So now there's a T. rex, no less,
On the block. But the price, I confess,
Is a shock. Who'd have known
That a ton of old bone,
Could be worth more than Marilyn's dress?

(T. rex sold for 12 million 1999 - McW)
--- Anon

There once was a tame dinosaur
Who wiped all his feet at the door,
Then entered the house
As soft as a mouse,
And broke up the roof and the floor.
--- Lims Unlimited

Asked a young fossil hunter named Brumble,
"Did dinosaurs rattle and rumble?
Did they bellow, I wonder,
In voices like thunder,
Or merely just mutter and mumble."
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada

A great paleontologist, Deex,
Made a study of dinosaur beaks.
He discovered the smell
Was a rotten as Hell
And renamed it Tyrannosaurus Reeks.
--- Dwight Johns P9308

Old T. Rex was a powerful dino.
His rod was as big as a rhino.
When Rex put it in her,
She loses her dinner,
And lets out a horrific whino.
--- Actaeon

In the old savannas quite spacious,
Dwelt Tyrannosaurus VORACIOUS.
His temper was bad,
But 'tis said that he had
Good table manners most gracious.
--- Chris Papa

Though adders do not multiply,
And some places, they're in short supply,
Their fecund rattler cousins
Are found by the dozens
All over the Great Divide.
--- Ann Gasser P8808

There was a young fellow named Fonda
Who was squeezed by a great anaconda.
Now he's only a smear,
With part of him here,
And the rest of him somewhere out yonda.
--- Ogden Nash

Herptologist Christopher Blake
Made a perfectly dreadful mistake.
Turned his back upon Wanda,
An immense anaconda,
And became a quick snack for the snake.
--- William D Robinson

The lowly little asp
Is not a thing to clasp;
Lovely Cleo,
Nunc cum Deo,
Once got in his grasp.
--- Lims Unlimited

I once met with Kate, tried to shag her,
And off to the bed tried to drag her.
But I lost my way
And called it a day.
That's the problem with such double-baggers.
--- David Miller

One day a pink snake with one eye
Swelled up and crawled upon Kate's thigh.
Before plunging in,
He shed his foreskin
And said, "That's a nasty hair pie!"
--- RanDog

No makeup and screamin', Kate could've
Been killed by Brown Snake, if he would've
Attacked her! But it's
Now having hissy fits.
And is running as fast as Kate should've.
--- David Miller

A girl who was baking a cake,
Inadvertently baked in a snake;
Of course, she was sued
And none ate her food
'Cept those who prefer reptile to steak.
--- Anon

A blacksnake crept up drunk Jake's thigh,
Who exclaimed, when it popped out his fly,
"Big and black, that ah knowed,
But my! Yo' has growed.
And whe'fo yo' beady blue eye?
--- John Miller 0163 a

I would rather count cobras than sheep;
They are much more conducive to sleep.
They slither and glide
And never collide,
And they cannot make noises, or leap.
--- Lims Unlimited

There was a young person named Jake,
Who made the most dreadful mistake.
He walked barefoot around
On a grass-covered mound,
And was bitten to death by a snake.
--- Anon

A couple from old Aberystwyth
Were uniting the ends that they kissed with,
And with love they were smitten,
Until they were bitten
By the end of a snake that it hissed with.
--- Limber Limericks

A brave taxi driver named Clive
Once found a Black Mamba, alive.
Though they said, "Shoot it dead!"
He decided instead
To take it 'round town for a drive.
--- Michael Palin

The boa constrictor, a snake,
Likes people much better than cake.
But if you should choose
Not to take off your shoes,
You'll give him a big tummy ache.
--- Limber Limericks

A boa constrictor named Lena
Once swallowed a concertina.
When she'd give it a squeeze,
As she coiled in the trees,
It would play the Macarena.
--- Cyber Geezer

There once was a man who said, "Oh,
Please, boa constrictor, let go!
Don't you think that you can?"
The snake looked at the man,
And calmly responded, "Why, no!"
--- Anon

