue
To a color that's new;
I'd like to do that , wouldn't you?
--- William K Durr

You heard 'bout the beer-drinking lizard,
Who shoved the frog out in a blizzard?
Frog said, "Damn his eyes,
I'll see that he fries,
And I'll be the one eats his gizzard!"
--- Marlene

The gecko is not very bright
When it comes to its own appetite.
A bug or some lice,
It's all eidelweiss
With no gustatory hindsight.
--- Timothy Torkildson

A glass lizard, female or male,
Doffs its tail tip when other moves fail.
So when caught by a snake,
Off it comes with a shake,
Plus, their mates always get some nice tail.
--- Actaeon

Come celebrate the flora and fauna;
You may pet Scaly, my pet iguana.
Iridescent gray and green,
Prettiest you've ever seen.
Thanks so much, but I really don't wanna!
--- Lynn Mostafa

An adventurous lady, Diana,
Had a favorite jungle liana.
For if she could cling
For the length of its swing,
She could see a nude lounging iguana.
--- Archie

An iguana seems like a small dinosaur,
'Cause he sure has the outfit that dino wore.
He must be his brother,
Or something or other
And he looks like he really could roar.
--- Silvia S Crockett P0106

Iguana, he lie in the sun;
Iguana, he havin' his fun;
Coyote come roun'
An' gobble him down;
Iguana, his life is all done.
--- Cap'n Bean P0305

There once was a fellow named Claude,
Asked if iguana sexing was hard.
You can't really tell
An iguana by smell;
You just have to ask it, by God!
--- Dave Jersey

If the years are about fours or threes,
Just feel below where it pees.
If you feel a rod,
It's a boy by God;
Info that is sure to please.
--- Dave Jersey

You could look at the femoral pores,
One of life's nastier chores.
Boys are bigger than girls,
Never mind spikes or curls;
To me this comparison bores.
--- Dave Jersey

I have two lizards, they're skinks.
When they get thirsty they drink.
They piss off the cats,
By hanging like bats,
The cats want to eat them, me thinks.
--- Anon

A larking young lady named Lillian,
Protruded her tongue at a Chilean.
Her mother said, pleading,
"Remember your breeding.
That trick is distinctly reptilian."
--- Langford Reed

There was a young man by the Nile
Who decided to swim for a while.
But why did he pause?
He saw the great jaws
Of a perfectly huge crocodile.
--- Anon

In the Zambezi jungle old Deazy
Makes weak-stomached bystanders queasy:
With soft words and smiles,
He castrates crocodiles,
Which on the Zambezi is easy!
--- G2311

A hasher, disgustingly vile,
Was swallowed by a crocodile,
Who digested his skin,
And most things within,
But choked on his Membrum Virile.
--- Anon

While swimming across the Zambezi,
I was starting to feel a bit queasy,
When a wandering Croc
Grabbed ahold of my cock.
Now pissing is not very easy!
--- Anon

A jolly young artist named Bruno,
Went to sketch in the bright month of June-o,
On the banks of the Nile,
Where a huge crocodile
Quickly tucked him away in his--you know!
--- Anon

While swimming across the Zambezi,
I met with a crocodile sleazy.
His ugly old grin
Was soon wearing thin;
All those teeth made me feel most uneasy.
--- K R Swift

You will find by the banks of the Nile,
The haunts of the great crocodile.
He will welcome you in
With an innocent grin,
Which gives way to a satisfied smile.
--- Anon

In the outback, by twilight's last glimmer, Rick
Went swimming. And, though a good swimmer, Rick
Was not quite as fast
As the croc he swam past.
Now all that remains is this limb o' Rick.
--- Jerry Nordal P0303

There was an old man of Darwin,
Who lived on the beach in a bin.
He ceased to reside
One night at high tide,
When a crocodile took him right in.
--- Don Humphries