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So now there's a T. rex, no less,
On the block. But the price, I confess,
Is a shock. Who'd have known
That a ton of old bone,
Could be worth more than Marilyn's dress?
(T. rex sold for 12 million 1999 - McW)
There once was a tame dinosaur Asked a young fossil hunter named Brumble, A great paleontologist, Deex, Old T. Rex was a powerful dino. In the old savannas quite spacious, Though adders do not multiply, There was a young fellow named Fonda Herptologist Christopher Blake The lowly little asp I once met with Kate, tried to shag her, One day a pink snake with one eye No makeup and screamin', Kate could've A girl who was baking a cake, A blacksnake crept up drunk Jake's thigh, I would rather count cobras than sheep; There was a young person named Jake, A couple from old Aberystwyth A brave taxi driver named Clive The boa constrictor, a snake, A boa constrictor named Lena There once was a man who said, "Oh, A collector of snakes for a zoo "There's a tune," said a sly Bengalese, The cobra is no good, A disgusted snake charmer in Parmer A snake bit a fellow named Trout "Keep sucking," said Trout to the guy. The ticks and the chiggers will bite; There once was a camper named Jack A boa, constricting a pig, So sad it happened to Jake, On the grass you are both sharing bliss In the UK we are not aware There was an old woman of Churt A snake with a lofty ambition, A venomous woman from Drake When you come upon a rattlesnake My snake has no feet, so can't tread well; The snake's just a head with a tail, There was a fat man of Girgenti I once knew a kingsnake named Elvis, Of snakes I am not very fond, My BB gun works a real charm There's no water mocs around here; They checked out back and beyond; If your snake is skinny when dipping, There's a snake in my trousers you'd like, I assure you she's not pecker-free It's known I've no use for a snake; It's you crazy that it will make, I know that the snakes make you queasy, I finally got rid of that snake, There was a young man at Twin Lakes, We view travel as our obligation There once was a man who said, "Why I do not know which is the badder, There was a rich snake name of Diss, Why does a rattle snake rattle, If a rattlesnake's poised at your back, A zoologist named Mike Dorsett Snakes slither out after sunrise An old maid I once knew in Bython, On safari, the Duchess of Goa Once an Amazon sixty-foot boa A lady from Brighton named Palmer Joe said to the snake, "You're my enem-
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--- Anon
Who wiped all his feet at the door,
Then entered the house
As soft as a mouse,
And broke up the roof and the floor.
--- Lims Unlimited
"Did dinosaurs rattle and rumble?
Did they bellow, I wonder,
In voices like thunder,
Or merely just mutter and mumble."
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Made a study of dinosaur beaks.
He discovered the smell
Was a rotten as Hell
And renamed it Tyrannosaurus Reeks.
--- Dwight Johns P9308
His rod was as big as a rhino.
When Rex put it in her,
She loses her dinner,
And lets out a horrific whino.
--- Actaeon
Dwelt Tyrannosaurus VORACIOUS.
His temper was bad,
But 'tis said that he had
Good table manners most gracious.
--- Chris Papa
And some places, they're in short supply,
Their fecund rattler cousins
Are found by the dozens
All over the Great Divide.
--- Ann Gasser P8808
Who was squeezed by a great anaconda.
Now he's only a smear,
With part of him here,
And the rest of him somewhere out yonda.
--- Ogden Nash
Made a perfectly dreadful mistake.
Turned his back upon Wanda,
An immense anaconda,
And became a quick snack for the snake.
--- William D Robinson
Is not a thing to clasp;
Lovely Cleo,
Nunc cum Deo,
Once got in his grasp.
--- Lims Unlimited
And off to the bed tried to drag her.
But I lost my way
And called it a day.
That's the problem with such double-baggers.
--- David Miller
Swelled up and crawled upon Kate's thigh.
Before plunging in,
He shed his foreskin
And said, "That's a nasty hair pie!"
