By mystical perfect design,
The impulses bypass the spine.
They obviate pain
And pleasure the brain
With feelings, it's said, quite devine.
--- H Welchel

Most women I know scream and buck
Whilst enjoying a bloody good fuck.
So this may explain
Why it pleasures their brain,
To finish it off with a suck.
--- Steve

An unlucky woman named Rube
Was cursed with a mighty odd tube.
The stream from her piddle
Came not from her middle
But inches above her right boob.
--- Armand E Singer 455

Of all the mammalian features
On our lovable feminine creatures,
I go blindly at once
For their teats and their cunts,
And I suck and I fuck without teachers!
--- G0328

Ther was a young man of Natal,
And Sue was the name of his gal.
He went out one day,
For a damned long way,
Right up the Suez Canal.
--- Norman Douglas LOO74A

Said a horny young man, Ira Bass,
"Just yesterday I made a pass
At a sweet young thing
Who made my heart sing,
But I'm still a-lackin' a lass!"
--- Observer

With Ira Bass I'm not acquainted,
But 'tis a sad picture you've painted!
Now Ira should pick
Another sweet chick,
And make a pass where she is tainted!
--- Travis Brasell

The taint is that membrane of skin
That is used by us gentlemen when
We yodel the canyon
Of a female companion:
It's used as a rest for the chin.
--- Hugh Clary

"I know, sir, of what you have spoken,"
Said Ira, "And 'taint meant for jokin',
'Cause constant miss-use
(And some self abuse)
Has left my dong near cracked and broken.
--- Observer

To all, great heavens above,
Your 'map' is a masterpiece, guv!
Now Bass may not faint
When he finds the taint
Just spans a gal's holes we gents love.
--- Travis Brasell

When that masking tape's finally torn out,
Her screams will leave nary a doubt
That her taint hurts a lot.
Her bikini line's hot;
Between pleasure and pain, "More!" she'll shout.
--- Anon

There is a young hooker named Dole
Whose mid-parts charm body and soul;
First, a slot fuzzed and tight,
In itself a delight,
Then cheeks like a Parker House roll.
--- Armand E Singer 814

Supine on the ground she made camp on,
Sofia had need of a tampon
Instead what she got
Was a pen in her twat,
Because she did NOT turn the lamp on.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0605

Of anatomy, this guy was no dunce;
He knew all there's to know about cunts.
"Do you know why," the man quips,
"Girls have two sets of lips?
So they can keep pissing and moaning at once."
--- Squeaky TP9807

A bumpy bike ride to her frien'
Left that lady with numbness mons ven'.
Said she with lament
Considering bent,
"I'll never come that way again."
--- Norm Brust

A popular co-ed at Yale
Has a six inch vestigial tail.
The peculiar condition
In doggy position,
Allows her to screw like a male.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0606

A clit is one fine little item
For diddlin' on gals to excite 'em;
If diddlin' their clit
Excites 'em a bit;
They'll really fire up if ya bite 'em!
--- Travis Brasell

Joan had an amazing clit;
'Twould stand whenever she'd sit.
She could whirl it around,
Throw it down on the ground,
Then bounce it across her left tit.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A steroid-freak chick from Belize,
Had a clit that hung down to her knees.
She said, "Look here quick!
This could pass for a dick,
If my cunt were not crawling with fleas."
--- Steve Wales

Etymologist, Sir Henry Bligh
Said, "A menage a troi I will try.
It may be absurd
But I'll coin a new word:
I can say the girls had clitori"
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0303

People tend to resort
In calling them clits, for short.
Many are nice,
One will suffice;
I think that's all I can support.
--- Anon

In screwing, Jane's lover is hit-or-miss,
And often neglects her poor clitoris.
So she's frequently fated
To lie there, frustrated,
And filled to her eyebrows with bitterness.
--- Isaac Asimov a

There once was a girl named Delores,
Who sang in a 20-girl chorus.
At the top of her slit
Was a very cute clit,
But I like to call it cliTORis!
--- Al Willis T9710

An awkward young girl named Delores
Who danced in a Las Vegas chorus
Once mused as she flounced,
"Just how is it pronounced?
As CLIT-uh-russ or as clit-ORR-us?"
--- Captain Infinity

Where are you, ma chere little Kitten?
With tu I confess je suis smitten.
I can't get to sleep
Aujourd'hui for I keep
In my mind your sweet clitten and slitten.
--- Peter Wilkins

Once ninety year old Mrs. Biddle
Watched porn while she diddled her middle.
But she had to quit
Because her poor clit
Was crumbling from being so brittle.
--- Anon

There was a bleached blonde named Dolores,
Who had an unusual clitoris.
Its location remote
Was deep in her throat,
Where she douched with a touch of Lavoris!
--- Stan

In New York at the Waldorf Astoria,
All the girls have stunning clitoria.
But their South African Sisters
Disappoint all the misters,
Especially in Southern Pretoria.
--- Bob Mornington

A DNA mix-up named Doris,
Had a strangely located clitoris.
It was attached to her gums,
So whenever she hums,
She comes when she reaches the chorus!
--- Anon

There was an old woman named Doris,
Who possessed a six-inch clitoris.
The first time she was took
She was sadly mistook
For a man in the building named Morris.
--- Macsam

A preposterous fellow of Whitby
Had no clue as to what could the clit be,
But imagined he thought
That he sort of knew what
Could that thing as the tip of the tit be.
--- Keith MacMillan 57aA

The weight of Greg's balls is quite small,
While Gonzo has no balls at all.
Their miniscule dicks
Will never do tricks,
Yet they're always asked to the Ball.
--- Archie

There was a young man from "Down Under"
Claimed his privates were the world's seventh wonder.
As he walked about town,
His dick trailed on the ground;
When his balls moved, it sounded like thunder.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

This is file mem

And why is it wrong, I don't figure,
To call a black feller a nigger,
In context, you see,
He's like you and me,
Except that his todger's much bigger.
--- John Miller Q

A nearsighted doctor from Queens
Told his patient, "Please drop your jeans."
He thought the patient a chick,
But when he saw the guy's dick,
Said, "That's the biggest clit I've ever seen!"
--- Anon

A perverse old fellow was Fred,
Ever since his poor pecker went dead.
His blood red and thick
Had once nourished his prick,
Now flowed unrestrained through his head.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2069

The cunt of the wife of old Fred
Was dying, till Playboy she read.
It opened a shunt
From her head to her cunt,
And now she fucks better in bed.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2070

A castrated fellow named Mitch
Had fantasies he said were rich.
These he shared with his wife.
Who had grabbed a sharp knife;
Several parts she then threw in a ditch.
--- Bob Birch P0206

He had hope to have these grafted on,
But his scrotum and left ball were gone.
A neighborhood pup
Had picked these parts up
And buried them in the back lawn.
--- Bob Birch P0206

There was a young fellow named Forrest,
Whose cornhole was always the sorest.
Said he, I don't mind
A regular grind,
But I wish that my ass were clitorised.
--- Anon

Though his front was half switched from behind,
Freak Ron's life proved a triumph of mind.
That his tool was aft mounted,
Was a trial he surmounted,
Pleasing girls who were deaf, dumb, and blind.
--- John Miller

Now men's parts are interesting, too;
Of most balls, there are at least two.
And the flagpole well raised,
Is thoroughly praised,
And is definitely given it's due.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There once was a man from Nantucket;
His penis grew long when he'd shuck it.
But the outflow of blood
To his burgeoning pud,
Meant his brain kicked the symbolic bucket.
--- Anon

A penis arrived in this vestibule
All alone and hardly contestable,
What will come now?
As it takes a bow,
Will along come a solitary testicle?
--- Anon

The same penis and his mate waved flags
'Cause they went to the beach, no nags.
One said let's go in
For a nice little swim.
The other said "Go alone, I'll watch the bag(s)."
--- Anon

There was a young fellow named Rule,
Who went to a library school.
As he fingered the index,
His thoughts ran to sex,
And his blood all ran to his tool.

(Probably passed out for lack of blood to his brain - McW)
--- L1342

There's a man by the name of John Hall,
Whose prostate began very small.
Now he says, quite aghast,
"That's a thing of the past,
It's the size of my new bowling ball."
--- Tom Patton P0108

Though a harlot's a handy factotum
Who likes peters enough to deep throat 'em,
And praises their stroke,
It's never been spoke
That they've seen an adorable scrotum.
--- Hugh Clary

There is a young flier named Gav
Who has what few other men have.
If you want to see,
You must follow when he
Pops out on his own to the lav.
--- Chris Young

A spermatozoa called Luke,
Met an egg, a remarkable fluke,
Then started to grow
And wanted to know,
Why a bun in an oven must cook.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A spermatozoa called Al
Went in a vaginal canal.
He clung to the wall
And did nothing at all,
Except wish good luck to his pal.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A spermatozoa called Jack,
Was sent right up into a crack.
He started to blubber,
At the end of the rubber,
Yelling, "This is a damned cul-de-sac".
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There was a young man from France
Who taught his own semen to dance.
It was so entrancing,
He entered Come Dancing,
Then off with first prize he did prance.
--- Donald McGill

A sperm faced, alack and forsooth,
His moment of sexual truth.
He'd expected to fall
On a womb's spongy wall,
But was dashed to his death on a tooth.
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner

A spermatozoon from Xail
Had fifty-five heads and one tail.
He blew out a tube
And died on the boob,
Of something that looked like a whale.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

John's underwear, probably too tight;
"Take them off," Jane said, "Tonight,
I'll kiss them for you,
With a caress or two.
Will this take care of your plight?"
--- Anon

As they bounced up and down in his scrote,
One said, "Now his manhood's abloat...
So we'll tickle her chin
As she takes him all in,
Then spazzculate right down her throat!"
--- Anon

John's testicles groaned and said, "Ouch!",
As he fondled young Jane on the couch.
Said the left, "I feel blue";
Said the right one, "Me too",
As they jiggled around in their pouch.
--- Peter Wilkins

A spermatozoa called Fred,
Was ejected one night in a bed.
With a lovely warm glow,
He knew just where to go,
But the egg that he entered was dead.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A spermatozoa called Earl
Was swept upwards and on in a swirl;
Then he used every means
To make use of his genes,
To produce an eight pound bonny girl.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Said Liz, the fallopian tube,
In her counterpart tube name of Rube,
"Keep a grip on that egg;
Don't let Greg cause a preg
With his spermatozooical lube."
--- Peter Wilkins

A sweet miss from Shanghai named Sue
Ran into a sperm by a screw.
All the X's and Y's,
All the girls and the guys
It outraced and was born Fu Manchu.
--- Chairman Steve

A spermatozoa called Sue
Was rare as a female sperm, true.
But hermaphrodite dykes
Have strange likes and dislikes,
When they screw themselves all the night through.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A spermatozoa called Pat
Said "I hope that he knows what he's at.
This passage I'm down
Is smelly and brown;
I've a feeling I'm going to be shat."
--- Jim Weaver Collection A

I gotta get out of this place.
I gotta have plenty more space.
Oh-Oh, I feel pumping,
I'd better start jumping,
'Cause I'm going to win this here race.
--- Anon

Hey, this ain't no feminine pubes
Or even some pretty pink boobs.
This whole way I've chased;
It's all been a waste!
I'm stuck in this dumb rubber tube.
--- Anon