A collector of snakes for a zoo
Tried to smuggle some dead ones in, too.
But the custom inspector
Said, "I'm no collector,
But your carrion luggage won't do."
--- Laurence Perrine

"There's a tune," said a sly Bengalese,
"Which will charm any snake that you please:
Take a long, heavy stick;
Hit the snake with it -- quick!
Then proceed with the tune at your ease."
--- John Bennet

The cobra is no good,
He'd get me if he could,
His tongue is forked,
His body torqued,
He has, and is, a hood.
--- Lims Unlimited

A disgusted snake charmer in Parmer
Has decided he'd best be a farmer;
His persnickety cobra
Sleeps from May to Octobra --
After tourists have left to get warmer.
--- J Maynard Kaplan

A snake bit a fellow named Trout
On the end of his cock, and no doubt
He would die, but by luck
His friend said he'd suck,
But more than the poison came out.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0890

"Keep sucking," said Trout to the guy.
"You can get it all out, if you try."
Said his friend, in a huff,
As he swallowed the stuff,
"You son of a bitch, you can die."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0891

The ticks and the chiggers will bite;
Mosquitoes will certainly light.
But the one that I dread
Is that damned copperhead,
I might tread upon during the night.
--- Lynn

There once was a camper named Jack
Who found a huge snake in his pack.
He cut it in two,
Gave half to the zoo,
And then put the other half back.
--- Michael Palin

A boa, constricting a pig,
Said, "My, but you're certainly big!"
Bug-eyed with pride,
The pig only sighed,
Well knowing that up was the jig.
--- Lims Unlimited

So sad it happened to Jake,
Who stood on a worm by mistake.
He very soon found
That the 'worm' on the ground
Was the end of a whopping great snake.
--- Funfax Limericks

On the grass you are both sharing bliss
When you hear a most ominous hiss.
Do you jump up and run
Or continue the fun,
And pray that the old snake will miss?
--- Jean Fox

This is file mvk

In the UK we are not aware
Of the snakes that you have over there.
If a snake in the grass
Stuck his fangs in your ass
Would it mean it let out all the air?
--- Jean Fox

There was an old woman of Churt
Who cried, "Please come quickly. I'm hurt.
I fell from this ladder
On top of an adder,
Which bit me and ran up my skirt."
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada

A snake with a lofty ambition,
Not content with his lowly position,
Off a cliff made a try
Like a bird, onces to fly,
But he lived to regret his decision.
--- Ryan Waldron

A venomous woman from Drake
Had gone for a swim in the lake;
When bit by a moccasin
She took anti-toccasin,
And also gave some to the snake.
--- Lims Unlimited

When you come upon a rattlesnake
In the bed of a old dried-up lake,
First you hear the snake rattle,
Which will his presence tattle;
Then which direction do you take?
--- Thomas Ratliff P0304

My snake has no feet, so can't tread well;
His skin is so tough he can't shed well;
With food or with lust
He might swell up and bust,
So he cannot make love or be fed well.
--- Alsops Foibles

The snake's just a head with a tail,
With no parts either female or male.
So we do, alas, vex it,
When having to sex it
By tactile techniques used for Braille.
--- David A Brooks Q

There was a fat man of Girgenti
Whose dolci was far from nienti.
He went to Segesta
To take a siesta
And -- sat on a grosso sepente!
--- Rudyard Kipling P8903

I once knew a kingsnake named Elvis,
With a less than vestigial pelvis.
And the bulge in his jeans
Came from snake hemipenes.
I'm almost embarrassed to tell this.
--- Anon

Of snakes I am not very fond,
And I just saw one in my pond.
He's making a buffet
Of Frogs. Make him go 'way;
Please Wizard wave your magic wand.
--- Carol

My BB gun works a real charm
But if you'd keep the snake from that harm,
Perhaps some moth balls
'Round the edges and falls,
Will also reduce your alarm.
--- Cyber Wizard