--- RanDog
Been killed by Brown Snake, if he would've
Attacked her! But it's
Now having hissy fits.
And is running as fast as Kate should've.
--- David Miller
Inadvertently baked in a snake;
Of course, she was sued
And none ate her food
'Cept those who prefer reptile to steak.
--- Anon
Who exclaimed, when it popped out his fly,
"Big and black, that ah knowed,
But my! Yo' has growed.
And whe'fo yo' beady blue eye?
--- John Miller 0163 a
They are much more conducive to sleep.
They slither and glide
And never collide,
And they cannot make noises, or leap.
--- Lims Unlimited
Who made the most dreadful mistake.
He walked barefoot around
On a grass-covered mound,
And was bitten to death by a snake.
--- Anon
Were uniting the ends that they kissed with,
And with love they were smitten,
Until they were bitten
By the end of a snake that it hissed with.
--- Limber Limericks
Once found a Black Mamba, alive.
Though they said, "Shoot it dead!"
He decided instead
To take it 'round town for a drive.
--- Michael Palin
Likes people much better than cake.
But if you should choose
Not to take off your shoes,
You'll give him a big tummy ache.
--- Limber Limericks
Once swallowed a concertina.
When she'd give it a squeeze,
As she coiled in the trees,
It would play the Macarena.
--- Cyber Geezer
Please, boa constrictor, let go!
Don't you think that you can?"
The snake looked at the man,
And calmly responded, "Why, no!"
--- Anon
Tried to smuggle some dead ones in, too.
But the custom inspector
Said, "I'm no collector,
But your carrion luggage won't do."
--- Laurence Perrine
"Which will charm any snake that you please:
Take a long, heavy stick;
Hit the snake with it -- quick!
Then proceed with the tune at your ease."
--- John Bennet
He'd get me if he could,
His tongue is forked,
His body torqued,
He has, and is, a hood.
--- Lims Unlimited
Has decided he'd best be a farmer;
His persnickety cobra
Sleeps from May to Octobra --
After tourists have left to get warmer.
--- J Maynard Kaplan
On the end of his cock, and no doubt
He would die, but by luck
His friend said he'd suck,
But more than the poison came out.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0890
"You can get it all out, if you try."
Said his friend, in a huff,
As he swallowed the stuff,
"You son of a bitch, you can die."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0891
Mosquitoes will certainly light.
But the one that I dread
Is that damned copperhead,
I might tread upon during the night.
--- Lynn
Who found a huge snake in his pack.
He cut it in two,
Gave half to the zoo,
And then put the other half back.
--- Michael Palin
Said, "My, but you're certainly big!"
Bug-eyed with pride,
The pig only sighed,
Well knowing that up was the jig.
--- Lims Unlimited
Who stood on a worm by mistake.
He very soon found
That the 'worm' on the ground
Was the end of a whopping great snake.
--- Funfax Limericks
When you hear a most ominous hiss.
Do you jump up and run
Or continue the fun,
And pray that the old snake will miss?
--- Jean Fox
This is file mvk
Of the snakes that you have over there.
If a snake in the grass
Stuck his fangs in your ass
Would it mean it let out all the air?
--- Jean Fox
Who cried, "Please come quickly. I'm hurt.
I fell from this ladder
On top of an adder,
Which bit me and ran up my skirt."
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Not content with his lowly position,
Off a cliff made a try
Like a bird, onces to fly,
But he lived to regret his decision.
--- Ryan Waldron
Had gone for a swim in the lake;
When bit by a moccasin
She took anti-toccasin,
And also gave some to the snake.
--- Lims Unlimited
In the bed of a old dried-up lake,
First you hear the snake rattle,
Which will his presence tattle;
Then which direction do you take?
--- Thomas Ratliff P0304
His skin is so tough he can't shed well;
With food or with lust
He might swell up and bust,
So he cannot make love or be fed well.
--- Alsops Foibles
With no parts either female or male.
So we do, alas, vex it,
When having to sex it
By tactile techniques used for Braille.
--- David A Brooks Q
Whose dolci was far from nienti.
He went to Segesta
To take a siesta
And -- sat on a grosso sepente!
--- Rudyard Kipling P8903
With a less than vestigial pelvis.
And the bulge in his jeans
Came from snake hemipenes.
I'm almost embarrassed to tell this.
--- Anon
And I just saw one in my pond.
He's making a buffet
Of Frogs. Make him go 'way;
Please Wizard wave your magic wand.
--- Carol
But if you'd keep the snake from that harm,
Perhaps some moth balls
'Round the edges and falls,
Will also reduce your alarm.
--- Cyber Wizard
Copperheads and rattlers I fear.
So I'll try moth balls
'Round the pond and two falls,
And hope that they soon disappear.
--- Carol
That wasn't a snake in your pond.
Look and you'll see,
It's just part of me,
'Cause of skinny dipping I'm fond.
--- CM
And dates laugh at you while your stripping,
Then might I suggest
Viagra works best
And soon over it you'll be tripping.
--- Gearhart
Unless your a pecker-free dyke.
No mothballs will daunt
The reptilian jaunt,
He'll enjoy when your flesh he does strike.
--- Randog
Unless she's been bed down with thee.
For I've heard you're lacking
A pecker for whacking,
Since your mom chewed it off at age 3.
--- Gearhart
If seen I just tremble and shake.
But today I was brave;
Put one in his grave.
I smashed it in half with a rake
--- Carol
If you, a pill for it, don't take.
Your 'net skill's immense,
But it doesn't make sense
If you post an invisible snake.
--- Cyber Wizard
So killing them to you comes easy.
But Carol, say "Screw it!"
It's best not to do it,
For that one's a protected species.
--- Cyber Wizard
In my pond when he came out to bake,
In the sun on a rock.
He felt quite a shock,
When I mashed him up with a rake.
--- Anon
With a terrible case of the shakes.
He writhed on the lawn,
From midnight to dawn,
Like Laocoon, but with more snakes.
--- John Ciardi
To broaden our kid's education,
So we've seen countless sites
Of Civil War fights
And every snake farm in the nation.
--- A N Wilkins P8709
Can't I look that big snake in the eye?"
The snake said, "You can,"
And he looked at the man.
(Most any last line will apply.)
--- Carolyn Wells
The water moccasin or puff adder.
But If I were you
Then I would eschew
Whichever one does look the madder.
--- Lims Unlimited
Who lived in a state of great bliss.
But he went all to hell
When misfortune befell;
He was left with no pit where to hiss.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2548
When he's poised on the brink of a battle?
He'd have much more luck
If he silently struck,
And cut out that old tittle-tattle!
--- Jean Fox
There's just one way to foil his attack.
Gotta wrassle him down,
Fry him up good and brown,
And then soak up the grease in a sack.
--- Mary Sullivan
Kept a large rattlesnake as a pet.
In the course of a battle,
The snake lost its rattle.
Now Mike is much more than upset!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
To wait till the dewy wet soil dries.
They coil in a pile
And wait with a smile,
To scare you right out of your levis.
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes
Did several strange things with a python.
No, it's not what you'd think.
She did that in the sink,
With some spoons and the tray you make ice on.
--- Roger Ley
Tumbled into the clutch of a boa.
Said she with a rasp,
(Her penultimate gasp)
"Your allure sounds to me like Aloha!"
--- J Maynard Kaplan
Surprised an old chicle tree groa.
He got stuck to his tree,
So could only cry, Eeeee!
No, boa! No, sloa! No, loa!
--- David A Brooks Q
Became quite an expert snake charmer.
The snakes called her Miss,
And gave a loud hiss
When it looked as if someone would harm her.
--- Michael Palin
What happened to Joe
We really don't know,
But the snake is now wearing blue denim.
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes
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