There's no water mocs around here;
Copperheads and rattlers I fear.
So I'll try moth balls
'Round the pond and two falls,
And hope that they soon disappear.
--- Carol

They checked out back and beyond;
That wasn't a snake in your pond.
Look and you'll see,
It's just part of me,
'Cause of skinny dipping I'm fond.
--- CM

If your snake is skinny when dipping,
And dates laugh at you while your stripping,
Then might I suggest
Viagra works best
And soon over it you'll be tripping.
--- Gearhart

There's a snake in my trousers you'd like,
Unless your a pecker-free dyke.
No mothballs will daunt
The reptilian jaunt,
He'll enjoy when your flesh he does strike.
--- Randog

I assure you she's not pecker-free
Unless she's been bed down with thee.
For I've heard you're lacking
A pecker for whacking,
Since your mom chewed it off at age 3.
--- Gearhart

It's known I've no use for a snake;
If seen I just tremble and shake.
But today I was brave;
Put one in his grave.
I smashed it in half with a rake
--- Carol

It's you crazy that it will make,
If you, a pill for it, don't take.
Your 'net skill's immense,
But it doesn't make sense
If you post an invisible snake.
--- Cyber Wizard

I know that the snakes make you queasy,
So killing them to you comes easy.
But Carol, say "Screw it!"
It's best not to do it,
For that one's a protected species.
--- Cyber Wizard

I finally got rid of that snake,
In my pond when he came out to bake,
In the sun on a rock.
He felt quite a shock,
When I mashed him up with a rake.
--- Anon

There was a young man at Twin Lakes,
With a terrible case of the shakes.
He writhed on the lawn,
From midnight to dawn,
Like Laocoon, but with more snakes.
--- John Ciardi

We view travel as our obligation
To broaden our kid's education,
So we've seen countless sites
Of Civil War fights
And every snake farm in the nation.
--- A N Wilkins P8709

There once was a man who said, "Why
Can't I look that big snake in the eye?"
The snake said, "You can,"
And he looked at the man.
(Most any last line will apply.)
--- Carolyn Wells

I do not know which is the badder,
The water moccasin or puff adder.
But If I were you
Then I would eschew
Whichever one does look the madder.
--- Lims Unlimited

There was a rich snake name of Diss,
Who lived in a state of great bliss.
But he went all to hell
When misfortune befell;
He was left with no pit where to hiss.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2548

Why does a rattle snake rattle,
When he's poised on the brink of a battle?
He'd have much more luck
If he silently struck,
And cut out that old tittle-tattle!
--- Jean Fox

If a rattlesnake's poised at your back,
There's just one way to foil his attack.
Gotta wrassle him down,
Fry him up good and brown,
And then soak up the grease in a sack.
--- Mary Sullivan

A zoologist named Mike Dorsett
Kept a large rattlesnake as a pet.
In the course of a battle,
The snake lost its rattle.
Now Mike is much more than upset!
--- Arthur Pattaffy

Snakes slither out after sunrise
To wait till the dewy wet soil dries.
They coil in a pile
And wait with a smile,
To scare you right out of your levis.
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes

An old maid I once knew in Bython,
Did several strange things with a python.
No, it's not what you'd think.
She did that in the sink,
With some spoons and the tray you make ice on.
--- Roger Ley

On safari, the Duchess of Goa
Tumbled into the clutch of a boa.
Said she with a rasp,
(Her penultimate gasp)
"Your allure sounds to me like Aloha!"
--- J Maynard Kaplan

Once an Amazon sixty-foot boa
Surprised an old chicle tree groa.
He got stuck to his tree,
So could only cry, Eeeee!
No, boa! No, sloa! No, loa!
--- David A Brooks Q

A lady from Brighton named Palmer
Became quite an expert snake charmer.
The snakes called her Miss,
And gave a loud hiss
When it looked as if someone would harm her.
--- Michael Palin

Joe said to the snake, "You're my enem- (

What happened to Joe
We really don't know,
But the snake is now wearing blue denim.
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes